Men in Control: Special pack: The Smith Brothers Series

by Brenda Ford

  Wesley tosses his hands in the air in frustration. “Nelson, you are eighteen years old. Far too young to be planning your happy ever after. Especially with your teacher. That’s just asking for trouble…”

  “I know that it’s a risk, but I’m willing to wait until it can be right between us.”

  “Uh huh, sure. And what about when you go to college, huh? Are you still going to be with your English teacher then? Because you have no idea who you will meet there. People from all over the country, people that you have more in common with, who will open your eyes to the world. If you don’t think that you will have a college girlfriend, then you are wrong. Or at the very least, some sexual experiences…”

  As he says this, I try to imagine it, but I can’t picture myself having sexual experiences with anyone but Amelia. No one will ever make me feel as good as her, I don’t think it matters who I meet.

  “Then you will break Amelia’s heart, either by breaking up with her or cheating on her. It’s just inevitable because long distance relationships don’t work. They can’t, it’s impossible. Especially when you are young and in a new environment. You need to stop this now before Amelia loses everything over something that can’t last.”

  “But what if we are meant to be, Wesley?” I argue back. “I don’t want to throw away something so perfect because everyone else says that I should. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to be happy too?”

  “Oh God, Nelson, you’re only feeling so strong about this now because it’s the first time you have felt this way. I’m sure it’s more powerful because it’s so taboo as well, but you need to see the rest of the world.” He taps his chin thoughtfully. “Actually, you know what? I have a friend working at the New York college you have been accepted to. He’s working there at the moment and mentioned taking a tour for you. I’m going to call him so you can have a look at it, get a glimpse at what your future could hold. You need to get your head out of this place for a while. You can give me today, can’t you? Just to help you out. Please, let me be useful to you.”

  Much as I want to argue, especially because that college might be the best one that I’ve applied to and been accepted in, but it’s also the furthest away which isn’t ideal at the start of a new relationship… but I suppose I can give Wesley today because I’m not going to be needed here. I’ll only cause trouble.

  “Sure, okay. I’m up for that. It might help me decide where I want to go. I still don’t know yet.”

  Wesley’s shoulders sag forward with relief. “Good, I really think that’s the best idea for you. I mean, New York is where all the writers go, isn’t it? There’s just something about it. I think you will love it.”

  “I’ll just go and change. Clean myself up a bit, try and look less injured. They won’t like the idea that I have been fighting, I’m sure. I want to make a good impression.”

  “Good plan, yes. And I will make some calls. Speak to my friend, book some flights. Get it sorted.”

  I know that I should appreciate Wesley as I trudge up the stairs. He has taken a real interest in me later, but I just wish that he could have been happy for me and Amelia so I would at least have one person on my side. I guess he hasn’t ever been in love though, not that I know of anyway, so there isn’t any chance that he will get it. All I can do now is give him my focus, try and spark some inspiration about what’s to come for my future, and think about that for a while instead. At least if I sort that I will be one problem down.

  Then I can focus on my love life, once Rosie has petered out and stopped yelling. Perhaps then we can all sit down and talk calmly. Once people see how happy me and Amelia make one another, how good we are together, they will support us… right? Oh God, they need to support us because I don’t know if we can survive without our families. I don’t think that Amelia will pick me over Rosie’s opinion, not that she should…

  One problem at a time, I remind myself before I get too lost in that thought. College first.

  Chapter 22 - Amelia

  Rosie rakes her fingers through her hair, pacing the room around me, more stressed than I have ever seen her before. “I just can’t believe this, Mom. Have you lost your mind? Seriously? Is this some kind of mid-life crisis thing? Please, just tell me where your head is because I really need to work it out. I just… I want you to explain it to me, Mom, in a way that makes sense. Because right now I am baffled by you.”

  “I like him,” I offer weakly, already knowing this won’t go down well. “I can’t help it…”

  “You are an adult, Mom. Of course you can help it. What are you talking about? He’s just a kid…”

  “Stop saying that,” I beg her. “It makes it sound really weird and it isn’t like that at all.”

  “Of course it is!” she screams. “How can you say it isn’t weird when you’re having sex with a student.”

  “He isn’t a student anymore. He left school yesterday, so technically…”

  “So, you’re trying to tell me that yesterday is the first day something happened? You waited until the very last moment, caving only when he finally left school? Huh? So why did he fight with Dad?”

  “He fought with your father because he was being disrespectful about me.”

  “You didn’t answer my other question.” She folds her arms across her chest. “When did it start?”

  I don’t want to answer that, she won’t like what I have to say, so I shrug and avoid eye contact. That tells her enough, that it didn’t start yesterday. That we’ve been sleeping together while he was still in school.

  “Unbelievable, Mom.” Rosie shakes her head at me. “I don’t know what to think. I get that you had a horrible time with Dad, and he ruined you. I remember a lot of the terrible things that he did to you, and I know that any dates you have had afterwards haven’t been great, but isn’t there anyone better? Anyone else? If it has to be one of the Smith brothers, then why not Brad? He’s still younger than you, but more your age…”

  “So, I should just pick someone age appropriate even if I don’t feel anything for them?”

  “Not Brad then! Anyone. Get back on the dating apps and find someone better for you.”

  “He is good for me, Rosie. The absolute best. I won’t meet anyone like him, I’m sure.”

  “Mom, you sound like a love sick teenager. Like a foolish young girl who doesn’t know any better. Do you even hear yourself? Is this what it’s about? Feeling young? Because there are other ways…”

  “I can’t explain it to you, Rosie. I just know that he is the one for me.”

  She looks at me with sheer sympathy. “Oh, Mom, you are going to get your heart broken and you can’t even see it. He will go to college and you’ll never see him again. You know that an age difference love doesn’t last. Especially since there will be such a long distance when he goes. This is just a disaster waiting to happen. I can see how this is going to end much better than you can, and it scares me. I don’t want you to fall apart. I don’t want you to lose everything. All that you have built up, just for some fun.”

  “It really isn’t like that,” I try to argue, but it sounds weak even to me. Everything that she’s saying sounds so much more logical than me. My words are tainted for the forbidden love for a man I shouldn’t feel.

  “It is. Oh my God. I can’t even talk to you right now, Mom. You’re making me so fucking furious. I just want to smack you around the head to knock some sense into you. It should be me having the stupid romance and you being all wise and telling me to step away. It isn’t supposed to be this way around. But then I guess I have had to grow up quick, haven’t I? Dad made sure of that by being a drunken violent asshole and you did too because you didn’t leave. People had to die for you two to split up. Sounds about fucking right. I used to think it was just because you were so afraid but now, I can see that you just have a really shitty judgement.”

  I part my lips a couple of times, opening and closing my mouth like a fish, but no words come out. I don’t know what to say to tha
t. I haven’t ever heard any rage coming from Rosie about the past directed at me anyway. But that was pure and deep. That’s how she really feels. She blames me as well as him. She knows that I should have left, and I didn’t. I put her at risk because I was too much of a coward to do the right thing.

  As she should, my brain angrily snaps at me. Why wouldn’t she? After all, you do have shit judgement.

  “Argh, I can’t even stay here anymore.” Rosie grabs her keys and stalks off. “I have to go.”

  I want to call after her, to beg her to stay, but the words don’t come. I guess because I don’t think that I can stomach any more anger from her. I want her comfort, her support, not her sheer hatred… but that’s what I’m getting. She despises me, and maybe she always has done. I really am losing everything here.

  Have I been a fool? A mid-life crisis, a teenage girl with a crush. Am I about to lose everything including Nelson when he goes off to college? Will Rosie always hate me? The Smith brothers too? They are bound to find out through Oliver, and they might assume that as his teacher in a position of power, I took advantage of him. Then when the school finds out I will lose my job and eventually my freedom. I will be locked up in prison and treated as scum because no one will understand that it isn’t a seedy thing. It’s real. It is.

  A fling isn’t supposed to end up in jail… but this one, just might.

  I hear the rumble of a car engine outside and I rush to the window to see who it is. I expect it to be Rosie, driving off, but it seems like that has already happened. This car belongs to next door. It’s Wesley’s and as he passes my house, I can see a subdued Nelson in the passenger’s seat. It looks like he is already being taken away from me. His eyes dart upwards as if he can sense me and our gazes connect, but the car doesn’t stop going and the magnetic pull is dragged away with it. My heart goes with him. Wherever that car is going, it is taking a piece of me with him, leaving me empty. This is what it’s going to be like, isn’t it? Him being taken away from me all the time. Me at home, desperate and sad. If I thought that my jealousy was bad when he was at that high school party, then how will I cope with him at college, God knows where? It will kill me.

  “Fuck.” I slide to the floor as a tear leaks out of my eye. “Fuck, Rosie is right.”

  I won’t be able to compete, I won’t be able to think straight, I won’t be able to hack it. But what is the alternative? Don’t let him go to college and ruin his future? No way, he’s too smart for that.

  “He wouldn’t cheat,” I tell myself through the sobs. “He isn’t like that. It’s just in your head. He would… he would be faithful. He has adored you forever. He said that, and he wouldn’t lie. He wouldn’t.”

  But I have to admit that everything Rosie has said does make me think, and I don’t like the way that my brain is taking me. It’s a deep hole that I have been in before and I don’t know how to climb out. Perhaps I should do what my daughter has suggested and pull out now. Some of the damage might have already been done, but I think that it could be reparable at the moment. I could make it right with her somehow…

  “Argh!” I get an actual pain in my chest when I think about letting him go. If this is love, and I mean real love, unlike the kind that I have ever felt before, then I don’t want it again. If I am forced to give this up, not that I can see that happening, then I will only settle for contentment in the future. That is less satisfying but has a whole lot less pain at the end of it as well. I can’t put my heart in this place ever. It’s too much.

  Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

  I gasp and brush the tears away as my cell phone blasts out. Who could it be? Rosie, wanting to make things right? Nelson, who it could actually be now that has my number? Someone to make me feel less shitty…

  “Hello?” I answer curiously, since I don’t recognize the number.

  “Is this Miss Amelia Clark speaking?” come back the official sounding voice.

  “Er, yes it is.” Who the hell is this now? “Can I help you?”

  “It’s Officer Swanson.” My heart stops beating. Do they know already? Did Rosie report me? Would she actually do that to me? I know that she’s mad but that seems a bit extreme. I go all hot as I try to think about how I will get out of this one. I really don’t want to be arrested. “I want to talk to you about Lux Franks.”

  “Huh?” This knocks me backwards a bit. I wasn’t expecting that. “Lux?”

  “Yes, he has been freed from custody on bail and we need a meeting to discuss about your restraining order.”

  “Oh God.” Just more shit that I really don’t need. Especially not today of all days.

  “We would like to get the relevant paper work put in place for a three year restraining order, as originally requested by you, sooner rather than later. It would be a good idea for you to come today if possible.”

  “Er…” I’m all messy and emotional, definitely not in the right head space for this. But at the same time, I do need it sorted. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to me or Rosie just because I couldn’t be bothered to get the paper work filed right away. I definitely need the next three years without Lux, guaranteed. “Sure, I can come today. I will be there within the next hour. Do you also need my daughter?”

  “Since she is an adult, yes. I am about to call her now. Unless she is with you?”

  I gulp the thick ball of emotion down, wishing that she was. I’m pretty scared to meet Rosie in the police station, but what choice do I have now? I can only hope that she has calmed down a bit. This is more important anyway. We absolutely have to get this sorted. Lux needs to be cut loose before he can do any real damage.

  “No, I’m not with her, so if you could give her a call that would be perfect.”

  “Great. Thank you, Miss Clark. I will see you in an hour then.”

  I hang up the phone and shake my head sadly, the fear of all of this a bit too much for me, but I have to face it. Once I can deal with my past mistake then perhaps, I will be able to see straighter to get this one sorted too. One way or another, I need to make some choices about where me and Nelson will go.

  Chapter 23 - Nelson

  “So, what did you think about that?” Wesley asks me. I honestly can’t believe he waited until we got off the plane before he popped that question. I assumed that he would be harassing me all the way back, but he left me to think. Perhaps that was a part of his plan so I would really digest everything. “The college looks good.”

  “I have to admit that it does.” I nod along with him. “And there is something special about New York as well. I can see why all the writers go there. It makes me want to put pen to page already. To write a damn novel.”

  Wesley nods satisfied with what he has done today. I wasn’t too keen on the idea in the first place, it was more running away than anything else. But now I can see that it was a good move. It’s definitely given me the kick up the ass that I so desperately need to make my choice. I liked it there as well, I could feel myself fitting in. Growing as a writer and a person as well. It would be a good path for me to take. A positive move…

  Only if I can make that move now! If I take that step, I lose everything else.

  “Do you think you might want to go there?” We climb back into the car and he turns to smile at me.

  “I… I don’t know.” God, he’s going to kill me, I just know it. “I don’t know if I want to be closer to home.”

  “It isn’t like I’m trying to send you away, but New York just seems perfect for you. Don’t you think? You lit up there, you were like a different person. No, not even a different person. The brother that I know. The one who is passionate and excited about everything. The creative spirit who can do what he wants.”

  I gulp, knowing that too. “I agree, but I’m sure there will be other colleges that make me feel the same way.”

  “Nelson, I don’t get it.” I remain silent while Wesley focuses on the road for a moment. “I don’t understand why you’re being like this n
ow. You’ve worked hard your whole school life to get into a good writing program. I’m not just saying it because my friend works there, but that is one of the best in the country.”

  “I know.” I suck in a deep breath, knowing that I owe it to Wesley to be honest. After everything that he has done for me, I need to tell him everything. “But I don’t want to leave Amelia. I want to be with her.”

  He hits the brakes a little too hard, almost stopping the car in his temper. “Are you fucking kidding me? You are considering throwing away everything, all that you have worked for, for a summer fling? It sounds to me like you’re thinking with your cock rather than your brain. Please, don’t throw everything away for a woman.”

  “I didn’t say that I’m going to throw everything away. I can have it all. I can make it work. I can go to a college closer to home and still see her lots. It doesn’t have to be a choice of one or the other.”

  Wesley shakes his head. I know that I’m not saying anything right, I can tell, but me and him don’t have to have the same opinion on everything. What’s right for him isn’t necessarily right for me.

  “Listen, Nelson, because I need you to understand. I don’t know how I can make this clearer to you. Don’t make this all about a woman, because this is about you. You will regret it when you get there, and you haven’t chosen the perfect course for you. You won’t want to keep coming home every weekend in between classes. It will make you miss out on all kinds of wonderful life experiences. It just won’t work.”

  “It seems to me that all I will miss out on is partying. That doesn’t trouble me. I would rather be with Amelia.”

  The drive continues in silence but that doesn’t mean that I can’t feel the burning rage from him. It’s rolling off him in waves. I feel bad that he can’t see my point of view. I’m trying my hardest to see his, and I do understand, I’m sure the social life in college was hugely important to him, but Amelia is important to me.