by Brenda Ford
“No, tomorrow morning. I have some time. Thank God, because I really don’t want to leave now.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue that I don’t want him to go either, but if I say that then I really will put his future at risk. My life as I know might stop here, but his doesn’t have to. He can keep going forever if he wants. I want that for him. I don’t want this to affect him as much as it does me. So, instead of saying anything, I grab him and kiss him, hoping that I can show him how much I appreciate him instead.
He kisses me back desperately. We share the same sheer need for one another that comes out in our lips as we move them in unison with one another. Instead of focusing on how much I’m going to miss this, I choose to live in the moment and enjoy it for what it is. The last moments of me and him.
“I will miss you,” he gushes while lifting me from my feet and carrying me over to the window sill. He places me down and kisses all over my cheeks and face. “This summer without you is going to be impossible.”
“I’ll miss you too.” He falls to his knees in front of me and pulls my panties down. It’s weird that I’m still wearing the same summer dress I came home in. So much has happened while in this outfit. Part of the best weekend of my life, a bit of us deciding to be together, then all of the drama with the press – who have thankfully vanished now, I guess we aren’t that interesting – and now this. The final goodbye with the one person I have properly loved. The end of an era. “Oh, Nelson, I am going to miss this so much.”
He slides his hands up my legs all the way towards my core. By the time he strokes my soaking wet slit, he rises to his feet and crashes his lips to mine, slipping his fingers inside of me at the same time. I shudder and scream between his lips, loving this last moment of connection between us both.
His fingers spear me, filling me up, sending my head spinning. I grip on to the window sill to hold me up while he continues to fuck me with his hand, making this the most memorable time together forever. I toss my head backwards and give him my throat to kiss, which he does rapidly. His teeth, tongue, mouth, are everywhere. It’s so much, I can hardly handle it. It causes me to tumble even deeper in love.
“I want to hold you,” I cry out before I explode all over his fingertips. “I want to feel you.”
He slows the pace but doesn’t stop riding me. Yet this is enough for me to reach forward and grab him. His thick, throbbing cock completely steals my breath away because it feels so freaking good. Knowing how good he feels inside of me is all that I can think of as I stroke him gently. If this man is going to leave me now, then I want him to go with only good memories of me. Of us. I would like him to remember me as the best he’s ever had.
“I need to be inside of you,” he begs. “Please, Amelia. One last time. I want to be with you.”
I part my legs further and watch as he rolls a condom over himself. My breaths are short and shallow as he comes towards me with his erection in his hands. His eyes remain firmly fixed on mine as he slips into me, sending my head spinning. I cling on to him, pressing myself against him, as he thrusts into me over and over.
There is an intensity between us. A real strangeness hanging over our heads, which doesn’t go anywhere. Even though we aren’t talking about it anymore and we’re just living in the moment, the past and the future stays with us. As the pressure builds inside of me, there is something new about it. Something that I can’t quite put my finger on. A tornado swims through me, knocking me off my feet, sending me wild. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t feel like anyone. Just a swirling pit of sensations that are utterly incredible.
“Oh fuck! Nelson.” The screams are coming through me, vibrating in my chest. “Nelson. Oh my God.”
It crashes hard, the orgasm bangs against me, shattering my bones apart. I cling to him, holding him, needing him. He hangs on to me just as tightly, his grip doesn’t want to let me go. It’s hard to fight the tears, to keep all the emotions inside, but I just about do my best. I have all the time in the world to crumble. Right now, Nelson needs me to be strong and that’s exactly what I will do. I will be what he needs me to be.
Once we’re both gasping through the post orgasmic bliss, I grab Nelson’s cheeks in my hands and stare into his eyes. “I wouldn’t change it,” I tell him seriously. “None of it. Even with the consequences.”
“You wouldn’t?” His hand curls around my wrist and smiles. “I wouldn’t want to change it either. I just wish it could have lasted longer… although we still have all the time in the world for that. Once all of this blows over.”
I nod, silently agreeing even though I really don’t think that’s going to happen. I’m sure that once Nelson hits New York he will never come back and any sea side dream or fantasy of love will die. But that’s okay, I’m in the process of making my peace with that. As I pull him into me and we hug some more, I breathe all of him in for memory. I really do mean what I said to him. I wouldn’t change any of this for the world. Whatever comes next. Even if I lose my job and everything else that comes with it, even if Lux wins, it will be worth it.
“I love you,” I whisper, wishing it could be enough to keep us going. “So much.”
“I love you too,” he replies. “And the day will come when I can prove to you just how much I mean that.”
Chapter 31 - Nelson
Four Years Later…
“I can only do the summer. Some of it. Then I will have to come back. I can’t leave Amelia for that long because I love her. I don’t think you lot understand how much I love her.”
Those words circle through my mind as I walk back home for the first time in four years. Four years is a hell of a lot longer than a summer which definitely wasn’t my intention, but it just kind of happened. I guess as soon as I got to New York, I realized that my brothers were right. I did need New York and the writing course. I did need to spread my wings and fly. They were also right about me and Amelia as well. We needed space.
I kept up to date with her and learned that she did in fact lose her job over me. I guess the guilt of that kept me away for a while. And the longer it got the more I couldn’t come back. But she picked herself back up and she has been doing well since. At least she was the last time I asked. The last year has been crazy.
I can’t believe how long it’s been since I have been home. I have seen my brothers for other events and family dramas over time, but never for long enough to see anyone other than my family and I guess that’s for the best. After the massive mess I made of things at eighteen, I didn’t want to make it even worse. Wesley encouraged me to take every opportunity that the college offered me, including trips abroad, and I went with it, seeing that it was the right thing to do and I have to say that I still agree with what he wanted for me. Now, at twenty two years old I have definitely grown up.
I’m home a different person than I was when I left. Brad was right about that as well. I feel stronger and better for it. Smarter and more in control of myself. More able to take on the world, which is good because now I have finished my time at college and it’s time for me to do just that.
“Home sweet home.” I stare up at the building, feeling a strange stirring inside of me. It definitely feels. I’m back for good. “Let’s see what it holds.”
All my brothers are going to be inside, even Alex who is a bona fide famous rock star these days. It’s always been rare to get all six of us together at one time, but now it’s even harder to do, so this is going to be nice. All of us in one place. So, why the hell am I so nervous? Why do I feel like this is going to get wild?
I can’t stop my eyes from dragging over to the house next door, Amelia Clark’s house. I know that she still lives there, despite everything, but it isn’t a place I can go anymore. I doubt if I will be welcome after all this time.
“Nelson!” Angelo leans out from the front door and spots me. He starts waving wildly. “Hey! Come in.”
I smile and nod but spend a couple more seconds bracing myself. I have already been i
nformed that there is going to be a huge welcome home party for me, which I was excited about, but it might be a bit too much. I could do with hanging out with my brothers alone first. Just to get the low down on everything.
But I can’t stay here forever. I can’t hang around outside or I’ll end up being dragged in which will be humiliating. So, I brace myself and I step towards the house, wondering what I will face.
“Yay!” There is a massive cheer as I step inside. Instantly a blush rockets through my system. I feel all hot and bothered. Embarrassed. My brothers know I don’t want much fuss. “Nelson, welcome home.”
I glance around at everyone, taking note of all the people who have come to welcome me home. All my family are around and the people closest to them which is wonderful. I like having them here with me, it’s nice. The bigger my family gets, the better… but I can’t help notice who isn’t here and I have to admit the one person I was scared about and hoping to see isn’t here. Okay, well that is something I will have to accept.
“Thank you everyone! But as you all know me, you’ll know for sure that I’m not about to make some big speech. So, it’s awesome to see you all but can we have a nice drink already?”
Everyone cheers which makes me laugh out loud. I head over to the kitchen side where all the drinks are stored and pour one for myself. It’s funny, even after being at college for four years, even surrounded by people who drink a lot, even being at the legal age at last, I don’t drink a lot. I think what I saw of Lux all that time ago has still affected me. I don’t want to end up a drunken idiot putting booze before everything else.
“Hey!” a bubbly voice grabs my focus, causing me to furrow my eyebrows. “How are you?”
“Luna? Oh my God!” I grab her and pull her in for a hug. “It’s been so long. Yeah, I’m good. How are things with you? God, it’s so crazy to see you after all this time. I can’t even remember when we last saw one another.”
“Right at the end of high school. Yeah, it’s crazy, isn’t it? You look good!”
“You do too.” She has grown up a lot too. God, how the times have changed.
“Well, I’m not here a lot. I’m usually in Washington which is where I work now, but I was home for the weekend when I ran into your brother. I asked him about you, and he said about the party and I decided to come and say hey. I know it’s a bit weird, but I wanted to see how you’re doing.”
“I’m glad you came.” I nod. “It’s good to see you. I have only just finished college.”
“Oh wow, so that’s good. And what are your plans now? A bestselling novel coming out soon?”
“Maybe. I definitely want to do something creative, but something practical as well, so I think I will run a freelance writing business. That’s something I can do from anywhere, so why not here?”
She nods slowly, cocking her head to look at me curiously. “Did you come back for Miss Clark?”
My blood runs ice cold as she says this. I almost forgot that the whole world knew about our affair and that it was the subject of gossip for a long time. I guess even Luna found out, despite the fact that she was away.
“Er… I haven’t come back for anyone. I’m just…” Shit, I can feel myself heating up and turning bright red all over again. “I’m just back because it’s my home, isn’t it? There isn’t anywhere quite like home.”
That’s true as well. It doesn’t matter where I have been over the last few years, there isn’t anywhere like home with family. Maybe it’s because I lost my parents at such a young age and I’m so close to my brothers because of that, but nowhere has quite compared. I have enjoyed it but always wanted to be back here.
“Hmm, well I don’t know. I guess Washington has become home for me now.”
“Are you enjoying it there? Tell me about your life and work.”
As Luna talks, explaining everything to me, I can hear a real joy in her voice which is exactly what she deserves. It’s what I want for myself as well. This is why I have come back. Because I want to find that joy and I think that it’s here. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m back for Miss Clark… does it?
“I love you too,” I remember saying to Amelia just before I was forced away from her, off to New York and my new life. “And the day will come when I can prove to you just how much I mean that.”
I wonder what it would be like if she was here. Would I be here talking to Luna still? Catching up with my old friend? Or I would I be hanging off in her arms like I used to do? I idolized her, adored her, loved her…
I don’t know how I will feel now. It’s a bit much for me to digest. I don’t know how to take it.
“Are you okay?” Luna suddenly asks, touching me on the arm. “You seem a bit distracted.”
“Err, yes, I’m fine.” I smile thinly at her. “This is just a bit overwhelming, that’s all.”
She nods. “You know, if you want to go and see her, you should. Especially if it’s been years.”
I don’t even need to ask who she means, it’s completely obvious. She’s edging me towards Miss Clark, which is crazy. This is the girl who once wanted to lose her virginity to me, just so she didn’t have to go to college a virgin. Now, she’s suggesting that I go and see Miss Clark. But I can’t. I just can’t.
“If she wanted to see me, then she would be here, wouldn’t she?” I shrug. “I think it’s obvious that she doesn’t.”
“Nelson, you have been gone for four years! She might be afraid of what you think.” She shoots me a wink. “It might well be up to you to go over there to see how she’s been. Now, I’m going to eat some of the delicious food that your brother made, or bought, I don’t know, and give you time to think.”
Luna winks at me as she walks off, leaving me with far too much to think about. Unfortunately, I don’t get much time alone because it seems like everyone has something to say to me. I get caught up talking to just about everyone about how the last four years has been. It seems like everyone is proud of me, which is nice. When I was here last at eighteen years of age, it was a different story filled with disappointment.
It takes a while for me to get any kind of breathing space, but as soon as I do, I bound up the stairs two at a time, needing to find my bedroom to have a moment there by myself.
“Wow.” As I step inside, I’m transformed back four long years. Nothing has changed. Not at all. It’s still me who I was back then and it’s weird. So much happened here, so much changed. “Oh my God.”
I lift up one of my weights and drop it back down again, I brush the duvet cover down, I pick up one of the books. I step back into the shoes of the old me. I do everything I can not to look out from the window. Not to see the tree and Amelia’s bedroom as well. I don’t want to see any of that because I haven’t made any decisions on what I’m going to do yet. Luna’s words are affecting me deeply.
Did I come back for Amelia? I mean, I can be a writer anywhere. Why here? Why now? What do I think is going to happen? She could be with someone else. She could have moved on. Not that my brothers have mentioned anything… but I suppose they could be trying to protect me…
My eyes drift towards the house. I don’t want them to, but they can’t resist. I guess I’m still more hooked on my old drug of Amelia than I thought.
Chapter 32 - Amelia
The party is going on next door. My building might not rest up against the Smith’s building, but I can still hear all the activity. I know what’s going on as well, Rosie has informed me. Nelson is finally home. After four long years at college, he is back in town. Presumably forever. I don’t know what that means.
When he didn’t return home after the first summer, just as I knew he wouldn’t, I came to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t see him again. In fact, every time I heard that he was back in town, I made sure I wasn’t around because I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want things to get awkward between us. It was a nice way to leave it, how we did before he went away, I didn’t want to change that with a strange encounte
r. I couldn’t imagine the idea of standing in front of him not knowing what to say to one another. After being closer to him than anyone else, I didn’t want to change that memory by it being awkward and much too silent.
Of course, there are other things that I could associate Nelson leaving with. That horrible meeting, losing my job in such a dramatic and humiliating way, becoming a social pariah for a while… the teacher who had sex with one of her students, a massive taboo that people didn’t want to accept. But I don’t. Somehow, even though there were times when I wasn’t sure that I could, I overcame everything. I didn’t even have to move away which is a miracle because I thought about it more than once… but I didn’t want to leave my daughter. I powered on with the help of Rosie, and I ended up on top. Of course, I haven’t been able to be a teacher again, but actually that’s okay. I realize now that I never really loved it as a career anyway. I kind of fell in to it more than anything else.
Now, I really enjoy my stress free job in an office. I like it the easy way. I know what I’m doing, and I don’t need to worry about anything. When I get home at the end of the day, I leave my job behind. It’s perfect, and the pay is surprisingly good as well. I’m comfortable, happily living in my home alone.
It’s only tonight that I wish I wasn’t by myself, I kinda wish that Rosie was here with me. To support me through this. I told her that I would be fine, but now I’m not so sure. I can’t focus on the TV, I can’t relax and sip my tea, I can’t do anything other than wrap my arms around my legs and wait. Wait for it all to be over.
“Not long,” I muttered to myself. “Not long and everything will go back to normal.”
Although nothing is ever going to be normal again, knowing that he’s back here in town.