by Brenda Ford
Then I watch as Oliver puts Rosie gently on the ground. They start having this really intense, charged talk which makes my heart bleed. I haven’t even wanted to think about Oliver with someone else and now I have to see him with my cousin… the woman that is probably perfect for him. I mean, best friends to lovers… that’s the best story ever, isn’t it? The girl is with the wrong guy for years, never seeing what is right under her nose, but then it finally happens, and it leads to a happy ever after. It’s sickeningly beautiful and will work as well. She isn’t too young for him, she isn’t a problem, she’s just there and perfect. Their lives will be happy and full of love. They will get married and have lots of children. And me…? Well, I will be a bridesmaid at their wedding, the crazy single relative to their children, never able to get over the man that I can’t have.
“Oh my God.” I clap my hands to my mouth hard as Rosie grabs Oliver and she kisses him. She kisses the lips that belong to me, that I want to kiss myself, that are supposed to be reserved only for me. “Holy fuck.”
Now there is no misinterpreting this. They’re kissing now, their love story is just beginning. Or maybe continuing, I don’t know. I haven’t got a clue what’s going on here, only that they are kissing right now in front of me. Okay, so it doesn’t last long, and I think that it might be Oliver that pulls away, but it changes nothing. I have been long forgotten and I need to forget him as well. Both of them, if I can.
I retreat back into the house as I consider all of that, knowing with utter certainty that I have to go now. I can’t believe I was even considering sticking around at this house. No way I can. I can’t watch them blossom and fall in love. Me and Seth need a place of our own anyway, so this is just the kick up the ass I need to get on with it. There isn’t enough space for us all here. It isn’t going to work. It can’t.
I pound back up the stairs two at a time and I grab out my laptop. My heart throbs as I turn it on, and I try to plan out what my next move will be. I need to be rational, to be smart, but also to get out of here.
It isn’t long before I have a number of apartment listings on my screen and I’m scanning my eyes over them, trying to work out which one I can afford with the inheritance money and afterwards as well. It also needs to be near the school with enough space for me and Seth, and plenty of jobs around because I really do need to get myself in work. The sooner the better now to keep on top of everything.
“Fuck.” I wipe a stray tear away. “Fucking hell. What do I do?”
I’m sad, I’m a little scared, and I’m angry as well. Without even thinking about it, I slam my laptop closed, knowing that I can’t make any decisions when my head is all over the place like this, and I stomp back down the stairs. I don’t even care if I wake anyone up now, it doesn’t matter. Everyone should know what Rosie is doing.
I’m going to confront them now anyway, so everyone will be woken up. They might be about to embark on the most beautiful love story ever, but I don’t think they should be allowed to stomp all over my heart to get there. They should know that their love is crushing me in the process. I don’t even mind that it will be embarrassing for everyone to find out how I got dumped by Oliver. I just need people to know that I’m hurt…
But as I get back outside once more, I quickly realize that I’m all alone. Since I know for sure that Rosie hasn’t come back into the house, she must be in with Oliver. They have gone inside to hang out in the bed that me and him used to hang out in. They will be having sex where me and him had sex. It’s gross. It’s not right, it isn’t acceptable, it’s… well, there are no words for what it is. It shouldn’t be real.
I know that I should continue on with my rage and bang on the door to disturb them before it can get that far, but I don’t want to. Seeing them kiss was bad enough, witnessing them in any state of undress would kill me. Even thinking about it is too hard to bear. All of a sudden, the idea of them naked ensures I don’t want anyone to know about me and him. That’s embarrassing and downright humiliating.
I feel frozen to the spot as I stare at the empty space where they were when I could have stopped them. My chest aches with the knowledge that I have lost it all. Every part of the life that I thought I would have.
I head back inside and wipe the tears away from my eyes, hating them for falling down. I don’t want to be this emotional over a man who doesn’t want me, who wants her instead. I wish that love had a tap and I could turn it on and off, unplug the water supply so I can just move on.
“Ellie?” Auntie Amelia’s voice makes me jump. I thought that I was alone. “What’s going on? I was woken up because I keep hearing the front door opening. Is it you? What’s going on?”
“I er…” Nope, I don’t want to say anything. “I heard it too. That’s why I came downstairs. I think someone must have left it open. But I’ve closed it now and locked it shut.”
She steps closer to me, her eyebrows furrowed. “Are you okay? Your eyes are all red.”
“Tired,” I snap back my usual response. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”
“Are you sure? Because you look like you have been crying?”
“No, I haven’t been crying.” I avert my eyes and refuse to look at her. “I’m good. I just need to go to bed.”
“Is it because of what I said earlier? Because I wanted to say sorry about that. Rosie told me that I went in too hard which wasn’t ever my intention. I just wanted to give you a helping hand.”
“No, I get it.” To be honest, with everything else that has happened, I forgot about that. “It’s fine. You’re right. I do need to start moving forward. And I’m going to as well. You were right to say that to me. I’m going to… to get a job and a place of my own. You know, for me and Seth. The inheritance money is there to get us started and now I’m eighteen so it’s fine for us to move out.”
“You don’t have to leave this place, you know? I don’t want you both to go, and I’m sure that Rosie…”
Nope, I can’t hear her name. I need to interject. “I do need to go to bed. Can we talk about it tomorrow?”
“Oh right.” Luckily, she’s too worried about offending me again to argue. “Of course. Tomorrow. You go to sleep and we can discuss it when your head is in a better place.”
I smile weakly at her before running back up the stairs to go to bed. Not that I’m actually going to get any sleep right now. I won’t be able to close my eyes without seeing Rosie and Oliver at it. Urgh, even their names sound great together. It isn’t fair. The sooner I get myself out of this situation, the better.
Love. I think to myself as I fall on the bed. Love. I fell in love. I fell in love with Oliver and I lost him. Then he betrayed me. Love hurts way more than I thought it could so maybe it’s better that it’s all over.
Chapter 23 - Oliver
“What the hell are you doing, Rosie?” I bark out as I pull back from her, nearly snapping my neck in the process. “Are you really that drunk? What the hell are you playing at just… just coming here to kiss me?”
“I like you, Oliver,” she purrs while running her finger down my cheek. “I more than just like you. I need you. You are right about everything. I do need someone who will treat me better than he did. I think that person is you and I’m sure that you know it as well. And the best part is that I have always liked you, I was just so blinded by Tristan that I couldn’t see it. But now he’s gone and it’s all that I can see. Only you. Me and you. It’s perfect.”
“What the hell…?” Why does this have to happen now when it isn’t my fantasy anymore? These sentences fill me with dread, not the happiness that I always thought they would do. “Rosie, what are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me that you can’t feel it! It’s there between us. It always has been, hasn’t it? I’ve always known that you had a thing for me, I just didn’t realize that I felt the same way… until now.”
“You… you knew?” I gasp shocked. “You always knew that I felt that way?”
“Yes. And remember that kiss? The one where you were pretending to be my boyfriend? You know that one, at the party. You can’t tell me that you didn’t feel something that day? I know you did. I did too but I was still so wrapped up in Tristan, all I did was want him back. I didn’t think about it… but now it’s all that I can think of. I think about you all the time. I know you must be thinking about me too.”
My mind is blown. Literally, I can feel it all over the place. I don’t know what to think, what to say. Rosie is crazy, this is the wildest thing ever. It might just be because she’s broken up with Tristan and she’s looking for something to fill that hole. Or she could really feel this way and she does want me after all.
No, this is too complicated, it’s too insane. This can’t happen. I don’t even want it to anymore, but even if I did, I wouldn’t. I don’t know if she knows about Ellie or not, but I couldn’t start something on a lie.
“Rosie, I don’t understand this. I don’t know where it’s coming from…”
“My heart.” She grabs my hand and presses it to her chest. “Can’t you feel it? I feel like this is meant to be. I have fallen for my best friend. That’s what is always meant to happen, isn’t it?”
“Is it? I don’t know. Is that a thing? Does that mean it has to happen?”
“You’re acting like you don’t want it to happen. I don’t get you, Oliver.”
I fall back inside the house trying to get a break, but she follows close behind as if I’ve invited her in. I walk in to the kitchen and grab a drink from the fridge. I need something real to hold on to.
“Oliver, why aren’t you saying anything? I don’t get it. We could be amazing.”
“Rosie, you’re drunk, that’s my first issue.” I turn to face her with a very serious look on my face. “Second, you and Tristan break up and get back together all the time. How do you know that won’t happen again?”
“Because he’s hurt me too bad this time. Because he’s with someone else. And he’s an ass.”
“But not because you don’t have feelings for him anymore.” She purses her lips together silently. “See after such a roller coaster relationship, I think you need some time to get over it properly. You need space.”
“I don’t want space, Oliver. I want you.” She grips on to my arm and pleads. “I won’t get over Tristan while I’m not with someone else. This is the best way for me to move on.”
“So, you’re just wanting this to happen because you want to move on? Because that is a sure fire way to wreck our friendship. Feelings always complicate things, don’t they? I don’t want that.”
“It could go that way,” she admits. “Or it could be the best thing ever. It could be the best decision you ever make. We could really have a happy ever after, couldn’t we?”
I shake my head at her and head towards the stairs. I probably should just tell her to leave, but I don’t want to be a dick. I would much rather her just get the hint and leave of her own accord. She can’t just pile all this heavy stuff on me and expect me to just toss everything aside for her. It doesn’t work that way.
“Stop walking away from me, Oliver,” she barks behind me. “We need to talk about this. Seriously.”
“We’ve talked about it and I’m going to bed now. I don’t see what else there is to say.”
Rosie snorts with angry laughter. “Are you joking? I don’t even know how you feel.”
“I told you I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I don’t want to be used. I just want things to stay the same.”
She’s silent for a beat too long. But I hear her foot steps behind me. “But we have a connection, don’t we?”
“A connection? We have a friendship, that’s what we have always had. There isn’t more.”
I get into my room and attempt to close the door, but Rosie is on a mission tonight and it seems like she isn’t about to let this drop, however gently I try to let her down. She strolls across my room and flops on to my bed like she belongs there, then she smiles up at me expectantly.
“So, what is the real reason, Oliver? Huh? Because I know that you love our friendship, but I also know that if you felt some type of way about me, you wouldn’t allow it to get in the way.”
“I…” I fold my arms across my chest. “I don’t know, Rosie. It’s complicated.”
She props herself up on to her elbows and stares at me. “I’m going to ask you something now, and I want you to be really honest with me. Do you think that you can do that? Just for once.”
“I think so.” I gulp down a thick ball of emotion in my throat. “I will try.”
“No, I just need you to say that yes, you will. You’ll be truthful.”
“Right, okay.” I nod slowly. “I will tell you the truth. Whatever you want to know.”
She taps her finger to her lip thoughtfully before she speaks out again. “Were you flirting with Ellie just to wind me up? Because I know you were flirting with her, I saw it. Was it for my benefit?”
“Er… no.” A heat fills my cheeks. I hate to admit this, but I have to be honest.
“No? You didn’t?” I shake my head again. “So, why were you flirting with her? You know that she’s young, right? Too young for you. You shouldn’t even be looking at her in that way. You should be looking at me. Or was it just some… I don’t know, something where you were practicing your flirting? Because that’s not right. She’s vulnerable. Her mom just died and she’s young. She will take it as too much.”
“I wasn’t just doing it for that. Do you think I’m some kind of asshole or something?”
She gives me a look like she’s trying to figure that much out. Wow, I’m offended. It’s as if she doesn’t know me at all. Our friendship much have gone completely out the window in such a short time.
“You took her out for her birthday, didn’t you?” Rosie’s eyes narrow. “I asked to take her out and she said no. Then I saw you taking her out. I tried to convince myself that you were just being a good guy, looking out for her because she’s having a crappy time. I thought that you might have a bond because you both lost your parents. But now it seems like you were just being a sleezy asshole, preying on her.”
“It hasn’t ever been like that, Rosie, I promise you.”
“So, you were together?” she screams in anger. “You did have a fling with her? Are you serious? I kept thinking that I might have something to worry about, but… but it was just a thought…”
She hates me. It’s burning from her eyes. She absolutely despises me. I guess I always thought that would happen if she found out about me and Ellie, but the reality is too much to bear. I was worried about losing our friendship because of the whole feelings thing, but it looks like it’s going to go anyway.
“Rosie, it wasn’t like that. It was… I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Were you together?” She stomps her feet down and stands. Her arms fold across her chest and she glares at me. If looks could kill I would be dead on the floor right now. “Did you kiss? Did you fuck?”
I blanche at the crude way she’s describing what me and Ellie shared. “We were dating… yes, but I didn’t know how old she was at the time. I liked her, and I thought that things were going to go well between us, but on her birthday as soon as I found out her age, I broke it off because you’re right, she is too young.”
“So, you broke it off because of her age, not because of me.”
How the hell was I supposed to know that I had any other reason to break it off? Does she really think that I was supposed to just psychically know that this was going to happen? I had no idea.
“Rosie, I don’t know what you want me to say. This is all so overwhelming.”
“Overwhelming in a way that you need some time to think about it? To come up with a decision? Or overwhelming because you don’t want me? Or maybe it’s overwhelming because you fucked my baby cousin and now it’s complicated, huh? Which one is it? I need to know.”
“I… what? You threw too many suggesti
ons at me then, Rosie. And none of them are that accurate.”
“Okay, let me rephrase it another way. Do you want to be with me? Ever? Will it ever happen?”
I take a couple of moments before I sadly shake my head no. It won’t ever happen now, I don’t have those feelings for her, I have those feelings for Ellie instead. The one girl that I can’t have. Me and Rosie won’t be anything other than friends… if she still wants to be friends with me after this. I’m not totally convinced.
I might have lost everything. Ellie and Rosie. They are both so important to me and they’re all gone. The way that Rosie looks at me before she storms out and slams my bedroom door behind her shows me all that I need to know. She’s done with me. I’ve fucked it all again. I’m absolutely screwed. If I’m not careful I will end up losing everyone and I’ll be alone. All because I fell for the wrong person. If only Ellie didn’t move here this wouldn’t have happened. Or if she was older, me and her could just be together. Or if I could just make myself fall in love with Rosie, properly this time, then all my problems would be solved.
But it seems that I’m not going to be that lucky. My problems aren’t going anywhere any time soon, and there aren’t any solutions anyway.
Chapter 24 - Ellie
What the hell…? I hear a banging through the house that I’m pretty sure has nothing to do with Auntie Amelia. She might be the only person awake in the house, but she wouldn’t want to make enough noise to wake up Seth… so what is going on? I jump off my bed and practically tip toe in to the hallway to try and make sense of it all.
“You bitch!” Rosie jumps at me like a mad woman before I can even get my eyes adjusted to the dark. She slams against me and knocks me back into my room. “How could you do this to me? I hate you.”
“Woah, what?” I hold up my hands to try and protect my face, but she grabs a chunk of my hair. “Ouch!”
“You fucking took him from me. I warned you against him for a reason. Because he’s mine. That’s the reason, I want him. I have always wanted him and you just… swooped in here and took him from me.”