Men in Control: Special pack: The Smith Brothers Series

by Brenda Ford

  “Er, so I think we need to talk about our situation, don’t you think?” I dart my eyes downwards. I can’t look at her. I want to, to show her how strong I can be, but I can’t make that happen. “I think that… that we need to have some kind of conversation about this. We can’t just keep ignoring one another, can we?”

  “You want to talk about it now?” she sneers angrily. “Is that some sort of joke? What about when I wanted to talk about it, huh? You ran off like a little bitch then and you have ignored me ever since.”

  I shift uncomfortably as she says this because I know that she’s right. I don’t have any right to get her to talk to me now. Not when I didn’t give her the decency to do the same thing. But as I move, I accidently brush my hand against her which makes her leap into the air. I don’t know if it’s shock or fear, but I feel awful.

  “Sorry, I just…” God, I’m making this so much worse than it already is. “Anyway…”

  “I just can’t believe that you want to talk to me about this now.” She folds her arms protectively across her chest, definitely trying to keep me the hell away from her. “I don’t know what to say to you.”

  “I was in shock,” I offer. “It seemed to come out of nowhere. I wasn’t expecting it.”

  “Nor was I! I wasn’t expecting it either, but I had to just deal with it, didn’t I? I didn’t get to run away like you did. I have had to remain tall and strong the entire time because that’s what I have to do.”

  “Yes.” My eyes hit the floor once more. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think of it like that…”

  “It seems that you don’t think at all when it comes to me. That’s the problem, isn’t it? You never think. And that’s why we are in this mess. If you had taken one second to consider protection…”

  “I know, I know.” I grab on to my forehead. “Believe me, I feel awful about it. It was just a heat of the moment thing, wasn’t it? We just got carried away and now… well now we are having a baby.”

  “I am having a baby,” she growls. “And if you dare suggest otherwise then I will kick your ass.”

  “Woah. I wasn’t going to say that! Of course I wasn’t. I would never…”

  “So, you don’t think that it would be easier if I just got rid of the child, huh? Because I have been sitting in this office every single day expecting you to come to me with that suggestion… and now you’re here and you’re going to say… what to me? I don’t know, and that’s the issue. It’s a fucking nightmare.”

  “That hasn’t even crossed my mind,” I reassure her. “I wish I hadn’t run away like I did. Even more so now I know that it has made you feel like. I never… it isn’t in my mind at all.”

  “So, what do you want to do?” she demands. “What would your suggestion be?”

  I have to admit I don’t have an answer to that. After all of this time, Zoe expects me to come to her with a plan, and probably rightly so. But instead I am pathetic, and I have only just managed to get my head around stuff. Wow, I really am pitiful. I want to turn around and come back a much better version of myself.

  “I… I just wanted to talk about things,” I finally admit when it becomes clear that she isn’t going to fill in the gaps to make it easier for me. “I want to come up with a plan together. I thought that would be the best way.”

  “Oh, wow.” She throws her hands in the air in frustration, nearly smacking me in the face when she does. “So, basically now you have decided that I am good enough to speak to, but you want me to come up with a plan?”

  “Erm… no? Not that really.” I can hear the stammer in my voice. “I don’t know. I just wanted to talk. I thought that opening up the channels of communication would be the best way to deal with things.”

  “Oh wow, aren’t you so mature?” I don’t know what it is but everything that I keep saying to her is landing badly. I don’t know what the fuck I keep doing wrong. “You get to come to me now and act like the bigger person? No, you are just an asshole, Wesley, and I don’t want to have this chat with you.”

  I stare at her for a while, trying to work out why she is acting like this, but then it hits me. There is a reason why this woman causes so many issues for me. I don’t hate her for nothing. Just because we had sex it doesn’t change her awful personality that is completely the opposite to mine. It doesn’t make us good.

  “Zoe, I am trying here,” I finally snap back. “Can’t you appreciate that? I really am trying. I know that I haven’t always acted in the best way, but I’m trying now. Are you not even going to give me a chance?”

  “Why should I? It isn’t exactly like you have proven yourself trust worthy, is it?”

  “I haven’t had a chance to! One moment of shock doesn’t make me who I am.”

  “Well, I don’t know who you are!” She shrugs angrily. “I have no idea and that’s the issue…”

  “Woah, woah, woah…” It’s only the moment that our boss, Andy, interjects in the middle of our fight that I realize how loud we’re being. It’s transformed all the way to yelling, which isn’t great. In an office like this, it’s a challenge to keep anything a secret, especially when you’re yelling. “What the hell is going on here?”

  “Nothing,” Zoe shoots back right away, glaring at me to do the same thing.

  “Yeah, nothing. Just a… something.” I wave my hand dismissively. “Nothing important.”

  “Well, you are disturbing everyone else, so unless this is work related, in which case I would like to intervene, I suggest that you keep this out of the office.” He nods at both of us in turn. “So, can we get back to work?”

  I feel like a small child being scolded by a teacher as I nod and agree. “Yes, Andy.”

  Zoe stalks off without even looking back, never mind replying. I thought that by talking to her we would have some kind of resolution today. Even if it would only be a small one, but I have nothing. I don’t know why I didn’t expect that from her. After all, she isn’t exactly the most reasonable person. This isn’t going to be the easiest thing to deal with, but we are going to have to find a way. After all, this isn’t about us. Not anymore.

  We need to do this for our unborn baby.

  Chapter 4 - Zoe

  “What was that about?” Hannah gasps as soon as I get back to my desk. “God, he’s weird, isn’t he? I have always thought that Wesley is a bit weird. Good looking, but too odd to… you know, actually like.”

  I rapidly brush a stray tear away from my eye. I don’t want her to see that, I don’t want her to know that I’m an emotional mess because much as she’s okay and the closest person to me here, she loves a good gossip. Everyone here are only pawns in her office game and I don’t want to be a part of that. Not today, not about this.

  Plus, I really don’t want to think about how good looking Wesley is because that only makes it harder to ignore him. Sure, he’s too buttoned up for my usual tastes, but there is obviously a little something about him. I wouldn’t have ended up in bed with him if there was nothing there. But the personality doesn’t match at all.

  “Oh, you know what he’s like.” I wave my hand dismissively. “He’s acting crazy. As usual. Being a bitch about work stuff. He… he thinks that I have been taking clients from him and over shadowing him.”

  We have argued about work stuff before, many times, so I hope that Hannah buys this easily. I need her too… but as it turns out luck isn’t on my side today because I can already feel her judging eyes upon me.

  “Is that what you guys were yelling about out there? Because it seemed more personal than that.”

  Fucking hell, I am usually so careful with my private life. Especially when it comes to this place. But I have allowed my anger to get the better of me and I have slipped up badly. I don’t want anyone to know that me and Wesley even slept together, never mind he baby. That would give them all something to speculate over for weeks. I can’t stand the idea of having everyone’s eyes on me again. It was bad enough the first time around when they all learned that
I got left at the altar. That was a shit storm. Of course, they all pretended to be nice to my face. We were the best of friends while they all offered me their sympathy, but I knew the truth. That they were relishing in my misery because it made them feel better about their own shitty lives. Hannah most of all.

  I didn’t give much away then because I didn’t want to be talked about, and I won’t now either.

  “It was just work stuff.” I offer her a one shouldered shrug. “It got a bit personal towards the end because we were heated, he rubs me up the wrong way, but we’re just going to avoid one another now. Andy said so.”

  “So, that’s all it was, huh? That’s why Wesley pulled you to one side? Because I could have sworn that it was more than that.” She continues to probe me. “He seemed all strange when he came over here.”

  “That’s all it was,” I snapped. “Now, can we just stop talking about him because I have too much to do.”

  Hannah is silent for a minute but she doesn’t need to talk for me to feel the incredible energy burning off of her. She’s absolutely fucking fuming at me for not giving her what she wants. But I don’t care. This moment isn’t about her. It’s about me and the mess that I have made of my life. And I won’t share that with her.

  “Fine.” She scrapes her chair back and stamps upright. “I will just get back to work then.”

  I’m sure that she wants me to stop here, which is why she remains standing by my desk staring at me for a moment too long. But I refuse to play by her rules today. I just want to be alone to wallow. I can’t process these emotions while I’m also trying to close her out. My walls are too high for anything to happen.

  Thankfully, it isn’t long before she gets the hint and she finally leaves me alone to breathe easier. Only the breaths don’t come any easier. They are stuck in my throat and I can’t get them out. I just can’t work out why it has to be so hard with Wesley. Why I can’t just have a normal conversation with him.

  I glance my eyes over to Wesley’s desk, but he isn’t there at the moment. I guess he needed some time alone to process this as well which sucks. I think he’s had enough time really. Although I think that maybe I was a little hard on him back then. I did immediately jump to the defensive and didn’t give him much time to talk. But I can’t help it. There is just something about Wesley Smith that winds me up. He brings out the worst in me.

  My head hits my desk hard as I try to picture what that will look like when we try to parent together, if we try to parent together, I guess that’s something we haven’t yet agreed on, and it isn’t a pretty picture. Parenting is something that we will have to agree on. We will need to find some common ground. Somehow, we will have to make it work, and that will include agreeing on some very serious matters. We can’t argue over everything because there is an actual human life in the middle of it, relying on us to be so much better.

  Since we can’t even have a conversation without arguing it seems like that isn’t going to happen. We really are screwed. It’s so frustrating to know how badly this is going to turn out. To see it in my mind’s eye, but to not be able to stop it. The ball is rolling now, all I can do is watch the snow ball grow.

  “Hey, Zoe.” All of a sudden, I snap my head off the desk as I hear Wesley talking quietly to me. It seems that Andy’s words haven’t affected him as much as they should have done which isn’t like Wesley. He normally prefers to follow the rules because he assumes that is how he will get far in life. “Can we meet?”

  “Did you not just hear that conversation?” I snap, on the defensive again. Even knowing that he does this to me and it’s the wrong way to behave, I can’t stop myself from acting out. “It didn’t go well.”

  “I mean out of work. Like, at a bar or something. Maybe later on this evening? I just… well, I don’t want us to stop talking because we rowed. I think that we both know we need to discuss this.”

  I glance my eyes everywhere and of course Hannah is watching us suspiciously. It seems that the more I do to try and not be talked about, the more I invite the conversation in. I just want to live a quiet life where I can do my job without any drama coming my way… but it seems like that is too much to ask.

  “Fine,” I snap back just needing to get rid of him. “Whatever you want.”

  He slides a piece of paper my way. “This is my number. Text me and we will arrange a place to meet.”

  “Right, sure.” He continues to look at me as if we have more to say. “You can go now.”

  “Yes, right, I will.” He nods, but I can tell that he’s unsure. He probably thinks that I won’t contact him, and to be honest I am in doubt myself. I just don’t really want to. “I will see you later on then, I suppose…”

  As he goes, I screw the piece of paper up in to a tiny ball, but I lean down and drop it in to my hand bag knowing that I’m going to need it later. I might not like the idea of having to see any more of the man who infuriates me more than anyone on the planet but coming up with a resolution is what we both need.

  Maybe out of work will be better, I try to reassure myself. Perhaps this environment is what’s toxic.

  But while it is, I’m sure that what me and Wesley share is toxic as well. It always has been, and it always will be. Well, that’s unless something dramatic changes today and everything becomes so much better. I suppose that’s possible. I have to admit that I doubt it, but I’m sure I could be wrong.

  As long as I hold my head up high and I remember that I have a baby to protect, then he might not be able to affect me anyway. I would like to assure myself that I will keep my cool as well, but that doesn’t seem possible.

  I’m relieved when my cell phone blasts out and its Jessica’s name plastered across my screen. Much as I would love for Wesley to call and cancel now so that I don’t have to see him, ever since we finalized the details of where we are going to meet, I have been gearing myself up for it, and I don’t want that to be for nothing.

  “Hey, Jess,” I answer smilingly. “How are you? At any more glamorous parties?”

  “Nope,” she replies. Popping the P. “Tonight I am here all for you. I can tell that you wanted to talk to me the other day, but you wouldn’t because I was out and I knew that there was no reason to push you, but now I will. And don’t try to hide it away because you’re afraid to put stress on me because I want to hear it.”

  “You know me too well,” I reply wryly. “But I’m actually on my way out…”

  “Oh no, really?” she shoots back, clearly disappointed. “Because I want to help. Is it your grandma?”

  “No, she’s pretty much the same. Still not great but hanging on in there.”

  “She’s a tough cookie that one! So, what is it? Work troubles?”

  “Guy troubles. Bad one,” I tell her honestly. “And that’s where I’m about to go now. I have got myself in to a bit of situation with a guy at work and we need to sort it out, so we don’t keep arguing in the office.”

  “Ooh, sounds like there is a lot of sexual tension there. Is he hot?” Jessica teases.

  “It isn’t like that. He’s more of the asshole, you shouldn’t ever go near him type of guy.”

  “The best and worst kind. So, is it bad drama? Anything I need to kick some ass over?”

  I’m too weary to get in to the full story now. I can’t go through it all with Jessica right before my meeting with Wesley. I vow to myself that I will call her tomorrow to go through it instead. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

  “Well, you know that there is always a place for you here in New York,” she declares earnestly. “I have a big place with plenty of room, so you are always welcome to stay. I would actually love to have you around.”

  Now that is an offer that I really want to take her up on. The idea of escaping this nightmare is completely endearing, but I don’t think that I can out run my issues forever. I’m sure they will catch up with me however far I go. Plus, I don’t know if the offer would still be there if Jessica knew that I had a baby on the w
ay. I don’t think a screaming infant with an asshole father would fit in to her glamorous party life.

  “Thanks, Jess,” I reply blandly. “That means a lot. You are such a good friend.”

  But this is my burden alone and I need to deal with it by myself.

  Chapter 5 - Wesley

  I can’t stop my eyes from desperately darting over to the door every few seconds to see if she is here yet. I’m too early, as always, and wired on coffee. I probably look like I have been stood up which is a little like how I feel right now. Like Zoe isn’t going to come despite the fact that this is the most important meeting of our lives.

  She needs to come. She’s going to have to turn up soon enough, we have to have this conversation. Neither of us may want to, neither of us might want to talk about this difficult mess, but we have to. It’s the terrifying adult thing to do. Both of us need to grow the fuck up if we’re going to move forward with this.

  Oh my God. All of a sudden, the door swings open and there she is. In a pink dress that swishes around her waist skimming her knees, showing off that incredibly curvy body of hers. Her blonde hair is wavy and hangs loose, right passed her make up free face. She has her usual amount of endless jewelry on, but she looks different to how she does at work. Loser perhaps. Like she doesn’t have quite the same amount of stress on her.

  Immediately I rise to my feet and I offer her a smile, which brings her towards me. She doesn’t return my expression though, any looseness that she’s feeling clearly doesn’t relate to me.

  “Thank you for coming, Zoe, I know this is a lot after… well after the way that I behaved today.”

  She seems surprised to hear some humility from me, which I guess is understandable, but I have made the active decision not to be a dick this time around. Instead of attacking like I normally do, instead of being defensive with Zoe, I am just going to be cool headed. Or at least as much as I can manage.

  “Well, I didn’t behave great today either,” she admits. “Which is probably why we should keep these conversations out of the work place, You know what people are like for gossiping there.”