by Brenda Ford
“I am more than happy to agree with that.” I smile. “Now, can I get you a drink before we talk?”
“Oh right, sure.” Her eyes widen. “A coffee would be great. Thank you very much.”
I head over to the bar and order a coffee for the pair of us. I didn’t exactly intend to drink tonight anyway but I’m definitely not going to now. Zoe can’t because she’s pregnant and I don’t want to. I don’t want to block this out. This is a conversation that we both need to remember every single part of. We also need to be calm since there are going to be some really difficult topics to cover here. Alcohol isn’t the answer here.
The look of Zoe catches me off guard as I take the drinks back to the table. She really is striking in a very surprising way. This is how I ended up sleeping with her in the first place, and even agreeing to go out for a drink with her. Because there is something strangely magnetic about her and it pulls me in.
Stop admiring her, I shoot myself down quickly. This definitely isn’t about that.
“So, I guess you have some questions for me,” she declares quietly as she takes the mug from me. “I can see the question in your eyes, but you haven’t yet asked it. If we’re going to do this properly, then honesty is key.”
I don’t want to ask this question, it makes me feel like a dick, but I have to. We need to clarify absolutely everything before we move forward with this. “Okay, so the baby… can we be sure that the baby is mine? I know that makes me sound like an ass, but you were engaged very close to when me and you… you know.”
She flicks her eyes downwards, which I’m pretty sure is a sign that paternity is something that I need to be worried about. But there are tests for this sort of thing, aren’t there? We can figure it out…
“You are one hundred percent the father. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind.”
“Not even a tiny scrap? Because there could be a chance that it could be either of us…”
“I was a virgin.” Her eyes fall closed and I can see the distress in her expression. “Me and my fiancé decided to wait until we were married, and I haven’t ever been with anyone else. So, it has to be you because the one time that me and you had sex is… well, you know, the only time that I have had sex at all.”
What the fuck? My breath catches in my throat. This is insane. I don’t know how to process this. She had sex with me for the very first time… why the hell would she do that? I wasn’t exactly looking for a way out but knowing that there is no chance that I am not the father makes it so much more real.
“Why did you give your virginity to me?” I hiss at her. “You hate me.”
“I know I do,” she admits without a scrap of trying to save my feelings. “And you hate me too. But that is the exact reason why you. Because you weren’t my fiancé, you were nothing like him, and there was no love lost. It seemed like the perfect revenge on him… not that he ever found out, so it was pointless anyway.”
I was used. I already know that but to hear her say it so blatantly is a bit hard for me to swallow. It makes me feel all hollow and empty inside. Not that I want her to have any kind of feelings for me or anything. I just… I don’t know, it’s weird to know that she handed over something so precious to me and I didn’t even appreciate it. I didn’t even know. If I had… well, I wouldn’t have done it. I would have treated her better.
“Okay, right, so… so we have established that the baby is mine,” I stammer while I rake my fingers through my hair. “Definitely. So, we really need to have some kind of conversation about… about what we’re going to do.” I feel hot. Hot all over and sweaty too. My chest is tight, and I can’t hack it. “We need to…”
“Are you okay?” Zoe rests her hand on mine and she gives me a concerned look. “I know this is a lot…”
“It is,” I admit. “It’s all too much. Finding out that… that you were a virgin. Especially when it was so amazing between us…” I can’t believe that I just said it aloud, but it’s the truth. It was the most incredible sex that I have ever had. It didn’t feel like it was her first time at all. She seemed to really know what she was doing. The things that she did to my body were incredible. I assumed that she was an expert in the bedroom. “But not just that. Learning that I am going to be a dad as well, knowing that I will have a baby, it’s…”
“I know.” She nods and smiles at me. “Believe me, I have been through the emotional wringer about this as well. It’s a shock, and not an easy one to digest, but you will get there. You will. I have and you will too.”
Weirdly, her calming influence works. I feel all the crazy anxiety calming the hell down just because I’m looking in to her eyes. How does she manage that? She must just have this magical way about her. No one has ever managed to calm me down before. I might even be thinking rationally for a change.
How does this one woman rile me up so much and calm me down all at once? She’s a real roller coaster in every single way. I never know quite where I am with her but I’m going to have to figure it out.
“We will figure it out together,” she tells me seriously. “We can. If that’s what you want. But I also want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you. I’m not coming to you because I want something from you. You don’t have to be involved, I don’t need any financial support, you can be completely out of the picture if you want to.” She sucks in a breath. “Or you can be in the picture if you want to. As much or as little as you want to.”
“I’m not going to leave you in this alone.” I might not know much about what I think, but I do know this. “I will be there for you. We will work this out together. Somehow, me and you. It’ll be okay.”
It’s weird to have this conversation with Zoe as if she’s just a normal person and not my worst fucking enemy. Actually, having this nice and normal conversation with Zoe feels good. She’s different out of work, much easier and better to be around. I like it a lot. It’s much better talking to Zoe and feeling this connection with her than being out there in random bars, hooking up with random women who I don’t know. This is preferable. This makes me so much happier. Screwing around hasn’t worked out for me, so maybe this could…
Am I really thinking this? I ask myself desperately. Is this for real? This is my enemy after all…
In a way, it is real. Far more real than anything that has come before. I don’t know if Zoe ever has been my enemy really, or if I built that up in my head. Half because I was threatened by her and how amazing she is at her job, and half because I didn’t want to feel the way that she has made me feel. Feelings that I don’t know how to deal with. I can’t deny it now that my attraction to her is palpable, it’s overwhelming. There is a reason why I have had to screw around to try and get her out of my system, and a reason why it hasn’t worked. It’s hard to accept that reason, but I’m supposed to be an adult about this. It’s time to see passed that reason and to look at this a different way. Look at her a different way… accept that she makes my heart stop beating.
“You are giving me a strange look,” she tells me with one eye narrowed in suspicion. “What’s going on?”
I should tell her how I feel. That would be the best way to deal with this. To just get my feelings out so we can have yet another open and honest conversation about this. But I’m kind of done talking. I want to act, to try something new, to just take her in my arms already and to hold her. To feel the sensation of her lips against mine, her body rolling into me, her heat covering me. I shouldn’t want that again, but I do.
She looks mesmerized as I bring my seat closer to her. I half expect her to slide away from me, but she doesn’t. She remains where she is simply staring at me. Her eyes bore in to me, making me feel really seen in a way that I don’t think I have been before. It’s a nice sensation that I don’t want to let go of.
I lean in closer, deeply inhaling her beautiful citrusy scent, and my heart flutters. I don’t even care that we’re in a public place and everyone can see us. Right now, we are in our own little
bubble and I love it. So much so that rationality goes completely out the window and I bring my lips to hers, connecting us once more.
Chapter 6 - Zoe
Every cell in my body explodes with excitement as his lips crash against me, I feel like I’m being consumed by fireworks and I absolutely love it. There is something fiery about the intense connection between me and Wesley, there always has been, it’s a real thin line between hate and passion… but it’s trouble. I caved into this before because I needed something to take the pain away, but look what happened? We can’t again…
So, with absolute great regret, I pull back and look at him. Wesley is panting, breathless, a bit like I am, and I can see all the same questions floating in his face that are in mine as well. Neither of us really know what we’re doing but it feels good. This weird sizzling and buzzing between us… it’s kind of intoxicating.
“Are you okay?” Wesley whispers to me, and as he does his mask slips fully away. He doesn’t have the same hardness to his face anymore. He’s allowing himself to be fully vulnerable for me and I have to admire that.
“Yes, I’m okay.” My heart pounds as I see the nice person underneath. Maybe he is an asshole most of the time, but there is a goodness to him as well. It’s easier not to see that in him, but now I can’t ignore it.
With an overwhelming urge to just have him already, I hook my hand around the back of his neck and drag him to me. It’s probably a mistake to carry on down this road, especially when we have just gotten to a good place, but I can’t help myself. There’s a feeling deep within me that I want to cling to forever more. As we kiss, I’m completely consumed by the tingling, the excitement, the thrill. It’s absolutely everything.
“We should probably get out of here,” he murmurs against my lips, reminding me that I’m in public. Not that it does anything to calm me down. “Before we make this more complicated than it already is.”
I giggle and rise to my feet, keeping my eyes only fixed on him the entire time. I don’t want to let the rest of the world in, as soon as reality comes back to me, I might remember that this is all a big mistake and I will put a stop to it. The last thing that I want to do now is turn off these incredible emotions.
“Come on, I don’t live too far away from here. We can talk some more then.”
I know that we aren’t going to talk, both of us do, but that just makes it even more exciting. He nods eagerly and follows me towards my apartment. I haven’t ever had a guy stay over at my home before, my ex fiancé barely even came inside, but with Wesley I don’t mind. I don’t mind him seeing that vulnerable side of me, which is a strange sensation because he’s the guy who has always brought out the worst in me…
I fumble with the keys in my bag, my fingers trembling with excitement as I try not to completely fall apart. Wesley keeps his hand reassuringly rested on my back the entire time, rubbing me reassuringly so I don’t totally lose it, but since his touch is so electrical that might only be making it worse.
It feels like forever, but finally I get the door open and we fall inside together. As soon as we’re inside, he spins me around in the hallway and he claims me with his mouth. There isn’t any delicacy to our kissing this time, no being calm because there is a little bit of us out in public. It’s deep and passionate, leading somewhere. His tongue massages mine, sending my pulse racing at the speed of light, driving me wild.
Oh wow! His fingers graze the bottom of my skirt, teasing me, giving me a glimpse of what’s to come. Flames lick all over my skin, a desire has been ignited and there isn’t anything to cool it. This is actually worse than before, more passionate than the last time that we were together. Probably because I know what’s coming for me this time around. The last time that me and Wesley were together, it was all brand new and a shock.
As his mouth moves off mine and it slides down to my throat, his fingers edge upwards and he massages the cotton of my panties. Wesley groans loudly, sounding like he’s in pain, as he pushes me back against the wall. My foot automatically slaps against the wall and my thighs part further, inviting him in.
I want him. I can’t help myself. Even if this is a big toxic mess, I want him so bad it hurts.
“Shit.” I toss my head back and loll to the side. His fingers are expert, the way that he’s touching me has me hyper sensitive. My toes curl under my feet as the butterflies in my stomach grow to the size of birds.
“You want more?” he hisses to me, his words tickling all over my skin. “I can give you more?”
He’s giving me a chance to take a step backwards if I want to, but I don’t. I nod emphatically because I want everything that he can give me. I can’t handle not having him now that we have gotten this far.
“Good,” he growls while yanking my panties to one side. “Because I want you too.”
He trails his finger along my soaking wet slit, making my body buck and writhe desperately, and as he plunges a couple of those gorgeously velvety fingers inside of me, the breath completely strips from my body.
“Wow, you really are soaking wet,” he moans. “Is that all for me?”
I don’t answer, but the animalistic guttural sounds that come from me are enough. Of course I want him. I feel like I might die without him. I haven’t ever been so desperate for a man in my life.
“Mmm, you feel good,” he pants as his thumb grazes over my clit. “So good, Zoe.”
I roll my hips against him, pushing him in further, and my head begins to spin. My legs have become like jelly, I don’t even know how I’m holding myself upright, but somehow with his help, I am.
“Let’s take this to the bedroom,” he rasps to me. “Is that okay with you?”
It’s more than okay with me. I need something to lie down on, a bed to rest upon to keep me from tumbling, so I nod, and I pull him across my apartment until we’re next to my bed. Once there, he grabs my dress once more but this time to peel it off. He pulls it tantalizingly slowly, making sure to graze over my skin as he does. Every time I shiver, he smiles. I can tell that he likes it when he drives me wild.
With shaking fingers, I fiddle with the buttons on his shirt, unbuttoning them as quickly as I can. As his muscular chest is freed to me, he reaches around my back and unhooks my bra. His fingers manage to brush over my nipples as he pulls away which sends a flurry of excitement down to my already pulsing core.
“You are beautiful,” he murmurs as I unzip his trousers. “I don’t think I told you this before.”
He didn’t. The last time that we had sex it was angry and filled with hate fueled words which made it better at the time. But this time we’re together, under the circumstances, it’s nice to have some kindness. To hear that this isn’t all about hate and that it actually could be something more… not that I want to get carried away.
“Yeah,” I mutter back as his trousers fall down, managing to take his boxer shorts with them. His cock springs free, a thick and throbbing erection that is all for me. “You aren’t too bad yourself.”
He lightly pushes me, and I tumble back on to the bed with a giggle. His eyes run hungrily all over my body and I can see the hooded desire in his gaze. The fact that he wants me so badly makes this thrilling for me as well. I reach out and slowly brush my fingers all over his soft skin until I reach his rock hard cock. As soon as my fingers grip on to him, I gasp loudly. I forgot how massive he was, but I didn’t forget how good he feels.
I stroke him as he pulls my panties down, my heart thundering as I do. I just love how much he wants me; it makes me feel sexy as hell. Like a desirable goddess. All of the self-doubt melts right away. Somehow, Wesley makes it so none of that matters. I can be beautiful, sexy, and happy when I’m with him. I can be the absolute best version of me.
He climbs over me, hovering above me in a predatorial manner, and as his cock teases my entrance the need for him intensifies. I can’t resist arching my back and lifting my ass off the bed to slip him in me.
“Oh God,” he groans agonizingly. “You
feel so good, Zoe. You have no idea.”
But I do because he feels amazing inside of me as well. The way that he fills me up is utterly intense and I love it. Right now, I honestly don’t know how we haven’t been doing this the entire time. Why have we wasted so much time and energy hating one another when we could have been doing this?
Maybe this could really work, I tell myself as our bodies thrash together in unison. Perhaps me and Wesley could actually be together and make it work and I won’t have to be a single mom after all…
But I try not to get too caught up in that thought because I don’t want to end up disappointed, so it’s probably a good thing that he has me tumbling and swirling in too much bliss to really think too hard. The sensations inside of my body absolutely swallow me up and I lose myself completely in him. In Wesley Smith.
“Oh shit,” I groan as the pressure of pleasure comes quickly. “Oh my God, Wesley.”
He grips me hard, not complaining at all as my nails dig in to his back, and he kisses me hard. Every thrust intensifies within me, I know that I’m not going to be able to hold myself together for long, but I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. Wesley wants me to lose myself just as I do him. I think that we both need this.
I buck hard against him, deepening each thrust, causing me to tense up the moment I get too close to the edge. I dangle on the knife edge for a couple of moments before finally, I fall…
“Fucking hell,” I scream. “Oh God, Wesley, that feels so good. So fucking good.”
He holds me as the orgasm shatters through me, as the pleasure crashes through my body like a powerful wave. I sink further under the waves of bliss and allow them to completely fill up my lungs. I breathe in only him and I absolutely love it. Right now, he is all of me and I hope that I am him too. It crashes and burns, it shatters and shocks, the electrical pulses are completely all consuming, and I absolutely love it.