Hellsbane 02 - Heaven and Hellsbane

by Paige Cuccaro

  “Emma Jane Hellsbane,” Justin said in his typically annoying singsong voice.

  “Towhead,” I said in my own annoying fashion. Most of my family is some shade of blond, and I’d heard my mom call my cousin, Justin, a towheaded blond when we were kids. It kind of stuck.

  The rural county park was crawling with offshoots of the Hellsbane family tree—playing horseshoes, taking over the park’s playground, sending smoke signals from the complimentary park grills. Love and pride filled my heart, making me smile. And then I remembered…I wasn’t a Hellsbane. I was the bastard child of a Fallen angel. Even a year after learning the truth, it still hit me like a cold smack in the face. These people weren’t my family. Not really. Not the way they were family. There was a part of me that was different from all of them. And for a second I couldn’t breathe.

  “We got here ten minutes ago,” Lacey said, pulling me out of the ice storm of thoughts attacking my brain. She popped a chip into her mouth. “But I have three kids and a husband who can’t walk away from the mirror until his hair is perfect. What’s your excuse?”

  “Actually, it’s my fault,” Dan said, stepping into the pavilion behind me. “We stopped by my ex-wife’s to get the two little ones.”

  “Dan!” my mother squealed, clapping her hands like a six-year-old in front of a candy store. “And look at those sweet little babies. I could just eat them up.”

  To their credit, nine-year-old Kenny and six-year-old Abby didn’t run screaming from the strange woman making munching faces and wiggling her fingers at them. They just cuddled close to their father on either side, holding his hand like a lifeline. My mother ignored their cringing and leaned down to give them both lung-crushing hugs.

  She straightened, beaming. “You certainly make adorable children, Officer Dan.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Hellsbane.”

  “Now, Dan, you know I told you to call me Carol, or Mom if you’d rather.” My mother winked at my momentarily terrified boyfriend. “I bet Kenny and Abby would love to have a new little brother or sister one day.”

  “Mom,” I said in warning.

  Kenny scrunched his face and shook his head. “Naa…Mom says she’s too old and Dad loves his job too much. That’s why she made him move out and started letting Captain Richard come over for dinner. He’s in the navy and he owns a boat.”

  “She did?” Dan asked, clearly hearing the news for the first time.

  “Oh, sweetheart, I didn’t mean your mother would give your dad a new little baby, I meant Emma—”

  “Mom.”

  “What?” She waved a hand at me. “Oh relax, dear. They know you’re their dad’s special friend.” She made quotation marks in the air with her fingers. “You’re his Captain Richard. Besides if things work out, you’ll need to have this conversation with them eventually.”

  “Yeah, well, we’re not there yet,” I said.

  “We’re not?” Dan asked, with the same stunned expression he’d worn a second before. “I mean, we’re moving in that direction, though. Right?”

  He looked at me with such confidence, sure what we had was what he wanted. It felt good to have something solid and sure in my life when everything else was so out of control. I didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t want to lose him.

  I wanted kids, wanted the whole house-and-home-and-soccer-mom gig. And every time I looked at Dan, I knew he could make it happen. But how could I have any of it with demons attacking at any moment and angels popping in and out of my life? Visiting with family for a few hours a week was one thing. But a family of my own—24/7? No matter how much I wanted it, the timing was all wrong.

  “Let’s talk about this later,” I said. Lately things between us had been so up in the air—my supernatural duties getting in the way more and more. How could I promise him the future we both wanted when I didn’t even know if I’d live through the week? My uncertainty was causing problems, sending him vibes I couldn’t help. We hadn’t even slept together in weeks.

  “A mother can dream. C’mon you two.” My mom held out her hands to Dan’s kids and Dan nodded for them to go with her. “Let’s see what the other kids are up to. Who knows, they might be your cousins one day. Might as well get to know them.”

  “Seriously, Mother,” I started to say, but she just kept walking as though she hadn’t heard.

  “Thanks, Mrs.— I mean, thanks, Carol,” Dan said, his smile bright. He turned to Lacey. “Hi, Lacey. It’s good to see you. I have to talk to Emma for a minute; you mind if we step away? We’ll be right back.”

  Lacey smiled. “Sure. Glad you could make it.”

  My stomach sank. Crap. I hoped we weren’t going to have the talk now. With the murders and sword thefts going on I had enough on my plate to keep my brain spinning. I couldn’t handle dancing around questions and seeing the pain my hesitation caused in his eyes. I loved Dan. But it was hard to make a man who can’t help wanting to protect me understand that my very existence was what caused the danger.

  I let him slip a hand around my waist and lead us out of the shade of the pavilion. “What’s up?”

  He pulled a twice-folded piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to me. “Sorry it took so long. You remember that photo of the guy who could be your father? I think I finally have a lead for you.”

  I unfolded the photocopied picture I’d given him of my mother twenty-four years ago. It was taken at some political fund-raiser. My uncle said that the man passing behind the posed group of volunteers in the picture had been more than casually interested in my mother at the time.

  Unfortunately, Uncle Greg seemed to be the only one who remembered the guy even existed. I asked my mother if she recognized the man, but she couldn’t even remember the picture being taken. I didn’t push it. I didn’t want to be the one to tell her she’d cheated on my dad with an angel, and I was the proof.

  It didn’t count anyway. The Fallen had used his powers to seduce her. Then, like all Fallen do, he’d used his power to erase all memory of himself from her mind and the minds of anyone close enough who might remind my mother about the affair. Clearly my angelic father hadn’t realized my uncle Greg’s somewhat inappropriate interest in my mother and left him with a few memories—sketchy as they were.

  Now, the name Gertrude Newberry was written in Dan’s handwriting at the bottom of the photo along with a phone number. “What’s this?”

  “That’s who I talked to at the William Penn Hotel,” he said. “Took a while, but we finally got this computer program at the station to figure out that’s where the picture was taken. He might even have been a hotel employee at the time.”

  I squinted at the picture and the tiny flash of color on the lanyard around his neck. I couldn’t make heads or tails of it, but my heart thrilled at the possibility of discovering my father’s identity. I exhaled a shaky, excited breath.

  “Mrs. Newberry is the human-resources person at the hotel. If your biological father was hiding out as an employee there, she might have a record of him,” Dan said.

  He was beaming like a kid who’d just aced his first exam, and with good reason. He’d just handed me the best lead I’d gotten on my angelic father’s identity in the past year.

  It was almost over, all the craziness that had become my life. No more demon attacks. No more worrying that the people I love might be caught in the middle. No more seraphim watching me in creepy silence everywhere I went. And no more need for the illorum sword I’d grown used to feeling at the small of my back.

  Once I found and banished my angelic father, my life would go back to normal. I’d be normal.

  Normal.

  I should’ve been thrilled. So why did I feel like I’d just been kicked in the gut?

  Chapter Seven

  “Grandma Hellsbane said if you marry Emma, she’ll take us all to Disney World,” Dan’s son told him seriously.

  “Yay!” his sister Abby said from her car seat, clapping her chubby hands. “Marry Emma. Wanna go to Disney Wor
ld!”

  Grandma Hellsbane? In one day my mother had completely won over Dan’s kids. Granted, she’d bribed them to do it, but that just proved how determined she was. Wow, I missed them—my mom, my nieces and nephew, even my sister. I wish I could’ve spent more than a few hours at the picnic, but I just couldn’t risk it. It was bad enough I’d gone at all. I used to hate those things…now I just wanted to cry for missing it.

  “You marry her, Daddy?” Abby asked.

  “We’ll see,” Dan said.

  I hid the goofy grin that suddenly took over my mouth. His answer sent a quick jolt of excitement through my belly, with an equally hard shock of dread. I wanted to get married…someday. But was Dan the one? And wasn’t the fact that I even asked that question a bad sign? I loved Dan. I did. But shouldn’t a woman just know when it’s right?

  I didn’t know. Not even close. Besides, I wasn’t ready. I was too young—at least I felt too young—plus, with everything going on in my life, the timing was way off. So until I found and killed the Fallen who’d fathered me, my answer would have to be no. I pulled to the curb in front of his ex’s house.

  “Let’s not mention this to Mom, though. Okay?” Dan said.

  “Okay,” the kids agreed.

  I shifted into neutral and set the hand brake while Dan got out and unstrapped the kids from the backseat of my Jeep Wrangler. The little rug rats loved riding with the top off. So did I. We got along great. Dan’s ex-wife and me…not so much.

  It wasn’t like we fought the urge to scratch each other’s eyes out, but I could feel Janet’s jealousy making my chest tight, prickling over my nerves, and egging me to say something I’d regret every time she saw us together. They were her emotions, not mine…mostly. She didn’t want Dan back. She just didn’t like seeing him with anyone else. I figured there was no reason for either of us to endure the discomfort. So I waited in the car until Dan came back from handing the kids over.

  He closed the Jeep’s door and strapped on his seat belt. “Janet says hi.”

  “I bet.” I smiled but I knew it didn’t reach my eyes. I couldn’t stop thinking about Gertrude Newberry and what she might know about my Fallen sperm donor. I had a real chance at discovering my angelic father’s identity. This could all be over soon. Really over. And then Dan and I…oh crap… I stopped thinking about it.

  It seemed like only a few minutes later that I made the right onto Route 51 and Dan said, “You okay?”

  I glanced at him and realized we’d been driving for nearly fifteen minutes without talking. “Yeah, I’m good. Fine.” Even I could hear that I’d said it a little too fast, a little too desperately.

  “You’re thinking about having to confront your real father, aren’t you?” he asked.

  Among other things. But I shrugged and nodded.

  “You worried everything’s going to move too fast after your life goes back to normal?” he asked.

  I glanced at him again. That was it, in a nutshell. That’s why my stomach had been trying to come up my throat all day and my chest felt like it was caught in a vise. All the talk of marriage—of becoming a stepmother and having babies of my own—had totally screwed with my head.

  “Yeah, maybe.” I swallowed hard and tried to smile. I didn’t pull it off very well.

  Dan put a hand on my leg as he reached his other up to tuck my hair behind my ear. “So don’t think about it. Just…forget everything your mom and my kids said. When you’re ready—when we’re ready, we’ll talk about it, and not a second sooner.”

  I glanced at him again and this time my smile was genuine. I exhaled and the pressure in my chest eased a little. “Thanks for digging up the info on that picture. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.”

  He leaned close and kissed my cheek, his musky cologne drifting over me, the warm, familiar scent soothing my nerves.

  “I just hope it pays off,” he said. “I can’t stand you being mixed up in all this angel-and-demon shit. It’s dangerous. I’ll be glad when it’s over.”

  Dan was a cop, trained to serve and protect. I knew it ate at his bones that there were bad guys out there after me and he couldn’t do anything about it. The fact that the power he needed to protect me lay dormant inside him made it even worse.

  At the next stoplight I leaned over to kiss him, but paused a hairbreadth from his lips. “You’re a good guy, Dan Wysocki. But I can handle the angel-and-demon shit. I was born for it.”

  I kissed him and he kissed me back, his tongue making a quick pass across my lips. My breath caught at the unexpected sensation, and Dan whispered against my mouth, “I was born for it, too. Remember?”

  The car behind us honked and I jumped straight in my seat, realizing the light had turned green. We pulled out and made the left on to Cook Street and another left into my driveway. Dan’s black Charger was parked on the street but he followed me inside, closing the front door behind him as I tossed my keys on the small foyer table.

  “I know you can take care of yourself, Emma,” Dan said and I turned to see him standing in front of the door, hands in the pockets of his jeans. “You have those powers, and that sword. But it is dangerous. You’re risking your life dealing with these supernatural beings and all I can do is stand on the sideline and pray one of them doesn’t slice you to ribbons or hack off your head. Your friend was killed right in front of you. Two more have died in the last week. I want to tell you to stop. I want to tell you to put down that damn sword and walk away.”

  “You know I can’t—”

  “Yeah, I know,” he said, cutting me short. “I know you don’t have a choice. This is part of who you are, but it’s taking over your life, Em. It’s all you do now. There’s no room for anything else.”

  I stepped toward him. “Dan…”

  But he held up a hand. “No. Stop. ” He laughed to himself bitterly. “Jeezus, I sound like my ex-wife. Now I know how she felt all those years. And this isn’t me. I’m not some clingy, needy, insecure wuss. But…”

  He shook his head and looked away, as if he were searching for the right words and not liking what he was coming up with. “I’m losing you, Em. You’re losing you. I can see it happening little by little. One way or another, that part of your life is going to take you away for good; I know it. And it’s driving me crazy that I can’t do anything about it. Not without joining you.”

  I closed the distance between us and put my hands on his chest. “It’s not that I don’t think you’re capable. You’re more than capable. You’re exactly the kind of person the magisters hope for. But Kenny and Abby…they’d lose you.”

  “They wouldn’t.” He took my hands in his. “I’m a cop. They’re used to their dad taking risks to catch criminals. And between me and Janet, we can keep the kids safe. It’s not like your family—I can tell her the truth. Tell her what to keep an eye out for. The demons won’t hurt the kids. They can’t if we just do our jobs as parents and pay attention.”

  “But it’s not the same. I mean, there’s more to it.” I squeezed his hands. “You’re right, this thing, this illorum life, it does separate you from normal people. It pulls you away from everyday life and sucks you into a surreal world filled with angels and demons, life and death. Before you realize it, that world feels like your real life. And all this—going to work, going out with family and friends, just hanging around with normal people—all this is just what you do until your real life pulls you away again. You have kids, Dan. If you allow yourself to be marked, you will abandon them. Not on purpose and not right away, but eventually, a little at a time. They will lose you.”

  He gathered me into his arms, his body hard and warm against mine. “So that’s it then. You are slipping away. Then what’s the point of this, of you and me? What am I supposed to do?”

  Our eyes met and a quick stab of panic pierced my heart. I didn’t want to lose him. Despite all my doubts, I needed him. I needed the normalcy he brought into my life. But was that all he was to me, all I wanted from him?
I didn’t know, but I wasn’t ready to give it up.

  “You’re supposed to hold onto me. Be here. Remind me what’s waiting for me, what’s missing in that other life. Remind me why I want to finish all of this.”

  His gaze dropped to my mouth, tracking my tongue when I licked my lips. “I can do that.”

  He kissed me—his lips a soft, warm press against mine, his hands at the small of my back pulling me tight against him. My heart thrummed faster as his desire pressed a hard line against my belly, centering in my mind.

  The hilt of my sword moved and I realized an instant too late that he’d pulled it from its sheath. I gasped, pushing back, my hand shooting lightning fast to catch his wrist.

  “Holy shit, Emma,” he said, a half smile warring with the surprise on his face. “I was just getting it out of the way.”

  “I…I know.” I took the hilt from his hand anyway and stepped back to set it on the small foyer table with my keys. It wouldn’t have marked him unless he’d picked it up to fight evil, but I didn’t want to take any chances.

  I started to turn back but Dan’s arms were already snaking around me, lifting me up to cradle against him. I laughed. “You really gonna do this?”

  “What, sweep you off your feet?” he asked, as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Yes. Yes I am. Those angels ever do this for you?”

  I held my smile, remembering a time when I’d been taken high above the earth, safe in Eli’s arms. “Never. Not like this,” I said, finding an element of truth in the technicality.

  “Thought not,” he said. “Wait ’til we get upstairs. I’ll show you something else they won’t do.”

  “Pay taxes?”

  “Ooo, baby, you know me so well.”

  Dan made me laugh, made me think about the future. He made me remember what it was to be human. I wanted it to be enough.

  §

  I awoke next to Dan, my instincts jolting through me in the dark bedroom. His arm lay draped over my waist, warm and heavy. His big body nestled against my back, flesh to flesh. The steady sounds of his breathing rumbled deep in his chest, vibrating through my back, his exhales warming over my shoulder. I took a steadying breath, trying to be still in his arms, trying to calm my panicked heart.