Finally Unbroken

by Maria Macdonald

“Hmm, unfortunate, not necessarily the word I’d use, but it has posed quite a problem for me. I’ve had enough tonight. You can finish up now and do… whatever it is you do, Layla.”

  She nods and grabs the paperwork. “Do you need me to make a reservation in the restaurant, or order you some food?” she asks.

  “No, I think I can pick up the phone and call room service,” I answer then take a second to consider her. “Have you eaten?” I enquire and she blushes.

  “I’m having room service as I’ll be Skyping Heath.”

  I smile. “You’re back together?”

  “Yes, he turned that job down.” The grin lights up her face as she explains, and I’m happy for her. Heath is a friend. I met him back when I played football, he worked marketing for one of the stadiums and has been headhunted quite a bit over the years, which means he moves from place to place. After introducing him to Layla four years ago, he’s stayed in San Francisco. It’s the longest he’s been in a single location, and it’s because of her. When she told me they’d split, a little over a month ago, I chewed him out. But I could also understand his need to work, his desire to better himself because that’s what I’m like. Seems he’s realized what he’ll be losing. Thank God. I could barely deal with Layla when they first split, all weepy and snotty. Not my area of expertise.

  “Okay. That’s good. Say hello from me.” She nods and leaves, and I remove the laptop, leaning back in the chair. My mind, as always, wanders to Bel. She hasn’t called, it’s been a week. I’ve been living in this hotel like it’s my home for too long now. It’s time to leave. Bel hasn’t called, she’s made her feelings clear. I’ve never been a pussy when it comes to women, but then only one woman has ever affected me. Time to move the fuck on. Grabbing some clothes, I start the process of packing my stuff. Deciding to forgo dinner, I sit in bed and switch on a game re-run.

  The flickering comes from the screen in front of me, and I rub my eyes realizing the phone is ringing. Glancing at the clock, I’m surprised when I see it’s just after one a.m.

  “Hello,” I answer not really thinking to look at caller the ID.

  “Danny,” That voice is like a punch in the gut. I sit up and close my eyes.

  “Bel.”

  “I’m sorry I’m calling so late.”

  “It’s fine. Wait, is everything okay?”

  I hear her giggle and it causes me to smile. “Yeah, I just came back from a night out with Amanda. I’m sorry I haven’t called, but I’ve been so busy that I just haven’t had time.” I’m about to reply when I hear her sigh down the phone. “I’m lying. Sorry. I haven’t called because I didn’t really know what to say,” she whispers.

  “There wasn’t anything you needed to say right away, Bel. I just want us to spend some time together, remembering each other…” I let my words hang along with my stomach.

  “I never forgot you,” her voice is so quiet I almost miss it.

  “It might make me a jerk, but Bel, I’m glad you never forgot me,” I tell her, closing my eyes.

  “I left him.” Her words make me drop the phone.

  “Shit!” I complain grabbing it from my lap and placing it back to my ear. “Sorry, you left Keith?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “I haven’t loved him for a long time. You were right the other day, we don’t have a good relationship. Whatever people have told you is probably true. He doesn’t love me either, not really, not in a healthy way. I needed to be free of him, but I’ve always been so scared. So alone.” Her words cause a stab of pain in my heart. I’ve put her through all that pain, she might have been with me if I hadn’t turned her away.

  “I’m sorry.” The words are out, circling the empty room.

  “No. I blamed you the other day, which was wrong. It wasn’t your fault,” she replies.

  I hang my head. “We were both young and stupid. Neither of us realized what we had, allowing it to slip through our fingers and losing it for all these years. Bel, understand me now. I’ve been getting ready to leave, to move on, but I don’t want there to be any confusion. I’ll stay in this hotel or rent somewhere and stick around for as long as it takes. I want to be with you. That’s all I’ve wanted from the moment I lost you, but I’ll settle for being your friend… for now. Just tell me you’ll let me in at some point? I need to know this is going somewhere. I’ll fight for you, but I have to know that you’ll fight for me too?”

  “I don’t know what’s going to happen, we can’t predict the future. But I want you here, as my friend and maybe one day something more.” She sniffs making me realize she’s holding back her emotions.

  “That’s good enough for me,” I tell her, feeling myself relax.

  “Amanda wants us to meet up.”

  “Sounds good. When?” I ask.

  “Tomorrow? Down the beach? Maybe we can have a nicer conversation than we had the other day?” She giggles again and inside I’m feeling hopeful. Finally.

  “Sounds good Bel. I’ll be down there at eleven, get some surfing in first.”

  “Okay… Danny?”

  “Right here, angel.”

  “I’ve always thought about you. Every. Single. Day. Danny. Every day, without exception. I don’t think I ever loved Keith. How can you love someone when your heart has always belonged to someone else?” All the air leaves my lungs at her words. Then I hear a dial tone. Bringing my knees up on the bed and leaning my forearms against them, I hang my head and close my eyes. Sitting there for long moments, I wonder if finally I’m on the road I always should have traveled. The road that will always lead me back to her.

  “How long have you been up?” Amanda asks as she stumbles into the living area of her hotel room. Her make-up smeared face and hair sticking in every direction just makes me remember the great nights out we used to have. So I smile but say nothing pointing to the phone against my ear. She nods and continues, dragging her feet as she walks, until she reaches the sofa, where she flops into the seat, laying her head back and closing her eyes.

  “Ma’am, did you want me to set up an appointment?” the woman at the Lawyer’s office asks in my ear, reminding me of the task at hand.

  “Yes, please,” I reply.

  “Friday at ten, ma’am. Does that work for you?”

  “That’s great, thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Have a nice day.”

  I replace the receiver and look over at Amanda. She opens one eye at me.

  “What was all that about?” she asks before closing her eye again.

  “I was setting up an appointment with a lawyer.”

  Her eye opens again. “You were? For what?”

  “I want to set the divorce in motion. I’m going to start using my maiden name, too.” My explanation apparently warrants a full on whoop as she springs into the air, which is swiftly followed by her grabbing her head and bending over.

  “Shit, I shouldn’t have done that,” she says lowering herself back down.

  I giggle, then she giggles. I move to sit next to her on the sofa and we continue our snickers. Suddenly, I sober and the elation turns into something else. My stomach drops as my shoulders sag, and out of nowhere I feel completely hollow for a minute. It’s long enough to set off a chain reaction within me. One that sees me crying into Amanda’s chest. Heaving as sobs wrack my body and Amanda clings to me. Just like she did when Danny left. When I first broke.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart,” she coos while rocking me and I try to pull myself together.

  “I wasted so many years, Moo. Mom and Pop would be ashamed of me,” I cry.

  “No. Don’t ever think that.” The hitch in her voice tells me she’s struggling to hold herself together—for me. So she can be my strength.

  “They would. They never wanted me to be with Keith, they said I didn’t love him. Not like I should have. Momma told me she just wanted to see me happy. Pop said he wanted better for me. Someone who… who…” The hiccup sob catches my breath, and I close
my eyes trying to calm myself while Amanda rubs my back.

  “What did he say, Bellie?” she whispers.

  Pulling back I grab a tissue, wiping my eyes and blowing my nose. “He said, he wanted me to be with someone who couldn’t see anything but me. Someone whose world stopped and started with every breath I took.” I smile and sniff, thinking about my father’s words. “Oh Amanda, I remember his words, they’re always whispering to me, ‘My beautiful, Bel. Life takes you on all kinds of journeys, but that’s okay, as long as you know the destination’s worth it. You should be someone’s destination, my sweet daughter. The man that’s meant for you should be striving to get to his destination. He should be trying to get to you because you’re all he needs.’ My poppa loved me so much, he just wanted the best for me.” Sighing, the tears still silently slide out of my eyes. “He held my hand the night before I got married. I never told you, Moo, it’s one of the reasons I finally bucked up my ideas and went to Danny’s house. He sat on my childhood bed, in the only place that’s ever been home, and told me I should be someone’s gift. That he loved me with all his heart, and if he had to give me away at the altar, then he wanted it to be to someone who thought I was their gift. Like Mom was for him. I should have that kind of love. He told me to never live with regret. I didn’t follow the path he wanted me to take Amanda. I didn’t listen…” my words break off as contemplation takes over.

  “Hey, Bellie. Stop.” Amanda gently shakes me, bringing my eyes to hers. “You could have joined the circus and screwed the clowns one by one in the back of the clown car at a live show every night, and they would have loved you and been proud. It didn’t matter what you did, you had them, unconditionally. That’s what your parents were, with each other, and with you. They never put conditions on their love. Think hard, you’ll remember. Anyway, you’ve left Keith now, you’re building up your strength. I’m here to see you through that, and today you start renewing your friendship with Danny. He’s already been honest with you and stated what he wants. At least he isn’t playing games with you. If he does, I’ll kick his ass.” She winks at me and I snort-laugh. “Very ladylike,” Amanda says raising an eyebrow with a smirk.

  “Shush you.” I smile.

  “There’s my beautiful, Bellie,” she says leaning forward and wiping the still falling tears from my eyes.

  “How did I get so lucky to have you as my best friend… my sister?” I ask her softly.

  “Who knows? You must’ve done something right because I’m amazing.” She chuckles.

  “You laugh, but you totally are. God knows how I managed all these years without you. I don’t think I could survive if you left again.” My chest clutches as a shadow passes over her face, but before I get to question her, she jumps up.

  “Come on, I’m feeling better now. Go, shower, and I’ll call room service and order breakfast, we have a hot guy to meet.” She shoos me toward the bathroom as I hear her ordering my favorite food.

  “Danny!” My name is sung across the wind and I spin around immediately spotting Bel and Amanda.

  “Ladies,” I say and bow. The silliness of youth still lingering when these two are in the vicinity.

  “Danny!” Amanda shouts again throwing her body into my arms, hugging me like her life depends on it.

  “Mandie Moo. It’s so good to see you,” I whisper into her ear, using Bel’s nickname for her. She pulls back and grabs my upper arms as she looks into my eyes, searching for something. I glance away noticing Bel as she walks a little past us and sits down on the sand. Looking back, Amanda’s now smiling at me.

  “You love her,” she states.

  Glancing at Bel once again, before turning back and answer, “Never stopped.”

  She nods and let’s go. “That’s all I needed to know. Look after her… always.”

  I nod. “That’s my intention. If she lets me.” I feel the muscle in my jaw jump.

  “She will. Just take it slow.” Pulling away, she moves over to Bel, leans down and says something before walking to the sea. I amble over to Bel and drop down beside her.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi.” She glances at me and smiles, and with just that one smile I feel like I’ve won the lotto.

  “Do you remember when we used to come down here, all of us?” I ask.

  “Yeah, gosh, I loved those summer days.” She giggles and I shake my head.

  “You always complained that we spent too much time in the water and you were bored.”

  “Oh, shoot!” Bel throws her hands over her mouth and stifles another giggle. “I did, right? I used to hate sitting here watching you in the surf. There was always someone around like Sasha or Alice, or whoever you were dating at the time, and I used to hate listening to them fawn all over you. Then you’d come out of the water, an enormous smile on your face and walk straight toward them, before they ran up to you with a kiss.” I watch her carefully as her cheeks pink, she’s embarrassed at admitting that. Reaching up, I cup her cheek.

  “I walked to you. Every. Single. Time.” Looking down and smiling, she bites her bottom lip.

  “Bellie, you have to come in the water. Just up to your ankles. Come on!” Amanda shouts and I smirk looking down at the sand and letting go of Bel’s face.

  She gets up and starts walking away, before stopping and twisting to me. I meet her eyes and the connection that’s always been there is still just as strong. “I forgot to mention, I’m not sure if you still speak to Rubén, but Amanda wants to catch up with him… me too… if you can sort that out?” I nod and she smiles walking to the water. Bel and Amanda kick the surf at each other and laugh, running back and forth and it’s like we’re teenagers again.

  Pulling my phone out, I make the call and he answers with, “Yo.”

  “Seriously Rubén? You need to stop saying that. You sound like a dick.”

  Laughing at me his reply isn’t surprising, “Shut up douche. What do you want?”

  “You’ll never guess where I am.”

  “Dude, if this is a guessing game, I’m gonna fail. Tell me, or I’m hanging up on you. I’ve got things to see, people to do.”

  “Shit, you don’t change.” I shake my head with a smile. “Okay, so I’m back home at the beach. Bel and Amanda are in front of me, they’re splashing each other in the sea.”

  “Fuck. I’m on the next flight out. Be there tomorrow.” Then he gives me dead air. I chuckle and close my eyes, thinking about how my life is so very close to perfection. That’s the way I continue to feel as the sun sets, washing away the old and getting ready for the new.

  “Layla, I need you to source me somewhere to stay. On a longer term basis.”

  “To buy or rent, sir?” I can see the curiosity in her eyes, but refuse to explain my reasons. That’s not something I need to do.

  “Unsure. Let’s see what you find first.” Nodding she moves away, leaving my room and no doubt going back to hers. I trust her to find what I want, she knows my taste, she’ll be able to locate what I require with the minimum of information. Glancing at my wrist, the expensive watch secured to it tells me it’s only two hours until Rubén’s flight lands. I promised I’d collect him, and there’ll be a taxi waiting for me shortly. Turning the shower on, I undress and step under the warm flow of water. My life is so complicated right now. Every day I seem to move into the unknown that little bit more. It’s somewhere I’ve always avoided, now I’m jumping in head first.

  My cell rings as I get out the shower, grabbing it I forget to check caller ID before answering.

  “Dan.” The squawk on the line reminds me why I always check who’s calling.

  “Shannon,” I drawl. Not sure why, yet again, she’s calling me.

  “Your lawyer’s a dick. I’ve told mine to take this back to court.” Closing my eyes I try to retain my calm.

  “Shannon. Whatever you want to do, it happens through our lawyers. I’ve told you. Stop calling.”

  “Danny, you don’t want to see me with nothing do you? I just
want a little alimony, baby.”

  Her words grate on my last nerve. “Prenup, Shannon,” I spit, then cut the call.

  In some ways, I feel sorry for my ex-wife. She did love me, I think, at one point. I didn’t love her back, not really, and so I get that things weren’t going to work out between us. I had money, so I had an iron-clad prenup. When I found out she was cheating it was the best way to get rid of her at no extra cost to me. Whether that makes me a hard bastard or not, I don’t care. They all say I have a heart of stone. They’ve been saying it since I became famous playing football. I let them have that, all the fame hungry women I’ve entertained over the years, knowing they all wanted their piece of me. To use me for my money, my ability to get them into any club, for my connections, my looks, my friends—hell sometimes it was just for sex. I didn’t mind those times. Shannon worked to get me to place that ring on her finger. Even if I didn’t really put it there with love, more out of loyalty. So I had a prenup drawn up and cheating equaled instant divorce with no alimony. Perfect. Cold hearted. Finished. If she’d just get that into her head, then the divorce would go a whole lot smoother. Either way, my lawyer tells me that this shit will be done in the next month. Thank Christ.

  Pulling up at Portland Jetport, I see Rubén outside. His bag slung over his shoulder, talking to two long-legged women who are dressed as cabin crew. Shaking my head I smile, he’ll never change.

  He spots me, turns back to them, speaks, then saunters toward the car. After angling himself into the passenger seat, he looks at me. “Been a long time, D.”

  “Yeah, Rubén.”

  “Too long. Next time we make this frequent,” he tells me moving his hand between us.

  “Yeah,” I reply smirking.

  “Enough with the mushy shit. Take me to the girls,” he demands, facing front and interfering with my stereo until he finds a track he likes. Paradise City by Guns N’ Roses starts playing and I chuckle as he turns up the volume then holds up his hands making ‘rock on’ signs with each one. “Fuck yeah!” he shouts as I pull away from the curb and the cabin crew wave.