His face has no emotion, no tears, no fury, no sadness. It’s just blank. Lifeless almost. “She…” He swallows but doesn’t say anymore as his fingers reach for the paper and he picks it up, slipping it into his pocket.
“She loved you so much. Only time will make things easier,” I tell him softly.
“Time? Are you fucking high? This was my one shot. She was my one shot. Now I have nothing,” he snaps.
“You’ll always have us. One day you’ll find love again like Mike did.”
“You don’t get it! I don’t want any fucking one else. She was it.” He stands up and so do I. It’s a good job too because the next second he roars, “Fuck!” Then grabs the table flipping it over, it hits the side and smashes all the plates that were piled up ready to be put away, knocking them to the floor and I watch as everything shatters. I’ve never seen anyone so angry. Danny comes barreling into the kitchen as Rubén reaches for a chair, throwing it toward the window. Luckily it falls short, but the legs splinter on impact with the floor. I try to melt into the corner. Danny takes in Rubén, then looks to me, a dark shadow passes over his face before he grips Rubén's arms.
“Out, now! You need to walk it off.”
“Fuck you, Danny, fuck you all,” Rubén screams and tries to pull away, but he can’t shake Danny. The next moment, Rubén’s being pulled out of the house while I look at the damage in the kitchen.
“What a mess,” I whisper, my mouth dry, but I’m not talking about the room.
“Bye, babe. Sorry, about before.” Rubén holds me in his arms and I close my eyes as I rest my head on his shoulder.
He’s leaving. It’s too much for him being here, especially in this house. His outburst this morning just made him realize how much he needs to get away. After calming down and spending a couple of hours talking to Danny, he came back and apologized, telling me he’d booked his flight back to Seattle. We’ve spent the rest of today, trying to remember all the good times with Amanda. We had dinner, he packed and now it’s time to leave. He’s taking Danny’s rental and dropping it back.
“It’s okay,” I tell him. “We all have to have a breakdown or two.” I smile and he offers me a sad one in return.
“I better go,” he whispers and kisses the top of my head. Stepping back, I watch, unable to tear my eyes away as he walks to Danny, who’s standing next to the car. They do a manly pat hug thing, until Danny pulls Rubén in for a proper hug and Rubén clings to Danny, almost as if his life depends on it. It chokes me and I look back at the house, giving them and myself a moment. Once Rubén’s in the car, Danny walks back pulling me into his side, he slips his arm around my shoulder and I rest my head against his chest.
“Will he be okay?” I ask looking up at him.
“Eventually,” he replies not looking from the location where the car disappeared.
It’s been three weeks since Rubén left. Danny and I have spent some of that time just getting to know each other again. Without all the outside struggles. I’ve not slept with him yet, although it’s been on my mind, and we’ve definitely gone to the point that there’s nowhere else to go now except sex. I’m scared, if I’m honest. I haven’t had sex with anyone in years. It was never what I would consider good with Keith, not that I’m entirely sure because I have nothing to compare it to. He never made me feel good, and although I know Danny wouldn’t be the same, what if sex is just not something I’ll ever enjoy? My stomach twists at the thought, and the fact that I’m going to have to try it soon.
We’ve also spent some time at the ice cream parlor. Every plan we’ve talked about is up in the air. We can’t decide on a single thing even though Danny is letting me make the decisions. He’s not rushing me,
on anything.
“Hey,” I say walking toward Danny, admiring his strong, broad shoulders as he turns and smiles. I’m not only caught on how beautiful it is, but also how amazing his eyes are. And they’re aimed at me. Full of love.
“Baby.” He returns as I make it to his side. Pulling me into him, he rests his mouth on my head. We stand like that for a moment, and I think about the shop. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
Sighing I pull back, out of his arms and look up to him. “I’m scared.” His eyebrows pull in. “What if we set the shop back up again and it fails? That’s almost as bad as it never being opened again after my pop and then my momma,” I whisper my fears to him.
“Baby. I own this shop. You have no mortgage, and I’m going to facilitate everything. Even if it all fails, the costs will be covered by me.” I look at him confused. “If I throw money into getting this place up and running, which let’s be clear, it’s not going to need a lot. You’ve kept the shop clean and in working order. All we need is some new equipment, fridges, etc. If we do that and after six months it’s not making money, so what? You want to keep it going, we’ll feed more money into it. This place won’t cost much to keep running, it’s a drop compared to my restaurants. You want to give it up, that’s fine too. I’m here, with you, we’re in this together. Don’t panic.”
“But, your money—” I start to say, but he cuts me off with a growl.
“Is yours too.”
“Danny, how is that even possible?” I snap, aggravation whizzes through my body.
“You see a future without me?” he asks, the muscle in his jaw works while he waits for my answer.
“Well… no,” I reply.
“Question answered. That’s fucking how,” he tells me crossing his arms over his chest.
“So… y-you’re saying…. what exactly?” I huff out.
“Our future is together. You’re gonna marry me right.” He doesn’t ask me, he tells me.
“Is that a proposal?” I question, folding my arms with a smirk, waiting for him to squirm.
He stares at me, I return his stare, slowly a smile creeps over his face, and I can hear my heartbeat thumping in my ears. “You’d be happy with me proposing like this, in the house, without a ring? Not a big fancy dinner? None of those big romantic gestures that all women love?” he replies, still smiling.
My hands move to my hips and I tap my foot. “Danny Quinn! You should know me by now! Since when have I ever needed big fancy anything?” I’m on a rant now that I just can’t stop. “You really think if you proposed to me now, in this house, without a ring, that would make a difference to my answer? You think that anything would stop me marrying you? That anything would make me say no?” I’m suddenly aware of what I’ve said and I slap my hand across my mouth, like the words could be trapped even though they’re already out in the wild.
Danny takes a step toward me and grabs my hips, leaning his face into me until our noses touch. “So that’s a yes? You’ll be my Mrs. Quinn… forever?”
I swallow at his question and feel my hands shaking. This is a big deal, a huge deal. I’ve only been back in Danny’s life for a couple of months. Then my mind wanders to Amanda and Mike, to the things they said about how life is too short. I know I love Danny, I’ve never questioned that. Since just before Amanda passed, he’s been basically living in Amanda’s house—well, my house now—so I know even though it’s only been for a short time that we can live together.
“I’m not sure if I can have children,” I blurt something that he already knows.
Danny places his hand on my face, cupping my cheek. “You know what would have happened if I hadn’t have come back here if I hadn’t have found you again?” he whispers and I watch his lips move, thinking how whispered words sound so sexy coming from his mouth. I shake my head. “Nothing. That’s what would have happened. If it wasn’t you, it wasn’t anyone. That means I would have never had kids. If we can, then we can, we can’t then it’s you and me and I’m over the fucking moon about that. So what do you say, Bel? You want forever with me?”
I go up on my tiptoes and place my lips against his. “Forever and ever. You and me. The way it should have always been,” I tell him.
“Is that a… yes, I’ll marry you,
Danny?” I feel his lips twitch against mine and I let my tongue slide out to lick them. He groans.
“That’s a, fuck yes, I’ll marry you, Danny.” He groans again, kissing me deeply, sliding his tongue in, and pushing his hand up the back of my neck until he cups my head. His other hand wrapped around my lower back. I pull back from the kiss slightly and look at his face, his eyes open and I’m captured in the deep blues. “I love you,” I whisper.
“Every day, Bel,” he whispers back, and his eyes crinkle as I smile at my fiancé.
Twenty minutes later and we’ve been sitting in the living room talking about a wedding. Well, I’ve been talking, Danny’s just been smiling. He pulls out his cell and calls Layla.
“Layla, I need you to book time tomorrow at two of the top jewelers in the city. I want to get an engagement ring for Bel. Yes. Okay.” He hangs up the phone.
“You’re so short and rude.” He looks down at himself with a smirk.
“I’m not short.” I blush and realize he’s probably talking about his six-foot height, not his other parts. But it draws my attention to the fact that I need to speak to him about the sex issue before it becomes a real problem. If I want to marry this man, then I need to be able to talk to him, to trust him. I have to explain.
“Danny,” I say, looking into my lap.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks placing his finger under my chin and pulling my head up. “Eyes babe,” he demands and I look at him.
I shake my head. “Nothing really… well, something. It’s embarrassing,” I admit.
“Nothing to be embarrassed about, not between us baby.”
“Okay. Well, here it is.” I swallow a couple of times and avert my eyes, Danny clears his throat and I look back up to him. He smiles and I feel myself warm a little. “I’ve only ever slept with Keith,” my words are blurted out.
Danny’s jaw ticks. “Kind of guessed that, babe. I don’t really need a blow by blow or a reminder that you could’ve given that to only me.”
I register what he’s saying, if he hadn’t pushed me away, I would have only ever slept with him.
“Danny….” I say and bite my lip. “You don’t understand. I’m not telling you because I’m worried about how I’ll perform, although that is a concern. I’m scared, terrified in fact. It was never… um, good with Keith.” I keep my eyes on Danny as his jaw ticks. “It was uncomfortable, even painful sometimes. I’ve never enjoyed it. Never. I’m afraid—”
He cuts me off by grabbing my face, his eyes burning into me. “I’ve got you. I’ll make sure you’re good baby. With everything. Everything. You come first, and that’s the way it will always be,” he tells me. “You trust me?” I nod immediately. “Then trust me with this. Still, I’m glad you shared, even if it was painful to hear.” He strokes across my bottom lip with his thumb. “You want to try, soon? Or wait?” he questions.
I take my time looking back into his eyes. I’m not sure what I’m trying to see, but anything other than love just doesn’t exist there, not for me.
“Soon,” I whisper and blink, amazed I admitted that to him. “Danny, it’s been… years and years.”
“Then it will be like starting fresh. You and me baby, you and me,” he says and kisses my lips, closed mouth, but oh so tenderly.
Sitting in the café the next morning, I’m reminded of the last time I was here with Amanda. The pain is still there. It still hurts, but it’s bearable now. I’ve learnt to manage it, to control it. Coming here today was something that I could have done without, though. Keith contacted me through Pastor Wilson of all people. Said he needed to talk to me. Danny wasn’t happy, but I agreed. It’s something I need too if I’m ever going to move on with my life. To truly start afresh. It’s something I need to face. This will give me the last of my strength back. As well as the closure that I need.
“Anabel.” His voice grates on my very last nerve now, how I stayed married to this man for so long, I’ll never know. Standing next to the table I take him in. He’s lost some weight. Had a shower and a shave, he looks cleaner, fresher and much more like his old self. I can see his eyes again and they sparkle like they used to. Keith leans down and kisses my cheek. I tense and can almost hear Danny growl in my mind. The thought makes me smile as Keith sits in the booth opposite me.
“Happiness looks good on you, Anabel. I forgot how you were, how we both were actually. But let’s talk about that in a minute,” he says before gesturing to the waitress. “Coffee for both of us, please.” I can’t help my eyebrow arching at the fact that, not only is he ordering our drinks, but seems to be implying that he’s going to be paying. That shocks the shit out of me. Keith glances at me but doesn’t comment on my look of shock. Although I’m not entirely sure he’s ever really been able to read me.
“So, you want to tell me about Ashley?” I start as I mean to go on. This isn’t about pleasantries, I’m not trying to pass the time or shoot the shit with him. I came here for answers, then I fully intend to never see this man again. If I do in town, then I’ll say hello, but that’s as much as it will ever be. I don’t hate him anymore, you have to care about someone to hate them, and I feel nothing for him—not anymore.
He swallows and looks everywhere but at me. “Keith, you had your reasons for asking me here. I had my reasons for agreeing. Ashley and your son, that’s my reason for being here. Tell me,” I demand. My voice is showing a strength that I’m not entirely sure I have just yet. But I need answers and that divorce.
He rubs the back of his neck, looking down. The waitress comes back, placing a coffee in front of each of us. I wait, silently, allowing him to get his words in order. He’s never really answered to me about anything, at least not in the last ten years. Now I’m asking questions that I wouldn’t have dared ask before, but I don’t think that’s why his words are caught in his throat. I think it’s more than that, I’m just not sure what.
“I didn’t love her. I never did, not like you Anabel.” I sigh, looking at him disbelievingly. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to win you back, I’m well aware that ship has sailed.” His reply is a snap as he glances out of the window.
“Danny?” I reply.
“Yeah,” he snorts. “Good old Danny, never could keep away from you.” He grinds his teeth and my palm itches to slap him.
“So Ashley,” I remind him and he nods, breathing out a wheeze through his nose.
“You and me split for a few weeks, I don’t know if you remember? We were young, probably only seventeen. It was some stupid fight, although looking back, maybe it wasn’t. If I recall, it was about Danny,” he says rubbing his chin. “Anyway, I was out with the boys and we ran into those lot, Ashley, Samantha and Jenny. It was the same as usual, flirting, you know the standard stuff.”
I say nothing in response, years ago I would have ground my teeth or shouted at him. After a few years, I learnt not to care. Now… now I honestly don’t care.
“Ashley and I hooked up. It started something. Not something I was ever going to pursue. I mean, we were broken up and I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”
“Keith, you don’t have to justify yourself. You’re right, we were broken up, but even if we weren’t none of it bothers me anymore. Honestly,” I mutter.
“Then why the fuck ask me?” he snaps and I see the real Keith again.
“Because I wanted to know why.” My smile is saccharine sweet.
“Why what?” he replies, confusion and annoyance in his eyes.
“Why you made us stay together all those years? You knew I didn’t want to be there, I always made that clear. Yet, you wouldn’t leave and never gave me a way out. I was weak back then, but I’m not anymore,” I tell him and he jerks back at my words.
Keith shrugs his shoulders. “I didn’t want to be with Ashley. It’s true, that night we hooked up was the beginning of the on-off fling we had. That carried on into our marriage,” he says pointing between the two of us. “That was wrong. But there’s no changing the past, so I might
as well be honest.” I nod in reply. “I always wanted to be with you, Anabel. You have to believe me.”
“I don’t have to do anything,” I reply and I can hear the edge in my voice.
Keith shakes his head and smirks. “One of the times we hooked up, she got pregnant. My feelings were mixed. I wanted a kid, but I wanted one with you. Then I got angry that you weren’t getting pregnant, I figured it wasn’t me and so I blamed you. I know that was wrong, but at the time, I couldn’t see past my anger. I figure that was the beginning of the end.”
“I think it was over before that. The love was anyway… well for me,” I tell him in all honesty. His face shuts down, I’m not sure what he expected. I didn’t come here to play nice or nasty. I came here for honesty, to give and receive.
“So I have only seen my son on and off over the years. When you left…” he shrugs, “…I had nothing to lose, not anymore. Ashley and me, I’m not sure whether we’re forever, but while it’s good, I’m there.”
Finally Unbroken Page 22