Cherish and Simon- the First Year

by Eva Morian

  Simon scoffed as he threw solutions, “We have Netflix for a reason, and we can use an old shirt of mine.” He said.

  Laughing all the way past shoes, they finally ended up in the infant section. The part of the store he wanted to be since they walked in, Cherish pulled away from him still chuckling, “Wait! What about Jasmine’s formula! It’s not that serious, Simon! She was just a little crazy!”

  This man was determined now more than ever to pay for their items and get out, “Just. Let’s get the formula and go home, please.”

  Laughing, Cherish shook her head as she turned the cart further into the store and made her way down to the baby water and formula, “Look, if you hate it this bad, I will apply for a job and save up for a car. Oh! Could you help me apply? I’m sure their employees get discounts and benefits! Then I can just work and do my shopping all at once.” she said.

  Simon felt a little uncomfortable and couldn’t pinpoint why. He gave her a cautious look and tried his best to approach the situation carefully, “Look, if you want a car so badly, don’t worry about it. I can make a down payment on a new car and you’ll be set. Does that sound good?” he asked.

  Cherish was in the middle of debating if she should switch Jasmine’s formula, again, and see if it’d help with her tummy problems. She held a can of Enfamil in her hands and read over the ingredients before she arched an eyebrow at him, “No, no Simon. That’s way too much and you’ve done enough for me. I want to do this for myself, I have to.” She answered. Cherish then smiled at him and nudged her shoulder against his, “But thanks for the offer.” She said placing the can into the cart.

  Simon should have expected for her not to accept, but he wasn’t sure how to feel about her wanting to leave the home to work. Not that he wanted to hold her back, but he didn’t contemplate what would happen if she wasn’t there to look after the twins. Still, if anyone deserved success, it was Cherish. So, he would do what he could to help facilitate her efforts.

  Cherish then pushed towards the diapers and grabbed a box. Even if they didn’t need them now, they would soon enough. She paused a bit before backtracking to him again, “I take that you don’t want to get any groceries here? Are you scarred, dear?” she asked.

  He was not about to wander through the grocery section of Wal-Mart. No, not today. He shook his head, “No, I do not. We can go to Publix for that. We’re going to get buy one get one sales, I tell you. Buy one, get one.” He stated.

  Cherish broke into a smile and shook her head, “If it means that much to you, fine. But if those prices are too high and those sales aren’t good enough, you can bring me right back here. Deal?” she asked.

  “Deal.” He agreed. He didn’t sound concerned about being wrong. He was determined to show this wonderful woman how delicious fresh, crisp produce really could be.

  As she followed him down the main walkway towards the registers, she paused, “Wait…what about the kid’s clothes? We didn’t even look!” she said pointing back.

  Simon looked her over completely deflated and exhausted with a miserable expression, “The kids have so many clothes though. Come on, Cherish. Please. I’ll even get you Chic-fil-A, let’s go.” He begged.

  She knew Simon wasn’t going to have her stopping off and was at his wits end. It showed in his drained expression and how his shoulders slumped forward. She couldn’t help the fit of laughter she was in with him. He was unintentionally hilarious and borderline insane when it came to some of the ways he viewed the world. This part of his personality always kept her on her toes, and she enjoyed it far more than she should have. Especially when it was at his own expense.

  Cherish looked to the clothing before she faced him, “Come on just a little…” Slowly, her gaze made its way towards the entrance. Her entire body felt as though she’d been doused in cold water and lit on fire at the same time. Her breath hitched and an anxiety she hadn’t felt in years, before Todd, snatched a hold of her senses. She caught sight of a woman who looked close to her height, body type, and skin tone. The only difference was that she was older, and her hair was sheared close to her head.

  Cherish reached out and patted along Simon’s arm and chest. Without looking the woman’s way, she felt this sudden urge of flight and stumbled behind him. She left Simon and the kids as the cart continued to slowly roll down the aisle. As she rapidly fell apart, Simon followed her with his gaze, “Cherish…are you okay? What’s wrong?” he asked.

  She didn’t hear him.

  Shaking her head, her feet carried her through the purses, “No, no, no…” Bumping into one of the faux walls, she glanced over her shoulder before her head whipped from one side to the other. Blindly, she made her way towards the back of the store before another man rammed into her side with his cart. Simon jumped and reached out to stop it from completely knocking her over, “Sorry!” he blurted out.

  The crash echoed through the department which caused more attention to fall on her than she originally wanted. Almost breaking under the pressure, Cherish clenched her jaw and rubbed a palm against her eyes, “S-sorry.” she whispered in a broken tone. Panicking, she felt as though she wanted to vomit as she quickly stepped on the opposite side of the detached fitting room. Her knees gave out as she panted and sat down on the floor. Her back was pressed against the hard siding and she placed both hands over her face, “Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.” She whispered under her breath. Drawing her knees into her chest, Cherish wrapped her arms around them and lowered her head into the crook of her elbow.

  Simon followed, but the tight spaces with the large stroller proved to be difficult. This caused him to lose her. His head rapidly snapped from one side to the other while he kept an eye out for her. Stopping short, he saw her figure on the floor and the first thing he did was sigh in relief. Parking the stroller, he fell to his knees beside her with his expression stricken with concern, “Talk to me Cherish. Do you need help? What’s wrong?” he asked touching her knee and shoulder.

  Cherish’s nails dug into her skin as she drew in and released deep breaths several times. Flinching away on instinct, her wide eyes stared up at him in a wild, scared manner before she calmed enough to realize that he wasn’t there to hurt her. He would never hurt her, and she knew it. Cherish clenched her jaw, shut her eyes, and pointed in the direction towards the front of the store. Her hand shook, and her voice was hardly above a whisper, “T-That woman. Does she have a large mole on her face, gold front teeth, and a tattoo on her neck with my name?” she questioned. Though, the woman was be long gone and on her way to another part of the store; Cherish was still too frightened to look for herself.

  Simon thought the description was very strange, but he assumed that whoever she feared was a deranged individual; perhaps a stalker. Either way, he was confused as he lifted his head and looked around for a person fitting her specifications. No one. He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked down at her again, “I don’t see anyone like that. Who are you hiding from?” He asked. Feeling as though she wouldn’t answer right away, he then blew out, “Here, let’s get off the floor…” Pushing himself to his feet, he held his hands out of her.

  Cherish clenched her jaw as she watched every move Simon made. As he returned his gaze to her, she blew harshly through her nostrils, rubbed her lips together, and nodded, “O-Okay.” She whispered to herself. Shutting her eyes, she inhaled a deep breath and pushed herself to take his hands.

  Standing, she scratched along the side of her arm and could see a few people who still watched them; especially her. The babies were none the wiser to what was happening, and Jr. had already slipped away into sleep. Seeing Cherish unhinged threw Simon for a loop. He hadn’t ever seen her so scared of anything before. She was an abused, young woman abandoned and alone with a baby. She was by far the bravest person he knew, and this hurt him deeply.

  Wetting her lips and feeling like a fool, she rubbed her knuckles along her cheek and, “Can we go home? I just want to go home.” She whispered.

 
Noticing the people around them, there wasn’t much Simon could do about it without calling more attention to themselves. He placed his arms protectively around Cherish and nodded, “Alright, we’ll go through self-checkout and go home.” He reassured her.

  Nodding several times, she held her head down and away from the other eyes in her own personal shame. In the past weeks she hadn’t felt this way, but today, from just the glimpse and possibility of her past, she was once again withdrawn and broken.

  He led her towards the front of the store but immediately noticed how quiet she was and how she constantly checked around for said woman. He had a bad, sinking feeling about her as well by the time he’d finished scanning the items. Cashing out as quickly as possible, Simon pulled on her arm a few times, but she’d zoned out.

  Jolting a bit when she finally realized he’d finished, Cherish nodded and pushed the stroller to him. She honestly didn’t trust herself to handle the kids. Taking the bags, she followed him across the parking lot with a hurried step.

  Simon unlocked the doors the moment they were closer. She climbed in, tossed the bags on the passenger seat, and rubbed her cheeks roughly. She was fighting an internal war with herself. Not only did she berate herself for making a scene, she got overwhelmed over something and someone she’d left in her past years ago. Plus, there wasn’t any way she’d be there, they weren’t even in the same state anymore. Now she was just ashamed of the fact that she’d embarrassed Simon and herself.

  Simon silently loaded the kids into the backseats with her before he climbed into the front seat and paused. She stared down at the babies and Jasmine stared right back. Tearing up, Cherish wiped her face and forced a smile to her little girl; one who held her heart, “Hi baby.” She whispered. Even as she rubbed Jasmine’s cheek, her own child held a look of concern and didn’t smile in response as she usually would.

  Staring back at her, Simon pulled on his seat belt and tried to see if she was going to be alright for the ride; he honestly couldn’t tell. Noticing the tears in her eyes, he felt a deep pain in the center of his chest. He hated to see her as torn down and broken as she was. Clearing his throat, he turned the key and looked at her once again, “Let’s go…”

  She glanced up at him through the rearview mirror and nodded, “…okay.” She whispered.

  The short ride home was that of intense silence. Not a sound came from Simon, Cherish, or the babies. The only consistent thing in Cherish was the way she felt and how she diverted her eyes away from his in the mirror’s reflection. As they rolled down the long driveway, she admitted to herself that she felt much better than she thought once she’d talked herself down from the ledge. Still, sour feelings lingered over her head.

  She waited for Simon to take one of the babies out first before she slipped out of the car and released a deep breath. Allowing him to pass through the kitchen and towards the car again, Cherish entered the room and sat on the sofa in front of Jr.’s car seat and scratched along her hairline. Her eyes involuntarily watered once more, and she was quick to wipe the tears away and groaned to herself. She knew exactly what was coming.

  How could he not be curious to know what was going on with her after a spectacle like that?

  Simon brought Jasmine and the bag of groceries inside, shut the side door, and locked it. He set her down beside Jr. and decided to give Cherish space. He pulled his little girl out and kissed against her cheek before he rested her on the tummy time mat. Jr. soon followed and they both were far from happy with the life decision their father placed on them. Still, Simon drowned out their fussing before he stood straight and turned his attention to Cherish. He wanted to talk about what happened now that she was safe and secure in a place she trusted, “Cherish?”

  With her gaze lowered away from his penetrative expression, she felt her entire mood drop. The time had come. Inhaling a deep breath, she fluffed a bit of her curls with her fingers and finally met with his blue hues, “Yeah?” she asked.

  Simon stepped around the babies and sat down beside her with a hand on her shoulder. He spoke to her in a gentle nature yet firm enough to tell her that he wasn’t going away. He didn’t want her to hide issues from him and hoped she would trust him enough to speak, “What happened? I’ve never seen you like that before. It’s better to let it out than keeping it in. You can trust me.” He said.

  He cared so much even though he’d been through enough. He already took her and her daughter on, the last thing she wanted to be was a burden. Staring into his face, Cherish sighed through her nostrils before she shook her head and tried to move past it, “I know, I know I’m sorry about that, but I’m okay…” A long bout of silence passed between them and the shaky façade she’d created began to break. Once again, she looked away from him and rubbed her lips together, “…really, I’m okay.” She said.

  Simon didn’t budge from wanting to know the truth, “You’re not okay. You looked really scared, Cherish. Who did you think that woman was?” he asked. They lived together, and he figured if she had a problem, they had to figure it out, “It’s alright.” He said. Placing his hand over hers, he stroked along the side and waited. He may have been gentle with how he spoke and touched her, but his eyes were persistent.

  She looked down at where their hands connected and slowly gripped back. Her jaw rolled from one side to the other and she opened her mouth several times before shutting it again. Inhaling a deep breath, she held it for a moment, looked to Simon, and pressed her nails into her free palm, “I don’t…want you to think bad about me, Simon. I don’t know if I should.” She whispered. Even though she was on the verge of telling him, the fear she felt was extremely real.

  Simon shook his head, “I won’t think bad about you.” He said without hesitation, “You’re a great person. Your past won’t change how I feel about you.” He clarified.

  Cherish rubbed a palm up along her shoulder and down her arm before she finally gave into Simon’s demands. Her lips curved downwards, and her eyes welled with tears, “O-Okay. I’ll tell you.” She whispered to him.

  Meeting with his gaze briefly, she then looked away because she couldn’t face him in her shame, “I grew up in the projects of South Carolina. I don’t know who my father is, and my mother bounced us around from one trap house to the other. The apartments were covered in shit, garbage, roaches, and anything else disgusting you can think of. There were prostitutes on the street and drug dealings happened every hour. My mom, at first, cared about me and wanted me to get an education, but she didn’t know how. She had me at fifteen…”

  Cherish wiped the tears that had formed beneath her nose before continuing, “She had a string of boyfriends who came and went through the house. I was forced to stay in my room most afternoons because she wanted to get high or drunk with the people she allowed in. We were robbed monthly. The last boyfriend she had...” Cherish sighed and stared off, “…he taught her that I was a burden and a horrible child. He also upgraded her to pills and heroin. She used to strip me naked and beat me repeatedly while he watched. When I turned thirteen, he told her that I could bring in more money than the government had to offer. Uh…he was talking about pimping me out, but thankfully she had enough sense not to do that. But, as her drug habit spiraled out of control…so did her common sense. He threatened to cut her off and convinced her to have sex with me in exchange for her addiction.” She whispered.

  Cherish scratched across her arm and looked to Simon while pressing her lips against her shoulder and staring at the babies, “Jasmine…is my first child and second pregnancy.” She added in a hushed, broken tone. She ran her fingers across her neck and cleared her throat, “When my mom found out he’d gotten me pregnant in the year she let him rape me, she beat me so bad that I couldn’t get out of bed for a week. I…lost the baby.” She said.

  Simon was in awe because the life Cherish grew up in was already rough and hard to swallow. To hear about her mother’s boyfriend and how she was treated was out of the realm of normal. This man and
her mother were sick and that caused a nauseous, angry knot in his stomach. All Simon could do was nod repeatedly and take in the information. He bore through the grittier, harsher parts of her reality and understood just how much Jasmine really meant to her. He personally couldn’t imagine having one without the other.

  Cherish sniffed through her stuffy nose, huffed out, and wiped her face again, “Then when I was sixteen, he was arrested, and Todd came around. He convinced me that he was rich and that he could take me from all of it. I was so desperate to get out I had no idea that he was just grooming me too. But, he did take me far away from there and for that I will always thank him. I’m not afraid of Todd. Sure, he was a piece of shit and he doesn’t deserve the love I gave him or the daughter that we created, but I would be dead if I was still with my mother. What’s worse is…I don’t know what would happen to my baby. She already took one from me.” As she spoke, her breaths hitched once again, and her voice cracked. Overwhelmed with emotion, the thought of something happening to Jasmine caused her shake the nerves from her hands, “I don’t know what came over me, but that woman looked so much like her and I’m sorry, Simon. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you and I made a scene in the store.” She said breaking down and sobbing in her hands.

  Simon moved in and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He wanted to hold her and make her feel safe until she could pull herself back together. Cherish turned inward to his body and pressed her face against his chest. His shirt was stained with her tears while she cupped a hand over her mouth and nose. He shook his head and pressed a hand against her hair, “It’s okay. It’s okay. You were scared…” He rubbed her back in a circular motion and shut his eyes, “…I’d be scared too if it were me. You don’t have to be sorry, Cherish. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He whispered as his hold on her grew tighter.

  The living room was filled with her cries for a while before dying down to heavy breaths. Her shoulders and grip on him loosened as he stroked along her arm in a comforting manner. Before long, they watched the babies in silence, who continuously lifted their heads, lowered them again, and kicked their feet. Her legs were pulled in on the sofa as she rested her head on his chest. Numbly, she pulled at her bottom lip and simply watched the little, albeit upset, miracles learn right before her very eyes.