Paranormal Solved

by Grace Fleming

  "Well, I’m so glad you shared your story," the doctor said, "And I can assure you that you are not crazy, and you are not alone."

  "Thank you," the man said as he lowered himself into his chair. "So you really believe me?"

  "I certainly do," Dr. Nilsson said, as he held up a figure. "As a matter of fact, I know exactly who—or what it was—that you saw. If you'd like to chat a bit more after this presentation, I'd be glad to talk with you later."

  The man looked as if he were gazing into the eyes of his savior, and Jerry made a mental note that they guy was either a great actor, or he really believed the ordeal he'd just described. The man’s eyes glistened with tears after Dr. Nilsson’s words of comfort.

  Jerry remembered that he was supposed to be taking detailed written notes for his friends, so he wrote furiously to make sure he described every word and observation from the man’s story. As he wrote, he half-listened to Dr. Nilsson describing the different characteristics of this creature and that, and explaining the geographical sightings of several known types. He scribbled to keep up with the lecturer, when he heard the man throwing out another question to the audience.

  "Do you think demons are real?" he asked. This time, an uncomfortable silence fell over the room, and several people raised their hands, nervously. "I have a reason for asking, of course," Nilsson said. "In my next book, I shall detail my theory that many of the cryptids that people are seeing and experiencing around the world, are, in fact, the entities that we commonly understand to be demons. But before I go further, let me present to you some rather surprising facts." He paused and looked around for effect. "Ten years ago, the Michigan area was menaced by a terrifying creature with the head of a wolf and the body of a large, muscular human. Today, this creature, commonly called Dogman, has been reported in at least twenty states, in England, and in Australia."

  Several audience members reacted, to the great satisfaction of the presenter, Jerry noticed. "Sounds like a werewolf," a voice shouted from behind Jerry.

  "Many people do believe this creature to be a werewolf," Nilsson responded. "But Dogman is not the only cryptid to be showing up in increasing numbers. For years, people in West Virginia reported Mothman encounters. Did you know that a very similar creature has been frequently sighted in Mexico? And those well known creatures aren't the only ones showing up in large numbers. Pterodactyl sightings are on the rise, lizard people are seen across the country, and wendigos, once a creature of the Great Lakes region, are showing up in forests across the South, to the horror of hunters and hikers, as one can imagine."

  At this point, Jerry managed to stifle an involuntary groan, just in time. The man’s claims were getting more and more fantastical now, and Jerry was just about to retire his note-taking pen when a rapid, floor-level flash of movement caused him to turn his head to the right. Dr. Nilsson must have seen it, too, because he hesitated for a moment and looked in the same direction. There was nothing there, but Jerry could swear he had seen a flicker of color and light. It had been a mere dash of movement; just enough to grab the attention of anyone who happened to be sitting near the front row.

  This is rich, Jerry thought. The tricks are beginning. Dr. Nilsson had spent the last twenty minutes setting the stage, and now he was about to start the show with some visual trickery. He’d probably used this method a hundred times before. Jerry stopped listening to the man’s narrative and focused, instead, on finding the method of his chicanery. He twisted around to look for anything like a duct or protrusion that could conceal a small projector. There was a device hanging from the ceiling, of course, the type of thing you can always find in conference rooms. It was a projector designed specifically for slide presentations, though, and it was turned off. It wasn’t designed to project flashes and flickering lights around the edges of the floor to trick audience members into thinking they’d seen a creature of some kind, lurking in the perimeters of the room.

  The flicker he'd seen was so obvious a trick that Jerry felt sorry for the audience members. But then, nobody else seemed the least bit distracted, which was curious. Maybe it was designed so that only one or two people near the front of the room could see something odd? That would certainly arouse excitement and, at the same time, build up a sense of eagerness in the ones who didn’t experience a vision. Either way, Jerry was determined to figure out what was really happening here. He scanned the walls and the edges of the ceiling looking for tiny openings.

  A searing pain in his right calf made him jump, and he glanced down to see if he’d bumped into some sharp object. The thing he saw was so unexpected that he let out an involuntary yelp! There, standing right beside his leg, was something so strange and horrible looking, that Jerry forgot where he was for a time. His eyes fell on something so—sickening, and so filled with pure hate, that he stood up suddenly. The thing was making a hissing sound. As he tried to stand, everything around him went dark, and a sickening smell wafted up his nostrils. "What the f—?" he blurted and stumbled to the side at the same time, but as quick as the words left his mouth, the light returned and the vision disappeared. The interruption caused Dr. Nilsson to stop talking and glare in Jerry’s direction.

  "Did you just see something?" Dr. Nilsson asked.

  For shit’s sake, Jerry thought. He was seething, but he wasn’t about to let it show to the audience. His leg now hurt like hell, but he was not about to cooperate with this ridiculous parlor game and give Dr. Nilsson the satisfaction of going along with his tricks. "No," Jerry said. "I just sneezed and it caused my back to spasm. Sorry for the interruption." He hoped the man could tell that he was seething. He stared into Nilsson's eyes, hoping to convey the rage he was feeling, as he settled back into his chair.

  Dr. Nilsson just stared back at him for a moment, before directing his attention to the entire audience. "I want to take this opportunity to make a very serious request." He paused for several seconds, and Jerry assumed it was for dramatic effect. "If anyone hears or sees anything out of the ordinary, I want you to let me know. I’m very serious. Please come and speak with me after the presentation if you have an experience." His face turned more somber and he looked directly at Jerry. "I’m saying this for your own good."

  Good God, Jerry thought. The man was desperate for him to play along, but Jerry wasn’t about to give him an inch. He had no idea what the man was doing to make him see and feel odd things, but he wasn’t going to let the man make a fool of him. He’d seen enough TV magic shows to know that this was elementary level trickery. Hell, Jerry half expected people to pop in with cameras for a big reveal and lots of laughs and slaps on the back. He’d wait out the man in the front of the room until this show was over, and he’d remain cool until that time. But his leg was burning with pain.

  He’d lost track of what the man was talking about now, and he was writing furiously about the vision he’d seen. He was dying to raise his pant leg enough to see if there was a puncture on his calf, and he could swear he felt a blood trickle on his ankle. The son of a bitch in the front of the room had gone to great lengths to convince some poor bastard in the audience that his gimmick was real, but the theatrics were lost on Jerry. Jesus, no wonder people had to dish out a lot of money to attend this carnival. There was some impressive technology behind this shit, or some advanced psychological tricks, but he didn’t want to give this man an ounce of satisfaction. He was writing as the thoughts came to him, and realized that his pen was quivering in his hand.

  He heard people speaking behind him again, and realized it was Q&A time. The whole fiasco would be finished in a few minutes, Jerry told himself, and then he would be headed for drinks and beers with his co-workers.

  3

  Interdisciplinary Studies

  "Shhhh, don’t say anything," Jerry said to the other men at the bar table as Crystal Nixon, Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences, entered the hotel lounge. "Let’s not tell her until we’ve filled her with a few shots of bourbon. I hope your sessions were good. Were they good?"r />
  "I thought we weren’t supposed to say anything," Josh said as he scooted a stool to make room for another seat at the table.

  "I don’t want any details, jerk," Jerry whispered. I just wanted to know if your session was interesting. Mine was outrageous. I'd like to kill the bastard who ran my session." He reached his hand down to massage the back of his calf, which was burning like it was on fire.

  "Oh, my session was interesting." Josh said, seemingly oblivious to Jerry's words. "Like, insane."

  "Mine, too," David whispered quickly, twirling his finger beside his temple in a "crazy" gesture, just before Crystal approached the table.

  The woman lunged herself onto the high stool and sat for a second, looking around at each face. "What the hell are you three up to?" she said as she pulled the table toward her to make a loud screeching sound. "I know those faces. What’s going on?"

  Jerry could see the look of guilt on the faces of his two friends, and he assumed his face was also a dead giveaway. "Um, can you have a drink, first?" he asked. Even though Crystal was the coolest boss ever, she was still a boss. He was suddenly feeling less confident than he had before. Crystal had spent a lot of the year’s travel budget bringing them all to the research conference, and they were about to confess that they had ditched it to have some silly fun.

  "Spill it," she said.

  "Well," David stammered. "We have a confession, but it’s all these guys’ fault. I’m the serious guy, remember?"

  Oh, really?" Jerry said in his most taunting voice. "You're the one who ditched us for the hot chick."

  Crystal responded with a threatening glare. Now Jerry was really starting to wonder if they’d all gone too far. "Okay," he said. "Just hear me out. You have to admit that this is the most boring damned conference you’ve ever experienced. I mean, we’re hearing the same shit over and over again, am I wrong?"

  "It’s a bit boring, yes." She nodded her head in concession. "Now what have you done?"

  "I may as well jump right in," Josh said. "I’m partly to blame, since it was my discovery. We all thought it would be funny to crash a paranormal convention."

  "A what?" Crystal said as she looked around the table. She seemed more confused than angered.

  "There was a gathering of paranormal enthusiasts on the floor above us," Josh explained, as if he was stating the most obvious thing in the world. "Me, David, and Jerry all picked different topics and agreed to check it out and report back what we heard. I guess it was stupid."

  "Somebody please buy me a beer, right now," Crystal said.

  Jerry returned from his strategically timed trip to the men’s room, which was designed, admittedly, to let the others defend their collective foolery in his absence. Hell, Jerry was a year from retiring, and seniority had to count for something, so he left his colleagues with the task of explaining their decidedly unprofessional behavior. He'd used the time to take a look at the sore place on his leg, which now appeared to have two small holes that were swelling up and throbbing. He'd have to run out later to get some ointment and bandages, which was a huge pain in the ass. But for now, he was determined not to show that anything was wrong. He approached the table cautiously, trying to read his boss’s mood, and he was relieved to see that she was sporting a relaxed smile, along with the others.

  "So are we in trouble?" Jerry said, as he climbed onto the tall stool.

  "I haven’t decided," Crystal said, as she finished a long chug and wiped her mouth with her sleeve. "But you may as well tell me what happened, now that it's done. This should be good."

  "David first," Jerry said. "He can tell us about Bigboobs. I mean Bigfoot." Jerry was proud to see that Crystal spit a little beer across the table.

  David pressed his hands to the side of his face as if to hide a blush. "Oh, that was clever," he said. "But here's a shocker. It appears that she—the Bigfoot hunter I went to see—actually has a brain."

  "As if you’d notice," Jerry said. "So did you manage to hear anything she had to say or did you spend the whole hour concentrating on her—greatness?"

  David settled his beer bottle and scratched at the label nervously. "Well, it was interesting," he started. "She certainly is more famous than I knew, with her TV show and all. The people freakin loved her." Jerry watched the faces of his friends, and they looked intrigued. "And she certainly came across like she believed every word she said. And she’s actually got an Ivy League degree, by the way."

  "No shit?" Josh blurted.

  "I knew that," Jerry said. "From the show. They claim she's the real deal when it comes to smarts."

  "Apparently." David said. "And I was kind of impressed with her genuine demeanor. She seems to really believe what she’s saying, and she has a lot of friends at big time research institutions. It's weird. It seems her interest began when she was a young girl living in some remote part of Oklahoma. She claims to have seen some big hairy monster who visited their property a few times, and she claims it killed her horse."

  "Crazy!" Crystal said.

  "I know," David continued. "I’m telling you, she was convincing, that’s for damn sure. And as for the crowd, it was mostly listeners. There was only one guy, other than Laura, who claimed to have had an encounter. Mostly, Laura was talking about the scientific evidence they had that ‘proved’ some unknown primate was running around in the woods. Things like footprint patterns and DNA samples." David took a long swig of beer. "But then it all got a little strange during the Q&A time," he paused to belch. "When people started talking about other types of cryptos running around out there. Some guy said there was a dog-like man running around in the swamp behind his farm in South Carolina. It felt kind of awkward, listening to that one. I mean, come on, man."

  "That's Dogman," Jerry said. " I know all about this stuff. Ask me anything." He couldn't help grinning as he took a swig from his mug.

  "Well, just when you were about to make me a believer," Crystal said, looking around the table. "Not really," she added, which caused a relieved ripple of laughter.

  "Other than that," David continued, " there was some talk about upcoming fact finding expeditions in the Northwest. They actually sounded kind of fun. But I have to say as a lover of statistics, I could prove in a few short minutes that it is impossible for an animal of that size to survive without detection. Sad. I sort of wish I could believe some of the stories. A big human-like species running around in the woods is kind of a cool thought. But that’s about it for my session."

  "Well, I’ll go ahead and go next," Josh spoke up, "because I’m not nearly so melancholy about the folks at my session. I mean, those folks were just batshit crazy."

  It was obvious from the chuckles around the table that the alcohol was having its desired effect on the group. As the usual center of attention, Jerry was kind of envious of the reaction the others were getting.

  "So I chose alien abduction, just as a reminder. I was sitting there about ten minutes before I heard the first ‘I woke up to find myself on a spaceship’ story. I mean, half the damn people in the room had been to outer space, by the sound of it." There was another spurt of chuckles around the table as Josh unfolded a slip of note paper and donned a pair of glasses. "Let’s see," he said, as he read over his notes. "Everyone had pretty much the same thing to say. ‘I was floating through the air, I woke up on an operating table, I saw a little man with big eyes, they implanted something under my skin.’ That was pretty much what I heard, over and over again."

  "Interesting," Crystal said. "What do you suppose would make them say or believe such a thing?"

  "Oh, I’m pretty sure I could come up with a few explanations," Josh said. "Mass hysteria is a real thing, you know."

  "So, that was it?" Jerry asked. His story sounded sort of generic so far.

  "Pretty much," Josh said, as he looked over his note paper. "Oh, there was this one lady. She apparently had a set of twins after being impregnated by the aliens. One lives with her, but the other lives in space."

  Ev
eryone but Jerry was laughing. Nobody else was claiming any elaborate tactics like he’d experienced in his session. Jerry had gone over several possibilities in his head, like maybe the possibility that he’d undergone some sort of hypnosis, and the thing he’d seen was really a cat or a dog, which his brain had interpreted as a creature—or whatever. The animal had likely been trained to bite, but some sort of trickery of the mind, like power of suggestion, had been enacted to make him "see" something entirely different.

  "So what about Jerry the demon guy?" Josh taunted. "What do you have to say for your session?"

  Jerry was still not sure what he was going to say to the others. He wasn’t entirely comfortable sharing everything he’d experienced. He was having a hard time keeping the terrible vision out of his head. Just the thought of it made him feel a little sick.

  "Well, it was interesting," he said. "Like the others, I was trapped in a room full of, let’s say, ardent believers." He pulled his own notes from his shirt pocket and looked them over before continuing. "It was really just a tease for a book the guy was writing." He’d decided not to elaborate about his experience just yet. "There are different categories of little critters, you see, and in this particular session, the speaker explained that most of them—things like elves and green lizard men—are really demons."

  "That was it? A boring book talk?" Josh was apparently disappointed.

  "Hardly boring," Jerry said. He resented the implication that his session was lame. "The guy provided an overview of the most common monsters people see, and then threw in a few garden gnomes, like those you may have seen at your grandmother’s house. Elves, gnomes, fairies, and the like. They're all demonic, and they can only be seen by a select few, I’ve learned."

  "Well, that’s convenient," Josh moaned.

  "Right," Jerry said. "But as it turns out, I apparently have the gift."