Until I Fall

by Claudia Burgoa

  “A, I’m heading to bed,” Brynn breaks the spell, bringing me back to reality.

  “Good evening, Brooklyn,” Anderson greets her. “I apologize for showing up this late at night.”

  Brynn shakes her head smiling. “On the contrary, thank you for showing up; she was driving me insane.”

  “Good night, my mouthy friend,” I growl, glancing back at her. She gives me a “you’re lost” look.

  Anderson caresses my ear, running his hand along my cheek, his eyes tender, maybe even loving. “You were worried about me?”

  “Friends worry about each other,” I respond, lifting my trembling hand and touching the perimeter of the open cut above his left eyebrow. “We need to clean this. I might have to stitch it.”

  The long sleeve jacket he wears has a couple of purple marks, one on his chest and the second one on his stomach. Circles. “You got shot!”

  “Brooklyn!” I panic, my voice a shrilling sound. My hands start unfastening and ripping the garment apart, but it is harder than I thought. Anderson pushes something on the top and takes it off. I pull up his t-shirt running my hand over his inked chest. There’re a couple of light bruises but nothing I should tend to immediately.

  “Did someone die?” Brynn calls out.

  “No, I thought he was shot and . . . sorry,” I say staring at the bruises. “Without this thing, you could’ve died, Anderson.”

  “I always use protection.” He winks at me.

  “We’re all good, then?” Brynn comes closer looking at the bruises too. She squints and twists her lips. “I agree, without a vest this would be fatal. Make sure they drop you by my OR if the armor doesn’t work.”

  She starts walking away, waving at me. “Have fun playing nurse, Aspen. I’m wearing your noise canceling headphones.”

  Her comment reminds me of college. Those times when Michael would drop by to visit me and . . . Tension grows in my face and my limbs. My mind replays Scarlett’s news, her impassive face from that day. “Mom called. Mike. He died.”

  What if the next time he leaves, there’s a call telling me that Anderson died? The thoughts accelerate inside my head. The fear of losing him becoming intoxicating. Who would call and say, “Aspen, it’s Hawk, he died.”? No, he can’t die. My breathing quickens, becoming shallow. I feel lightheaded, tired. This time I recognize that I’m right on the edge of the abyss. I should retreat, push him out of the house and my life. Close the door behind him, and never let myself feel. I’m too close. And if I take a misstep, I’ll fall again, smashing my head once my heart ceases to exist. It’s a place I don’t want to visit. The last time it took me years to come out of it.

  Breathe, Aspen. Don’t lose it in front of Anderson.

  The anxiety is choking me. Air, I need it.

  “Aspen, stay with me.” Anderson’s voice is urgent. “Breath, slowly.”

  I can barely hear myself as I gasp for oxygen. The tips of my fingers begin to tingle, my arms lose feeling, black dots obstruct my vision.

  “One, two, three,” he whispers close to my ear, holding my hand and slowly raising my arms over my head. “You’re doing a great job. Concentrate on your breathing.”

  “It’d be best if you leave now.” I can barely say the words, but I blurt them. “The longer you stay, the more it’ll hurt when . . .”

  “Why would I leave?” He kisses the back of my neck. “Aspen, I’m new to relationships and love. However, you can’t ask me to give up what’s growing between the two of us.”

  Damn it, he feels it too. This makes things harder, yet easier. Rip the band-aid off and let it air. The wound will close if you let it air.

  “Give us a chance.” He slides his hands, tracing a line from the tip of my fingers down my sides and to my waist. I arch with his touch, wanting him to continue but he stops holding me closer to him. “I refuse to give up what I’m feeling for you. Do you know how fucking great it is to know someone is waiting for you after a fucked-up day at work?”

  “I’m scared of falling off the cliff,” I breathe the words, sucking in his musky scent. I’m fighting the need to run away from him; fighting the need to beg for his touch. So many emotions clutching my throat, squeezing it tight along with my heart.

  “Sometimes the best part of the journey is falling, gliding, and never letting it go.” Anderson kisses the top of my head, my eyes, my nose, peppering my face with kisses leaving a trail of love all along it and kissing my neck. “This is right, my heart agrees and my soul demands it.”

  “I’m broken. My heart is shattered. It’s impossible to fix it.”

  “We are going to collect every fragment and melt them together along with my heart. So they never fall apart,” he whispers in my ear. His assurance is weaving a safety net at the bottom of the cliff. “Allow us to continue this journey. Falling in love is a different kind of adrenaline I’ve never experienced. You’re opening my eyes, injecting hope and teaching me how to love.”

  My mind races with the possibilities, a whiplash of reservations erase them at once. “What if it doesn’t work?”

  He nuzzles my neck. “I like long-term challenges. We have a lifetime to fall in love over and over.”

  My chest tightness. I grip his waist needing his support. Anderson’s strong arms encase me, warming my soul and allowing me to feel safe. This is either the eye of the storm, or the end of the hurricane. Soon I’ll know if I must pick up the debris or search for a bigger bunker for shelter.

  “I’m not planning on leaving you, Aspen,” he whispers nibbling my ear. “Unless you want me to go.” His lips gently brush mine. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

  “Please,” I exhale the word, staring at his forest green eyes. “After I clean the wound.”

  “Whatever you say, Doc.” His shoulders settle, his smirk draws me to him. I fight the urge to kiss him again, and hold his hand taking him to the bathroom where I can work my magic.

  ANDERSON

  I HATE WORKING on Friday nights.

  “Jessica Rabbit?” I stare at the picture this bro handed me, then at the guy who giggles like an idiot at the big boobs in the drawing. “This job takes several sessions. You’d have to schedule it in advance.”

  It wouldn’t. A few hours and he could have the hottest cartoon ever created. But not when he wants me to change her face to his girlfriend’s face. What the fuck?

  “Her birthday is tomorrow,” he stutters. His face loses color and jams his hands underneath his armpits. “I don’t have anything else to give her.”

  “You’re planning to give her a tattoo for her birthday?” I massage my temple. These fucking kids have no clue. “The grocery store has flowers. Maybe try a teddy bear.”

  “No, man. She said do something unique.” He looks up at the ceiling smiling like an idiot in love.

  “A tattoo isn’t the answer, not the one you’re planning.” I glance around the store. Perhaps he can buy some body jewelry. Narrowing my eyes at the poor boy, I decide to give him a lifeline and search for the card of another parlor. Damian is my buddy and we like to refer customers to him when we’re busy. “Try him, he might have time for you.”

  Taking the card, he lowers his head and saunters outside the shop without saying another word. Kevin who stood next to me all this time laughs as the kid shuts the door. “Last one of the night. Do you want to grab a beer?”

  “Not tonight.” I press the wireless lock from the reception desk and pick up my phone at my station. Glancing around, I make sure the station is clean. When I look at my phone, I see a bunch of texts from Aspen.

  Aspen: What’s the name of the tequila I had last time?

  Aspen: Never mind.

  Aspen: This tequila is the best.

  Aspen: What time are you done? I want you to meet Austin.

  Aspen: Never mind, Austin found someone to go home with tonight.

  Aspen: I’m not sure Brynn and I are qualified to drive back home.

  Who the hell is Austin? I check the time she s
ent the last text, only three minutes ago. I decide to call her.

  “Where are you?”

  “Hey, handsome,” she slurs her words. “I want to dance with you.”

  “Where are you, beautiful?”

  “The Silver Moon.”

  “Stay there, I’ll pick you up in a few minutes.”

  “After I dance with you,” she repeats. “Do you want to dance with me?”

  “I can’t wait to have you in my arms, Aspen,” I say, lowering my voice.

  This woman has turned a switch inside me. She’s turning on a bunch of high emotions I’ve never thought I’d feel for anyone. Last night was the best of my life by far.

  Aspen fell asleep in my arms, tucked beside me. Her heart beating the same rhythm as mine, her soft body leaning against my hardness. I didn’t sleep much. Not when the adrenaline of the mission continued rushing through my veins. This mission wasn’t any different from the others I’ve had throughout the years. Except, I had Aspen in mind. The urge to come out of Syria unharmed consumed me. Someone waited for me at home.

  Son of a bitch, I never thought this would happen to me. Am I in love with her? Maybe. The only thing I know is that she’s becoming the most significant person in the world to me. My steel-like balls begged me to wake her up and find some release. Fuck, I was so horny.

  “Are you going back to your mother’s?”

  I shake my head, searching for my truck’s keys. “No, I’m picking up Aspen. She’s at the Silver Moon.”

  “What’s the deal with her?” He grabs his leather jacket.

  My face becomes rigid, jaw clamped tight, teeth grinding. “What do you mean?”

  Kevin looks at me like he’s unsure or confused. “I’m just asking because you seem to be dating her. You don’t date.”

  I sigh in satisfaction. How do I explain what the deal with Aspen Zimmerman is? There’s something about her that intrigues me. It’s the same thing that’s awakening my heart and making me feel things I’ve never experienced in my life. She’s the light I didn’t know was missing in my life. We gravitate to each other. Our energies complement one another and I find myself thinking about her every second of the day. A part of me feels guilty. I feel like I’m stealing her from another man. The guy who promised to marry her and died. But I can’t help to be selfish.

  “People change. I changed,” I explain heading to the door. “Do you want to join us?”

  “Does she have a sister or a brother?”

  Fuck, of course. Austin is her brother. How could I forget? We have talked about him.

  “She has a brother and a best friend who is like a sister,” I respond. “The latter is with her.”

  “I’ll take either,” he winks at me, “or both.”

  “No,” I warn him. “You don’t want to make things awkward once you’re done with your flavor of the season.”

  “I’m never done. They’re the ones who can’t handle me.”

  Kevin has exes by the dozen. He never wants to talk about what happened and prefers to brush away the details. We never have heart to heart discussions about his relationships. What can I say? Neither one of us were raised to talk about emotions and shit.

  She hates me.

  Aspen loves to torture me. This is the third time she sleeps next to me and there’s no sex. She’s the first woman I spend the entire night with, and I don’t get to touch except for in a platonic way. Today is the worst. She’s been wiggling her ass against my dick. My balls are turning purple. No, that’s not it. It’s worse than ever. The sight of her hair spilled on my pillow. She’s occupying the left side of my bed. She looks good, as if she belongs right here. As if she belongs to me.

  I’m about to lose it when her eyes open wide. Tilting my head, I appreciate my newfound fascination—Aspen waking nestled in my arms.

  “Hi.” Her voice is drowsy, yet sexy.

  “Good morning, gorgeous.” I lay a soft kiss on her lips.

  “I had fun last night.” She nuzzles my chest, kissing the hollow of my neck. My breath hitches just from the touch of her lips. “You’re fun and kiss like a God.” She nibbles on the corner of her bottom lip. Her eyes widen, her face flushes. I love when she’s flustered.

  “A God?” I lean down, crushing my mouth against hers. Our kiss is explosive. My breath trembles as our tongues duel against each other. My hand skims her soft curves down her belly until I find her thighs. I inch her shirt up; then dip my thumb between her legs.

  Stop.

  “I behaved last night, but do you know what I want to do to you?”

  Her breath fastens. “Maybe I do,” she says in a raspy voice.

  My blood boils as the images of finally having her under me screaming my name rush through my head. “You have to tell me if you really want it.” Fuck, I deserve some kind of medal or badge for good behavior.

  Her eyes lock on mine. “I want you to touch me.”

  Her bold words tighten my gut. My body is burning with desire, lust . . . and above all the necessity to fuse the two of us into one big fire. I crush her lips to hers. She hisses as I circle her heat a couple of times through the thin fabric of her panties.

  “Like that?” I ask. She nods slowly her lips pressed together.

  “You’re going to have to loosen up a little, Aspen.” My fingers move her panties to the side finding her wet core. She arches, gasping against my mouth.

  “You’re wet. Is it for me?”

  She moans as her back arches. “Please.” Her raspy voice begs me for more. “I want you to touch me, savor me, consume me.” Her fingers trace the tattoos on my chest. “While I do the same. Let me hang on to you as we rock into each other.”

  My balls are about to explode with those callous words. Undressing her and fucking her hard is my immediate response. Taking a deep breath, I slow down. This isn’t the first time for either of us. However, it’s our first time together. Our kisses are different, special. There’s something about her that magnifies everything that happens between us.

  I pull the shirt she’s wearing over her head leaving her naked, only a pair of black lace panties covering her. I slide my hand up and down her light bronzed skin. “If you let me, I’d write our entire story on your skin.”

  “Our story?” She traces the ink closer to my pelvis, then reaching down her had is on my boxers outlining my cock. Pressing her hand against it, she rubs my length.

  “Fuck, fuck.” I shiver, pleasure shooting down my spine. I swallow hard trying to control my body before I come on my underwear.

  “What story, Hawk?” She smirks, sliding her hand up my chest, giving me an innocent glance.

  “The one where the demoiselle saves the soldier in distress and they live happily ever after.” I push my hand through the elastic of her panties, and dip my finger inside her delicious pussy making her moan. Two can play this game, darling. “She warms his cold, lonely heart and they live an adventurous life.”

  “Oh, Hawk,” she groans, her center squeezing my finger, her pelvis seeking more friction. She’ll have to wait. I move my hand out of her heat and place it on top of her soft belly.

  She lifts her face, nibbling my jaw. “Your touch, your words and your kisses mend my broken heart.”

  I press a kiss on each of her eyelids, her nose, her lips, and her chin. I want to reciprocate everything she’s done for me. Skimming my lips down her throat, I stop at her nipples that are hard as pebbles. I cup one tit as I suck the other. “I love everything about you: your hooded eyes as I kiss your silky, golden skin. The lust dripping through your pores when I nibble your beautiful tits.”

  “You are so beautiful,” I reassure her slipping off her sexy underwear as I move down her body. I kiss the birthmark she has right on the side of her left knee. I open her legs and continue my way up, running my lips up the length of her smooth skin until I find it. A tiny feather with the word life is inked close to her crotch.

  “Who touched you?”

  “It was during my g
raduation trip in New Orleans.” She laughs. “It’s supposed to have birds flying away from the tip of the feather. He was making me uncomfortable and I made him stop.” I trace the tip, figuring out where the birds should’ve been inked. “I’m sure it wasn’t his intention.”

  “I can finish it for you.” Leaning forward I kiss it, tracing the place where I could bring out the birds. “We can add a hawk if you want.”

  She laughs. “Are we talking shop, Hawk?”

  “Nah.” I spank her lightly, spreading her legs open, burying my face between her legs. “Hold on to the headboard. Don’t let it go.”

  I bring my hands up at her center, holding her thighs, kissing her clit. A small gasp leaves her lips as I plunge two fingers inside her pushing them deep. I find her g-spot as my tongue licks her clit, teasing it while enjoying her exquisite flavor. I plan on feasting on her all day.

  “Hawk,” her voice trembles, her breathing is shallow. “More, please.”

  “Fuck, your mouth.”

  Each moan, word, and pant feeds my need to thrust my fingers deeper and faster. My mouth devours her pussy. Her voice suddenly disappears, she stiffens for a second, then her mouth calls my name while her body explodes in pleasure. My body misses her as I stand up to look for the condoms, tearing the wrapper and rolling it down my cock.

  Kneeling on the bed, I place myself between her legs. I lean closer to her. Our gazes meet. There are no barriers, no walls. The darkness has been replaced by shimmering light. She’s beautiful, breathtaking and as I look at her I hope this is the first of many years of lovemaking.

  Aspen takes my length, pressing it against her entrance. “I need you—inside me,” she begs.

  “I need to be inside you,” I whisper, thrusting inside her. Her lips part, her eyes shine blindsiding me. Being inside her is different, she feels perfect, heavenly.

  I push so deep I feel like I’m inside her soul. “Thank you for finding me.” The phrase is a declaration, a promise, a prayer. She moans as I claim her, as I become hers.