Look into the Eye

by Jennifer Barrett

  I noticed my father standing alone towards the back of a group of people as we lined up to carry the coffin into the church. It had been so many years since I’d seen him that I was surprised by how old he looked. He still stood taller than anyone around him, but he had aged – his hair had gone completely grey, he seemed a bit stooped over and his face was well wrinkled.

  At least he’d had the good grace to come alone.

  “Gentlemen, are you ready?” said the undertaker. “One, two, three!” And with that we heaved the coffin onto our shoulders and carried my mother on the last leg of her journey.

  I found myself thinking about my father as Jangler spoke about family during my mother’s homily. I still wasn’t sure what I felt about him, but I realised as I listened to Jangler, that the anger had started to fade.

  It was a start.

  “It was a beautiful service, Richard,” Edith said. “You did Rose proud.”

  We were standing by the fire in the room Ed had hired for the reception at the Richmond Arms Hotel. The cemetery had been freezing, and the heat from the blazing grate was very welcome.

  “Thanks, Edith, but I had very little to do with it, to be honest,” I said. “Ed and Sheila organised everything – me being stuck out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean ’n all.”

  “Ah yes, sorry about that,” she said. “Did you at least get to see your first feature in today’s supplement?”

  “No, not yet. One of the lads mentioned it to me earlier though. Did it turn out okay?”

  “It was really great, Richard – you did a very good job – and I have to say the second feature is even better. It’s really something, in fact – very honest. You clearly did a lot of thinking out there. We’re going to run it next week if you’re okay with that?”

  “Sure. Thanks, Edith.” I took a sip of my coffee. “Funny – I really hated the whole idea of going over there.”

  Edith laughed. “You don’t say? I was watching my back before you left!”

  I smiled. “You know, though? It turned out to be one of the best things I’ve ever done – really opened my eyes.”

  “Yes, I can see that from your writing, Richard,” Edith said. “Those whales seem to have had a big effect on you.”

  I thought about my conversation with Mel then. “Maybe it was just a coincidence? Good timing, y’know?”

  “Well, about that, I actually have a bit of a confession to make.” Edith looked pensive. “I wasn’t sure whether to tell you today of all days, Richard, but on reflection I think you should probably know.”

  I tilted my head to the side. “Edith Maguire, what have you done?”

  “No, it’s nothing I’ve done as such. Well, not really.” She took a step closer to me and put her hand on my elbow. “It’s about Rose.”

  “My mother? What about her?”

  “She called me that week, Richie – before I sent you to Japan. She was worried about you. She knew you were drinking too much, had fallen out with Edward, and well . . . you know how it was.”

  I stepped away from the fire. “Please tell me you are joking? My mother? Called you? My boss? She actually called you to . . . to . . . Why exactly did she call you, Edith?”

  “It’s not as bad as it sounds, Richie, we often spoke on the phone . . .”

  She was delaying.

  “Bullshit – my mother rarely used the telephone unless she absolutely had to. Come on, Edith – why did she call you?”

  She coughed and avoided my eye. “Well we talked about all of our boys,” she said eventually, “but I suppose about you in particular, Richard – you seemed to be spiralling out of control. She asked me if there was anything I could do to help.”

  “She did what?”

  Edith just went on. “So that was when we came up with the idea of sending you away on assignment – somewhere far away to clear your head. My nephew Ray had been on and on at me for weeks to cover the anti-whaling expedition, and I suppose it just all sort of fell into place from there. Rose wasn’t sure the Greenpeace assignment was a good idea at first – she was worried it might be dangerous – but we both agreed it was the lesser of two evils – the way you were going, you were a lot less likely to get into trouble on board a ship than you were at home.”

  I couldn’t believe it. My mother had cooked up the idea of the Greenpeace gig with my boss? The bloody humiliation of it! But then my mind flashed back to what Sheila had said that morning. My mother must have really cared about me, and she must have been really worried about me to have made that phone call to Edith, to have agreed to send me halfway across the world to let me work out for myself what an idiot I was being. Maybe my mother had actually known me better than I knew myself.

  I put down my coffee cup, and grabbed Edith by both arms. Then I gave her a kiss. The look of surprise on her face was priceless.

  “Edith, you’re a legend. You may have done me the biggest favour of my life.” I shook my head slowly. “I can’t believe my mother was behind the Japan thing all the time. She really did care, didn’t she?”

  Edith smiled and put her hand on my shoulder. “Of course she cared, Richard. I just thank God it worked out so well for you.”

  “Thanks, Edith. You know, the best thing about the trip was that I got a chance to see her on my way over to Japan. I didn’t realise just how important that visit would turn out to be, that it would be the last time I’d ever see her.”

  Edith smiled sadly. “I’m glad you got that chance, Richard.”

  I smiled too. “But no more rogue foreign assignments for a while, okay, Edith?”

  She laughed. “It’s a deal. Anyway, I need you back on the business desk as soon as possible. Jeff is making a right mess of it!”

  “Hey, how you doin’ there, Rich?” Jonesy interrupted us.

  Edith moved off to join Jangler who was talking to Ed.

  Jonesy held out a fresh pint of Guinness for me. I gazed at it. I’d been off the booze for a few days by that stage, and it wasn’t proving easy. I’d been having headaches and was feeling tired all the time. But I was determined to tough it out, determined to get my life back on track – no matter what it took.

  I shook my head at Jonesy’s offer. “You have it, man. I’m off the booze for a while.”

  He put the pint down on the mantelpiece while he finished the one he was drinking.

  “Thanks for coming, man.” I picked my coffee cup back up. “It’s bloody great to see you and all the lads here – been too long.”

  “Not at all, Rich,” said Jonesy. “Sure where else would we be? Are you bearing up okay?”

  “Yeah, thanks, Jonesy. I’m actually doing very well.”

  “Good stuff, good stuff.” He took a sip of the pint, then licked the creamy foam from his upper lip. “Listen, Rich, sorry we haven’t been in touch much over the last few months.”

  “It’s okay, no need to explain. I acted like an idiot earlier this year. You and the lads had every right to avoid me for a while.”

  “No, it wasn’t that, man,” said Jonesy. “I mean, yeah, you were an idiot, but that’s your business. No, there’s been a lot going on. I just heard that Dec’s been having trouble with his eldest Tara. She’s been taking drugs and got kicked out of school – they really don’t know what’s going on with her.”

  “Shit, sorry to hear that.”

  “And me and Karen, well, we’ve been having a few problems ourselves. It’s all sorted now, though – we’re actually expecting another baby – very early days so we haven’t told too many people.”

  “Wow, that’s great, Jonesy. Congratulations, man!” I slapped him on the shoulder, just as Dec and Ed joined us.

  “Here, Dec,” said Jonesy, “what do you think of our Moby Dick here?” He threw an arm around my shoulder. “Get it? Richard – Dick?”

  I nodded. “Mmm, I get it – inspired, man. You’re an absolute genius.”

  “Great article today, Rich,” said Dec. “So have you saved all the whales yet? M
ister Splashy Pants, how are ya!”

  He and Jonesy burst into laughter.

  I’d missed the lads – it was good to see them, and from the sounds of things they needed to relax and have a laugh themselves.

  “Jangler’s about to go, Rich,” Ed said to me. “He’s got to catch an early evening flight back.”

  “Oh right, thanks.” I put my hand on Ed’s shoulder and looked at the lads. “I’m leaving the defence of the Blake family name in my brother’s hands.”

  I went over to where Jangler was putting on his coat by the door.

  “Father, thanks for everything today, and over the last week. You’ve been brilliant as always.” I reached out to shake his hand. “The Mass was pretty special – it meant a lot to all of us to have you here.”

  “Not at all, Richard, not at all,” Jangler said, shaking my hand. “Rose was a good friend to me, and to the whole Ashvale community. You’ll miss her.”

  I nodded. “Yes, Father. I’m probably only now beginning to realise just how much.”

  Jangler nodded, then turned and looked behind him. “I see your father’s here. Have you spoken to him yet?”

  I looked across the room to where my father was sitting talking to one of my mother’s old neighbours. “No, not yet, I’ll go over in a minute.” I hesitated. “Just . . . it’s been a while.”

  “I understand.” Jangler put on his scarf over his coat. “That said, all you have to do is just say hello.”

  It reminded me of the advice from Mel when we spoke on the phone – about just saying sorry to Ed. It worked then. Maybe it could work now?

  “Thanks, Father. I’ll see.”

  “You’ve heard about your brother then?” Jangler said, nodding at Ed as he fixed his scarf.

  “Yes, he told me a couple of days ago. You kept that quiet, Father – I had no idea you were harbouring a Blake down at Ashvale.”

  Jangler nodded. “Yes, I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you, Richard. I think Edward just needed some time to decide what he wanted, to settle in. He’s been a great asset to the team at Ashvale. He’s got a book club going, and he’s even teaching some of the students guitar – he’s very popular with them.”

  “Yes, I heard you signed him up as a housemaster – that’s great – once you don’t persuade him to join the Order next!”

  “Well, there is always room for one more at Ashvale, Richard. Edward doesn’t seem keen on the priesthood, he’s more determined to go out to Africa to teach, but maybe you’d like to have a chat with me about a vocation yourself? We could actually do with a good rugby coach.” He grinned, and raised a bushy eyebrow.

  I laughed. “I think your founding fathers would turn over in their graves if the likes of me discovered I had a vocation.”

  “Ah sure, some of them were no saints themselves in their early years.” Jangler chuckled at his own joke.

  “Nonetheless, I think you’d be waiting a long time to convert me.”

  Jangler nodded. “You may be right, Richard. But now, all jokes aside, I do have a small favour to ask of you if I may?”

  “You name it, Father – whatever I can do. Well – short of taking a vow of celibacy, that is!”

  When I’d finished talking to Jangler, I took a deep breath, then crossed the room over to where my father was sitting. He stood up when he saw me approach and edged his way out from the seats to reach me.

  I held out my hand. “Hello, Dad.”

  He shook my hand firmly in both of his, but he seemed very nervous. “Hello, son,” he said. “I saw you there earlier. You spoke very well after the meal.”

  “Thanks,” I said. He let go of my hand, and a moment of awkward silence passed before I said, “Did Ed tell you he’s teaching down at Ashvale now?”

  My father looked relieved I had said anything. “Yes, yes, indeed. Although I only heard about it today.”

  “I only found out a couple of days ago myself.” I looked over to where Ed was standing talking to Jangler. “He seems good though. Maybe he’s found what he was looking for?”

  My father nodded slowly. “Maybe indeed.” He looked right at me then. “And what about you, Richard? How are you?”

  “Ah, I’m okay. Getting there, I guess.”

  “I read your article this morning. It was very good – great writing, son. You get that from your mother. She had a way with words too. God rest her soul.” He bowed his head.

  It seemed strange to hear my father talk about my mother. For so many years I had seen them as such separate entities it was hard to remember that they had ever even known each other, let alone been married for seventeen years and had two sons together.

  “Do you think that maybe in a few weeks we might be able to . . . I don’t know . . . maybe meet for a pint or something?” my father said, interrupting my thoughts.

  “I’m actually off the booze for a while.”

  “Oh I see, yes, not a bother, I understand,” he said, lowering his eyes. Then he coughed and looked up again. “Well, maybe you and Edward could come over to the house for a visit soon? See Louisa, and the twins – they’ll be eighteen in a few weeks – they’d all love to meet you.”

  He looked so hopeful that I didn’t have the heart to say no straight out.

  “Yeah, we’ll see,” I said. “Maybe.” Then I looked at the old man in front of me for a couple more seconds, before taking out my wallet and handing him my business card.

  It was a start at least.

  Chapter 25

  MELANIE

  I loved nothing better on a Saturday afternoon than settling down with the newspaper and a cuppa after taking my sister Nichola’s kids swimming. The kids were always good fun – but the constant chatter and activity made me appreciate my peaceful adult time all the more.

  I’d just got inside my house and put the kettle on when the doorbell rang.

  “Drat, who can that be?” I put the paper down on the kitchen table and went to answer the door.

  It was Katy.

  “Hey, come on in, Katykins,” I said, leading her into the kitchen. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

  Katy almost bounced into the kitchen. She was beaming from ear to ear. “Ta-daaah!” She wiggled her fingers in front of me – showing off a stunning sparkling solitaire on her left hand.

  “Oh my God, you got engaged? No way!” I grabbed her and gave her a huge hug. “Show me, show me!” I took her hand and examined the ring.

  She laughed. “I’ve been trying so hard to keep it a secret for the last week or so. We wanted to pick out the ring before telling anyone. Then it had to be resized – I thought I was going to burst with the news. Do you love it?”

  “Yes, I most certainly do. It’s such a beautiful ring. Congratulations!” I finally let her take back her hand.

  “Thanks, Mel. I just can’t believe it. You’re the first person I’ve told after Mum and Dad.”

  “Ah, that’s brilliant, hon. I hope Frank knows what a lucky man he is?”

  “He knows, but feel free to remind him any time!” She laughed. “Oh, Mel, I’m the happiest girl in the world.”

  And she looked it. My best friend was positively glowing with happiness. And it was infectious – I loved seeing her so happy.

  “I want to know all the details,” I said. “What he said, how he said it. Did he go down on one knee?”

  She giggled. “Yes, he did, actually, only with his dodgy knees he could hardly get back up again. When I said yes, I had to hunch down to kiss him!”

  I laughed. “Poor ol’ Frank!”

  “Of course you have to be my bridesmaid!”

  “Ooh, yes, I would absolutely love to! Yay!” I threw my arms around her again. “Sit down there now,” I said after giving her a big hug. “I’ll make the tea and you can tell me all about the wedding plans.”

  She sat down at the table while I flicked the kettle back on. “I’m so relieved you’re happy for me, Mel,” she said.

  I looked around. “What do you mean? O
f course I’m happy for you.”

  “I was just a bit nervous telling you. Y’know, after everything with Ian? And because of how you feel about relationships and marriage, and all that?”

  I gave her a smile. “That’s all in the past, Katy. Let’s just say I’ve mellowed in recent weeks. I’m moving on. Norway and the whales were amazing, and a couple of interesting things happened during the week – I’ll tell you about it all another day though.” I pushed the papers aside to put the mugs and milk jug down on the table – which was when I noticed Richie’s face staring out at me from the front cover of the newspaper supplement.

  “No way!”

  I sat down on the chair opposite Katy and pulled over the supplement.

  Richard Blake Reports from Greenpeace’s Campaign to Save Mister Splashy Pants, said the title.

  I quickly flicked through the pages to the article, and there it was – a four-page spread written by Richie.

  “What is it, Mel?” asked Katy.

  “It’s that journalist, Richie Blake. You might remember him from the fundraising lunch in Wicklow last May?”

  “The guy who got punched out by Frank’s friend? His own brother?”

  I nodded. “We’ve been in touch a bit since then.”

  “Oh Mel! Not another of these guys? Ed’s a nice fella, but his brother sounds like bad news!”

  “He’s not that bad, Katy – just has some issues, that’s all. There’s nothing going on with us anyway, so don’t worry.”

  I quickly scanned through the article to the end: And so the fate of Mister Splashy Pants, his fifty fellow-humpbacks, six hundred fin and four hundred minke whales hangs in the balance. It is difficult to predict how the international wave of protest will play out over the coming weeks, but one thing I do know is that if I was Mister Splashy Pants I’d want Greenpeace, Ray Kelly, Takumi Yoshito and the crew of the Illuminar on my side.

  I sat back, smiling.

  “I haven’t read it properly yet, but it looks like a good piece,” I said, looking at his picture. “Good for Richie.”