When what I’ve said really sinks in, Noah’s expression and body language changes. The accusatory stance he was holding just a moment ago falters, and he sinks against the chair back. His firm jaw softens, and his eyes drop. “Where is this camp?” he asks, sounding almost guilty.
“Arizona.” Another lie, but I don’t actually know where we’re going. The Godlings’ location is a big-time secret. No way would David ever trust us with information like that. He’ll probably put black sacks over our heads for the entire trip.
“Arizona. That’ll be a nice change from the cold,” Noah offers. He still isn’t looking at me.
I turn to really face him. Maybe I should just ignore his outburst, but it’s so out of character that I can’t. My fingers touch his arm gently, prompting him to look up. He tries to look away almost immediately, but I stop him with a firm grip.
“Why did you get so weird about me going out of town?”
Noah sighs. “It’s nothing. Can we just forget about it?”
I probably should. He deserves a pass on this one… maybe. Something pushes me not to let this go. “Noah, you’ve never acted like that before, and now it has me worried,” I say.
Noah hears the seriousness in my tone and says, “Look, I’m sorry, Van. It was something Ketchup said.”
I sigh as I realize I probably don’t want to hear this. Dread begins wriggling up my spine before I even know what is going on, but I have to ask. “What exactly did Ketchup say?”
“It’s stupid.” Noah looks thoroughly embarrassed now, which has flushed his cheeks. It’s actually not a bad look on him, but I need answers. He senses this and continues. “Earlier this week, I asked him if he was doing anything interesting during break. He said… he mentioned he’d be out of town for a couple of weeks. When you said the same thing, I thought…”
“You thought Ketchup and I were running off together for a couple of weeks?” I play off his suspicions as nothing, but inside, I am suddenly very frustrated at Ketchup.
Noah laughs. “No. Well, I don’t know. I know we’re just friends, but sometimes, I feel like I’m close to losing even that. Ketchup puts up with me for now, but I know it won’t always be that way. He’s made his feelings about me hanging around pretty obvious. You were honest with me about how you feel about me, and I respect that, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m worried about you.”
I put away my frustration and mixed-up problems to focus on Noah. “Why are you worried about me?” I ask, hoping for an honest answer.
Noah sighs. “It’s hard to explain. I know you’ve already been through a lot, but sometimes I worry that you’re not out of the woods yet, like there might be… I don’t know… something else coming. It’s just paranoia, maybe.”
His words send an involuntary shudder through me. It’s a struggle to find the right words that will accept his fears without sounding suspicious.
“I appreciate that you’re worried about me, Noah, but I’m okay, really. Unless there’s a reason you’re so concerned,” I say. He sighs and shakes his head, forcing me to move on. “When it comes to Ketchup, I know that isn’t easy either, but he’s just trying to watch out for me.”
“Why?” Noah asks. “Why do you let him?” He shakes his head and rephrases his question. “Or why don’t you just date him? You clearly want to. You all but admitted that you’re in love with him when we talked about where you and I stood last month.”
“I wish I could explain my history with Ketchup better, but I just can’t. It’s too complicated, and it involves stuff I’d rather not talk about.” I look down, debating my next words. I’m scared to voice them, but Noah deserves more of an explanation. “Right now, I’m really struggling to figure out what I want out of life and who I want to become. Until I figure that out, I can’t handle a relationship. I want to have the kind of relationship with Ketchup that you described, but I can’t right now.”
“Right now,” Noah says, “but what about in the future?”
Sighing, I sit back against the chaise. “I don’t know, Noah. I wish I did. I wish I knew the right path and all the right choices, but I don’t. I just need the support of my friends to get through some hard stuff, but I understand if you don’t want to be included in that group.”
I know it’s not a complete answer, but Noah smiles softly and rests his hand on mine for just a moment. “I do, Van. Of course I do,” he says quietly.
“Thank you,” I say with a smile.
I know Noah means every word, and I appreciate him apologizing for the way he reacted, but he’s probably more right than he knows. I am forced to hold back a frustrated sigh as I realize his apology isn’t the only one I plan to collect tonight.
Ketchup’s mom is insanely busy during the holidays being the manager of a major department store. There’s no chance she’s taking two weeks off. I have a feeling I know exactly what vacation Ketchup is planning to take. The idea of two weeks spent with Ketchup sends a whole host of confusing emotions through me, ones I don’t need to be battling while trying to stay afloat in the Godling compound. This time, I am going to put my foot down. I don’t need a hero. I’ve got a whole cult of so-called heroes trying to kill me. I certainly don’t need Ketchup thrown into the mix.
Chapter Four: Blissfully Ignorant
(Vanessa)
Walking into my house, it’s not easy keeping my frustration at Ketchup suppressed. Saying hi to Grandma and telling her all about the barbeque is almost painful. Luckily, Zander is nowhere to be seen. I don’t want to talk about Ketchup or Noah with him right now. I have hopes of escaping to my room in peace, but I’m just not that lucky. What a surprise.
My whole body tenses as David steps out of the living room. The directness of his gaze catches me where I stand, and I don’t move. I never know what to expect from him. His training is brutal, and I hate every minute of it. I need it, though, so I suffer through it, silently plotting ways to kill him when his back is turned. Outside of training, there are times when David almost treats me like a normal person, and then there are times when the brutality I see in training continues. He is never physically abusive, but more often than not, our interactions leave me emotionally wounded.
I know I am not his ideal student. I’m not good at the things he wants me to be good at, like brute physical combat and following orders. As strong as I am, and as bad of a temper as I have, I am surprisingly terrible at all-out attacks. I do beat Zander on occasion, but that’s mainly because of his failings, not my skill. I am too unpredictable for Zander, and that throws him.
When it comes to following David’s orders blindly, that is where I fail the most. I want to learn from him. I don’t think he has any idea how much I want to master the techniques he is trying to teach me, but trusting him is simply beyond me. Questioning his methods, pushing him to tell me more, to explain the reasoning behind what he forces us to endure, is hard not to do. I can see it in his eyes that he wants me to reach whatever potential he sees in me, but I also see how much he despises me every time I meet his eyes.
I see that now as we stare each other down.
David is the first to speak. “Did you enjoy watching Noah compete?”
It’s a simple question, but there is something sharp behind his words. “Yes.”
“What did you learn from watching him?”
I hold back a frustrated sigh. My watching Noah was not a homework assignment, yet I know he expects a real answer. “You were right,” I admit grudgingly. “Even though Jeet Kune Do is reactionary and not as rigid as other styles, it still takes a great deal of control and planning to win a match.”
“How did Noah’s performance differ from how you like to fight?”
My teeth grind together at his words, because I know they are meant to insult me. “I lack the same level of control that Noah showed. I react blindly without thinking of the consequences. I would lose against someone like him.”
“You would lose against anyone less rigid than you
r brother,” David snaps.
It still feels good to take Zander down every once in a while, though, I think to myself. That can be incredibly satisfying.
“How do you intend to improve upon your weaknesses?” David asks.
I try. I really try to hold my temper, but I just can’t. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to be figuring out?” I snap. “You’re the one teaching me!”
I barely blink before David’s fingers are crushing my chin. He yanks me up onto my toes so my eyes are almost level with his. “If I could break you down and rebuild you into the Godling you were meant to be, I would. You have too many bad habits. Too many weaknesses and failings. I can only do so much with an unwilling student.”
“I’m not unwilling,” I growl through clenched teeth and squashed lips. “I just don’t understand!”
“You don’t understand a great many things,” David snarls.
It takes everything I have not to punch him in the face. “I don’t understand why it has to be like this,” I snap.
Despite my fury at him, David relaxes his grip on my face, setting me back down on my feet. He considers me for a moment before saying, “Explain.”
“Why can I only gain control through other people’s pain? Why do I have to constantly feed my hunger in order to keep it from overtaking me? I don’t understand the purpose in that. I don’t want to live like that. How can I?” I ask. “How can I soak up that much anguish and not let it change me into something terrible?”
Into something like him, I add quietly to myself.
I shake my head. “What is the point of all of this, David?”
David looks at me, considering me more deeply than he ever has before. “What do you mean? The point is to gain control of your power and use it to keep your fellow Godlings safe.”
“But what’s the point?” I demand. “What are you training me to become? Just another soldier in the Godling army to wander around making sure our secret is protected? There has to be a bigger goal, a real purpose.” My fingers run through my hair, pulling it hard against my skull. I look up at him, suddenly desperate for a real answer. “What will I be at the end of your training? Who will I be?”
Something flashes in David’s eyes. I don’t know what it is, but scares the daylights out of me. He leans toward me, and I have to stop myself from scrambling away in fear. His eyes come down level with mine, pinning me with their intensity. “Who and what you will become is entirely up to you, Vanessa. You can have the normal life you so desperately crave, or you can have greatness. I can give you either one, but you must decide which one you want more.”
David straightens, but he doesn’t look away. His fingers grip my chin again, but not harshly. They hold me, making sure I do not look away from him. He hesitates a moment. His eyes narrow, scouring me from the outside in. Finally, he says, “You have no idea how much power you hold, Vanessa, but I do. I can unlock it and give you everything you have ever wanted, but you must allow me to mold you.”
“Mold me into what?” I ask fearfully.
David smiles, but it is sharp and too intense. “You will only know when you reach the end and see yourself for what you truly are.”
His fingers slip from my chin and he turns away, walking back into the living room. He sits down on the couch and picks up the newspaper he was reading before I came home, as if this whole frightening conversation has already been forgotten. I turn away from him shakily. My trembling hand presses against the wall for support, and I slowly make my way up to my room.
I’m halfway through getting ready for bed before Ketchup comes back into my mind. As frustrated as I am at him for whatever he’s trying to pull, shaking off my conversation with David isn’t easy. I take my time brushing my teeth and putting on pajamas, willing myself to forget David and rekindle my anger at Ketchup. By the time I finish, I’m ready to demand a few more answers.
Very quietly, I make my way to the window. I’m not much for handiwork, but I made sure my window would slide open soundlessly shortly after David started making nightly bed checks. I suppose our scary conversation when I got home was good enough for tonight, because he normally would have checked on me already. I attempt to shove David out of my mind as I push up the window, the movement making barely more than a whisper. The first place my eyes go is to the road to look for Ketchup’s car.
The fact that it’s not there hardly means he isn’t. He’s just gotten better about hiding his nightly trips. Better at sneaking out of his house after his exhausted mom goes to bed, too, given the number of times he’s ended up here lately. I like Ketchup’s mom a lot, but she hasn’t been very present in his life the last few years since her divorce. Her lack of attention has come in handy several times, though. That thought instantly makes me feel guilty, because I know it’s hard on Ketchup that she’s so distant. Shaking off thoughts like that, I check the gate to the backyard. Closed. The snapping of a twig way too close to my head clues me in.
My gaze darts up to the center of the tree opposite my window. It’s dark, with only a sliver of a moon to light the backyard, but I can see his outline clearly. “Ketchup,” I whisper harshly, “what are you doing up there?”
“Watching,” he says.
I roll my eyes. “What are you doing in the tree? Where’s your car?”
“It’s a couple of blocks down, and I’m in the tree because I can’t see much of anything from the street. If someone’s going to come after you, I doubt they’re going to knock on the front door first.”
“Nobody is coming to get me,” I say sternly, although I’m not totally convinced of that. Having David here does provide some comfort in that area. I don’t know who he is among the Godling ranks, but he’s scary powerful, and just plain terrifying.
“Eventually, someone will come.”
Why does he have to be so frustrating? “Ketchup, no Eroi in their right mind would come after me in my own house with my brother and David inside.”
“Your brother isn’t here, and I don’t trust David to protect you.”
Normally, I’d say the same thing, but after the conversation we just had… David wants something from me, and I have no doubt he will kill whomever he needs to in order to protect his own interests.
The black form that is Ketchup shifts. I can barely see the movement, but I know he’s crossing his arms over his chest in response to what he thinks is my stubbornness. It’s ridiculous that he thinks someone will come after me here. The Eroi must know that someone from the Godlings is keeping an eye on us, even if they don’t know who it is. It’s too soon. I know Ketchup will never listen to me, though.
“Fine, whatever. Waste your night sitting in a tree all you want later. Right now, I want you to get over here. You have a few things to answer for,” I snap, still whispering but getting louder by the minute.
“Get over here? How exactly do you expect me to do that? This tree isn’t equipped with a ladder to your window,” Ketchup says.
I hold back the foot stomping I very much want to start. David would definitely hear that. “I am not having a conversation with you like this. David is going to catch me. Come inside. Now.”
Ketchup’s head turns. He stares in my direction for a few seconds before saying, “No.”
“What?”
“I’m not coming into your room.”
Is he trying to make me mad? “Ketchup, I can’t stand here all night whisper-yelling at you. Come here!”
“Why?”
“Because we need to talk!”
Ketchup shrugs. “If you want to talk so bad, then you should come to me. I’m not going in your room.”
I want to scream at him! Or maybe throw something at him. Either one would work at this point. “Why not?” I demand.
“For one thing,” he says, “there’s no way I could jump the distance. I’m not you.”
“And the second thing?” It better be good, because even though Ketchup isn’t a Godling, he could definitely get across the branches a
nd slip into my room. I expect some other lame reason like he weighs more than me and the branches will break, but he says nothing of the kind.
“The second reason is that I’ve never been in your room alone with you before.” He pauses for a moment, and I find myself holding my breath. “If I were alone with you in your room, talking would be the last thing on my mind, and I’m not going there until you forget this stupid friends thing and kick Noah to the curb where he belongs. So if you want to talk to me up close, you have to come to me.”
Responding is completely beyond me for a moment. All I was thinking of is how mad I am at Ketchup for lying to Noah and making plans without even asking me. I didn’t think of what it would be like to have him in my room…alone…in the dark. My breathing and blood speed up just thinking about it. Suddenly, the cold outside sounds like a good idea.
“Fine,” I mutter, not about to admit he’s right. I can’t see him smile as I balance on the windowsill, but I can feel it.
Being perched two stories up makes me realize how far away the tree actually is from my window. It’s a good five feet before there is a substantial branch capable of bearing my weight. Maybe Ketchup couldn’t have jumped that far. Not without falling and breaking something. For me, it’s no problem.
My feet leave the windowsill, and, half a second later, land lightly on a branch. I barely have to think at all to pick my way through the branches to Ketchup. I stop, arms crossed, when he chuckles.
“It’s so cool that you can do stuff like that,” he says.
Ignoring how his comment affects me, I find a spot that isn’t horribly uncomfortable and sit down. Our knees knock together, but there isn’t anywhere I can go to fix that.
“So,” Ketchup asks, “what is so important that you’re willing to risk David’s wrath?”
Wicked Power Page 5