by Sarah Black
The restaurant started filling quickly. The dumplings were fat golden Sui Mai in a little bamboo steamer. Mia plucked a piece of fresh cilantro off the top and bit into it.
A young woman approached the table. She was pretty, and her bohemian outfit of Indian shawl and long skirt proclaimed to the world that she was an artist. Mia thought she might be trying to look like Janis Joplin, with long, wavy hair nearly to her waist and an Indian scarf tied around her head. Hair like that could be really dangerous around a potter’s wheel. Mia didn’t think she had ever seen a potter with long hair like that.
Kevin stiffened beside her, and Mia reached for his hand under the table.
The girl’s pretty face, staring down at Mia, was marred by a look of contempt. Mia felt her stomach curl into a knot. She didn’t know this girl, but she suspected this was Kevin’s Jessica, and that this was going to be her first encounter with the prejudice Russ had been talking about. She felt something cold and sick in her chest, and she turned her face away, suddenly ashamed. Not of them, but ashamed because she didn’t want to have this confrontation. Didn’t want to tell this girl to kiss her ass and mind her own business. She wanted to be happy, in love, and have everyone around her happy and in love, too. Why did people have to be so full of anger and hate, so judgmental? Why couldn’t other people see that they were happy, and just leave them alone?
Russ slid an arm around her shoulders and tugged her close. Kevin looked down at her, then reached for her chin and turned her face up until she was looking into his eyes.
“You have tears in your eyes, Mia,” Kevin said. She looked around. The girl had gone to another table across the restaurant, and they were alone. “What is it?”
“Just leave it, Kev,” Russ said. He put his big hand on Kevin’s shoulder and squeezed.
“Something did happen today,” Mia said, putting her fork down. “I wasn’t sure how to tell you, or even if I should. Twice today somebody asked me about you two. Asked me if I had a new boyfriend, or a date. Both times I kind of blew it off and said neither one of you, that you were just friends. My neighbor, Mrs. Miller ... Well, you know how she is. I don’t care about her, or what she thinks. She was just being malicious. But the other person was my mother.” Mia lifted her hands in a helpless gesture. “She asked me what I was doing this Saturday, did I want to get together. I didn’t know what to say, how to explain what was going on with us. I mean, suddenly it all seemed so impossible, like we had been dreaming this and it couldn’t be real. I just couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t even imagine the words. But since then I’ve felt miserable, like I was denying you. Denying us.”
Russ’s arm was still strong around her shoulder, and he reached over and kissed her on the forehead.
Kevin pushed a dumpling around on his plate and wouldn’t look at her. “What’s so hard?” he finally asked. “You love two men. We’re going to be a family together. What’s so complicated about that?”
“Kevin, please ...”
He turned to her, his eyes dark blue and stormy as the sea. “I love you, Mia,” he said, putting a hand on either side of her face. He reached forward and kissed her hard, then he leaned over her head and kissed Russ on the mouth. “Look. It’s the truth, and the truth doesn’t have to be hard. Our path is right there in front of us. We just have to walk it together.” His jaw jutted out, and he slid his hands into her hair. “And we don’t deny each other.”
The girl was suddenly next to the table again, speaking loud enough that her voice carried through the restaurant. “You three mind getting a room? People are trying to eat. Or are you planning to demonstrate your peculiar sexual proclivities to the entire restaurant? I guess if you two want an audience, you can always fuck her in front of the plate glass window.”
Russ tried to grab his arm, but Kevin was up and out of his chair. The girl started backing up. Kevin reached for the button on his jeans. “And you’re so fucking desperate you’d drop to your knees and suck my dick right here in the middle of this restaurant, wouldn’t you?” He was unzipping now, and the girl was staring at his hands as he reached into his jeans, mesmerized. “You know I don’t love you. I don’t even like you. But you’d do it. Let’s see you do it, baby. Come on, I can see you want it. You’ve been chasing my dick for years. You can have it, right here. Just get on your knees.”
The girl opened and closed her mouth in shock, her eyes never leaving his hands, full now with his cock.
Russ tossed some bills on the table. “Oh, shit! Shit! Mia, come on.”
Mia was already up, moving between Kevin and the girl. She put a hand flat on his chest, felt his heart pounding underneath her palm like it was about to explode out of his chest. “Kevin, this is mine.” He looked at her, his eyes fierce and wild and so blue the color pierced her heart. She had her other hand over his, covering his cock, gently pushing him back into his jeans. “And this is mine. Don’t use them to hurt someone.”
He nodded, his face closing to her. The girl was making choking sounds behind Mia’s back. Kevin zipped up his jeans and pushed past her to the door.
She and Russ followed him outside. The wind was icy on the sidewalk, coming down off the mountain, and Mia put her arms around herself, shivering, tears streaking down her cheeks. “Kevin, I’m sorry about denying you to my mother. Please just give me time. I can get stronger.” Mia was sure it was her own craven response to the girl when she had first approached the table that gave her the courage to publicly attack them. It was her own weakness in not standing proud that had led to all of this.
Kevin reached for her and pulled her into his arms, and Russ wrapped them both up. “Let’s all of us calm way the hell down,” Russ said. “You hear me, brother?”
Kevin moved away, tears on his face. “I need to go work, Russ.”
Russ nodded. “Don’t forget you’ve got a home, Kevin. And the people who love you are going to be waiting for you there.”
Kevin started down the sidewalk at a run. Mia turned into Russ’s arms, but then turned back to the restaurant. The girl was staring out the window at her, her face implacable with hatred. She shivered again.
“Come on, Mia,” Russ said, pulling her after him. “Let’s go home.”
Luke and Raphael stopped by about midnight, bringing Russ some leftovers from the restaurant. Mia was folding a load of clothes ‑‑ the last load. She had washed everything else in the house. Rafe shook her hand and sat down next to her on the couch, reached into the clothesbasket and started sorting socks. He didn’t need to talk. Luke talked enough for both of them.
“She was asking for it,” Luke said, without preamble. “Mia, Jessica has been sniffing Kevin’s butt for years. This isn’t the first time she tried to get his attention like that. It’s just the first time he didn’t ignore her. I think that girl wants to be slapped around.”
Russ shoved another dumpling into his mouth. “She thinks she’s in love with him, but it’s easy for obsession to twist like that. Kevin is beautiful that way, to the point it makes women act crazy. It happened in high school, too.” He pointed a chopstick at Mia. “And don’t even suggest this is your fault, Mia. But you’re right about this: We don’t know each other all that well yet.” He smiled at her, his brown eyes warm and utterly sexy. “But we will. Don’t give up on us.”
She nodded, afraid to speak, then turned to Luke. “I was afraid to tell my mother about the three of us.”
Luke nodded. “No one wants to become an orphan. Me and Rafe, we’re cut off from our families. Probably for good. It’s harder than it seems like it would be. What do you think your mother would do?”
“Cut me off,” Mia said without hesitation. “She has a real fear of being humiliated in public. When I was a baby, my father had some sort of really public affair. She never got over it. The worst thing I could do as a kid was embarrass her.”
“So do you still see your dad?” Rafe asked.
She shook her head. “I guess he promised my mother never to contact us
or something. It used to be more scandalous, I guess, to have an affair with another man.”
“Your dad ran off with another man?” Russ passed her a dumpling, held it to her mouth with his chopsticks. She nodded. “Is that why you’re so open to me and Kevin, Mia?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. I’m just in love with you two.”
He sat back, grinning. “And I’m in love with you, too.”
“Did he go to the studio?” Luke looked at his watch. “It should have closed twenty minutes ago. Want us to go look for him?”
“He’ll come home when he’s ready,” Russ said.
Luke and Rafe stood up. “Mia, you’re gonna come to the firing?”
She hesitated. “I guess so. Hopefully. If nothing else happens.” Russ looked at her, and she felt herself steadying inside. Maybe he was strong enough for both of them.
Russ walked Luke and Rafe to the door, then came back to the couch and pulled her up by the hand. She hadn’t realized she was shivering again until he wrapped his arms around her. “Mia, you’re cold again. Come to bed, and I’ll warm you up. He’ll be home soon, I promise. We’ll be fine.” He put his hands in her hair and tilted her head back until she was looking up into his face. “We’ll be fine, I promise you, Mia. You need us, and we need you. I’ll make everything work. Just trust me.”
She closed her eyes and put her head down against his chest, felt his heart beating against her cheek. He was as strong as a mountain, and just for that moment, she believed that he could make everything work.
Kevin crawled into bed between them about two, shaking with cold and smelling like beer. Mia held his icy hands between hers. “Russ, I fucked up, man.”
Russ slid across the bed and pulled Kevin up against him. “Yeah, I know. You did, Kev. But don’t sweat it. We’re here, brother.”
“No, Russ. Not that. It’s worse.” He pulled his hands free and covered his face. “Russ, you’re gonna kill me.”
“I don’t think so.” Russ rolled over and turned on the bedside light. “As long as you didn’t call Mom, I won’t kill you.”
Kevin sat up. “Russ ...”
“Oh, shit. Shit! What did you do?”
“I called Mom.” Kevin turned to Mia. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t understand how hard it was for you. It was worse than I thought it would be, Russ, a million times worse. Mom got hysterical, put Dad on the phone so I had to say it all over again to him. I could hear Mom crying in the background, and Dad’s going on about how he should have done something when we were teenagers, but they were overseas, and what was Russ’s dad going to say?”
Russ was staring at the ceiling. “Kevin. We were supposed to talk about this.”
Kevin rolled over as well, and Mia climbed out of bed to give them some privacy.
“I fucked up, Russ. I’m sorry.”
The telephone started ringing in the living room. Russ climbed out of bed and put a hand on her cheek, then walked into the living room and picked up the ringing phone.
Mia fell asleep on the couch. She’d gone into the living room so the guys could talk together after Russ spoke to his parents. She stuck her head into the bedroom. Russ and Kevin were still asleep, arms wrapped around each other. Mia felt a sinking in her stomach. The tears had dried on their cheeks. She loved them and they were hurting. And, if she was honest with herself, she was afraid of what had happened. Their families were torn to pieces. It would never be the same for them, ever. Would she have to step over that line, too? She knew her mother would cut her off, the same way she had cut Mia’s dad out of her life, out of her memory. Mia had grown up as if she didn’t have a father at all. Growing up she had never heard a single word about him. That’s what it would be like for her. She would be cut off, well and truly alone in the world. Except for the two of them.
How could she even begin that conversation? Mia went into the kitchen and started the coffee. Hey, Mom, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is I’m pregnant. The bad news is I don’t know who the father is. But the good news is I can narrow it down. Or, Mom, let me introduce my fiancé, Russ, and his fiancé, Kevin.
She walked to the bedroom door and looked in at them again. Russ was so strong and steady, and Kevin’s face in sleep was as luminous and beautiful as anything she had ever seen.
Did they really need her? They would be fine if she left them. They would still have each other. The chill started deep inside her. The cold was seeping back into her chest, just thinking about being alone again, being without them. The little apartment was filling with the smell of coffee perking, and all the love she could ever need in her life was in front of her, tangled up in the sheets. She wrapped her arms around herself, deep tremors of cold shaking her body. How about this? Mom, I love you, but I’ve got to choose my own path. Kevin is right. My path is right in front of me. I just have to walk it. She crawled onto the bed, pushed between them, and they opened their arms to her, held her close between them, and loved her.
“Russ is so strong because of the fire, Mia. I’m still a little afraid of it. You can never tell what will happen. You just have to give up control and let the fire take the pots.”
They were walking toward the university. Russ and Kevin were going to start loading the big kiln and begin the warming. They didn’t want to talk about what had happened last night. The crisis that was threatening to sever their relationship with their parents was too big, the wound too raw.
“I like the fire, too,” Mia agreed. “I just don’t know much about it. Like, how much surface ash is intentional? Can you control that with the placement of the pots?”
“Sure,” Russ said. “Placement in the kiln and the type of wood. But it’s always the best part of a wood fire to unpack the kiln at the end and see the surprises.” His eyes were tired. They hadn’t had much sleep.
“Have you seen the ware for this firing?”
Russ nodded. “A few really interesting things. A couple of big pots with ash glaze. Your tiles are some of the first tiles I’ve fired with wood. I got a tile setter to put them in. You want a lot of ash deposit?”
“I don’t think so, Russ. I put our ash glaze on them ‑‑ the one that we made on the land. That should be a soft, quiet color. I think that’s best, don’t you? Not to have much competing surface decoration.”
He nodded. “I’ve got a good place picked out for them in the kiln.”
“Kevin, will you show us what you made last night?”
Kevin stopped and looked at her, holding the door to the studio open. “Yeah.” He walked over to the ware shelves and pulled a piece of sheetrock from the shelf. He put the pot down and gently pulled the plastic off. The clay was a deep orange-red, heavily grogged. The vessel was strong ‑‑ a cylinder with thick, heavy walls and a gentle curve. The inner surface was smooth, but the outer surface was rough and scored with lines. It was powerful and full of sorrow.
Mia turned to him. “Don’t ...”
Kevin wrapped his arms around her and spoke into her hair, hands moving up and down her back. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t punish yourself anymore.”
He sighed, his breath warm in her hair.
Russ put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “It’s good, Kevin. Strong, like you.”
Kevin looked up at that and smiled. “Thanks, Russ.” They looked at each other a long time, and Russ reached over Mia’s shoulder and wrapped one of his big hands around Kevin’s head, pulled him close.
“I choose you, a long time ago now.”
Kevin smiled back at him. “And I choose you.” Kevin re-wrapped the vessel in plastic and put it back on the shelf. “Russ, maybe I should go home with Mia. Can you do the firing without me?”
Russ chewed on his bottom lip. “I can. Why? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. I have a bad feeling. Like I want to keep her close.”
Mia patted Kevin on the shoulder. “You two need to stay together. I’m fine. Besides, I’ll be busy at work.�
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“Maybe I just want you again.”
Mia grinned, warmth like a flame starting in her chest. Kevin was grinning, too, reached for her waist and pulled her up close. She pushed him away, her hands on his chest. “Go to work, you two. I’ve got to head home. But I’ll be back next week. Sign me up for a shift stoking the fire.”
On Wednesday night, when Mia got home from work, Kevin was sitting on her front steps. The old pickup was parked at the curb.
“I’ve been sent to you to keep me out of trouble,” he reported.
“Really? I just got an email from Russ. That wasn’t quite what he said. Something like you’ve been dancing around like a cat on a hot tin roof and you were driving him crazy.”
He reached for her hand. “Missing you is driving me crazy, no question.” He took her shoulder bag and followed her into the house.
“He also said that girl, Jessica, was hassling you. She’s got all that long hair. Maybe it will get tangled up in her wheel and choke her to death.”
Kevin put her bag and his down on the couch and wandered into the kitchen. “I’m starved,” he called back. “Got any peanut butter cookies?”
Mia leaned against the kitchen door, watching him. He was rummaging around in the refrigerator.
“No cookies. How about spaghetti for supper?”
He turned around at that, a carrot in his hand. “That sounds good. Can I help?”
“Sure. Let me just get in the shower first. We were using the wheels today and there was a clay fight between a couple of middle-school boys. I got a little splattered.”
Kevin rinsed the carrot in the sink and took a big bite. “I can help with that, too. The shower, I mean. Not the clay fight.”
He trailed after her into the bedroom. She dropped her dirty clothes into the clothesbasket and pulled a robe out of the closet.
While the water was heating up, Mia looked over her collection of shower gels and lotions. She handed the lavender to Kevin. “How about this one? Lavender is supposed to be soothing. I could use some soothing after today. We could go with the rose.”