by Opal Mellon
“You can sit here too,” she said. “If you want to brave it.”
He looked at the couch for a moment. Awkward. He felt like the biggest idiot for not remembering he only had one couch. Now if he said no, it’d be like saying straight out that he was either repulsed by her, or still suspicious of her. Because he’d be sitting on the ground. A ground that hadn’t been vacuumed in too long.
“You know,” she said, looking around, “I’m impressed. I really thought your house would be some GQ special or Betty Crocker thing, but it’s totally not.”
“Betty Crocker?”
“You know, all … kept and nice.”
“I think she’s a brand name for baked goods.”
“You know what I mean,” Molly said. “I expected the house to be as pretty as you.”
He opened the DVD player as an excuse not to look at her.
“Instead, it’s really comfy.”
He heard squeaks that meant she was battling to sit up again.
“I’m really comfy here.”
He didn’t know if that made him feel relieved, or angry. Pretty, that’s right. A lot had changed but his face stayed the same.
“What do you think of my dark hair? I was hoping it’d make me less pretty.”
She stopped fighting the couch and looked at him, studying the hair, moving down his face. He expected her to go lower but she didn’t.
“I don’t know. It makes you look a bit more intense,” she said. “But I’m no hair expert.”
Justin felt vulnerable. “I guess there’s no real way to not be pretty.”
“I think you’d better watch my anime after all,” she said. “The main characters are all too pretty and you can probably sympathize. Unlike me.”
He looked over his shoulder and she looked away innocently. “Molly, you could be pretty.”
“Thanks.”
“I mean you are pretty,” he said. “You could be stunning if you want.” He pressed play and turned the volume up to low, and stood. “But what’s the point? It’s just a pain.”
“I don’t know,” she said. “It might be nice.” She patted the couch next to her in such a friendly way that he felt okay sitting, albeit trying to stay on his side. The couch made it hard, trying to move them both to the middle and back. “Gosh this thing is a vacuum. Comfy, but a vacuum.”
“Yeah.”
“And anyway.” She seemed to be trying equally hard to stay away from touching him. “I don’t really want people to like me for that.”
Justin held onto the arm with one hand and turned so his legs faced hers. “What do you want them to like you for?”
“Who I am I guess.”
“And who’s that?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe I’m hoping I find someone who can tell me what’s lovable about me.” She put a hand up and rested her cheek on it in an adorable way.
The thought appealed to him. Someone to tell him what’s lovable. What was lovable, other than his looks?
“I don’t know if I even have anything like that,” he said. “I don’t know that anyone gets around the face.”
“You won’t have the face forever,” she said. “Don’t rely on it.”
“I don’t try to,” he said. “Maybe I’ll just have to wait till I’m old to see what else there is to me, other than sex.”
“I hope not,” she said. She poked him. “Maybe you could get really fat?”
He laughed and flinched away. “I don’t think so.” It would make him feel too helpless.
“I think it’d be funny,” she said.
“You go ahead and get fat then,” he said. “It’d look good on you.”
“Oh yeah?” She said. “Watch out then, you promised not to get feelings for me.”
He nodded and chuckled. “I’ll do my best.” He looked at the screen. “What is this about anyway?”
She giggled.
“Which one of those is the girl?” He stared at the screen for a moment. One of the characters had pink hair and tiny shorts. The other was tall and blond, but really pretty. Big sparkly anime eyes. But both had deep voices. He assumed the pink haired one was just a bit butch.
“None are girls.” She put a hand up to cover her mouth.
“What?” He stared at the screen. He got up with some effort, and went to grab the case. “I can’t read it. It’s in Japanese.”
“Um,” she said. “They’re both guys.”
“So then.” He looked from the screen to the cover, then to her, and then raised an eyebrow.
“Come back and sit,” she said. She grabbed a pillow off the ground and hugged it in front of her. “I’ll explain.”
“So you’re making me watch a gay anime?”
“It’s not that per se,” she said. “That’s not why I watch it.”
“Why then?”
“It’s got a deep storyline,” she said. “I mean sure, some of them are just glorified porn, so girls can watch guys make out. But this one is different.”
“I’ll take your word on it.”
“I think you’d like it though.”
“Why?”
“Well.” She curled up even smaller if possible then looked at him with those big, frank eyes. “The main character was abused. I guess I shouldn’t spoil it.”
Justin wished she hadn’t taken the only pillow in the room. He wanted one to squish as well. “Give me my pillow back.”
She tossed it to him then hugged her knees up on the couch. “Fine.”
He curled around it. “Gosh I feel vulnerable now. Why did I tell you?”
“I guess the same reason you showed me your apartment. You wanted to know someone could accept it.” She looked to the side, and didn’t say anything for a minute.
He realized how it seemed, like he was just showing her the things in his life to test them out so he’d be able to show them to other women later.
“I don’t mind being a test subject,” she said. “I’m learning. Should help me too, with dating Jason.”
“Oh yes.” He tossed the pillow back. “That doesn’t look comfortable.”
She wrapped around it again.
“So Jason,” he said. “Do you like him?”
She rocked back, allowing the couch to pull her down. Her hair rubbed against the back and flew up in a few places from the static. She always reminded him of a lioness with that hair. Except that one day Nicole had done it and it’d scared him witless.
“I guess so,” she said. “I think it’s a normal, healthy thing to pursue.”
Justin laughed, feeling responsible for giving her a skewed version of normal. “You know he’s still a male escort. I don’t know that I’d call that normal.”
She looked over with crumpled eyebrows.
He leaned back and put one arm behind his head against the arm of the couch. He let his legs sprawl toward her. She scooted over minutely. “I’m sorry if I have totally warped your perception of men.”
“It wasn’t you,” she said, resting her chin on the pillow.
Justin winced thinking about the dirt from the floor spoiling her skin. He couldn’t remember her ever having acne or dry skin, so maybe she’d be impervious. Then he heard what she said. Processed it. Why hadn’t he ever thought about what was wrong with Molly? Everyone had problems.
“Who was it then?”
She looked away. He scooted closer. “Oh come on Molly. You know my secret now. If you’re screwed up too I think I should know.”
“Don’t we have dancing pathologies?”
“What do you mean?”
She set her feet on the ground and smoothed the pillow out on her lap. “I went to a shrink this week. She talked about dancing pathologies. Like when one person is messed up, the other people they get along with are probably messed up. Their problems dance.”
“Hmm,” he said. “So what kind of pathology mixes with mine? Besides, does that count with friends?”
Molly bit her bottom lip. “I guess so
.”
“So what’s your pathology?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I always thought I was pretty normal. I mean, my dad hit my mom, but that’s nothing compared to what you—”
“Whoa. Problems aren’t like that Molly. You can’t rank them or compare them like that. The severity of my problems doesn’t affect the impact of yours in any way.”
Gosh he could sound mature when he needed to. Maybe he was understanding what Molly had said when he’d told her his issues: sometimes you had to hear the other person’s problems, sometimes you had to help them.
“Did he hit you?” He tried not to clench his fists or show anger. He knew from experience that anger from someone could be misconstrued as ‘at’ you when it was ‘for’ you.
Molly looked up as if she could search the top left corner of her eye socket for the answer. She sighed. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”
“Hey, what else do we have?” he asked. “We’re like trauma twins.”
“I guess that makes it good that we aren’t getting together, right?” she asked. “Yes he did. But it wasn’t bad.”
Justin watched her, trying to figure out if he should move in or move back.
“I don’t really need to work through it,” she said. “If it affected me, I haven’t even worked out how yet,” she said. “It did feel good to tell you.”
“Would you like me to hug you?”
“I guess it couldn’t hurt,” she said, hugging her knees. “Just don’t fall in love with me.”
“I promised,” he said. “But I do love you as a friend.”
Her eyes widened as he came forward and circled her with his arms. She looked like he’d thrown a water balloon full of slime in her face. “You do?”
“Yes,” he said. “And don’t tell me you don’t feel the same. I saw what you did to Valerie.”
“Is that her name?” Molly said, allowing Justin’s arms to stay. She put a single hand up around one of them and rested her chin on it. “I would have done it for anyone. She’s evil.”
Justin pulled back. “You know how to ruin a moment.”
She pulled him back, hugging one arm and watching the wall. “I do care for you though. She made me so angry.” She nodded against his arm. “I’m glad I kicked her butt.”
“I’m glad too. Now she’s in jail.” He buried his face in her shoulder. “Gosh I was scared when you walked in. I was ready to just handle her till someone came in the next morning. I was so worried she’d hurt you.”
“Why?”
“You’re my friend.” He pulled back and she did the same. They sat facing each other, legs still touching on the couch between them.
“You’re mine,” she said. “She can’t hurt you anymore.”
“I know,” he said. “And your dad can’t hurt you.”
Molly exhaled, and nodded. “I haven’t seen him in so long. I haven’t worried about it really.”
“Is that why you wore sweaters?”
“What do you mean?” She smiled. “You didn’t like my sweaters?”
“Well. I, I thought that maybe …” He tried to pull back but it was too late. “I thought maybe you were hiding in them.”
“Maybe they were just comfy,” she said. She sighed. “I’m not like you Justin. I don’t make connections like that. If there was a reason I wore them, I wasn’t consciously aware of it. It just felt safe.”
“Seems like a lot of the worthwhile things in life don’t feel very safe, huh?”
“I guess there’s a medium,” she said. “I wouldn’t want to feel unsafe all the time, like it was with Bosey, either though.”
“Ha ha, now we’ve both rescued each other.”
She tilted her head and looked up and to the side again with a half smile. “You’re right.” She pulled her hair back with one hand. “I was cooler, though.”
He put an arm around her. “I’ll give you that. You little Amazon.”
She smiled and leaned in. “I guess there are some benefits to just being friends.”
He gave her a short squeeze. “You bet.”
“You can be the gay best friend I never had.”
“Say that again and I’ll throw you off the couch.”
“All right,” she said.
“Now let’s watch this movie. I need to see some gay guys get abused so I can relate to them.”
Chapter 10
Justin sighed when the last episode on the DVD ended. He looked at the clock. Seven Forty. Molly would still be out with Jason. So bored. Stuck on his lab. He’d ask her to help later. It’d give them an excuse to hang out again. He should have taken a shift at the club tonight, but Hope wanted him to take at least two weeks off to recover from the incident with Valerie.
He debated whether to get up and switch DVDs or just sit and stew in his thoughts. Or maybe just get dinner. He wished Outback delivered. He didn’t feel like driving. He looked at the clock again. Eight. Still too early to call Molly. He really should have cultivated some other friendships the last few years. It made it obvious how lonely he was when he finally had a true friend like Molly again.
He pushed himself up with a groan and went to the DVD case. He pulled out the next DVD, only mildly embarrassed to be watching an anime about two guys in a romance. It really didn’t feel much different from a chick flick. He could basically pretend either was a girl based on their face. And the story line with the abused character intrigued him. He’d been pleasantly surprised to see the abused one was the masculine one, not the feminine girl substitute one. Made him feel more of a man.
Why did watching anyone, even a fictional character with a girly face, go through something like what you’ve gone through, feel so good? He hoped the guy would get himself sorted. Good thing no one was here to see him rooting this on. What would Jason say? Would he watch this stuff with Molly? Oh well, that’s why she had a guy friend and a boyfriend. Both could suit different needs. So did that mean he should get a girlfriend?
He sat back with the remote and pressed play. He hoped this episode wouldn’t be full of the abused character acting like a jerk. He liked it better when that character faced his issues and treated the other one like he deserved. Just like he wished he could go back to the club and take back what he’d said to Molly. He wished abuse issues were this clear cut in the real world. Still it was nice to sit on the couch and feel less alone, feel like someone else understood. Even if it was just the person who made the anime.
His phone buzzed. He looked down. Jason. Probably wanting advice on how to kiss Molly. How to treat Molly. How to date Molly. Yeah right. He could be busy too. He was Molly’s guy friend, but it wasn’t his job to help her boyfriend. Even if she’d been on only one date with him. She could ask him if she wanted advice, otherwise he’d stay out. He’d promised to stay in that box as a friend. He knew enough about couples to know you had to basically be the advocate of only one. Sorry Jason. He let it go to voicemail. It beeped. He sigh-grunted and tapped speakerphone so he didn’t have to pick up the phone. The voicemail started.
“Justin, are you messing with Molly’s phone? It’s Jason. She got a weird text. Has she said anything about her stalker?”
Justin stopped the message, pressed stop on the remote, and let his mouth hang open for a moment. He’d totally forgotten about the stalker who’d emailed her. He had somehow assumed that the stalker was Valerie, had subconsciously assumed that with her in jail the issue was over. He frowned. And hadn’t that just been emails? When had it turned to texting? Why hadn’t she mentioned it?
He picked up the phone and dialed Molly, not Jason. She deserved to be asked directly, not talked about behind her back.
“Justin? What is it? I’m out with Jason.”
“I know. He called me. He said you got a text.”
“He … Oh I’m going to kill him,” she said. “I’m sure it’s just a joke. He said he was going to the bathroom. I’m sorry he got you involved.”
“Molly, I want
to be involved,” he said. “We’re just worried.”
“And it’s not your business to discuss with Jason. I’m an adult woman.”
“I know,” he said. “That’s why I called you back directly.”
He heard Jason in the background. “Molly, I called Justin.”
He pulled the phone away from his ear because he didn’t want to hear them argue.
“Look what did the text say?”
“You’re both overreacting,” she said. “I don’t feel like talking to either of you about it.”
“Do you think it’s the same person?”
“Justin. It’s Jason.”
Justin heard Molly scolding in the background. “Yeah.”
“Can you maybe take a look? I think I’m bringing Molly over. You could look at the number.”
“How ‘bout you take her to your place and I meet you?” Justin didn’t want Jason over, not least because of his anime collection that recently piled on his floor. Then he thought about being in Jason’s house, which would be unquestionably elegant. Molly would be impressed. And when he left, they’d be… “Actually, let’s go to Molly’s.”
“Great,” Jason said. “I appreciate this.”
“I’ll see you in an hour.”
“Great.”
~~~
Molly checked out Justin as he walked in. His coat was beautiful, something from a catalogue, and the scarf around him was elegant, light blue plaid. But beneath that, a scary looking T-shirt and pajama pants peeked out. He wore loafers. And his face looked astoundingly handsome even despite his outfit.
“Should I take my shoes off?”
“Do you have socks on?” Jason said, looking from where he stood next to Molly, bent over with his arm around her.
“Who called who asking for help with a hacker?” Justin said.
“I swear I can do this on my own,” Molly said. But she was glad they were there. It was better than being alone, even if it was a bit annoying. “I’m the computer person here, aren’t I?”
“Oh Molly, Molly,” Justin said, coming over and planting a hand on Jason’s shoulder to push him out of the way. “I was always better with the illegal stuff.” He bent down, ignoring Jason’s huff. Then stood back up, rubbing his back. “Is there a chair I can use? That is uncomfortable.” He looked at Jason, who shrugged.