by Opal Mellon
“No one could let you in?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t really want to go in on the weekend.” She moved over to the computer and turned it off. “Gosh I’m tired.”
“I hear ya.”
“So you’re still watching Gravitation?”
“Totally addicted. Weirdest thing I’ve watched.”
“I know, right?” She watched him put his jacket on. “You look like a hobo that stole a model’s coat.”
“I didn’t exactly have time to pick out something fashionable. I was in the middle of an anime marathon when Jason called.”
“It took you an hour.”
“I had an episode to finish,” he said, shrugging. “I assumed you two would want to finish dinner.”
“We did,” she said. “Well, enjoy the rest of the anime.” She wished she was brave enough to ask if she could come over and watch it with him. But she also looked forward to being safe in her bed, so she consoled herself with the thought that sinking into the covers would be even more fun than watching anime with a hot guy who had promised against your will to only be your friend. If solidarity was all he could offer, she’d take it. Having something in her life as solid as she was wouldn’t be a bad thing.
Chapter 11
Justin was troubled as he drove home. Itchy under the collar, unable to get comfortable in a driving position. He held the wheel with two hands, then with one.
He was just worried about her stalker. It had nothing to do with the feel of her thighs on his lap. Nothing to do with the way her eyes darkened and reflected his, the way she’d tried to headbutt him when he’d pinned her against the wall. That was just hormones. Nothing he couldn’t ignore.
No, this uncomfortable feeling had to be because he was tired, because he was nervous from recent events, and because he felt completely helpless and incompetent over Molly’s stalker. What was the point of being a stalker anyway? Inducing fear, he guessed. Then again it was impossible not to get Valerie mixed up in this when he tried to figure out how to deal with stalkers.
She was the ultimate stalker. With her in jail, he almost needed something to focus on, some evil in the world to deal with. He pulled out his phone. Dialed Jason.
“Hello.”
“Hey.”
“How is she?”
“Tired.” Justin moved the phone from his ear to park. Put it back up. “Sorry about that. Just wanted to keep you updated.”
“Seemed like you had things under control,” Jason replied, sounding terse.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you two were involved? So you were just rude to her at the club to throw people off?”
“And you only asked her out because you thought I’d shafted her?”
“Touché.”
“Mmm.”
“So you are together.”
“No,” Justin said. “But it would serve you right if we were. What do you want from her anyway?”
“I don’t know. She’s just a girl I found interesting. And I asked her out. And now I’d like to again.”
Justin hmmed.
“Pretty simple between us actually, unlike whatever is going on between you two.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Did you even see what you looked like when you came over?”
“What does that have to do anything?”
“All right, hobo chic is your new style. Listen Justin, whatever is going on with you, please don’t ruin things here for me. She said you said you didn’t want her. So don’t ruin things for her with another guy. Whether that guy is me or not.” There was a pause. “She deserves that.”
“I’m not ruining anything.” Justin stayed in the car, though it was rapidly cooling with the engine off. He found the cold clarifying, and it seemed to cool the itchiness abounding in him. “I’m just being her friend, like she’s being mine. We could both use it.” He shut the phone, not wanting to hear any more from Jason.
He leaned over on the steering wheel.
“Bzzzz.” His phone lit up in his hand. Jason, he thought, bringing it up to look at the screen.
“Stay away from her if you know what’s good for you. In fact, stay alone.”
Justin tried to call the sender, but nothing happened. Blocked again. Whoever it was was tech savvy. Stay alone, what was that? His thoughts once again turned to Valerie and his head hurt. But she was gone. Why would Molly’s stalker tell him to stay alone? Regardless he was pretty sure that doing what a stalker said to do was never the answer. He turned on the car and pulled out. He dialed Molly’s number at the first stoplight.
“Molly?”
She sounded sleepy. “Justin? What?”
“Can I come over?”
“What? Why?” She yawned. “Can’t the homework wait? Justin I’m really tired.”
“I got a text from the stalker.”
“Come over,” she said. She hung up.
Justin felt déjà vu as he pulled up. Somehow it felt right pulling up, rather than being alone. Couldn’t wait to see the clean interior of her house with the nice simple furnishing and not the dirty loneliness inside his place. He knocked and Molly opened the door. The third time he’d walked in, he could see this being a habit. She held out her hand and he put his phone in it as he walked past her inside. He jumped sideways onto the couch and sprawled out.
“He said to stay alone,” she said, coming over to him to hand back his phone. He noticed her dress for the first time. The fuzzy pink bathrobe made him grin. Bunny slippers. She pulled the robe tighter against her when she saw him looking, even though she clearly had pink plaid pajamas underneath. He could see a flush working its way from her ears.
“I didn’t have time to change.”
“Bunny slippers?”
“Why are you here again?”
“I don’t do what stalkers tell me to anymore,” he said. “Plus I’m pretty sure he can see your house now. How else did he know we were together? I think I should stay here.”
Her face got redder, a little splotchy. She let go of the robe and jammed her hands in the pockets. She looked back towards the hallway that probably led to the bedroom, then back to the couch. “I guess that could be okay, since we’re friends.” She moved back out of sight, and when she emerged again, held a pillow and several blankets. “Are you okay with the couch?”
“I’d rather be on the floor in your room.”
“No,” she said.
“Fine,” he said. “Leave me all vulnerable out here alone.”
“I’m sorry, is he after you or me?”
“Well he did tell me to stay alone. Maybe he is planning to jump me and take me out of the picture so he can get to you.”
“Well now you are a convenient block between me and the door.”
“So I am.” Justin took the blankets from her. He opened his mouth to ask for other things, but she walked away. She turned at the end of the hallway, her hand on the doorframe.
“Don’t push me Justin.” She disappeared from sight but called back. “I’m so not okay with this.”
“Fine by me,” Justin said, unsure if she heard. He knew this was pushing it, fast for either of them. But he would keep his promise. He lay on the couch and noted it was probably more comfortable than his bed, despite being quite a bit too short. He shut his eyes and decided that lights off was necessary. He stood and discarded his coat beside him and turned off the living room light. He heard a small sigh from the other room and couldn’t help smiling slightly. He held his phone in his hand, and curled around it on the couch.
He had drifted into almost complete darkness when he jolted awake to a rattle at the door. He blinked twice, and waited. The door handle definitely jiggled. He sat up straight and tried to figure out what to do next. Should he wake Molly? Should he open the door? Justin scratched his head and yawned, hoping the answer would come as his mind woke up and before the rattling at the door stopped. The door stopped
rattling.
He quickly stood, nearly tripping over his blanket and pillow in his haste. He reached the door and slammed against it to look through the peephole. He didn’t see anything. He tried to open the door, forgot about the lock and hurt his hand trying to yank on it, then undid the lock, and stumbled out the door. Cold, wet cement met his feet and he ignored it, running down the front steps to look both ways down the street. He thought he could hear faint footsteps but it could have been the sound of rainfall.
The night was black, dense, and unyielding in revealing the culprit. Justin pulled up his T-shirt to wipe rain off his face and went back inside. He was shutting the door and locking it when he realized Molly was watching him.
“What’s going on?”
Stupid. Stupid. Of course he’d waken her with the noise. Should he tell her what happened? “Someone was knocking,” he said. “Well, someone was rattling the door handle.”
“That’s a lot different than knocking.”
“Excuse me for not speaking clearly when I’m woken in the middle of the night by a possible psycho.”
“And you went out there?”
“Yes,” he said. He rubbed the hand that had yanked on the locked door too hard.
“Are you all right?” Molly came forward. “You didn’t find him did you?”
“Of course not,” he said. “But he was definitely there.”
“How do you know?” She said. “Couldn’t the wind have blown the doorknob?”
“I know the difference,” he said. “It woke me.” He moved back to the couch, sweeping up his pillow and blanket as he went. “You should go back to bed.”
“Kind of difficult now,” she said. She folded her arms and looked at her downstairs bedroom, then back to the door. “You really think someone was there?”
He turned on his side and pulled the blanket up around his neck. “I know there was. But they’re gone. Just go back to bed.” He rolled over away from her then turned back. “And you should probably see if we can go into work tomorrow and access your work computer.”
“Okay,” she said.
Justin turned back, not enjoying the scratch of the pillow against his cheek. It was probably softer than his home pillow, but it’s odd how sleeping on a couch could be such a reminder that you weren’t home, that nothing was as comfortable as it should be. He’d sleep here and watch for creepers, but he didn’t have to love the accoutrements.
“Are you okay on the couch?”
“Yup.”
“Cause maybe, you know, maybe you could come in here with me.”
He sat up and stared. “Are you scared Molly?”
She looked away to the side for a moment before answering him. “Wouldn’t anyone be?” She rubbed her arms. “You don’t have to, but I won’t bother you. I won’t do anything.”
“Anything like what?”
She picked at something on the sleeve of her PJs. “I don’t know. Anything you don’t like.”
“You mean like sex?”
She nodded.
“Wow,” he said. “You know, you couldn’t do that if I didn’t want to anyway, right? I’m a man.”
“I just thought maybe if you knew I didn’t want that.” She turned away. “Never mind.” She took a step towards the bedroom. “It was just a thought.”
He felt like a jerk. “No wait.” He picked up his pillow and blanket. “We’re just friends right?” Should be fine.
He followed her into the room and looked around as she moved to the bed and pulled back the covers. He was glad he wasn’t sleeping the way he normally did, naked. “Nice room.”
The black and gold coverlet on the bed matched the brown gold curtains. The beige carpet went nicely. The feel of the room was still an overwhelming brown, but with more flare than any of the rest of the house would have led him to believe.
“I like the cover,” he said, sitting on top of the covers of what looked like his side. “Nice colors.”
“I don’t have a lot of color around,” she said. “I know.”
“Why is that?” He moved back and set his pillow behind him.
She looked at him and seemed to be wondering if he was going to stay on top of the sheets. “You don’t have to stay on top like that.”
“Gosh Molly, you can be naive sometimes.” He pulled his blanket over him. “I mean I’m your friend, but you should be a little more aware of what men want. Didn’t your dad or mom teach you that?”
“No,” she said. “She did teach me to be careful though. What do you mean what they want?”
He wiggled his eyebrows at her.
“Like sex?” she said, pulling the covers up over her chest and folding her hands over the top of them.
“Yup,” he said.
“You don’t want that from me.”
“How do you know?”
“You said you didn’t.”
“I said I didn’t like you that way Molly.” He put his hands behind his head. He felt like a cad to be the one to explain this to her. Especially since he was kind of the exception to the rule. “Men don’t have to be in love to want to have sex.”
“Do you want to have sex with me?”
Sometimes, he thought. But he didn’t want the conversation to be about him. His sexual mores would do nothing to help her learn about men in general. Generally men did want sex without feelings, but enjoyed it more with feelings. For him however, sex was a lot harder with emotions involved. Maybe because with Valerie, if he hadn’t loved her, the whole thing wouldn’t have been so confusing.
“I’m not the one to judge by. And no, I don’t want to have sex with you,” he said. It was a complication he didn’t want. Sex with her wouldn’t have a point. It wouldn’t pay, it wouldn’t get him ahead, and he didn’t love her. He knew how love felt: it was a searing feeling that accentuated pain when someone hurt you. He hadn’t felt that with Molly. Love was fear, love was excitement. Not this calm, assuring feeling that someone just wanted to be beside you like he felt with Molly.
The rain outside punctuated the silence and comfort of the moment. He could feel the heat of her body beside him, patiently distant. Did she want him? If he’d been Molly, he would have just asked.
“Why aren’t you the one to judge by?”
“I’m just too screwed up,” he said. He tried to make the blanket cover his toes, but that pulled it down to his waist. He pulled it back up to his chest and smoothed it with his hands to make it as long as possible.
“Does that make you not want to have sex with people?”
“It makes it complicated,” he said. “I’m not sure I see the point to it.”
“Don’t you think it’s probably a way to show someone you love them? Like it is in manga?”
“I think that’s awfully idealized,” he said. “And I don’t think I can fall in love with someone.”
“Why? Because of that woman?”
“Valerie? Yes, probably.”
“Why would you let her take that from you?”
He turned on his side and propped his hand on his hand. “What do you mean?”
“It just seems like that’s giving her a lot of power over you,” she said. “Deciding that you won’t have something that seems so wonderful just because she made it bad.”
That was the problem, it hadn’t been bad. It had been damaging because he’d been young, because he could sense she used him, didn’t love him as he had her, but hadn’t been physically painful necessarily.
“I think you’re kind of going outside of bounds, unless you are a shrink.”
“Well have you seen one?”
“A shrink? Yes,” he said. “Once. I didn’t get it though. She made me feel like a victim, like a girl. I’m not like that. I’m just … It’s complicated.”
“What about cuddling?” she said. “Do you like that?”
He winced. “I don’t know. Why should I?”
“I guess that’s true, if you don’t even like sex.” She turned to face him in t
he same position. Her face just a foot away. He could see faint darkness under her eyes, a couple of freckles that could have been moles. And he felt something like static between them, like invisible current.
Perhaps people of the opposite gender just shouldn’t share beds, no matter how friendly they tried to be.
“I’ve never really cuddled,” he said. “The women I’ve been with weren’t exactly the type that wanted to be held after. I just fell asleep, or left. They seemed happy with that.”
He couldn’t stand the look she gave him. She was sad for him. Somehow he didn’t even realize that certain things about his life were sad until someone else heard them and gave him that look, or worse, cried about it. He’d survived it. He wasn’t sad. Why would they be? Plus cuddling before sex, that was just a way to foreplay. Just a way to get someone to have sex with you.
“Do you want to try it?” she asked.
It pushed him back with a force that he felt should have pushed him off the bed. “Here? With you?”
She huffed. “Sure. I mean, you might like it and not know. And I’m a friend. Shouldn’t friends help each other?”
Justin watched her fidget with her other hand. He noticed her hand was shaking slightly.
“Molly, do you want me to hold you?”
She pressed her lips together. Sat up and pulled her knees in. Nodded.
“Why?”
She took a breath and let it out noisily. “I guess no one has before really,” she said. “I don’t know about most people, but I find it really unnerving having someone trying to get into your house in the middle of the night. What if you hadn’t been there?”
“It didn’t sound like he could get in,” he said. He knew he was stalling. “Why would holding you help?”
“It just seems to in manga,” she said. “It seems to make girls feel safe. I thought maybe it’d be interesting for you too. But you don’t have to.”
He sat up too. Moved over in the bed to be next to her. “I really don’t know that friends snuggle friends in the dark on a bed.”
“We do, and we’re friends,” she said.
He lifted an arm and put it around her. She moved in underneath, rested her face on his chest. He moved lower to lie all the way down. She curled into his side. He could feel her ribs against his side, and above that, her breasts, a softness faintly felt under his arm. He moved a hand up to run it over her hair.