by Opal Mellon
“Don’t do that, it tickles.”
“Sorry,” he said, dropping his hand. He didn’t know where to put it. He let it fall around her waist. “How is it?”
“Nice,” she said. “Warm.”
Justin felt her heartbeat against him, and it seemed almost in time with the rain for several seconds before being too slow to keep pace. He waited for the moments when her heartbeat synced with the rain again. Felt her breath against him and tried to keep his body from moving in sync with hers.
He wondered if she was asleep. He couldn’t sit forward to look at her eyes without pushing her forward, which could wake her up. He ran a hand up her back. She let out a small sigh and he smiled. He couldn’t think of something much more wonderful than sitting in bed in a warm, beautiful room with the rain hitting the window as a backdrop. At least until he’d had a wonderful woman curled into him, trusting him, asleep on him and making him feel like a better man than he could possibly be.
Why was it so different from the closeness of sex? He was surprised to look down and find he was erect. It acted like a wet blanket on the situation. Did that make him a pervert? No, as a male abuse victim, he knew the stupid thing sometimes had a mind of its own, standing up for something as asexual as a chair, or something as uncaring as the hand of a woman who hated him. Thinking along those lines eliminated the problem, and he didn’t have to worry about Molly waking to see a sight that she might find frightening or confusing.
He lay back and let his thoughts wander with the rain, let his semi-dreaming self move out into the ocean, rising with the waves, drifting to the horizon.
Chapter 12
Molly woke feeling sticky, warmer than usual. She sat up, wondering if she’d left the curtains open, and slept in long enough that sunshine streamed in and made things too hot. But the room was still dark, the curtains closed, and on top of that, she could hear gently falling rain, falling in sparse plops against the roof and window.
She turned to the body in her bed. Justin lay with one hand above his head, the other fell beside her. She realized from the sweat on her side that that must have been where he’d been holding her. What time was it? She panicked for a moment about work before realizing it was Sunday. She lay back, accidentally bouncing the bed. Justin moved slightly then rolled onto his side towards her.
She studied his sleeping face. She remembered the night before. The time together, the stalker. And then, had that been a dream or had someone come to the door last night? Yes, they had, and she’d been scared, and invited Justin in. He looked so big sprawled on her bed. She didn’t want to creep on him since he’d been nice to humor her, to try and protect her, but couldn’t resist the chance to study his face.
She wished she could see the color of his eyes, but his dark lashes were also nice. She noticed a couple of minute scars on his upper cheek, probably from childhood acne. So tiny and blended with the color of his skin that she’d never seen them before. She hadn’t thought about him having a normal teenage life. She’d just assumed that a beautiful person would have everything easy. He seemed like he did in college. She looked at his nose, wondered how it could be so large and so feminine. It was straight until the very end, where it lifted a bit. She put an arm on either side of him so she could see him directly from the top. He stirred but didn’t wake. His mouth opened slightly. She envied his lips.
The top one was so unique. She didn’t have other kisses to compare to, but wondered if the fullness there made his kisses feel different than another man’s. Certainly not the crushing, hard experience she’d expected from romance novels. She noticed small wrinkles under his eyes, perhaps from squinting. Light stubble dotted his cheeks, and she knew that he would never be the type who could grow a good beard.
She wanted to touch his skin, see if it was as soft as it looked, see if the stubble felt fine or coarse. She had no right. He’d been doing her a favor. Trusted her. She felt that maybe his face looked different to her now than before she’d really known him. Close up, she noticed more flaws, and yet he was somehow more beautiful. She studied his face and realized that she wanted him to love her, even if he never could. What would it feel like to wake up and see that face every day? To wake up and know you weren’t alone, that someone cared and stayed beside you? Someone who is beautiful because you know them. She wondered if that was why she saw so many women with ugly men. Perhaps when you liked someone, their looks mattered less.
She wanted to touch his hair. She reached up a hand and moved some off of his forehead, and then cupped the side of his face, just slightly. He let out a small hum and writhed.
Molly looked down his body, noting each detail. She decided to pretend she hadn’t woken first and curl back under his arm. She couldn’t think of anything more wonderful than resting there. His arm felt heavy but soft around her, and she could hear his heartbeat beneath her cheek. She knew she was probably falling in love with this man.
Perhaps you just felt that way with anyone you slept next to. She closed her eyes and hoped to fall asleep, or at least look convincingly asleep, so that he wouldn’t wake up to her watching him. She felt heaviness claim her and smiled, hoping that next time she woke up, she’d feel this safe and warm.
~~~
Several hours later, the two headed to Molly’s office to check the emails. At her cubicle, Molly tried not to blush as Justin reached around her to open her email. She ducked under his arm and scooted her chair back so that he could just have full access. Watching his face, she could barely believe they’d just slept in the same bed. He seemed unaffected. She felt that now she’d had snuggling she’d have a hard time giving it up. She wondered if Jason was up for a snuggle. It was so the opposite of loneliness.
Justin made a series of clicks and grunts. She watched his brow move down and up as he concentrated. She let her eyes wander down his side, to his legs. She wondered what he would look like if he worked out more. She thought it would probably ruin his lean perfection. Such an inappropriate thing to think about right then. She stood.
“I’m going to grab a snack,” she said. “You want anything?”
“No.” He didn’t look away from the computer.
Molly grabbed a couple packets of cookies and went back. When she got there, he had his fingers tented together, touching his nose. He saw her and reached his arms out to stretch, then scratched his head.
“This doesn’t make any sense,” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve traced the IP,” he said. “Back to the computer at Club Blue.”
Molly sat down too hard on the chair and felt pain in her butt. “But. How?”
“That doesn’t mean it’s a host,” he said. “It could just mean the stalker is smart and knows to use a public computer for traceable things. If he’s been following you, it’s totally possible that he’s been at Club Blue. And he might even be someone Hope trusts if he got into the office.” He dragged his hands down his face, stretching the skin, and then rested them under his chin. “I don’t know where to go from here.”
“Are there cameras in the office?”
“I don’t think so,” he said. “All the other cameras feed there; it’s where you can watch the videos. I don’t know why Hope would have cameras in there.”
“Do you think we should ask around at the club?” Molly felt more interested in spending more time with Justin than she did in actually figuring out the mystery. Somehow she didn’t feel that threatened by the stalker. But maybe that was only because she had such a firm ally.
“I don’t know,” he said. He sighed. “I’m totally lost. I mean it makes sense that they would have my number now; they could have gotten it on the computer. But I don’t know where to go from here.”
“I guess you can’t just stay over every night.”
He hmphed. “I guess not. Would probably piss Jason off.”
She wanted to tell him that Jason wasn’t going to be around much more, but she held off. She needed to remember
that Justin was off the table for a relationship, and Jason was the only other option around. Someone who actually wanted her. Someone healthy. Or healthier at least.
“When is your next date with him?”
“I don’t know yet,” she said. “I haven’t talked to him since our date, yesterday.”
“Oh.” Justin turned off the computer and sat back. “I’m sorry I made you come in on the weekend for nothing.”
“It’s fine,” she said. “But it wasn’t for nothing. At least we know where they’ve been, and maybe more about who they could be.”
“True.”
“Should we go get lunch?”
“I should probably get back to my homework.” He stood and put on his jacket.
“I guess so.” She realized this had to end. They couldn’t spend every minute of every day together. Even if they were dating, which they weren’t. She had no claim on his time.
“Did you still want help on a lab?”
“I think I’ll try it on my own,” he said. “I’ll learn better that way.”
Molly wondered if maybe they shouldn’t have had a night like the one before. So now he was just going to leave her alone.
“Of course, text or call if anything happens. If anything is even slightly off, or if you just want to be with someone,” he said. “Or you could call Jason.”
“Okay.” She said. “I’ll walk you out.”
He pressed the elevator button.
“Let’s take the stairs,” she said. “I could use the exercise.”
“I’d rather take the elevator.”
“Fine. I’ll race you down.”
Molly opened the stairwell door and raced off the top step. The elevator dinged and the doors closed with a thud. She wouldn’t make it in single steps, so she started trying to hit every other one. Suddenly she was airborne. Her foot couldn’t find traction. She fell forward, but didn’t stop falling. Felt pain shoot up her arm as she tumbled, then finally stopped, upside down on the stairs. The ceiling went dark.
“Molly.” Justin said the name over and over, but she didn’t stir. He didn’t want to move her in case there were injuries he could make worse. “Molly please wake up.”
He pulled out his phone to call the paramedics. She hadn’t beaten him down the stairs, so he’d gone to find her. And he had, sprawled on the stairs with her arm at an unnatural angle.
“Justin?” She finally opened an eye.
From the instant he’d seen her to the moment she’d spoken, he’d felt like his heartbeat had frozen. Now it seemed to be catching up with double beats. He hadn’t thought her being injured could cause a reaction like that.
“Molly, I’m just calling the paramedics. They’ll be here soon.”
He called them and explained, then sat and waited for what felt like forever. She didn’t say anything else. What if she had hit her head? What if she didn’t wake up? What if she couldn’t walk? What if she didn’t remember him next time she saw him? Didn’t remember the last few months together, the few years of friendship before he’d left?
He wouldn’t mind if she could just forget the time he left, but supposed she didn’t deserve to lose five years of her life. Why had he ever left? She’d been the best friend, the only woman who understood him. The reason he was strong enough to face Valerie. The only one to stand up for him.
Even after he’d tried to push her away, the only one to keep him as a friend, to never ask for more. And he’d kept pushing her away. Kept assuring himself that the care he had for her was nurturing, non-romantic. Was the panic and pain he was feeling now really accurate to how he’d feel if a brother or sister was injured? He didn’t think so.
He didn’t think he’d be panicking about what he wanted to say, how he wanted to change, and all the things he wanted to tell her. Maybe he would, but he certainly felt he had things to tell her that weren’t right for a family member.
She was his family now, but not the kind you visited on Thanksgiving. The kind you made your own family with, the kind you organized Thanksgiving with, the kind you made plans for the rest of your life with.
In that moment, waiting for the sirens, imagining a future without her, Justin didn’t care that he wasn’t normal or that someone else could offer her more.
He didn’t care that he didn’t understand love, that she scared him with the way she cared.
He simply wanted her better. And when she was, he wanted to hold her and never let go. He tried not to hit his head on the doorway. It felt like the ambulance would never come.
Chapter 13
Molly woke feeling like she was still in a dream. The air seemed to swim around her, drawing odd sounds into the currents around her. She tried to sit up, and her head flashed in pain. She turned and felt sharp pain in her arm. It didn’t move. She was encased, trapped. No, just her arm.
“What’s going on?” She tried to push the words out, but it was like squeezing Play-Doh through a spaghetti strainer, a lot got left behind.
“They set your arm,” someone roared from behind her. She flinched away from the noise.
“Shh. That was loud, you blockhead.” That was Nicole.
“Sorry,” Justin said.
“Jufun?” She squinted and tried to find him. He came around the front of the bed. The water between her and everything else was starting to smooth. “What happened?”
“You broke your arm,” he said. “You had to be sedated so they could put pins in it. You must have really fragile bones.”
“Shanks,” she said.
Nicole came around now, leaned over the bed carefully and hugged the side of Molly that wasn’t in pain. “You did great.”
“I wasn’t conshous,” she said. She wished her speech were more reliable.
“Justin called me,” Nicole said.
“Head hurts. Need to sleep.”
“The anesthetic,” Justin said quietly. “You can go back to sleep if you want.”
“Good. Sleepy,” she said. She lay back and waited for the headache to stop, closed her eyes.
When she opened them again, she felt significantly less drowsy, but more hung-over. From the window across the room she could see it was dark outside. Where had everyone gone? She took a few deep breaths and blinked a few times and tried to focus. She looked down at the stiff feeling in her arm and saw a cast. Purple. Who had chosen purple? Now she would look stupid at work.
“Molly?” Nicole rolled forward on a chair. “How are you feeling now?”
“Sick,” Molly said.
“Are you hungry?”
“In a pukey kind of way. How long has it been?”
“I don’t know. What were you doing on the stairs?”
“Tripped,” Molly said. “When did Justin go?”
Nicole shook her head. Pointed across the room. Molly followed her direction to see Justin slumped on a stool, soft hair falling over his face as he slept.
“Peaceful,” She felt a bit disappointed.
“No. I wouldn’t call him that,” Nicole said. “He just wore himself out fighting with the doctors. You really messed him up.”
“I did?”
“Did not,” Justin said, pulling up his head and looking as miserable as Molly felt. Deep lines scored under his eyes, which were red and dull. “Incompetence everywhere. Had to deal with it.”
“They were just fine,” Nicole said. “Unlike Justin, they knew exactly what to do.”
“They were too rough. They hurt her.”
While Justin continued to argue and Nicole shook her head and rolled her eyes, Molly grew warm with embarrassment. She’d ruined their day and gotten them stuck in a hospital, and now they were arguing.
“Stop it you two. Can someone get me something to eat?”
“Sure.” Justin walked out.
“He didn’t ask what I wanted.”
Nicole rolled up closer and leaned in. “He was really messed up. I think he really feels something for you Molly. Honestly, even Sean wouldn’t have been
more protective if I was in the same situation.”
Molly didn’t think that was possible. “Protective how?”
“Called the ambulance, got in everyone’s way, constantly bothering the paramedics and staff, wanted to stay with you the entire time. Looked like he was losing everything he cared for in the world.” Nicole looked out to the window. “In all the time I’ve known him, I’d never thought he could look like that. Just completely broken.”
“It’s just a broken arm,” she said, feeling the full implication of this injury on her job as she said it.
“It didn’t look like it,” Nicole said. “You were incoherent.”
“I forgot to ask what you wanted.” Justin popped back around the front of her bed. “Sorry.”
“Anything is fine,” she said.
“No milk,” Nicole said. “Nothing hard to digest.”
Justin scratched his head then ran off again.
“Just look at him now,” Nicole said. “What a mess.”
“I guess so,” Molly said. “But you’re wrong. He doesn’t care about me any more than he does you or Sean.”
“That’s such bull,” Nicole said. “He’s acting like a lunatic. I wish I had it on camera to show you, and even him, if he wants to say he doesn’t like you again.”
“He does,” Molly said. “He’s kind of become my family. Maybe it’s the same for him.”
“I didn’t realize you two were so close.”
“We were before he left the first time. Did I ever tell you how he saved me from my professor?”
“No. Sounds like a great story. You sure you feel up to telling it?”
“Not much to tell. Justin had been trying to pull me out of my shell for two years. I was a loner. I went to a professor alone even though Justin warned me about stuff he’d heard about him. I ignored him. The professor attacked me. Justin came in and stopped him. Beat him silly.”