by Opal Mellon
“Wow. Sounds like he liked you even then.”
“No, that’s just the kind of person he is. He’d have done it for anyone. He hates anyone who abuses —he hates bullies.”
“I see. You know, he helped me once too, but it didn’t look anything like that?”
“What did it look like?”
“He just asked him to stop. The guy hit him. Then Sean stepped in.”
That did sound a lot more passive than Justin acted around her.
Maybe Justin himself didn’t know what he wanted.
“You two old biddies just going to sit here and discuss my heroism?”
“Ha. Hardly heroism,” Nicole retorted.
“Ouch. Excuse me for annoying you.”
“All right, it sounds like you were a bit more heroic a few years ago,” Nicole said, rolling over to take the food from him.
He dodged her and brought it to Molly. She looked down at an impossibly loaded tray. Did he just get one of everything in the cafeteria?
“I can’t eat this.”
“You need strength,” Justin said.
Molly looked at Nicole, who smiled and rested her chin in her hands as if to say ‘I told you so.’ Molly wanted to smack her. Smack Justin. Smack this whole confusing world full of people who cared and people who cared more than they would admit. But she found herself being too touched by the ridiculous tray in front of her and the fact that they would stay with her till it was so late. She selected a pudding.
“The nurse said it was okay,” Justin said to Nicole.
Molly opened it. “So when am I okay to go home?”
“As soon as you feel okay to walk out.”
“I’m going to wheel her,” he said.
“She has to be able to walk into the house,” Nicole said. “Do you want to stay?”
“Are you kidding?” Molly asked. “I need to leave.”
“I can stay with you tonight,” Nicole said.
Molly looked at Justin. Justin bit his lip and looked over at Nicole.
“Oh no you don’t. Don’t turn those puppy dog eyes on me. No way I’m letting you stay with her. I don’t trust you.”
Molly cleared her throat and watched the window intently, abandoning Justin to Nicole.
“Wait,” Nicole said. “What are you not telling me?”
Justin wheeled a bit away from Nicole, to the other side of Molly, leaving her between him and Nicole. Traitor. “I’ve sort of been staying with her.”
“You what?”
“Not so loud,” Molly said, putting her one good arm up to steady her head. “Is the doctor going to come give me info on my arm, or what?”
“Yeah,” Nicole said. “I’ll go find him. And then you two are going to explain what is going on while I drive you home.”
Molly looked over at Justin. He watched Nicole till she left, then stood and walked over to look out the hallway, probably to see how long it would take for the doctor to come. When he came back, he walked over to the window instead of sitting beside her, and let out a loud, dramatic breath.
“I’m sorry if I made you worry.”
“Yeah, you were a total jerk about it,” he said.
“Well I’m sorry.”
His shoulders folded forward. “I was so worried.” He said. “I thought something was really wrong, you little wretch.”
“Well my bad for injuring myself brutally. ‘Cause I totally meant to and all that.”
“How could you be so careless?”
“You mean take the stairs?”
“No, racing. What were you even thinking?”
“You aren’t my mom Justin; you don’t get to scold me.”
“You scared me.” He came away from the window, came to the bed, put his arms around her waist, his head against her stomach. She gasped. “You scared me so bad Molly. Don’t do that again.”
She didn’t know what to say. She put her left arm down to touch his hair. He didn’t push it away, or shake her off, or make a comment about how he didn’t like her that way and she wasn’t allowed to like him either. Didn’t call her family, didn’t make any moves. Just stayed there clenched against her heartbeat. It felt oddly intimate. She didn’t know how to move him. She heard footsteps down the hall, but before she could point it out to him, he had pulled smoothly away, not jarring her. She turned to meet the doctor.
~~~
Nicole dropped them off at the doorstep after only a few grumbles about impropriety. Molly wanted to unlock the door, fumbling though it was with her left hand, but Justin took her keys and did it himself. It frustrated her. She didn’t like the way letting him take care of her felt vaguely sexual. Perhaps she’d hit the limit of things she could do with Justin without getting feelings or feeling that this wasn’t appropriate for two friends.
She wasn’t at all worried he would take advantage of her like this. Such a thing seemed as likely as a snail winning the 100-yard dash. She wished he was just a little less safe in that way. Justin as a risk, that was kind of hot. She wondered what kind of meds she’d been given that let her head wander like that.
“Should I just set you up right here?” Justin led her to the couch.
“No. My bed.”
“I’d rather you were out here so I could keep an eye on you through the night.”
“You don’t need to stay tonight Justin,” Molly said.
“Shut up,” he said. “As if I’d leave you like this. It’s sort of my fault, after all.”
“I don’t need you to stay tonight,” she said.
“Too bad. I’m staying.”
“No. Justin, I can take care of myself. You need to go.”
He stopped, dropped the blankets and came over to perch on the side of the couch opposite the one she sat on.
“Why are you doing this? It’s not safe here alone. What if you need something?”
“I have my other arm.”
“You didn’t have a problem with this before.”
But she just wanted him gone. She just wanted him out. It was his fault she was like this, if she thought about it. His fault that she was sitting here having stupid feelings about him. He’d been protective, kissed her, stayed with her overnight, fought doctors for her, and she couldn’t have him. She couldn’t deal with that and a broken arm at the same time.
“Molly?”
“I just need you to go.”
“Molly, I need to talk to you.” He stood and moved over to her couch, and she scooted away slightly. “I realized things today. I have a lot to think about, okay?”
She’d been interested for a few seconds, till he said he needed to ‘think.’ She just wanted to punch him. And kiss him. And just needed him to go. “Go think about it at your house.”
“Are you sure? Will you call if you need something?”
She nodded. “I may call Nicole though.”
His shoulders fell. “Did I do something wrong Molly? What did I do?”
She bit her cheek and looked away from the lights, her eyes stung. “Nothing.”
He walked over to the door but stopped before going through. “I nearly lost you today. Did I do something to lose you anyway?”
“You didn’t have me. That’s what you said anyway. We aren’t like that. We don’t own each other. We’re friends.”
“Yeah, I did say that.” He put a hand on the door handle but didn’t move it. He turned back to her, looked like he was searching for words. “I can’t stay if you don’t want me to.”
“I know.”
“If this is you wanting me to be stubborn, I can’t do that. It’s not legal for one, and I can’t treat you like your wants don’t matter.”
“It’s not a trick. I need you to go.”
“You’re sure? How can you not hate me if I leave you like this? A broken arm and a stalker?”
“I would hate you more if you stayed.”
“And I hate you for making me leave.” The door shut swiftly but softly behind him and she heard loud footsteps as
he went down the stairs. She heard him flip open his phone to call someone for a ride. She’d been a jerk, making him leave without even checking that he had a way home.
But he’d been a jerk first for making her fall in love with him when he had no intention of returning the favor.
Chapter 14
Molly went to the freezer for her fourth pint of soy-based ice cream. Not great, but all that Nicole had had in her freezer to bring over. The doorbell rang. It’d been a week since the accident, and she’d been avoiding all of them, though Nicole had still come by. Justin had stayed away. It just proved what she’d thought, that he didn’t feel the way she did and had no right acting the way he had and confusing her. Men and women couldn’t be friends; the old adage was true.
She looked through the peephole and saw Chuck, one of the gay hosts from the club, out on the porch. That was unexpected. She looked down at her fuzzy pink robe and pink bunny slippers and decided that his being gay was more reason to change than not, and went to the bedroom. When she grew tired of using one arm to rifle through clothes, she decided Chuck would excuse her being a mess when he saw her cast. She went back out and opened the door, glad that she wasn’t big enough to have to wear a bra.
He held flowers, looked sharp with thick, soft brown hair parted on one side. She realized, looking from his brown eyes to his brown loafers, why she’d always felt so comfortable around him at the club. He was brown just like her. She smiled and invited him in, and he looked at the cast at her arm as he came in.
“Where can I set these?” he asked.
He’d brought stargazer lilies, large and white with vibrant pink eruptions through their middles. She’d always thought they looked like they had smallpox or something, too showy and out of place for her apartment. She gestured to the kitchen, then walked towards it and let him follow her.
“So what happened?” he asked, leaning against her table and clearly waiting for her to get a vase.
She didn’t feel like standing on a stool with a cast on, so she just grabbed a large jar sitting by the sink and filled it halfway with water and handed it to him.
“I was stupid,” she said. She watched as he clumsily set the flowers in the jar and stood back with hands stuffed in pockets to look at it.
“I didn’t know what kind you like.”
“Why are you here Chuck?”
He looked at her as if he also didn’t know the answer. He looked tired, as weary as she felt. “Justin said you were hurt. I thought I’d come check on you.”
“Thanks,” she said. “If you want you can come talk to me on the couch. I was just about to eat a snack.”
“Okay,” he said.
She sat and put the ice cream between her knees so she could take the lid off with one hand. Using her non-dominant hand had been an adventure in annoyance. Still not as annoying as having Justin around.
“So Justin says you won’t let him come over.”
“There’s no need.” She put the spoon in her mouth. “No reason he should be here.”
“I agree,” Chuck said.
Molly turned to look at him, really look at him. Outside the club, outside of the constant style tips and hair doing, he looked different. Gone were the pleasing smiles, the compliments. Perhaps, like Jason, he didn’t like doing those things he did at the club when not paid for them.
“If there’s no reason for him to be here, what reason is there for you to be here?”
Chuck turned toward her, sat up straight against the couch. He put one arm up along the back, and crossed one leg over the other.
“I think we need to talk.”
“About what? Now that I think about it, is it hard being gay at the club?”
“Of course,” he said. “Then again, it’s hard straight too. It’s hard to just be there to please others, to act like you like them, to make them smile and think you’re happy when you aren’t.”
“Why do you do it then?”
“Money,” he said. “At least it was for the money at first.”
She ate more, hoping for a head freeze that would distract her from her constant arm pain. “Look, I’m not really in the mood right now,” she said. “Maybe we could talk next time I’m at the club. Chuck, I don’t even know you, and I’m not feeling well.”
“Of course,” he said. “You only want me around on your own time, your own dime. Of course everything should be on your terms. So tiresome.”
“Maybe you ought to look into a new job,” Molly said, scooting away from him to the other side of the couch. “I think you need to leave.”
“Did you ever even see me?” He said. “He didn’t see me. So obvious. Am I that invisible?”
Molly frowned and looked side to side, wondering about the fastest way to eject crazy-town from her house.
“Go work at a gay bar if you have a problem.”
“No,” he said. “I wouldn’t be happy there. And I didn’t have a problem. Not until you came anyway.”
“Me?” she said. “How did I cause a problem?” She wished she had been given something stronger for her pain, and to drown out this conversation. She was just as sick of men as he was of women.
“He noticed you,” Chuck said. “He noticed you different from the others.”
“Who did?”
“And it didn’t make any sense,” he said. “You aren’t prettier than them; you aren’t prettier than him, even. You don’t make any sense. I’ve watched for years. I was fine watching. No one else had him either.”
“Chuck, what are you talking about?” She moved her hand slowly into her pocket to look for her phone. It wasn’t there. She pushed herself up. “I have to go get something.”
He nodded and she walked around him cautiously. She moved into the bedroom. She picked her phone off the bedside table and unlocked it with her thumb. She fumbled through the menus as she walked back to the living room, not wanting to leave Chuck alone in her house. She’d just found Nicole’s number when she bumped into something.
Chuck reached forward and slid her phone out of her hands. “I don’t think so.”
She looked up at him, too confused to be angry. “I’m sorry, but no. That’s my phone.” She reached for it back but he moved behind her and lifted her around the waist. She kicked out but he moved her easily. She tried to brain him with her good hand but it was too far away. He moved smoothly to the couch and set her down. She moved forward to stand up out of sheer obstinacy but he put out a hand.
“Just stop Molly,” he said. “You’ve made me miserable, but I think you can help me now. What do you think about Justin?”
“Why?”
Chuck held the phone like he’d hold a lit candle. “Are you just friends?”
“Why should I tell you?” she asked.
“You aren’t, right?” he asked. “You want more right?” He thumbed through her phone menus, then turned the phone and seemed to be texting.
“What is wrong with you?”
“Just desperate,” he said. “Just desperate Molly. I’m just borrowing your phone. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Why my—phone—” She stopped. “Are you the stalker?”
“Stalker?” he said. “Why would I be stalking you? I just wanted him to stay away from you.”
“You sent Justin the text,” she said. “Why?”
“I can’t have him,” Chuck said. “You can’t have him.”
“No one can have him,” she said. “Are you talking about Justin, just to be clear?”
“Of course,” he said. “I’ve been there for too long. It was enough just to watch him. Let’s see if he comes now. Let’s see if he cares enough about you to give me what I want.” He held out her phone to her.
“What on earth are you talking about?” She took it from him, read the text on the sent screen. “What makes you think he won’t just come beat you up? What makes you think I won’t?”
“I’m not doing anything worth a beating,” he said. “That doesn’t mean he knows
that.”
“He doesn’t care about me that way. I’m just his friend.”
“I guess we’ll see. Why don’t you just play along? If you don’t want him, surely you don’t mind if I have him? I might be able to just get something, you know, if you just play along.”
“Play along with what?” she said. “I’m so lost.” She sat back and put her good arm over her eyes. This was so stupid. Chuck must have sent the text to Justin. It made sense, since he was a host and could use the computer and would have Justin’s number.
“I don’t even want to be here,” she said. “I don’t know what you want him to do, but I bet if you just asked him, he’d do it anyway.”
“I just want to him to see me,” he said.
“Why?” she said.
“Why do you want him to see you?”
“Look you sicko. Justin’s been my friend since before you even knew him. He’s caused me way more aggravation than he’s probably caused you. But this isn’t a way to handle anything.”
Chuck came over to her couch. “He’ll be here any minute.”
“Probably,” she said. “After that text.”
“I heard he stayed with you at the hospital. Heard he went nuts over it.”
“What?”
“From Jason,” he said. “You know, I really hoped Jason could pull you away. I think you two would have made a good pair. But after Justin made a scene Jason backed off. Why does Justin get what he wants even when none of the rest of us do?”
“And what exactly do you think he wants?” Molly said. “His life hasn’t been peachy.”
“I need your promise you’ll stay out of this,” Chuck said. “I’m going to deal with Justin; you just stay there on the couch. Not that you could do anything with that arm.”
Molly grabbed her ice cream from where it’d fallen on the floor. “Sure, I’ll watch him mop the floor with you.”
“You’re right. I need something to keep him from doing that,” Chuck said. He came over and picked up her good hand and turned it in his.
~~~
Amy, a short brunette with the dubious title of ‘Career Counselor,’ looked at Justin with a sour face.
“You want to change your major to what?”
“Psychology.”
“From engineering?”