The Emerald City of Oz

by L. Frank Baum

  _How_ THE WOGGLEBUG TAUGHT ATHLETICS

  CHAPTER NINE

  It did not take Dorothy long to establish herself in her new home, forshe knew the people and the manners and customs of the Emerald City justas well as she knew the old Kansas farm.

  But Uncle Henry and Aunt Em had some trouble in getting used to thefinery and pomp and ceremony of Ozma's palace, and felt uneasy becausethey were obliged to be "dressed up" all the time. Yet every one wasvery courteous and kind to them and endeavored to make them happy. Ozma,especially, made much of Dorothy's relatives, for her little friend'ssake, and she well knew that the awkwardness and strangeness of theirnew mode of life would all wear off in time.

  The old people were chiefly troubled by the fact that there was no workfor them to do.

  "Ev'ry day is like Sunday, now," declared Aunt Em, solemnly, "and Ican't say I like it. If they'd only let me do up the dishes after meals,or even sweep an' dust my own rooms, I'd be a deal happier. Henry don'tknow what to do with himself either, and once when he stole out an' fedthe chickens Billina scolded him for letting 'em eat between meals. Inever knew before what a hardship it is to be rich and have everythingyou want."

  These complaints began to worry Dorothy; so she had a long talk withOzma upon the subject.

  "I see I must find them something to do," said the girlish Ruler of Oz,seriously. "I have been watching your uncle and aunt, and I believe theywill be more contented if occupied with some light tasks. While I amconsidering this matter, Dorothy, you might make a trip with themthrough the Land of Oz, visiting some of the odd corners and introducingyour relatives to some of our curious people."

  "Oh, that would be fine!" exclaimed Dorothy, eagerly.

  "I will give you an escort befitting your rank as a Princess," continuedOzma; "and you may go to some of the places you have not yet visitedyourself, as well as some others that you know. I will mark out a planof the trip for you and have everything in readiness for you to startto-morrow morning. Take your time, dear, and be gone as long as youwish. By the time you return I shall have found some occupation forUncle Henry and Aunt Em that will keep them from being restless anddissatisfied."

  Dorothy thanked her good friend and kissed the lovely Ruler gratefully.Then she ran to tell the joyful news to her uncle and aunt.

  Next morning, after breakfast, everything was found ready for theirdeparture.

  The escort included Omby Amby, the Captain General of Ozma's army, whichconsisted merely of twenty-seven officers besides the Captain General.Once Omby Amby had been a private soldier--the only private in thearmy--but as there was never any fighting to do Ozma saw no need of aprivate, so she made Omby Amby the highest officer of them all. He wasvery tall and slim and wore a gay uniform and a fierce mustache. Yet themustache was the only fierce thing about Omby Amby, whose nature was asgentle as that of a child.

  The wonderful Wizard had asked to join the party, and with him came hisfriend the Shaggy Man, who was shaggy but not ragged, being dressed infine silks with satin shags and bobtails. The Shaggy Man had shaggywhiskers and hair, but a sweet disposition and a soft, pleasant voice.

  There was an open wagon, with three seats for the passengers, and thewagon was drawn by the famous wooden Sawhorse which had once beenbrought to life by Ozma by means of a magic powder. The Sawhorse woregolden shoes to keep his wooden legs from wearing away, and he wasstrong and swift. As this curious creature was Ozma's own favoritesteed, and very popular with all the people of the Emerald City, Dorothyknew that she had been highly favored by being permitted to use theSawhorse on her journey.

  In the front seat of the wagon sat Dorothy and the Wizard. Uncle Henryand Aunt Em sat in the next seat and the Shaggy Man and Omby Amby in thethird seat. Of course Toto was with the party, curled up at Dorothy'sfeet, and just as they were about to start Billina came fluttering alongthe path and begged to be taken with them. Dorothy readily agreed, sothe Yellow Hen flew up and perched herself upon the dashboard. She woreher pearl necklace and three bracelets upon each leg, in honor of theoccasion.

  Dorothy kissed Ozma good-bye, and all the people standing around wavedtheir handkerchiefs, and the band in an upper balcony struck up amilitary march. Then the Wizard clucked to the Sawhorse and said:"Gid-dap!" and the wooden animal pranced away and drew behind him thebig red wagon and all the passengers, without any effort at all. Aservant threw open a gate of the palace enclosure, that they might passout; and so, with music and shouts following them, the journey wasbegun.

  "It's almost like a circus," said Aunt Em, proudly. "I can't helpfeelin' high an' mighty in this kind of a turn-out."

  Indeed, as they passed down the street, all the people cheered themlustily, and the Shaggy Man and the Wizard and the Captain General alltook off their hats and bowed politely in acknowledgment.

  When they came to the great wall of the Emerald City the gates wereopened by the Guardian who always tended them. Over the gateway hung adull-colored metal magnet shaped like a horse-shoe, placed against ashield of polished gold.

  "That," said the Shaggy Man, impressively, "is the wonderful LoveMagnet. I brought it to the Emerald City myself, and all who passbeneath this gateway are both loving and beloved."

  "It's a fine thing," declared Aunt Em, admiringly. "If we'd had it inKansas I guess the man who held a mortgage on the farm wouldn't haveturned us out."

  "Then I'm glad we didn't have it," returned Uncle Henry. "I like Ozbetter than Kansas, even; an' this little wood Sawhorse beats all thecritters I ever saw. He don't have to be curried, or fed, or watered,an' he's strong as an ox. Can he talk, Dorothy?"

  "Yes, Uncle," replied the child. "But the Sawhorse never says much. Hetold me once that he can't talk and think at the same time, so heprefers to think."

  "Which is very sensible," declared the Wizard, nodding approvingly."Which way do we go, Dorothy?"

  "Straight ahead into the Quadling Country," she answered. "I've got aletter of interduction to Miss Cuttenclip."

  "Oh!" exclaimed the Wizard, much interested. "Are we going there? ThenI'm glad I came, for I've always wanted to meet the Cuttenclips."

  "Who are they?" inquired Aunt Em.

  "Wait till we get there," replied Dorothy, with a laugh; "then you'llsee for yourself. I've never seen the Cuttenclips, you know, so I can't'zactly 'splain 'em to you."

  Once free of the Emerald City the Sawhorse dashed away at tremendousspeed. Indeed, he went so fast that Aunt Em had hard work to catch herbreath, and Uncle Henry held fast to the seat of the red wagon.

  "Gently--gently, my boy!" called the Wizard, and at this the Sawhorseslackened his speed.

  "What's wrong?" asked the animal, slightly turning his wooden head tolook at the party with one eye, which was a knot of wood.

  "Why, we wish to admire the scenery, that's all," answered the Wizard.

  "Some of your passengers," added the Shaggy Man, "have never been outof the Emerald City before, and the country is all new to them."

  "If you go too fast you'll spoil all the fun," said Dorothy. "There's nohurry."

  "Very well; it is all the same to me," observed the Sawhorse; and afterthat he went at a more moderate pace.

  Uncle Henry was astonished.

  "How can a wooden thing be so intelligent?" he asked.

  "Why, I gave him some sawdust brains the last time I fitted his headwith new ears," explained the Wizard. "The sawdust was made from hardknots, and now the Sawhorse is able to think out any knotty problem hemeets with."

  "I see," said Uncle Henry.

  "I don't," remarked Aunt Em; but no one paid any attention to thisstatement.

  Before long they came to a stately building that stood upon a greenplain with handsome shade trees grouped here and there.

  "What is that?" asked Uncle Henry.

  "That," replied the Wizard, "is the Royal Athletic College of Oz, whichis directed by Professor H. M. Wogglebug, T. E.

  "Let's stop and make a call," suggested Dorothy.

  So the Sawhors
e drew up in front of the great building and they were metat the door by the learned Wogglebug himself. He seemed fully as tallas the Wizard, and was dressed in a red and white checked vest and ablue swallow-tailed coat, and had yellow knee breeches and purple silkstockings upon his slender legs. A tall hat was jauntily set upon hishead and he wore spectacles over his big bright eyes.

  "Welcome, Dorothy," said the Wogglebug; "and welcome to all yourfriends. We are indeed pleased to receive you at this great Temple ofLearning."

  "I thought it was an Athletic College," said the Shaggy Man.

  "It is, my dear sir," answered the Wogglebug, proudly. "Here it is thatwe teach the youth of our great land scientific College Athletics--inall their purity."

  "Don't you teach them anything else?" asked Dorothy. "Don't they get anyreading, writing and 'rithmetic?"

  "Oh, yes; of course. They get all those, and more," returned theProfessor. "But such things occupy little of their time. Please followme and I will show you how my scholars are usually occupied. This is aclass hour and they are all busy."

  They followed him to a big field back of the college building, whereseveral hundred young Ozites were at their classes. In one place theyplayed football, in another baseball. Some played tennis, some golf;some were swimming in a big pool. Upon a river which wound through thegrounds several crews in racing boats were rowing with great enthusiasm.Other groups of students played basketball and cricket, while in oneplace a ring was roped in to permit boxing and wrestling by theenergetic youths. All the collegians seemed busy and there was muchlaughter and shouting.

  "This college," said Professor Wogglebug, complacently, "is a greatsuccess. It's educational value is undisputed, and we are turning outmany great and valuable citizens every year."

  "But when do they study?" asked Dorothy.

  "Study?" said the Wogglebug, looking perplexed at the question.

  "Yes; when do they get their 'rithmetic, and jogerfy, and such things?"

  "Oh, they take doses of those every night and morning," was the reply.

  "What do you mean by doses?" Dorothy inquired, wonderingly.

  "Why, we use the newly invented School Pills, made by your friend theWizard. These pills we have found to be very effective, and they save alot of time. Please step this way and I will show you our Laboratory ofLearning."

  He led them to a room in the building where many large bottles werestanding in rows upon shelves.

  "These are the Algebra Pills," said the Professor, taking down one ofthe bottles. "One at night, on retiring, is equal to four hours ofstudy. Here are the Geography Pills--one at night and one in themorning. In this next bottle are the Latin Pills--one three times a day.Then we have the Grammar Pills--one before each meal--and the SpellingPills, which are taken whenever needed."

  "Your scholars must have to take a lot of pills," remarked Dorothy,thoughtfully. "How do they take 'em, in applesauce?"

  "No, my dear. They are sugar-coated and are quickly and easilyswallowed. I believe the students would rather take the pills thanstudy, and certainly the pills are a more effective method. You see,until these School Pills were invented we wasted a lot of time in studythat may now be better employed in practising athletics."

  "Seems to me the pills are a good thing," said Omby Amby, who rememberedhow it used to make his head ache as a boy to study arithmetic.

  "They are, sir," declared the Wogglebug, earnestly. "They give us anadvantage over all other colleges, because at no loss of time our boysbecome thoroughly conversant with Greek and Latin, Mathematics andGeography, Grammar and Literature. You see they are never obliged tointerrupt their games to acquire the lesser branches of learning."

  "It's a great invention, I'm sure," said Dorothy, looking admiringly atthe Wizard, who blushed modestly at this praise.

  "We live in an age of progress," announced Professor Wogglebug,pompously. "It is easier to swallow knowledge than to acquire itlaboriously from books. Is it not so, my friends?"

  "Some folks can swallow anything," said Aunt Em, "but to me this seemstoo much like taking medicine."

  "Young men in college always have to take their medicine, one way oranother," observed the Wizard, with a smile; "and, as our Professorsays, these School Pills have proved to be a great success. One daywhile I was making them I happened to drop one of them, and one ofBillina's chickens gobbled it up. A few minutes afterward this chick gotupon a roost and recited 'The Boy Stood on the Burning Deck' withoutmaking a single mistake. Then it recited 'The Charge of the LightBrigade' and afterwards 'Excelsior.' You see, the chicken had eaten anElocution Pill."

  They now bade good bye to the Professor, and thanking him for his kindreception mounted again into the red wagon and continued their journey.