His Woman, His Wife, His Widow

by Janice Jones

  Shyanne’s rationale knocked all the fight out of me. I was broken and she was correct as usual. I stood there shaking, unable to discern whether it was from the cold or the good scolding I just received. As bad as I felt, my best friend was not done with me yet.

  “You’re right, Nay, I work for Shaun and he pays me well. But my occupation is legitimate. If and when he goes to jail, or worse, I’ll get another job. I have a college degree. It’s a good thing too, because it looks like I’m going to have to be the father figure to your two children eventually, one way or the other.”

  Shyanne gave me one last look, this one more compassionate than the others, and then returned to the kitchen. I followed behind her after a few seconds with my proverbial tail between my legs. Not even Mama had come at me about Shaun the way Shyanne just did.

  Despite the fact that Shyanne always gave it to me straight, I could never get mad at her. Her words would sting and wound deep down to my soul, but I knew they were always uttered from the depths of her heart. I truly loved my best friend. I just wished she would understand my devotion to my husband.

  We entered the kitchen just as Shaun did. “Hey, you two. Shauntae is out like a light. What in the world were you doing in the garage?”

  “Just having some girl talk,” Shy answered and moved past Shaun into the breakfast nook without even glancing his way. She was disappointed in me, but I could tell she was angry at Shaun.

  “Is everything all right?” he asked. Shyanne looked at me as if she expected me to tell Shaun right then and there that I wanted a divorce or something. Shaun saw the look, then looked at me too.

  “Everything is cool, Shaun. Shy and I are just having one of our moments.”

  “Okay, cool. I hope you were able to work through it. Shy I need you to keep Shauntae for us tonight. My wife and I have some catching up to do. If you don’t mind, we’ll drop her off on our way out for the evening.”

  Shyanne was spitting daggers at him with her eyes, but he was oblivious to her feelings for him at that moment. I stood there silently praying that she would not attack him with what she gave me in the garage.

  “No problem, Shaun. I always enjoy spending time with my goddaughter. I’m going home now so I can get some rest. Our little girl is a bundle of energy.” Then she abruptly left the kitchen to get her things.

  “Are you sure everything is cool between you two? Shy seems a little upset.”

  “We’re fine, Shaun. Shy is just concerned about everything that’s happened to you with the arrest. She’s worried about me, Shauntae, and the baby because we don’t know what’s going to happen to you in the future.” It was as honest as I could be with him about our conversation. Lying to him completely would have been a big mistake. Shaun has mental telepathy when it comes to me. He knows what I’m feeling or thinking all the time, sometimes before I do.

  “Hold up, Lindsay. Did you say baby? What baby? Who’s pregnant, you or Shyanne?”

  I was unaware of my faux pas until Shaun reintroduced it. “I am. I’m about five weeks along.”

  Shaun wiped down the front of his face with his hand then stood and stared at me for a few brief moments. “Man!”

  That one word said a lot, but it was still an incomplete thought. “Are you upset about the pregnancy?”

  “I wouldn’t say I’m upset, Lindsay. It’s just not the best time to have another baby. Cody said he was straight with you about what I’m facing. I may not even be around for a while. We don’t need to add another child to this already complicated equation.”

  “I’m keeping the baby, Shaun, no matter what. It’s ours and I want it.” I was calm and adamant, and I meant what I said.

  “Look, baby, we will talk about it all later. Right now I’ve got a million phone calls to make, the first one being to Cody. Have you spoken with Kevin since he got out?”

  I hadn’t even thought about my little brother since Cody told me he was home safe, but I did have some questions for him. “No. I’m going to go over to the store now while Shauntae is napping and you’re making your phone calls.”

  I wanted to ask Shaun how he could let my little brother get caught up in this mess, but I figured I would hear Kevin’s side of the story first. I would just add that to the list of things Shaun and I needed to discuss while we were out tonight.

  “Cool. We will hook up when you get back. By then I’ll have some information from Cody to give to you. I’ll see you when you get back. I love you.” Shaun gave me a slow passionate kiss, then headed up the stairs through the kitchen. I grabbed my purse and headed out the door, going to the party store we owned. I should be able to catch Kevin at work now.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “What’s up, little brother?” I asked Kevin as I walked into the back office of the store. Kevin sat behind the desk dealing with what looked like a mountain of paper work. I guess things got a little behind while he was out working his second job.

  “Hey, sis. Have you talked to your best friend today? I tried calling Shyanne at home but she didn’t answer. She has instructed me that calling her cell phone is a no-no unless the store is on fire. Since I only have a few questions for her, I wasn’t about to make that mistake,” he replied.

  “Shyanne just left my house a little while ago. She spent the night with me so she could keep Shauntae while I went to bail my husband out of jail. Know anything about that?” I asked sarcastically.

  Kevin stopped rumbling through the papers long enough to hang his head and look embarrassed. His reaction said pretty much all I needed to know. Kevin was a willing participant in Shaun’s business and not just along for the ride, so to speak.

  “Look, Nay,” I cut Kevin off with the wave of my hand and stood looming over him next to the chair he sat in at the desk.

  “No, you look, Kevin. What were you thinking? Are you trying to give Mama a heart attack or send her to prison for murdering you? Why did you get involved with Shaun’s organization?” I yelled so loud I’m sure I scared away any customers that may have been up front.

  “I’m so sorry, Nay-Nay. I wasn’t thinking. I saw all that you and Shaun have and I got greedy. So I asked Shaun to put me on. He was hesitant at first, but I kept pestering him, so he gave me a little work.”

  “I want to know exactly what you did for Shaun.”

  Kevin’s ruddy red skin was tinged an even deeper shade of rouge. It was so good to see that my baby brother was indeed sorry about what he had done. Embarrassment oozed from his skin like cheap cologne.

  “Because I was your brother, Shaun said he wouldn’t start me at the bottom like he did other new guys. He was also impressed with the job I did here at the store, so he knew I had a good head on my shoulders. So I began my work with him as a sergeant, and my job was to collect the money twice a day from each house.”

  I walked away from Kevin to put some distance between us. At that moment I felt more like his mother than his big sister. I wanted to whack him over the head with my shoe. I eventually came back and sat down in a chair in front of the desk. The office was small; therefore, I was still actually in striking distance if I decided to take a swing at him. I took some deep breaths to calm myself. It was difficult for me to distinguish which emotion was stronger: anger or sadness.

  “Kevin, I hear what you’re saying about seeing all that Shaun and I have, but I still don’t get it. Doesn’t Shaun pay you well for the job you do here? And if you really wanted something that you couldn’t afford, all you had to do was ask me. You know that. So again I ask, why?”

  “Nay I’m a twenty-two-year-old man. I shouldn’t have to ask my big sister to take care of me. I wanted to be able to take care of myself, get things for myself without needing yours or Mama’s permission or approval. And look at Shaun. You all have that big house. He owns this store. He drives an SUV and a Corvette. Shaun makes it all look so easy; as if he doesn’t have a care in the world other than taking care of you and his kids.

  “Yeah, the money I make here is c
ool, but going about it that way would mean I had to save for quite a while to move and furnish my own place, and I would have had to finance my Mustang. Working with Shaun, my ride is paid for and I had less than thirty days to go before I could have been out of Mama’s house and on my own.”

  I sat in the chair as my emotions became clear. Any trace of anger I possessed drained from my body. I was now sure that all I felt was pain, hard and strong. I couldn’t believe it. Everything Shyanne said earlier was true. My life and my relationship with Shaun were costing me more than I even began to realize. My own little brother was willing to risk jail or death just to be like my husband. What was I doing to my family?

  I put my head down on the desk and began to silently cry. Kevin came around to comfort me, obviously feeling like he was the cause of my tears. He had no clue that he was a victim in the circle of my life.

  “Nay, I apologize. I promise I’ll never do anything this stupid again. That one night I spent in a jail cell was more than enough to teach me a lesson. Besides, I also got a good look at what that kind of business entails. There is so much more to it than what I saw Shaun doing on the surface. These are brutal young guys with brutal attitudes. It was scary, Nay. In the short time I worked for Shaun, I met two guys that ended up dead. I don’t know the circumstances. All I know is these two dudes were here one day and now they are gone.” I looked into Kevin’s face and saw shame and fear plastered all over his features.

  “I’m sorry you had to witness that, K.J., but I’m glad to know you won’t do it again. If anything ever happened to you, I could never forgive myself nor would Mama ever forgive me.”

  “This was in no way your fault, Nay. Mama can’t blame you for my greed and stupidity.”

  I let the matter drop without elaboration of the real truth since it was over. I now had to figure out what changes I was going to make to protect my family.

  “So what’s up with Shaun? What’s going to happen to him now?” Kevin asked.

  “I’m not totally sure yet myself. He’s at home now talking to his attorney trying to figure out some sort of strategy.”

  Kevin went back to his seat behind the desk and stared off into space for a few moments. He looked as if he had something serious on his mind, and it had nothing to do with the mountain of paperwork on his desk.

  “What’s wrong, Kevin?” He turned his head to look in my direction, but I could tell he was not actually seeing me. It was as if he were looking right through me, trying to see inside of me. His face was again shadowed in fear. His fear terrified me.

  “Tell me what’s wrong, Kevin. Now!” I shouted

  “When those two guys I met got killed, it freaked me out, Lindsay.” I knew this was serious because Kevin has never called me by my first name. I didn’t comment or correct him however. My brother was dealing with something that was far more menacing than my ugly name. “I didn’t know them, and I don’t know what really happened to them other than they were found together shot to death in one of their cars. But if I understand correctly, Nay, there is going to be another murder before this whole situation with Shaun is put to rest.”

  Kevin’s words knocked the wind from my lungs. I felt myself getting nauseous again. I fought down the urge to vomit because I was desperate to know why he felt someone else was going to get killed soon.

  “What do you know, K.J.?”

  Kevin began explaining what happened on the day he and Shaun were arrested. “Shaun asked Jamo if he could use his car to make a run because he had paid some little kids to wash the Vette and the kids weren’t done yet. Shaun had no idea the dope was in the car, and he didn’t know anything about the car having any defects. Shaun felt Jamo should have let him know what was up. He said because that fool Jamo neglected to handle his business and put him up on the car being hot, he was about to face some serious time in prison. Shaun said he couldn’t let that ride.”

  “Oh my God! Are you sure you heard him correctly, Kevin?”

  Kevin stood up and started pacing the floor. “I’m one hundred percent certain. I asked Shaun why he didn’t just tell the police the drugs belonged to the person who owned the car, but he wasn’t even trying to hear me. He said being a snitch was the worst thing a person in his line of work could be. It would cost him everything. I tried explaining that if he went to prison for life, not telling was going to cost him everything anyway.”

  I sat there mesmerized by what my brother was telling me. I could not believe how naively I had been living my life for almost nine years. I knew the dope game was vicious, but I neglected to think of my own husband in those terms. Was Shaun capable of murder?

  “I truly hope you are wrong, Kevin. I’m on my way home to get ready for a night out with Shaun now. I’ll talk to him, and if it is true I will talk him out of it.”

  Kevin shook his head like he thought my idea was unfeasible, but he said, “I hope so, Nay. I don’t want to hear about anybody else I know getting murdered.”

  “Stay away from this mess, Kevin, do you understand me?” I commanded my little brother.

  “Trust me. I am so far away that it isn’t even funny. That little bit of time I spent locked up was all the wake up call I needed.”

  I gathered my things and made ready to leave. I stood looking at my little brother for a few seconds before I headed for the door. I guess he really did look like Daddy. For the first time in more than twenty years, I wished that our father had been a better man and stuck around for us. His leaving us made it easy to blame all the wrongs in my life on him.

  One thing I know for sure; Kevin’s quick about face in the drug game was not only a result of his short jail bid, but more so an effect of Mama raising us to know and depend on God. Kevin may not have said it, but I’m sure he prayed while he was locked up, promising God he would repent if He got him out of that mess.

  I kept my thoughts to myself and gave Kevin a hug. “I love you, K.J.” I couldn’t remember the last time I said that to him.

  “Be careful, Nay. I love you too.” Nor the last time he said it to me.

  “Baby, it’s so good to spend some time together; just you and me. You were all I thought about while they had me in their little cage,” Shaun said between bites of his food. We were dining at the Whitney, one of his favorite restaurants, and he was truly enjoying his meal.

  I sat barely touching my dinner because I had too much on my mind. When Shaun asked about my appetite, I feigned an upset stomach due to the pregnancy, one of the many items on the agenda Shaun and I needed to discuss tonight. I didn’t want to ruin his meal, so I patiently waited until we left the restaurant. We were in the car before I started talking about all of our issues.

  “Shaun, what did your attorney say about your case?”

  Shaun reached over and grabbed my hand, holding it while he drove. It took him a few moments before he answered. I knew then it wasn’t going to be good news. “Cody thinks it’s best for me to consider taking a plea bargain with the District Attorney on my case. Under the circumstances, I think he’s right. They have me dead to rights on the cocaine possession, and they did find the weapon used in an assault crime in the car I was driving.”

  “But, Shaun, it wasn’t your car. It was Jamo’s. Why don’t you just tell the police that? The car is registered in his name, right?”

  “It is not that simple out here in the streets, Lindsay. Even if I did tell them that, it doesn’t automatically prove that the stuff was not mine. It would be Jamo’s word against mine. Besides, I’m not about to put on a snitch jacket and live the rest of my life being viewed as a punk.

  I was stunned. He was repeating what Kevin told me earlier. I prayed he wouldn’t tell me he was going to kill Jamo. I couldn’t stand to hear him say it. I diverted to something else before he went there. “Shaun, I understand you not wanting to wear a snitch label, but we are talking about them putting you away for fifteen years or more.”

  “Not necessarily, sweetheart. If I take the plea and not go to tria
l, Cody says he can get them to drop the assault charge and change the drug charge from possession with intent to simple possession. Since I don’t have a prior record, Cody can probably get the D.A. to agree to a sentence of one to five. I could be out in about three-sixty-five, love.”

  I squeezed Shaun’s hand and closed my eyes. I was so relieved. That was the best news I had heard in the past four days. Then just as quickly as the relief came, the sadness returned. My life had been reduced from being a young, naïve Christian girl, to being a drug-dealer’s wife who was happy that her husband would now be a convicted felon who only had to serve a year in prison.

  “That would mean I would be locked up when you give birth to the baby, Lindsay. I would miss out on being in the delivery room again. I don’t want to do that to you again, baby. I want to be there for you when you go through that again. I really wish you would reconsider your decision to go through with this pregnancy.”

  How dare he sit here opening up old wounds? I guess he just happened to forget why he missed the delivery of our daughter? I started to go there with him, but I figured it just wasn’t worth it. I didn’t want to rerun any part of the argument we had on our anniversary. God had already corrected me about that mess. Besides, we had too much else to discuss right now.

  I kept my eyes closed, but I pulled my hand from Shaun’s and placed it in my lap. When I opened my eyes again, I took a deep breath and reiterated my position on terminating my pregnancy. “I’m keeping this baby, Shaun,” I said with the same authority and unwavering firmness as I did when I told him I was pregnant.

  Shaun obviously understood that I wasn’t changing my mind, so he let the subject drop. We rode in silence the rest of the way home. I used the time to gather the rest of my thoughts regarding everything else we needed to discuss.

  When we arrived home, Shaun went into the living room and started a fire in the fireplace. He then went into the kitchen to get some champagne glasses and a bottle of expensive champagne. When he returned, I was sitting on the sofa. Shaun gently pulled me onto the floor with him. He poured champagne into both glasses and then held his up for a toast. I lifted mine as a gesture as well.