by Janice Jones
“Lindsay, things have been difficult to say the least for the past few days. I want to thank you for keeping your head on straight and for being there for me. I know you must have been frantic not knowing where I was after I walked out on you, but you have handled everything so gracefully. I am happier than you will ever know that you are my wife.”
Shaun drank from his glass. I set mine on the table. When he gave me an inquisitive look I simply said, “The baby.”
I was moved by his words. God knows I love my husband. It was nice to know he acknowledged and appreciated me. But I was not going to let him woo me with words. Shaun may not think as highly of me by the time we went to bed tonight.
I pulled two throw pillows from the sofa, resting one behind my back as I leaned against the couch and the other under my legs. I made myself comfortable as I prepared to talk about some very uncomfortable topics. One being his employee, Toni, and the other his former employee, Kevin.
“Shaun, I want to talk about Toni, the woman you sent here to tell me you were in jail. What is your relationship with her?” I asked in as nonaccusatory tone as I could muster.
“Toni is Rhonda’s cousin. She works for me as a sergeant. She is someone I can trust to handle pick up money. I told her to make sure she let you know the only relationship she and I had was a working one. Didn’t she tell you that?”
“Yes she did, but it wouldn’t be the first time you gave me only half the story about your relationship with a female. Keva was just Frannie’s friend, remember?” I knew I was pushing the envelope so to speak. There was no way Rhonda would stand for her cousin having any other type of relationship with Shaun and still be cool with her. Toni mentioned that she and Rhonda had talked about me, so I knew they were cordial.
Shaun shifted around on the floor, and his features became uncomfortable. A sadness washed over his face, and I momentarily regretted bringing up Keva. I knew Shaun still missed and worried about Kevaun.
I recovered quickly though. Shaun brought this all on himself. I was getting tired of taking the blame for all of our unhappiness. It was time for him to be accountable for the position he had placed us in right now. I had to go a little Shyanne on him.
“Look, Shaun. You are my husband and I love you with all that I am. From the first day I met you in the grocery store you have been my life. Now the life I have been living has been turned upside down. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. This is not what I signed up for. You have promised me year after year that you were getting out of the street game, and I believed you. Now five years later, here I sit, the mother of one, pregnant with another, and my husband is on his way to prison. I am stepmother to a child born of your infidelity and another child I barely know because his mother hates me.”
With each word I had spoken to Shaun, I had become more and more upset. I got up from the floor and moved to the sofa. Shaun got up too, but he moved to the chair. As always he was in tune with my mood, and he knew I wanted some space between us.
Shaun opened his mouth to speak, but I interrupted because I already knew what he was going to say.
“Don’t apologize yet, Shaun, because I’m not finished. You see, it’s not just me anymore. My children are going to be affected by your selfishness, your greed, and my inability to see beyond the love I have for you. Shaun, I appreciate that you know how much I love you, but it’s that same love that could have possibly landed my little brother in prison for twenty years. In turn, my mother would have been crushed. This is affecting my whole family.”
Shaun sat quietly, looking at me as if he were seeing me for the first time ever. He looked like I felt after Shyanne said basically the same things tome.
“I see that you are feeling me, Shaun; that you are absorbing and understanding everything I’m saying. I don’t give a hot ham sandwich about the money, this house, those cars, nothing. All I care about now is preserving my family and holding onto my sanity. So the ball is now in your court.”
I got up from the sofa, leaving Shaun sitting in the living room staring after my retreating back. I headed up the stairs and into our bedroom. I undressed, took a nice long hot shower and put myself to bed snugly under the covers. I felt at ease and peaceful for what seemed like the first time in the nine years I had known my husband.
I meant every word I said to Shaun. It was do or die time for our marriage. He was either going to have to honor the promises he had been making since we married, or he was going to have to leave my life and let me grieve the loss of this relationship. But I promised myself if that indeed became the case, it would be my final loss. I was going to hold onto my children, my brother, my mother, and my best friend from this point on.
Shaun came up about an hour later. He assumed I was sleeping, so he followed my regimen. He undressed, took a shower, and climbed into bed beside me. He wrapped his warm freshly soap scented arms around my body and held on for dear life. When he felt me stir in an effort to get closer to him, he realized I was awake.
“You are so right, Lindsay. I have been selfish and greedy under the guise of doing what’s best for my family, including my mother and sisters. We have all enjoyed the benefits of my money without thinking about the consequences my lifestyle brings. I thought I was so careful, so smart by avoiding the police and the D.E.A. Then I got caught on a humble. Somebody else’s bad.”
Shaun paused and nuzzled the back of my neck with his warm nose. He reached around to hold both my hands in his. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with my case; if Cody can cut a deal with the Assistant Attorney General or not. But if he can and I can get away with doing a year or less, I want you to wait on me, Lindsay. Once I get home, I promise, I swear, I pledge that I won’t go back to the streets. I’ll go back to school, I’ll get my degree, and I’ll legitimatize everything we have. I’ll be your husband. I’ll be a father to my children, and I will be a son-in-law your mother can be proud of.” Shaun knew that would make me laugh.
I turned over to face him and looked into his face to search for sincerity. Our bedroom was dark, but I stared anyway hoping I could find truth in his eyes. Shaun grabbed me and began caressing my body before I had a chance to complete my search. Before I knew it, we were done making love and I fell asleep with just another promise in my heart that I prayed he would keep this time.
Chapter Twenty
The following day, both Shaun and I met with Cody to get more information on his case. I presumed that since I had Shaun back in my life, the original attraction I felt for Cody would not surface. I was so wrong. Several times during our visit, Cody and I made eye contact. I had to look away quickly so I wouldn’t get caught staring at his beautiful face.
I sat listening to Cody speak to Shaun, marveling at not only how gorgeous he was, but also how smart, articulate, and very knowledgeable he was about the workings of the law. He could also hold a pretty street savvy conversation as well. Cody and Shaun bantered on and on about the ins and outs of the drug game and how it related to Shaun’s current predicament.
“Shaun, I have talked to the assistant Attorney General, Theresa Barnes, twice. She is really trying to give me a hard time. Theresa knows she pretty much has you dead to rights, so getting probation or a suspended sentence is going to be out of the question. However, in order to save the government the cost of a full-scale trial, she is willing to plead you down to simple possession and drop the assault charge since you have no priors.”
I fidgeted in my chair as I listened to Cody. While I was concerned about my husband’s future, it was the delicious man Shaun chose as his attorney that mesmerized me. Shaun noticed my discomfort.
“Lindsay, are you all right? Are you nauseous, baby?”
“I have a private restroom, Lindsay, if you need to use it,” Cody said as a help.
I almost fainted when he casually used my first name in front of Shaun. Big mouth! All I could do was pray that either Shaun paid little attention to it, or he assumed Cody said it because he’d said it
.
“Cody, Lindsay prefers to be called either Nay or Nay-Nay. She dislikes her first name. Using it is a privilege reserved just for me,” Shaun told him.
Oh please! Oh please! Oh please! Let Cody not push the issue, Lord. My husband’s senses were too keen for him not to realize there was an attraction here, especially if Cody said I never informed him of any objection to my name.
“I’m sorry. I think she and Shyanne did mention that the other day. It won’t happen again, Nay.” Cody said with straight-faced sincerity.
Thank you, God. Cody’s apology and explanation seemed so natural. If I didn’t know the truth myself, I would swear he was speaking from complete honesty. I guess that is why he’s a lawyer that makes the big bucks.
Cody looked at me and smiled, but the gesture never quite reached his eyes. They were saying something I was unable to read. I figured now was as good a time as any to take him up on his invitation to use his restroom. I needed to escape the sudden tension I felt.
“Uh ... Mr. Vincini, I mean ... uh, Cody. I probably should use your restroom if you don’t mind,” I stuttered. I acted like a dork who wanted her husband to know she was physically feigning for his attorney.
“Sure. It’s right through that door on the left. The one on the right is my closet. Please don’t go in there and throw up.” Both Cody and Shaun chuckled at his joke. I got up quickly and made my escape.
Once I was securely inside the bathroom, I leaned against the door and took some deep breaths. I was a little queasy, but I didn’t need to vomit. I just needed to get out of the office before Shaun started feeling that I was feeling Cody. Why did he have to be so fine, smart, and even funny? I stayed in the bathroom a few moments to compose myself. I splashed some cold water on my face trying my best to clear my head of visions of Cody and me in a serious lip-lock. Where did that come from?
“Lord, please help me here. You came through for me out there with Cody’s story about my name. Please stop me from being so attracted to him before I get both of us killed.”
“Who are you talking to in there, Lindsay?” Shaun heard me praying and came to the door.
“Uh, I ... was ... speaking to the baby. I was asking him or her to um ... give me a break on the morning sickness,” I lied. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Are you sure, baby?”
“Yes, Shaun. I’m cool.”
I took a few more deep breaths and tried thinking about something really dull to take my mind off Cody’s aura. When I returned to the office, Cody was saying something about federal time versus state time.
“See, Shaun, with state time, you get sentenced from a minimum to a maximum amount of years. With the feds, however, you get a flat sentence. An in-date and an out-date, and you have to do every day of that sentence. No good behavior decreases or anything like that. As long as you stay out of trouble, Nay, here will know exactly what day to pick you up.” This man was good. He used my nickname like he had been doing it all his life.
“So give me your best guess on what my sentence could be,” Shaun said.
“I would say anywhere between two and five years.”
“Five years!” I blurted.
“Calm down, Lindsay. That’s just the maximum. I’m sure our boy here will do his best to shave off as much time as possible,” Shaun assured me.
“Yes, little lady. Let’s think positive here. Shaun’s been a model citizen up until now, so we should hope for the best.”
But be prepared for the worst, I thought.
“Shaun, I really wish you would have just told the police the drugs and the tire iron belonged to Jamo at the start of this whole mess,” I whined as we walked into our home. I was so glad to be away from Cody’s office and his beautiful smile.
“That is not the way I roll. I will never wear a snitch jacket.”
We both went into the kitchen. I poured myself some juice, and I gave Shaun a glass of water. We sat at the kitchen table and talked more about what our future was going to be like.
“I understand the code of the streets, but this is going to affect our entire lives. You could go to prison for up to five years. How am I supposed to raise two kids alone for that amount of time?”
“I’m sure I won’t get the five-year sentence. But even if the worst case scenario prevails, you will have more than enough to stay afloat while I’m gone. Since the properties, the store and the car wash are in your name, you don’t have to worry about the FEDs taking them away from us. There is more than enough money stashed in the garage safe to last while I’m gone, even if I have to do the max.”
This man had no idea what I was talking about. All he cared about was money. What about his wife and kids? Not once did he mention how we were supposed to get along as a family without a husband and a father.
“What about your children, Shaun? I’m going to have a baby that won’t even know you when you come home.”
Shaun looked at me cocked eyed and crazy. “I am not going on that guilt trip with you, Lindsay. I gave you the same explanation, but you refused to discuss it with me. You are the one determined to carry this baby full term—” I stopped him with the customary talk to the hand gesture.
“Abortion is not something I am discussing. I am having this baby. It is not his or her fault that you are in the predicament you’re in. I have asked and begged you—” It was now his turn to stop me.
“All right, baby. Stop yelling. Let’s not go there again. We are where we are. The situation is what it is. We can’t change it now. What we have to do is hope for the best outcome and make the best of it for each other. Okay?”
I didn’t answer since I felt the question was rhetorical, but reality set in with a raw fierceness. I started to feel pressured and stressed and the nausea returned. I headed to the bathroom without bothering to excuse myself.
I stood over the toilet bowl retching this morning’s breakfast. If memory served me correctly, I was not this sick when I carried Shauntae. It worried me. I wondered if the stress of our current situation caused me to throw up so much more often. How was my child going to receive the necessary nourishment if I was unable to hold down any food?
Then I went from being upset to feeling guilty. If I had left Shaun when I found out about Keva and Kevaun, I wouldn’t be faced with this mess. However, I would also not be blessed with this baby.
But there was still today. I could walk out right now and make my own way for my children. Shaun’s inevitable prison stint could be just the push I needed to take myself out of this lifestyle and start fresh and clean.
Yeah, right. Who was I kidding? Even with everything I had gone through with Shaun, I still loved him as much as I ever did. As far as I was concerned, there was no life without him; locked up or not. I was determined to stand with him through this ordeal just as I had with all the others. I knew once he came home he would keep his promise, and we would begin living normal everyday lives.
I made up my mind right then that I would go back to school and finish my degree in something. There was still time, before the baby came, to enroll and complete at least one semester. By the time Shaun came home, I could get a job and we could be the typical husband and wife, two-income family. Shoot! I could get my degree in Business Administration or Management like Shyanne and Kevin. We could expand on our current business and all work together as one cohesive family unit. I instantly began to feel better now that I had a plan to better my family.
When I returned to the kitchen where Shaun still sat, I was wearing a big grin. I was at peace. Shaun looked perplexed, but decided against questioning my renewed spirit.
“This is the first time you have come out of the bathroom grinning after throwing up. But you know what? I’m not going to even ask why. It is just good to see you smiling and happy for a change.” Knowing how well Shaun could read my mind, he probably already knew why I was smiling.
I grabbed hold of his hands and they were ice cold, so much so that the simple touch chilled my who
le body. The temperature outside was freezing, but we had been in the house long enough for his hands to have warmed by now. I slowly removed my own hands and rubbed them together to reheat them.
I stared at Shaun, and he gave me an apologetic look as he placed each hand between his thighs. Gazing into Shaun’s eyes, I pondered whether or not the frost that settled in my bones was from the cold.
Three months later, as if this ordeal was not painful enough, I had to sit in the court with Patricia, Uncle Bobby, Francine, Tameeka, and of all people, Rhonda, as the judge announced Shaun’s fate. Thank goodness Shyanne was with me. There had still been no trace of Keva or Kevaun in the nearly ten months since she left. Shaun was sentenced to serve two years in a minimum-security federal prison in West Virginia. The distance between West Virginia and Detroit could be covered with a seven hour drive or ninety-minute plane ride.
We were allowed a few brief moments to say our good-byes before he was taken into custody. Patricia bum rushed past me and led her crew to the defendants’ table first, which was about thirty feet from where we were seated. I started to pull rank, but decided to just let her go first. I stayed in the background as they gave their hugs and kisses. Cody came to where Shyanne and I sat and held my hand while the real live version of the Adam’s Family said good-bye.
“Don’t worry, Lindsay. This time will fly by. Before you know it, you will have your husband back. West Virginia is just a quick plane ride away. You can get a relatively inexpensive flight, visit and be back home in the same day,” Cody said as he smiled.
I returned his smile while feeling totally uncomfortable as Cody held my hand. With Shaun being as close as he was, I was certain my husband could feel the heat radiating from my body due to Cody’s nearness. Three months had passed, and I was no less attracted to him than the very first day I laid eyes on him.