by Janice Jones
Oh my goodness! What in the world was he going to tell me? This sounded as if it were going to be painful. I braced myself for his revelation. For comfort, I armed myself with the knowledge that I had my own little thing going on just in case he was about to tell me he was cheating again.
“What is it now, Shaun?” I asked with as much attitude as I could muster.
“Tawanda works for me ... on the outside and here on the inside.”
He said that like I understood what he meant. I became angry, yet somewhat relieved. I was prepared for him to tell me she was another baby mama.
“What does that mean? How can she work for you inside?”
Shaun pulled my chair very close to his and hugged me. It was for appearances sake more so than the desire for actual contact. He needed me close because he was about to whisper what he wanted me to know.
“Tawanda brings me a supply of cocaine in here to sell.”
“What?” My scream brought on the attention of the guards in the visiting room. One of them came to our table to question us.
“What’s the problem over here, Taylor?” he asked.
“No problem. My wife wasn’t happy with something I asked her, that’s all,” Shaun replied, then looked me in the eye, begging me to support his story.
“Ma’am, is everything okay over here?” security asked me directly.
“Yes, sir. Everything is fine. I apologize for my outburst. My husband just gave me a shock. I’m fine, honestly.”
“Okay. Please try to keep it down. As a matter of fact, I’d like you two to separate your chairs.” We complied with the guard’s request, then he walked away. However, he kept his eye on us for quite some time afterward.
“Shaun, why are you doing this?” I asked in a calmer voice.
“Baby, I am just trying to keep my promise to you. I am doing this so we will be all set when I come home. I’m just putting things together, Lindsay.”
This all sounded like the same old runaround he continuously gave me when he was on the street. Shaun always made it sound like he was doing what was best for our family. The real truth was he just had to be in control, and he loved the power that control gave him. While he was careful and effective at dealing drugs, he never thought rationally when it came to being a drug dealer; being the man. As intelligent as he was, the power of the streets made him neglect to use his intellect. If he did, he would see how dangerous this was.
“Shaun, what happens if you get caught? It isn’t worth it, honey. We will be fine once you come home and get a regular job. I’ll be working and we still have the businesses. We’ll finally have a normal family life.”
“Lindsay, trust me. I won’t get caught. It’s all worked out.”
I wanted so badly to ask him how, but I knew he would never tell me. Especially here. He never gave me the details of his business.
“I don’t want to come out and go to work for somebody else. Lindsay, I want to own my own businesses, businesses much bigger than the party store and the car wash. I want to be a billion dollar entrepreneur. Honey, it takes big money to make big money in this world. You and the kids deserve better than some weak sucker working nine to five or keeping track of stock and inventory at our little mom and pop corner store. I deserve better than that. I am too smart for that and you know it. No! I have to be in charge of my destiny and the well being of my family.”
This time it was Shaun who got a little loud and the guards gave us their attention once again. They stayed in their seats, opting to stare at us, giving us warning to be careful.
Shaun and I both calmed down and looked at each other intently. Shaun grabbed my hands, hoping to communicate without speaking. He wanted me to know his business venture could not bring us any more trouble. There was something else in his eyes as well. It was that same something that I noticed earlier and couldn’t put into words.
“Are you sure that’s all Tawanda is to you?” Again that look surfaced, and for the first time since I had been here today, I began to feel guilty about my association with Cody. Was there some way Shaun could possibly know about us? Then the look was gone as quickly as it came.
“Baby, I promised you I would never do anything like that to you again. I meant it. She is just an employee. Someone willing to take a risk for the amount of money she’s getting paid.”
Shaun’s eyes softened, and I chalked up my previous thoughts to paranoia. There was no way he could possibly know what I was doing on the outside. Cody and I have been very careful.
Shaun and I spent the rest of the visit just enjoying each other’s company with no more talk of another woman or any more thoughts about my other man.
Chapter Twenty-three
May 2004
Cody and I have been seeing each other for the past eighteen months. It’s been so cool. Cody has been my substitute for my husband since Shaun has been in prison, less all the heartache I have endured with Shaun. My relationship with Cody is purely physical and psychological; there is nothing emotional about us. Neither of us is falling in love. He enjoys my companionship, and of course the sex; and I get to relive with him everything that was good about Shaun in the beginning of our relationship. The sex has been pretty good for me too.
Even in the midst of my adulterous affair, I have remained faithful to my church and Bible Study attendance. My relationship with Cody has continually caused me to have spiritual conflicts in my relationship with God. I know my affair is wrong in and of itself, but it feels so very right. I rationalize my affair by bargaining with God. I remind Him that this is just a temporary situation, and I will repent of my behavior as soon as Shaun comes home.
I have continued my schedule of seeing Shaun every three weeks or so. He is still none the wiser about his attorney and me. Ms. Tawanda also continues to visit him twice a month. Shaun reports that business is great, and everything is under control.
Cody and Shaun have many similarities. They’re both drop dead gorgeous; I wouldn’t be bothered with anything less. Only one year separates them in age. Cody is 31 and Shaun is 30. Both men are the two most intelligent people I know. They both make lots of money. And while Cody is an attorney with two college degrees, and Shaun is a convicted felon and a drug-dealer, they both made their fortunes in the same business. Ninety percent of Cody’s clients are people just like Shaun.
Neither of my children has ever seen nor heard of Cody. I would never disrespect Shaun to that degree, nor would I want to confuse my children. Shyanne is still the only one aware of our relationship.
Cody called earlier this afternoon asking me to go to dinner tonight. He sweetened his invitation by telling me he had a few surprises he wanted to share with me. I was so excited that when he got here, I didn’t bother waiting for him to come to my door to get me. I was out of the house before he had a chance to exit his car ... a car, I might add, I had never before seen.
Cody had purchased a brand new convertible Mercedes Benz SL500 for himself. It was almost as beautiful as he. This, he said, was the first surprise. In my experience most people save the best for last. So I couldn’t wait to find out what else he had in store. But if I have learned anything from my time with Shaun, it was the value of patience, so I held my tongue. The weather was still cool for May, so we drove with the top up on the Mercedes as we rode to Beverly Hills to have dinner at Cody’s ritzy country club.
We dined here frequently, and the waitress sat us at our usual table. Because this was an exclusive club, Cody and I often received our share of stares from the older white members. Initially I was unnerved and angered by their bigotry. Cody told me the best way to handle them would be to simply ignore them; behave as if I had just as much right to be there as they did. Cody was right. The last thing I wanted to do was cuss one of them out and give credit to their preconceived opinion of ‘us’ being ignorant and uncontrollable.
We were halfway through our dinner when I just couldn’t stand the suspense of the second surprise any longer.
; “Okay, Cody. When are you going to tell me about the other wonderful surprise?”
“What other surprise, Lindsay?” I was amazed that he said that with a straight face. He looked like he was dead serious. This man had to be fierce in the courtroom.
“Don’t play games with me, Mr. Vincini. I have waited long enough. I am a patient woman, but you are trying me,” I said sternly. “Now please, please tell me about the other surprise.”
Cody shook his head and blessed me with his smile. “You know, I have never been with anyone who makes me laugh and smile the way you do.”
“Good. Now repay me by telling what the surprise is.”
“Okay. You win. I just bought a summer home in Martha’s Vineyard. I want us to drive up and spend the weekend together there. It’s just a small cottage, but it was you I had in mind when I purchased it. It is you I want to share it with.”
Cody’s eyes held a far away look, one I had never seen before. If I didn’t know better, I would have sworn he was starting to get serious on me. As I concentrated on the look, the surprise slipped my mind. Cody brought me back to the time at hand.
“Did I say something wrong, Lindsay?”
“No, Cody. It’s just that ... well, for a second I thought maybe you were trying to take our friendship to another level.”
Cody was a gifted attorney and a very smart man. He was smooth and his livelihood depended on his being convincing. He could effortlessly make me believe anything he said.
“Lindsay, we’ve been spending a tremendous amount of time with each other for the better part of a year and a half. It is only natural I have developed some strong feelings for you. However, I knew the situation with you when I came through the door. You’re a married woman; a woman married to my client, so I know there are limits on how far we can go. But you describe what we have as a friendship. I think that’s inaccurate. You have to know that we are more than friends. I may be at a loss to identify exactly how we should be classified, but the word friend does not do us justice.”
I took a sip of my strawberry daiquiri and remained silent as I tried to process what Cody said. I was afraid to ask him to be more specific. The last thing I wanted to hear him say was he was in love with me. Yes. I did have feelings for Cody, but the only person I was in love with was my husband.
Cody recognized I was becoming uncomfortable with the conversation. He performed his signature move of grabbing both my hands in his and gently kissed each of them. He then looked intently into my eyes. I looked around to find the usual nosy bodies staring at us, but Cody ignored them and continued his spiel.
“Listen, beautiful. The last thing I wanted to do was make our relationship difficult for you. So far we have been able to enjoy each other’s company to the fullest, never once having a single disagreement or moment of discord. With all that we have shared, how is it that I was supposed to keep myself from becoming a little more than infatuated with you?”
I opened my mouth to interject, but he cut me off by continuing to speak. “I know you belong to someone else. I have accepted it, but human nature has prevented me from being able to control my feelings for you. I realize, however, that you are more than likely going to return to your marriage in six months when Shaun comes home. I have accepted that as well. I just want to enjoy the rest of the time I have with you all to myself. Allow me to show you and share with you all the adoration I have developed for you. Enjoy the ride with me for the rest of the time it lasts. I promise when this coaster comes to its time restricted end, I’ll get off, no strings attached.”
Cody was so sincere that I had no choice but to believe he was serious about letting me walk away when Shaun came home. It was overwhelming that this brilliant, wealthy, fine attorney thought me worthy of such deep feelings and consideration, knowing I was married to someone else. I was floating on cloud nine, so I readily agreed to strap myself down and ride this puppy ’til the wheels fell off.
“That was so beautiful, Cody. Your offer of limited bliss is one I can’t turn down. Yes. I’ll go with you to your new cottage this weekend, and I’ll stand with you until our hour glass runs empty.”
We arrived at the cottage around 11:00 P.M. Thursday; two days after Cody made the initial invitation. The entire drive up was wonderful. We made stops in all the major cities between Michigan and Massachusetts. Cody bought me beautiful souvenirs from each state. It was an exciting sightseeing adventure. Until now, the only places I had ever visited were Las Vegas when Shaun and I got married, Walt Disney in Florida with Granny and K.J. when we were children, and the prison in West Virginia.
Shauntae and Lil’ Shaun stayed with Mama and Grandma while they and Shaun believed I was on vacation with Shyanne.
I financed a vacation for Shyanne and our childhood friend, Sharay, to Miami, Florida as part of my alibi. Shaun was at first hesitant about me taking a vacation without him, but I convinced him that I truly deserved it after all the stress I had endured over the past several months.
Cody opened the door to let me in and look around while he retrieved our luggage from the car. He was right about the place being small, but it was very cozy and intimate. It was a small cape cod with three bedrooms; one on the first floor, the other two upstairs. There was a small living room with a fireplace, a kitchen complete with all the latest appliances, and a full bathroom with a separate tub and shower stall. There were no furnishings in either the living room or the downstairs bedroom.
Cody joined me just as I was about to head upstairs. We toured up there together. He showed me the upstairs bathroom first, which was much larger than the one downstairs. It too had a separate shower stall, but the tub doubled as a Jacuzzi.
We then viewed the smaller of the two bedrooms on this floor, which he would eventually use as an office. This room was unfurnished as well. He’d owned the place for less than two weeks, so he hadn’t had time to shop and decorate.
The last room on our tour was the master bedroom. Now this room was fully furnished. It was complete with a beautiful, antique, king-sized cherry wood canopy bed. Two traditional styled Queen Anne chairs were covered in the same fabric and mint green color as the canopy. The bedroom set also included a matching dresser, mirror, and an armoire. This ensemble was breathtaking. There was a fireplace accented with shiny brass that matched the knobs and handles on the dresser and armoire. When did he have time to decorate this room?
As if reading my mind, Cody spoke. “This is the only room I rushed to furnish. I figured we would be spending the majority of our time in here,” he said with a devilish grin.
I smiled back. “I can’t believe you’re using me for my body, counselor. Such deplorable behavior from someone who is supposed to be an ethical public servant.”
I immediately felt guilty for my comment. I began to think about how very unethical we were being. I’m a married woman cheating on my husband with his attorney. I am a Christian woman cheating on God with my adulterous behavior. Who was I to question Cody’s ethics, even in jest?
My little guilt trip took me on a path that led away from our verbal foreplay, and the mood was broken for me. I could still see the lust in Cody’s eyes, however, so I tried to diffuse the situation.
“Why don’t you start unpacking, and I’ll fix us something to eat,” I suggested. “I’ll unpack my things after our meal. I’m starving. The kitchen looked pretty well stocked, so I have to amend my previous statement. Both sex and food were on your mind when you furnished this place.” I stepped around a disappointed attorney and headed down the stairs.
This was not the first time the pangs of guilt interrupted an interlude between me and Cody. Call me crazy, but I was still very much in love with my husband. I was sure that would never change. It was only natural for me to feel remorseful every now and then. My spirit was also in a constant tug of war with my conscious. I was combating two very different sources over one bad situation.
My guilt suddenly warped into more than just feeling bad for my cheating.
I was starting to feel guilty about Cody’s admission of his emotions spiraling into more than just those of an intimate friend. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him after all this was said and done. I felt so selfish. Maybe I should just make this weekend the last hoorah for us, and call it quits after this.
Cody came downstairs after unpacking and showering just as I finished preparing our midnight snack. He looked so delicious in a pair of cream colored linen shorts and his bare chest exposed that I almost decided to do without the food and simply eat him. How was I ever going to give up all this beauty?
As I walked around the table, setting it for our meal, Cody came behind me and wrapped his strong golden arms around my upper body. He smelled as good as he looked, and my knees, along with my resolve to put an end to us, weakened.
“Cody, how am I supposed to feed us while you have me in a bear hug?” I said as I tried to regain control of the situation and my composure.
“Sweetheart, I have spent the better part of a year and a half with you. I think I know a little about you at this juncture. You are no hungrier for that little snack you prepared than I am. I saw the lust in your eyes as soon as I entered the kitchen. I also saw the hesitation and guilt in them when you fled the bedroom earlier.”
My entire body tensed, and I dropped the plate with the sandwiches. Everything went clanging to the floor in a big mess. I was stunned speechless that Cody could read my emotions so well. I guess that was another similarity he shared with Shaun. I assumed that Shaun’s perception was a result of the depth of my feelings for him. Was I really just a transparent fool who wore her expressions and emotions on her sleeve?
Cody turned me around and looked directly in my eyes as he spoke words that would forever be embedded in my heart.
“Lindsay, please don’t be afraid of me and what I feel for you. All I’m offering you is nothing short of what you deserve. You are an intelligent, beautiful, sensitive, caring mother, friend, and even wife.”