by Janice Jones
Ms. Alberta’s voice trying to get my attention brought my mind back to the present. “Baby! Baby! Baby! Are you still there, young lady?”
“Yes, ma’am, I’m here. I’m sorry, but you have to understand that I’m a little stunned to hear that my husband has cheated on me again and has another baby by yet another woman.”
“I can certainly understand that. Honey, I didn’t mean no disrespect. I am shocked to find out Shaun has a wife. I wonder if Tawanda knows he is married. And what do you mean by yet another woman. Is this something Shaun has done to you before?”
I found myself ready to poor my bleeding heart out to this stranger; the mother of my husband’s other woman; another baby mama, but I stopped myself short. I needed to get off this phone and sort through some things.
“It’s not something I want to talk about right now, ma’am. Just tell me how the baby is, and I’ll let Shaun know that you called.”
“Tell Shaun that we have been here forty-five minutes, and they have the seizing under control. They’re going to keep Shauna here for a few more hours to make sure she doesn’t have another one. She was born seven weeks premature and didn’t weigh but three and a half pounds, so there were a lot of complications with her birth. They believe this may be a result of that. I’m real sorry about this whole mess, young lady. I just didn’t know. I felt Shaun would want to know what was going on with the baby.”
“It’s okay, ma’am. I will wake Shaun up and tell him right now,” I lied, then hung up the phone before she could say anything else.
Once I disconnected the call, I threw the phone across the room, smashing it against the far wall. I staggered into my living room and sat on the sofa feeling crazy and confused. My mind was whirling in a thousand different directions. I became nauseous, so I lay down on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling.
At least I knew this nausea was not the result of another pregnancy. When Shaun was released from prison and still at the halfway house, I told him I wanted to have my tubes tied. I explained that I was very satisfied with Shauntae and Lil’ Shaun and that I didn’t want to have any more children. He agreed without hesitation. Why wouldn’t he when he had another egg donor at his disposal? After my abortion I knew I could never give birth again without feeling the overwhelming anguish of killing my child.
I lay in the disbelief of reliving the nightmare of finding out Shaun had another child, this time a daughter, by another woman. This clown now has five children by four different women: Rhonda, Keva, myself, and now, Tawanda.
I must have drifted off to sleep while I lay on the sofa thinking about my husband’s latest infidelity. The next thing I knew a fully dressed Shaun was standing over me with a big ole smile on his face.
“Happy birthday, sweet wife.” With the mess I experienced earlier, I totally forgot it was my birthday.
I was so grateful that my mother offered to keep the kids for the weekend as part of my birthday present. I was about to go so far off on Mr. Taylor. How dare he stand there grinning like a Cheshire cat while I lay here with a broken heart? Knowing Shaun, he had some spectacular surprise planned for me. But the surprise was going to be on him. The only present I wanted from him was a divorce. I jumped from the couch and got right in Shaun’s face.
“Happy birthday? What makes this birthday so happy, Shaun? Is it because today I found out I had a four-week-old stepdaughter? Wow, baby! Thanks for the marvelous birthday present.”
Shaun backed away from me looking wild eyed and scared. I used his weakness to bolster my anger and confidence. I walked up to him and pushed him hard in his chest as I continued my tirade.
“What’s the matter, Mr. Big Man, or should I call you Big Poppa? Or perhaps, Lil’ Ole Man Who Lived in a Shoe. Had so many baby mamas he didn’t know what to do!”
“How did you find out, Lindsay? Do you have my other phone?”
I ignored his questions and continued fussing. “I thought you said she was just a business associate. You said she only brought dope for you to sell while you were in prison. Isn’t that the lie you told your wife?”
Suddenly Shaun’s demeanor changed from that of the guilty husband to something different. He backed up a few steps and folded his arms across his chest. I felt like I was losing the upper hand so I tried to continue.
“What’s the matter, sweet husband? Cat got your—” Shauns cut me off with a hand in my face and a menacing grimace on his.
“You have got some nerve, you little whore,” Shaun growled slowly in a low voice.
My mouth flew open and my eyes bulged from their sockets. I had no idea what gave Shaun the gall he now possessed. I was more furious now than I had ever before been in my life. Never had he called me out of my name like that. I went after him clawing for his face, but Shaun was quicker than I. He grabbed my swinging arms and pinned me with my hands pressed against my chest and my back pressed against his chest.
Shaun whispered in my ear. “How dare you give me the ‘how can you do this to me speech’ when you were screwing my attorney the whole time I was in prison?”
Shaun pushed me away from him in disgust. I landed on my knees between the coffee table and the sofa.
I stayed there staring at the floor in total shock. How in the world did Shaun find out about Cody? How long had he known? I didn’t have to wait long for answers because the next thing I knew he was standing over me screaming. “Get up!”
I complied because I was too terrified not to. I sat on the end of the sofa farthest away from Shaun, but he quickly erased the distance between us. He came and sat down next to me and got right in my face and grabbed my chin roughly.
“Who do you think you are? Or maybe I should ask do you realize who I am? Did you really think I was going to go away for two years and not have someone out here watching you? I know all about your little rendezvous at the country club, your little out of town trips; everything. I know that you never let him spend the night here, and he has never been around my children. That was about the only smart thing you did during that time.”
Shaun got up from the sofa and started pacing back and forth in front of me. I released the breath I wasn’t aware I was holding while my body started trembling. I was shocked that he knew almost everything about Cody and me. He had yet to mention the abortion, but he was hardly through with me.
“I never said anything to you about your affair for one reason and one reason only. It was expected of you. You see, there are rules to this game that you have no idea about. When a baller gets time, he has to go in being realistic. There is very little chance that your woman is going to remain one hundred percent faithful, especially if you have wronged her at any point. So I was prepared for your infidelity; I even expected it to be with Cody. Don’t forget, Lindsay, I know you better than you know yourself.
“You come at me this morning with all of your self-righteous garbage knowing full well you had dirty hands yourself. You are a trip, little girl.”
I was unsure where I received the courage, but it was time for me to fight back. There was no way he would get away with feeling like I had wronged him as much as he had me. I kept my position on the sofa and started speaking to him very calmly.
“So who did you have following me, Shaun, your new baby mama? You want to wipe away all of your dirt by using my one indiscretion as the eraser, but I refuse to be that big a fool for you ever again.”
Even if I were willing to forgive him yet again for fathering another child and for still selling drugs, I knew I could never live with him as long I knew he knew about Cody. Our relationship, our marriage was a done deal, so there was no use holding back anymore. I still, however, wanted to walk away with the upper hand. I had to use my ace in the hole. While I played my last card, I prayed that Shaun was in the dark about my last pregnancy and couldn’t use it as his trump.
“Yes, Shaun, I had a relationship with Cody for two years, just like the one you had with Keva for two years. Now I know it has been a while since we have
seen or heard from the first wench that you cheated with, but I’m sure you still remember her and the baby you fathered with her. Right?”
I knew I was playing it close, because even after all these years, Shaun was still salty about losing his son to who knows where. But I was a woman out of control. Discretion was not a word I cared for right now. So I pressed forward. I stood up now. Shaun and I faced each other in front of the sofa. I remained quiet for a few seconds, waiting to see if he would reveal that he knew about my abortion. When he remained silent, I took that to mean that he knew nothing.
I circled behind Shaun while he remained standing with his back to me. I pushed him slightly and continued talking.
“Now today, on my thirtieth birthday of all days, I find out that you again have not only cheated on me, but didn’t have enough respect for me to at least wear a condom, and you have another baby. Yeah, Shaun. I cheated, but at least I made Cody wear a condom, and I didn’t bring home any illegitimate babies.”
Shaun turned around slowly and faced me again. The look in his eyes held immeasurable anger. He struggled, but he stayed composed. “How did you find out about Tawanda and the baby, Lindsay?”
The sound of his voice calling me by my first name now sickened me when it used to sound like poetry. The face that I once thought more beautiful than any I had ever seen now looked monstrous to me. The man I used to love more than I loved myself made me want to spit on him.
I struggled with my own composure because the anger I felt threatened to spill from my eyes. I refused to let Shaun ever see me shed another tear. So instead of crying, I let the anger pour from my mouth.
“Your baby’s mama’s mama called you at 4:30 this morning. I got the phone from your pocket and returned the call to find out that your daughter is in the hospital. I destroyed the phone after that.”
Shaun exploded and was right back in my face now. “What? You mean to tell me you have known since 4:30 this morning that my baby was in the hospital and your evil behind didn’t tell me?”
I stood my ground and yelled back in his face. “Oh! I’m supposed to be concerned about your little bastard child being in the hospital, stupid? That baby could be dead for all I care, Shaun.” I screamed.
Bam! Shaun punched me in the face like I was a 220 pound truck driver. Luckily I fell onto the sofa, but he was on me instantly, striking me about the head and face over and over again. I tried fighting back by flailing my arms and kicking my legs to get him off me, but he was like a mad man.
Once he stopped punching me, he put his hands around my throat and started choking me. He pressed his hands into my neck with what seemed like every ounce of strength he had, yelling crazed profanities and spewing spit all over me. I could no longer breathe. I was unable to make out most of what he was saying. Eventually I blacked out.
Chapter Twenty-six
When I awakened, my whole body was sore, but most of the pain radiated from my throat. Dried blood splattered the front of my nightgown. My head pounded as I tried to open my eyes. When I succeeded, Shaun was nowhere to be found.
I gingerly arose from the sofa to look at myself in the mirror on the foyer wall. I would have screamed if my throat had allowed it, but the only sound that escaped was a painful gasp. I looked like something from a science fiction movie. Two of my bottom teeth were missing and one of the top fronts was badly chipped. My head had lumps in every visible spot and my eyes were practically swollen shut. I could barely see myself. As horrible as my face looked, I almost wished I were totally blind.
I nervously explored the house to make sure Shaun was gone. He was. It looked as if the only thing he took with him was his cell phone. This made me believe he would return at some point. Therefore I wanted to leave. If and when he decided to come back, I didn’t want to be there. Driving was out of the question because I could barely see. I was also dizzy after my tour of the house. I raced to the bathroom to vomit and it turned out to be one of the most painful experiences of my life. My throat burned and ached something terrible. I needed medical attention.
My first instinct should have been to call the paramedics and have them take me to the hospital, but instead I called Shyanne.
“Hey, birthday girl. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you so early. I assumed you would have slept in since the kids were away. Has your husband given you your birthday present?”
This was my first attempt at speaking since my beating. I hardly got the words out of my mouth, but I did the best I could.
“Shy ... I ... need ... to go ... to the ... hos ... pi ... tal.”
“I can’t hear you, Nay. What did you say?”
I painfully repeated what I said as loud as I could and prayed she understood me. I didn’t have the strength to say it again.
“Oh my God, Nay! What’s wrong? That’s okay. Don’t talk anymore. I’m on my way. You can tell me when I get there.”
Shyanne was letting herself into my home about twenty minutes later with Kevin following about ten seconds behind her. I was upstairs in my bedroom after having taken a shower. I was painfully trying to dress myself so I could go to the hospital. I put on a pair of sweat pants and was struggling with getting the matching shirt over my head when Shyanne burst into the room.
“I called Kevin and told him to meet me here. I told him not to tell your mother until—” Shyanne screamed as I brought the shirt down over my head and Kevin, who apparently stood at the bottom of the steps, came running into the room as well.
Shyanne gently helped me to sit on the bed and she and my brother examined my face and mouth. Silent tears streamed from Shyanne’s eyes. Pure rage covered Kevin’s features.
“Did Shaun do this to you?” Shyanne asked
I nodded my head in affirmation. She placed her arms around me, holding on very tightly. A little too tightly considering how badly my arms ached, but it was the best pain I had ever felt.
Kevin’s reaction was the complete opposite of Shyanne’s. While she was gentle, he became violent. He picked up the crystal clock from my nightstand and threw it across the room, smashing it into what seemed like a million tiny pieces. I had never seen my brother so angry. His wrath brought on a fresh flow of tears from me. Shyanne got up from the bed and went over to try to calm and console Kevin.
“Hey, little brother, I know you’re mad right now. So am I, but we have to take care of Nay first. We will figure out how to deal with Shaun once we get her to the hospital and have her checked out, okay?”
Kevin nodded his head in agreement and he and Shyanne hugged.
I gave them the details that led to my birthday beat down as best I could on the way to the hospital. Shyanne sat in the backseat with me, and as I whispered to her, she repeated what I said to Kevin who drove. The more I struggled with my words, the angrier each of them became. Having known them both all of my life, it seems I was able to read their moods and emotions. It was ironically easy considering their feelings were one in the same at that moment. They were both seething enough to kill my husband with their bare hands.
The emergency waiting room was crowded as usual. It seemed as if all eyes were on me. I knew I looked a hideous mess and the stares from the patrons at the hospital confirmed it. I was so embarrassed. I felt as if everyone in that room knew my entire history with Shaun and they were all condemning me, thinking that I got what I deserved for staying with him as long as I did.
After an eternal wait, a doctor finally saw me. Most of my injuries were just ugly cuts and bruises. I received a few stitches in my mouth where the teeth were knocked out. The doctor said that my throat would probably be sore for a few days but no major damage was done.
After giving me my discharge instructions, the doctor told me he would have to contact the police and report my case as possible domestic violence. “It is our obligation to report anything that looks like a crime. I also suggest you go to the police yourself. No woman deserves to be beaten by her husband or anyone else. You deserve better.”
The doctor spoke in a tone indicating that he believed this was a regular occurrence in my marriage. I neglected to dispute his thoughts. While this was the only time Shaun ever hit me, it was surely not the most abusive thing he had ever done to me. I nodded my understanding, and I thanked him for his help and concern.
We waited in the hospital room until the police arrived, and I told them my story. I then gave them Shaun’s personal information, the type of car he drove, and the address to his mother’s house, indicating that was where he could more than likely be found. After the police wrote up their report, I was allowed to leave the hospital.
Shyanne and Kevin silently drove me home. They wanted me to rest my throat, so I was not allowed to talk. The two of them were still stewing in their anger so speech was not high on their list of priorities either.
At my house, Shyanne helped me to get comfortable in my bedroom and Kevin went out to have my prescriptions for a pain killer and antibiotic filled. Shyanne fixed me a can of soup to coat my stomach for the medication. She orally fed me the soup and verbally fed my spirit with her words of comfort and encouragement.
“I know this has to be a very painful time for you. You just found out that your husband has a baby with yet another woman. He beat you, and you got to spend your thirtieth birthday in a hospital emergency room.”
My best friend paused a moment in her speech to wipe the soup that dribbled onto my chin and pajama top. When she continued, I could see that her eyes were full. The water threatened to spill, but she continued.
“Nay, all of this has to make you feel absolutely horrible right now. But I want you to hear and believe this. God will walk you through this, and I promise I will be here with you for whatever it is you go through until Shaun is out of your life and out of your system.”
The tears were now running from her eyes unchecked, and within seconds we were both crying enough to make a small puddle in my bedspread. Neither of us bothered to stop.