by Janice Jones
“God will help you learn to live without him. God will help you learn to deal with him for the sake of the children. God will nurse you back to complete emotional health and help you learn to be stronger as a result of this horrible relationship. He won’t let you pity yourself, but He will help you dry your tears. In other words, God will be with you every step of the way. And I’ll be here to act as His servant; no matter how sick you make me or how long it takes. God loves you, Lindsay Renee Tay ... Westbrook. I love you too, and I have got your back.”
We sat and cried until our wells ran dry. By the time Kevin came back with my prescriptions, we were both spent. We were two messy heaps, and Shyanne’s eyes were almost as swollen as mine.
I figured I would start taking the antibiotic in the morning setting up an easy schedule for myself, but I took two of the pain pills right away. Before I knew it, I was on my way to Sleepy Land with Shyanne lying right next to me. Kevin left saying he was going home to let Mama know what happened and to help her with the kids.
It was several hours later when Kevin woke me up. I was sleeping so soundly I didn’t realize Shyanne had left the bed. I assumed she had gone to let Kevin in the house, and she was still downstairs.
I lifted my head from my pillow to focus on Kevin’s face. I could tell he was distraught and had been crying. When I looked closer I saw that there was a lot of blood on his shirt. I panicked, thinking Kevin went out looking for Shaun and the two of them got into a fight.
“Oh no, Kevin. Are you all right? What happened?” My throat still hurt so my voice was quite raspy, but I was able to speak better.
Kevin collapsed at the side of my bed, bawling. The only time I had heard Kevin cry like that was on the rare occasion he had gotten a whooping from Mama.
His passion confused me. I figured fighting Shaun would make him mad, but the anguish I heard in my little brother’s tears was not from anger. My fear intensified.
“Something is wrong, Kevin. I can feel it. Please, Kevin, tell me what happened. Why are you crying like that?”
“Nay, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It was an accident, Nay. It was all one big mistake, and I am so sorry,” Kevin screamed through his tears.
“It’s okay, Kevin. Just calm down and tell me what happened.” I spoke in a soothing voice as I tried to calm Kevin, but inside I was terrified. I knew I had to find out what he was talking about. Everything in my being told me I would never be the same once I knew what it was.
Kevin never changed the pitch of his voice. Through his wails and tears he uttered the most crushing words I had ever heard in all my life.
“Shy is dead, Nay! They killed her! They shot her by mistake. She’s dead, Nay! Shyanne is dead!!!”
I heard what Kevin said, but something must have snapped inside of me at that very moment. The pain and devastation that those words should have caused was not present. Instead what I felt was pure unadulterated anger. Just a few hours ago she promised me she would see me through this mess with Shaun and now her lying behind was dead.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Today is going to be the most difficult, horrific, painful and tragic day of my life. If I ever have to endure a day worse than this, I won’t survive it. There’s no way I can go through anything more terrible than this and come out sane. Today is the day I bury my best friend.
It took an hour to get over the initial shock and anger when Kevin told me that Shyanne had been shot and killed. It was a full two days later before I stopped screaming and crying enough for him to tell me exactly how my best friend ended up dead.
Mama called a doctor friend from church to come by my house to give me a shot of something so that I could calm down. Mama was afraid I might do something horrible to myself, even if it were by accident. I completely trashed my house, throwing everything I could lift. I did all of this before I found out Shaun’s connection to Shyanne’s death.
On the day of my beating, Shyanne got a call from Kevin telling her that Shaun had been spotted at his mother’s house. The two of them were determined to get their hands on Shaun for putting his hands on me. They neglected to inform me of their decision, but I was not surprised when Kevin told me about it either.
Kevin called someone he knew in Patricia’s neighborhood to keep an eye out for Shaun. Once he got the call from his friend, Kevin called Shyanne and she left my house to pick him up at Mama’s. When the angry duo arrived at Patricia’s, they parked three houses away. Shaun was sitting in his mother’s driveway with a female they assumed to be Tawanda. Shyanne was infuriated. She jumped from the car and quickly approached Shaun at his car.
Kevin said he tried talking to her so they could formulate some type of plan. He was positive that Shaun had a pistol, so he wanted to sneak up on him. However, Shyanne was so out of control. She started after him on her own. Kevin followed her, and by the time he reached Shaun’s car, Shyanne already had the driver’s side door open pummeling Shaun with both her fists.
Kevin says the next events happened so fast he could not accurately recall them. He said Tawanda jumped from the car while he was trying to pull Shyanne away so he could get a piece of Shaun himself. Tawanda came at him clawing hard at his face. He had to let go of Shyanne so he could get her off of him. He and Tawanda somehow ended up tumbling in the grass just off the curb and the next thing he remembered was hearing about five or six gunshots.
Kevin untangled himself from Tawanda and got up to find Shyanne lying bloody, completely still in the street on the side of Shaun’s car. Shaun was chasing behind the car that sped away, firing at it with his own gun.
Word on the street is that the hit was meant for Shaun over a drug deal gone bad. Shyanne’s death was a simple case of right place, wrong time. If she hadn’t gone after Shaun that evening for what he did to me, she would still be alive, and Shaun and Tawanda would probably be dead.
I felt so guilty. If it were not for me and my stupidity, my best friend would still be here with me. If I had only listened to her when she told me to leave Shaun so many times in the past, Shyanne would be alive. I don’t care what Mama, Granny, Kevin or Shyanne’s parents say; I am responsible for the murder of my sister, my friend, my comforter, and my protector. I hate myself for it.
I am not alone, however, on the list of people I hate and blame. Shaun is just as much at fault as I am. I hate him even more than I hate myself. Ever since the night of the shooting, I have prayed that the person or people who shot Shyanne find him soon and finish what they started. It is killing me that he is walking around breathing the same air that I am; air that Shyanne is no longer privy to.
The D.A.’s office contacted me yesterday to let me know they have issued a warrant for Shaun’s arrest for a violation of his parole on both the domestic violence charge and being in possession of a handgun. I am hoping the killers get to him before the police do.
I haven’t heard from Shaun since that infamous day. He has not returned to the house nor has he tried to see or contact the children. I assume he is held up somewhere with his new baby mama, hiding from either the police and/or the people who are trying to kill him.
I’m unsure why, but half of me expected his arrogant behind to show up here for the funeral. Thank goodness he didn’t, because I’m sure that I, Mama, Kevin, nor Shyanne’s parents, would have been able to hold on to our dignity. We needed to be as composed as possible to give Shyanne a proper homegoing service. If Shaun had shown his face, it would have been a popping right up here in this church.
Mama T and Mr. Kennedy wanted me to read the obituary for the service today, but I just couldn’t do it. I felt unworthy of the honor of getting up in front of all Shyanne’s friends and family since it was my fault she was dead. I would have never made it past the first word. The Kennedys kept assuring me they placed no blame on me, and I believed them. They understood my not wanting to read, however, and they let me off the hook. Our childhood friend, Sharay, did the honors.
At the time for the final viewing bef
ore they closed the casket, I was unable to move from my seat. Seeing her lying there when I first entered the church was almost more than I could bear. There was no way I was going to be able to do it again. Mama, Kevin, Shyanne’s parents and grandparents went up to say their final good-bye. I stayed glued to my seat. Granny opted not to attend the services and to keep my kids instead. This was not how I wanted them to remember their godmother.
They all cried silently. Shyanne’s parents held onto each other, both needing the other to stay on their feet. Once they all returned to their seats, the funeral directors lowered Shyanne’s body deep into the casket and closed the lid. It was the final click as the top snapped shut that did me in. I rushed to the casket and threw my arms around it as far as they would go, screaming like a mad woman.
“Please, Shyanne, don’t be dead! Get up! Please get up! I’m sorry. I am so sorry! I’ll never go back, Shy, I promise! I’ll never love him again! Just please don’t be dead. God, please let her not be dead!”
I fell to the floor in a pitiful heap with my dress hiked up around my hips and my underwear exposed for all the church to see. Kevin and Mama came to my rescue, lifting me back to my seat. It seemed my little scene caused a domino effect, with everyone now relinquishing their pinned up grief. The wails and screams coming from all of us on the front pew were deafening.
After several minutes, the church nurses were able to comfort and calm us somewhat, and the service proceeded. I didn’t hear most of what was said because I was so caught up in my misery. I only looked up from my lap once when I heard Sharay read my name from the obituary. “Her best friend and sister, Lindsay a.k.a. Nay-Nay,” was what she said. The guilt threatened to suffocate me. How could I be her best friend when I was the one who got her killed?
Once the church service concluded, we headed outside to ride to the burial site. Kevin escorted me because I could barely walk on my own. From the sidewalk I heard a familiar voice call my name. I looked up to see Cody standing at the bottom of the steps. Kevin held me protectively and asked, “Isn’t that Shaun’s lawyer? What is he doing here?”
No one besides Shyanne, and of course Shaun, knew of our affair, so I understood Kevin’s concern. “He’s cool, Kevin. He, Shyanne and I remained friends after Shaun was locked up. He’s probably just here to pay his respects. I’m going to go over and talk to him.”
“Are you sure, Nay? Does he still work for Shaun? I mean, if he does, he could be up to something.” I was certain that Shaun no longer retained Cody as his attorney after finding out I was sleeping with him.
“Trust me, Kevin. I’ll be okay. I won’t be long. I’ll meet you all in the limo.”
Kevin walked me down the stairs and delivered me to where Cody stood. Kevin nodded to Cody in greeting, then headed off to the waiting car.
Cody stared at me for a few moments. My face still held some of the bruising from the beating. I guess he was surprised to see me looking like this. I began explaining.
“I know I look a little crazy, but for my thirtieth birthday my wonderful husband gave me a merciless beating as a present.”
“I heard all about it, Lindsay, and don’t worry. You still look beautiful to me.”
“That’s sweet of you Cody.” I gave him a smile with my temporary replacement teeth.
“I’m so sorry about what happened to Shyanne. I was here for the entire service. It tore my heart out to see you grieving like that.” I nodded my head in agreement. If I had opened my mouth to speak, I would have let loose with another dam of tears. I composed myself before speaking again.
“You said you heard all about it. How did you find out about the beating and the funeral?”
“It’s a long story and I know you have to get going. If you don’t mind, I would like to come by and give you all the details. Once you’re settled this evening, give me a call.” He handed me his card with his contact information on it. “It’s all the same, but just in case you forgot.
“Okay. I’m staying at my mother’s house right now, but you can come by there. I’ll call you as soon as I can.” I wanted to hug him, but I settled for touching and holding his hand, then I walked to the car where my family waited.
Cody was just as beautiful as the last time I saw him almost three years ago. If only I had left Shaun for Cody and let him love me as I knew he could, my best friend would still be alive.
Directly after the burial, most people went to Shyanne’s parents’ house to pay their final respects and have something to eat. I spent the majority of that time in Shyanne’s old bedroom. Her parents hadn’t made one adjustment to the space. It was still the same room that held all of our secrets, our hopes, and our dreams.
I lay down on Shyanne’s bed, closed my eyes and inhaled, hoping to still catch a scent of her. I was not disappointed. I kept my eyes closed and the comfort of feeling close to her lulled me to sleep.
“Nay-Nay, I know you think it’s all your fault that I am no longer alive, but it is not. Please don’t let the guilt of my death eat you alive. I died doing exactly what I felt I had to do. If you just try to put things into perspective, you’ll see that. If the situation were reversed, you would have done the same thing and you know it. There is no way you would have not gone after the person who hurt me the way Shaun hurt you.
“You always knew I would die and kill for you. I knew the same was true of you. Don’t be angry with yourself because I loved you that much. Live knowing that you loved me just as much.
“Take care of yourself. Take care of my parents; be their daughter. Take care of my godchildren. Live, Nay, knowing that we will all be together again. I love you.”
I bolted upright in the bed and looked around, expecting Shyanne to physically be in the room with me. I immediately realized it was the spirit of my best friend once again coming to comfort me.
“Thank you, Shyanne, for all the years we shared, for all the love you gave and for being there for me now, then and forever. I’ll see you in heaven. God, take care of my angel for me ...”
I arrived at Mama’s around 9:00 P.M. and called Cody. He came by thirty minutes later. We went to the family room in the basement to talk. We got comfortable on the sofa, and Cody began to fill me in on everything he knew right away.
“When I saw you at the funeral earlier, I had a lot to tell you. Now so much more has happened since and I don’t know where to begin.”
“Try giving it to me a little at a time, starting with what you initially wanted to tell me at the church,” I replied.
“Good idea. Remember I have a few clients who are in the same profession as your husband, so the news of the botched hit on his life and the subsequent death of Shyanne were all over the streets. Getting the information about her funeral was easy.” Cody paused to make sure I was okay so far. I assured him I was fine and he continued.
“Along with the news that there was a hit on Shaun’s life for a murder someone in his crew committed, I was also told that Shaun wanted me dead.”
This time I was not so calm. First Shyanne and now Cody’s life was in danger. My God! What kind of mess had I created? I threw my hands over my face and started shaking. Cody was as cool as a cucumber, however, not acting the least bit affected by the fact that Shaun had a hit on him. Cody reached out and gently rubbed my shoulder and continued to explain.
“When I initially heard about the hit on my life, I was surprised. I wondered why just now, after all this time. Shaun and I have had no contact since he has been out of prison. My source confirmed that Shaun issued the hit on my life the same day that Shyanne was killed. I was told that something evidently happened that day to cause Shaun to start behaving recklessly and violently.”
I knew exactly what that something was. It was the argument that Shaun and I had before he beat me, where my affair with Cody was thrown in my face. Shaun must have wanted to take the anger he felt for me that day out on Cody too.
“Cody, what are you going to do?” I asked in fear for his safety.
I gazed up at him with a look of surprise, wondering if he were in any way responsible for the death of Shyanne. I mean, he may have sought to get Shaun before Shaun could get him. He obviously read my thoughts loud and clear because he quickly put my mind at ease.
“I swear, Lindsay, I had nothing to do with the people who tried to kill Shaun. Like I said, his beef with me was put to rest. Trust me. However, the people who are responsible for Shyanne’s death are still after him.”
“Good. I hope they catch him, kill him, and feed him his testicles.”
I surprised Cody with my words. He looked at me strangely at first, but he got over it quickly. He chuckled and finished telling me the rest of the story.
“Well, that may not be so easy, at least not tonight. Shaun found out about the warrants for his arrest. He went with his attorney to the D.A.’s office to turn himself in this afternoon. He will go before a judge tomorrow morning for arraignment.”
“So he’s in jail now?” I asked, feeling both a mixture of relief and grief.
“Until tomorrow morning, yes. The judge will probably give him bail, and he will be back on the street. What happens from there is anybody’s guess.”
Well, that was something for now. I looked up from my pondering to find Cody staring intently. I knew the moment I looked into his eyes he was still in love with me. And Cody being the man that he was had no problem verbalizing what I could already see.
“I have missed you so much, Lindsay. I have dealt with not being with you because I knew you belonged to someone else when we were together. So I took the lumps of losing you like a man and let you go. But seeing you here like this, your face swollen at his hands, your heart broken at the loss of your best friend, and your life in shambles right now, it pains me more than I can tell you. Somehow as ridiculous as it sounds, I feel responsible.”