Love and Lies

by Duffey, Jennifer

  A soft kiss to my temple was followed by whispered words. “Sleep, princess. I’ve got you.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The previous night's escapade flooded my memory when I woke up. My heart fluttered, and my fingers and toes tingled. Everything about Eric was right. A swell of happiness rushed through me from head to toe.

  I stretched and looked around for him, but he wasn't there.

  “Looking for me?” He leaned against the back of the couch, a bowl of cereal in hand. He was already showered and dressed. He wore a vintage The Cure T-shirt that stretched tight against his chest, and his jeans rode low, showing the curve of his hips.

  “Mmm, you gonna share?” I licked my lips.

  “You're a fan of Lucky Charms?”

  “I'm more of a Froot Loops girl, but Lucky Charms will do.” I waved him to the bed and patted a spot next to me.

  Eric shook his head and sat at the foot of the bed. “We need to talk.”

  “About?” I sat up and drew the blanket up to my neck.

  “Us.” Eric took another bite of cereal.

  I took a deep breath and let it out with a whistle. “Us? Why us? What's wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong. There's just some stuff I need to tell you.” Eric continued to eat his cereal while I tried to guess what he was talking about.

  “I can see you’re trying to figure it out, and I promise you won't. So I will make it easier for you. It's about me and your parents.” Eric's gaze covered the entire room, but he avoided looking at me.

  My breath caught. “Wha...what do you mean you and my parents? I don't talk to my parents, just in case you needed a reminder.” I'd almost forgotten the overheard conversation between Monty and Logan. Could there have been more to the conversation that I thought? I threw my feet over the side of the bed and stood to leave. I needed to talk to Alec, or Logan, maybe Monty. There had to be someone I could talk this out with and brainstorm. Someone not Eric. Because if he was somehow working with my parents, giving them regular updates on my life, then we were through. No questions. Done.

  A knife-sharp pain radiated through my chest at the thought. Son of a biscuit. This was why I didn’t do relationships.

  “Where are you going?” He wadded the comforter in his hands. “I'm sorry, I know you don't talk to your parents. Not that I know why, since you refuse to talk to me about them. But after last night, well, if we're going to continue this...you need to know something.”

  “No, I don't want to hear it. Ever.” I frantically searched the room. “Where are my clothes?”

  Eric pointed to the corner where everything lay in a pile. I snatched them off the floor and threw them on. Eric ran after me as I rushed for the door.

  “Carissa, please stay and talk to me,” he begged.

  My chest constricted, and my head whipped from side to side, looking for one of the bodyguards from my past. Maybe a camera or some sort of recording device they’d set up to monitor me. My boyfriend was no Inspector Gadget, but if he was working for my parents, there was no way to know what he was really capable of.

  It wasn't just the possibility of being trailed though, not the thought that someone I cared about could do that to me that almost brought me to my knees. It was the vivid flashbacks. The dark suit reaching for me, the walls surrounding me getting smaller and smaller, my voice crying out for help over and over, and yet, I was never able to reach the salvation I needed. The walls of Eric’s room shrank in, threatening to trap me. I had to get out.

  I steadied my shaking hand on the knob and whispered, “I can't. I have to go.” I knew Eric heard me; his breath was warm on the back of my neck.

  “We'll talk about this later,” he said as I left.

  * * * *

  I barreled through the doors, not paying attention to anything or anyone around me. After leaving Eric’s, I went home to shower and change. It’d been a bad idea since I’d had more than enough time to dredge up memories that I’d tried to shove to the far recesses of my mind. Images of my bodyguard’s imposing figure looming over me while I tried to get away brought tears streaming down my cheeks that had yet to stop. No one at school had seen me cry, and I wasn't about to change that today. Once in front of the lockers where we could store our things throughout the day I bent over, my hands on my thighs, and took a deep cleansing breath.

  When I looked up again, finally composed, I noticed Logan sitting against the wall and tuning his guitar. The music department had an electric guitar that he normally used, but today his acoustic lay across his legs. Needing someone to talk to, I slid down next to him then pulled my knees in close to my chest. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Logan glanced at me through his lashes.

  “Can we talk?”

  For a second, I thought I saw Logan's brows turn down in a scowl, but he quickly wiped his face of emotion. “I'd love to, but I can't right now.” He set the guitar on his other side before standing to grab the messenger bag hanging from the hook of one of the lockers.

  “Why not? I really need someone to talk to. I don’t want to bother Alec this early. Eric...well I can't talk to him right now.” I didn't move from my spot on the floor, nor did I look at him.

  “I'm really...wait, why can't you talk to Eric? Is something wrong between you two?”

  “No…maybe…I don’t know.” I took a deep ragged breath. “At least not yet. I just, well I need to talk about him, and I can't do that with him.”

  Logan stood in the hall staring at me. I wasn't sure whether he'd stay or leave, but then he returned to my side and draped his arm across my back. I rested my head on his shoulder. After only a minute or two, I sniffled.

  “Riss, whatever’s wrong will be okay. I'm here for you.” He stayed with me while I cried.

  “Carissa, honey, please talk to me.” Logan pushed the hair off my face and behind my ear.

  “I don't even know what to say. Eric said he needed to talk to me about my parents.” I rubbed my eyes, wiping away tears.

  “You don’t talk about your family though. I’m sure you’ve already said as much.” Logan lifted my chin to look in my eyes. “Did he hurt you, Riss?”

  “No. Nothing like that. And yes, I’ve already told him that I don’t talk about them. But we…I mean he said if we were going to go further in the relationship I needed to know what he was doing.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Honestly, I’m not sure. I have an idea or two, but nothing concrete.” I stopped to contemplate whether or not I should tell Logan what I overhead from Monty.

  “Want to talk out your ideas with me?”

  “Kind of. But I know you and Eric are friends. I don’t want you to feel awkward around him.”

  “We are friends, but you and I have been friends for a lot longer. If you need me, I’m here. Don’t worry about things between Eric and I. Besides, if he’s hurt you in any way, our friendship won’t be awkward, because there won’t be one. I won’t put up with anyone hurting you. Ever.”

  “Monty heard Eric on the phone talking about me.”

  Logan rubbed his hand down his face. “You listened in, didn’t you?”

  I sucked the corner of my bottom lip between my teeth and nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me? If you had any suspicion you should have said something.”

  Logan sighed. “We have no idea what he was talking about, or who was on the other line. Don’t read more in to it than what there is. If you’re worried the conversation had something to do with your parents, then ask him.”

  Of course, I needed to talk to Eric. That was the whole reason I was here. Once I’d gone back to my room from Eric’s place, I got scared. The thought of my parents, and Eric, deceiving me like that made my head hurt. I mean if they sent him to befriend me or watch over me, it meant everything we’d built over the last few weeks was fake. Despite trying hard not to, I’d already started falling for Eric. He already had a piece of my heart. Not the whole thing; I’d held back some.

  “Tal
king to him is the problem. Just the idea of everything between us being a sham makes me crazy. Heck, Logan, this is the first time I’ve cried in a while. Since I moved here, I haven’t shed a single tear.” I wiped the back of my hand under my eyes. “I like him, Logan. I don’t want to be right, but for some reason I think there is a correlation between my parents and Eric. That infuriates me.”

  “As it should. But jumping to conclusions doesn’t benefit anyone. Talk to him.” He glanced at the phone sitting on his thigh. “I want to stay and talk, but I’ve got class in five minutes, and it’s on the other side of the building.”

  “Crap. I’m sorry. Get to class.”

  We both stood, and Logan wrapped me up in a bear hug. “Are you going to be okay, Riss? I don’t like seeing you like this.”

  “I’ll be fine. I promise.”

  “Talk to Eric.”

  “I will.”

  Logan slung his guitar over his shoulder and headed off. I went to the bathroom and cleaned up my face before making my way to class. A class I just so happened to share with the man I wanted to avoid at the moment. I thought about skipping, but that wouldn’t do me any good.

  Eric was already there, reading a book, when I shuffled in. The metal chair legs scraped against the floor making a screeching sound like fingernails on a chalkboard when I sat down. Go figure, nothing like the worst sound in the world to add to my already craptastic morning. I dropped my book on the table with a sigh.

  “You okay?” Eric folded the corner of the page down before tossing it into his bag.

  “No. I'm not. You were right. We need to talk.”

  “Okay, but why now? Please don't get me wrong, I want to talk to you, but this morning would've been better. You stormed out without letting me say a word.”

  “Look, you know I hate my parents. When you brought them up this morning, I freaked. Then I got here and talked to Logan.”

  “Did he have anything to say?”

  “Not much, other than I needed to talk to you. I’m a little scared to be honest.”

  “I would never hurt you, Carissa.”

  I knew that, but it didn’t stop the little devil on my shoulder telling me otherwise.

  Eric shook sighed. “You don’t believe me.”

  “It’s not like that. I know you won’t hurt me on purpose. But you don’t know anything about my past. It’s the unintentional hurt that I’m worried about.”

  “If you’d talk to me, then I’d know.”

  “I can’t talk about them.”

  “That’s the problem,” Eric mumbled and turned back around.

  He wasn’t happy with me, and I couldn’t blame him. Heck, I knew I should tell him what happened, what brought me to Louisiana a month and a half before my first semester. But I couldn’t. Not even Alec knew the truth about our emergency, middle of the night escape.

  We didn't talk the rest of the class. When it ended, Eric put his books away and took off without a word. I stayed in my chair and watched him walk out of the room.

  That hadn’t gone well. If I could have kicked myself, I would have. It shouldn’t have been so dang hard to tell him what was going on. Maybe then we’d be able to work things out without arguing or walking away from each other. We’d only been together for three weeks, things shouldn’t be so tumultuous already, weren’t we still supposed to be in the honeymoon stage?

  A couple of hours later, around lunchtime, I still hadn’t heard from Eric, and Alec was nowhere to be found either. Spending the hour break between classes alone wasn’t appealing at all. I knew if I did, I would drive myself crazy with one scenario after the other about Eric and my parents. By the end of the day, I’d have him working as a hit man and my family hiring him to take me out. I shook my head. Definitely not a good idea for some quiet, explore-your-inner-thoughts time. So I headed to the cafeteria in the commons in search for Logan.

  Lucky for me, he was exactly where I thought he’d be. I grabbed some food and headed toward the table he and his bandmates had procured. After one look from Logan, the table cleared, giving us some privacy.

  “Hey.” I tried to sound chipper, but my greeting was shaky and unsure.

  “Riss, hey. I didn’t think I’d see you again today. Did you and Eric talk yet?”

  My food became very interesting right then. I poked my fork into the macaroni and cheese, swirling it around the bowl. “No. He’s mad because I won’t talk to him about my parents. And maybe because I insinuated it was inevitable that he would hurt me, even if he didn’t do it intentionally.”

  “I can’t say that I blame him. The guy likes you, Riss. It’s in our nature to protect others. With the way he cares about you, it’s no surprise he was offended by that. Let me guess, if you would tell him about your parents, it would lessen, or prevent, the hurt.”

  How had he known that? Was it so obvious, or was I making too much out of all this? Probably the latter.

  “Right. But it’s a lot easier said than done, Logan. My parents…it’s complicated.”

  “With you women, it’s always complicated. Then you have this nasty habit of making things even more convoluted. There’s a reason we are commitment phobic. It’s shit like this. By the time we finally pry out whatever the damn secret is, everything is so messed up that getting back to where we started is damn near impossible. Why do you think guys always try to stay out of it? One thing’s for sure, whatever it is he wants to tell you, is important. He wouldn’t have brought it up if it wasn’t. Especially since he knows you don’t ever bring up your family. So take my advice, give him something. Anything. If you aren’t comfortable with all the details, then at least provide a general explanation. ”

  “Don’t I understand,” I mumbled. As Logan said, it was this kind of crap that held me back from relationships. Before Eric, I hadn’t dated anyone in two and a half years. Okay, so I wasn’t old enough for that to seem like a long time, but seriously, before high school was over, I dated all the time.

  “I’ve gotta go,” Logan said. “Talk to him, Riss. This won’t get any better until you do.”

  After pushing my food aside, I folded my arms on top of the table and laid my head down. A nap would be good, and the sounds of the cafeteria would keep me from falling into a deep sleep. I set the alarm on my phone just in case.

  The sound of whispers and a familiar voice woke me. Eric and Alec walked past my table at the same time I sat up. As soon as my brain caught up with the moment, I jumped off the bench seat and grabbed my bag. I needed to catch Eric.

  My bag got hung up on something and pulled me back to the table when I tried to step away. A brown, leather-bound journal of sorts sat on the bench between where Logan and I had sat. Guessing it was Logan’s and he would want it back, I shoved it into my bag, unhooked the strap from where it’d gotten caught on a bench leg, and jogged off to find Eric.

  A few steps outside, I caught up with the guys and fell into step next to Eric. His hand was at his side, so I tried to take a hold of it, but he pulled away. “Can we talk?”

  “I don’t have much time.” Eric's voice was distant. “But if you want to talk and walk, go for it.”

  “I'm sorry about this morning.” I tried to reach for his hand once more, and again he pulled away.

  This time I grabbed his upper arm and pulled him to a stop. My fingers tingled when the muscles in his biceps bunched. The night before, they’d wrapped me up tight and comforted me. Eric's refusal to look me in the eye was ice to the heat in my veins, so I gripped his chin and forced him to pay attention.

  “Eric, why are you avoiding me? I told you I want to talk.” I put as much force behind the words as possible.

  “Not avoiding, and you don’t really want to talk. You want to skirt around the issues and hide the truth. Now let me go, so I can get to class.” Eric pried my hands off his arm and chin.

  “We’re not done. I'll find you after class.” A lump rose in my throat. I hated that he was mad.

  As I sat down in m
y next class, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a text message from Eric. After school…diner off campus. You know the one.

  Relieved, I quickly agreed before slipping the phone into my back pocket.

  CHAPTER NINE

  My foot tapped in time to the second hand of the clock, counting down the minutes before the end of class. I needed to apologize to Eric.

  Professor Akin's call of time broke through the silence of the room. Our exam was complete, and I jolted out of the chair, nearly tipping it over, and then took off for the diner. It was only three blocks away, and I ran the whole way. By the time I arrived, my hip hurt where my bag had bumped up against it.

  Eric sat in a booth at the back, tucked up against the wall.

  “I'm sorry,” I said as I approached. I waited for direction from Eric before sitting down.

  “Sit. I'm not mad, Carissa. Aggravated, yes.” He tapped the spot next to him.

  The waitress brought two iced teas to the table.

  “I was serious though; we need to talk. It's important. And you can't run away when I bring up your parents.” Eric brushed a strand of hair from my face. “We can go to your place, if you want.”

  With hesitation, I reached up and kissed him on the cheek. I caught the smile forming as he took a drink. “We can't. My roommate is staying in tonight. She said something about having a presentation tomorrow, I dunno. Let's just talk here.”

  “Okay, but I need a minute. I'll be right back.”

  While Eric was gone, I remembered the book I’d found at lunch. I opened the front cover to check for a name, see if it really was Logan’s journal. His name had been intricately scrolled onto the first page. Quickly I shot off a text that I had it and would bring it to him.

  Thanks. Have you looked at it at all?

  Why would he ask that? It was his personal journal, and I wasn’t a snoop.