Red Hot

by K. A. Merikan

  “You don’t get to walk into my life and rearrange shit!” Jack hissed, and pushed Loki to the floor.

  It was like a bucket of icy water poured over Loki’s head. He managed to stay up and he spat into Jack’s face, blood and all. He lunged himself at Jack, closing his eyes as he met the hard, unyielding flesh. “You fucking hit me!”

  “Sure as hell I fucking hit you!” Jack grabbed Loki’s T-shirt as they struggled against each other. “You will not make my gay, you fucker!” he yelled as Loki scratched his neck, trying to grab Jack’s throat.

  “I don’t fucking have to! You’re already gay!” Loki saw red, and started punching Jack’s chest over and over. All the other times something like this had happened, he’d never had the courage to do that. He’d feared for his life every single time, but not anymore. “You don’t hit your boyfriend, you fucker! You piece of shit!”

  “I don’t do boyfriends! You’re mental!” Jack leaned away after a punch to the face, but then managed to grab Loki’s wrists, and the world spun around Loki as he tumbled over the back of the sofa. At least the fall to the pillows was soft enough. “Tell me I’m a fag again and I’ll rattle your brain!”

  Loki rolled off the sofa and onto the floor. He quickly moved into a crouch, his eyes seeking the predator that was after him. “You are gay! You’re just too scared to admit your feelings for me!”

  Jack grabbed his own hair, stilling as if someone had frozen time “Fucking hell! This is what I’ve done to Lucy… Tried to tell her what she wants and what she doesn’t.” He circled the couch to get closer to Loki. “You can’t force someone to like you. I will never have Lucy, and you will never have me.”

  Loki rushed backward, but his chest was already swelling with a cry from deep within. So even at this moment, Jack’s thoughts were with someone else? “Well, you won’t have to see much more of me, you bastard.”

  Jack leaned down and laughed in Loki’s face. “Oh, yeah? Finally leaving? That was a fucking long two weeks!”

  It was worse than being hit in the face and then fucked dry with a baton. And Loki knew how that felt. Jack had lied to him all along. He had pretended to get close to Loki, possibly lied about the deeper things they’d talked about, all to solicit more casual sex. He really wanted Loki to just leave now that he had pussy again. He’d rather have Loki die in the gutter than have him here.

  Loki ran over to the cupboard, his brain throbbing with the hopelessness of it all. He was all alone. He would always be. Not even in his last months would he get the care he yearned for, the love he deserved after all the shit he’d been through in life.

  Loki grabbed the gun and pulled off the safety.

  Jack stared at him for the longest moment, then began a cautious walk his way. “Where did you get that?” he whispered in a low voice.

  “From the safe I took your money from. Don’t come closer!” hissed Loki as yet another tear left his eye, trickling all the way to his chin. There was a darkness in Jack, ready to manifest the moment they’d be at arm’s length.

  “Oh, yeah? What’re you gonna do, little boy?” Jack wiggled his eyebrows and spread his arms. In the dark, his naked, freckled body looked like dotted with blood.

  Loki gritted his teeth and squeezed his hands on the cool metal. “I’m gonna have you suck my dick,” he whispered, sniffing. “Apologize for hitting me. For cheating on me. You are gonna worship my cock for what you’ve done tonight!”

  “Me? Sucking dick?” Jack squinted. “In your dreams, gay boy. Red Jack does not worship any other dick than his own.”

  “Selfish, immature prick. Show me how sorry you are!” yelled Loki at the top of his lungs and shot at the wall behind Jack.

  Jack’s eyes went wide, and he stumbled to the side, glancing back. Yes. Now Loki got his attention. “I’m sorry, okay? Now give back the gun…” Jack reached his hand out to Loki. He wanted to take the gun. He wanted to take the gun, and then he’d put bullets through both of Loki’s knees. He’d smash Loki’s face into a pulp with the grip, and then he’d drown him in the ocean. He’d dispose of Loki like he would of an unwanted dog.

  Loki pulled the trigger.

  Chapter 13

  Red Jack stared at Loki with his lips open. Loki shot. He fucking shot. Pain ripped through Jack’s body, and he gripped onto the side of his stomach.

  “You…” he uttered to Loki, and tried to hit him, but the fucker stepped away. Red Jack leaned against the wall, blood dripping down his bare stomach and thighs. “You motherfucker! You said you love me...” A shiver went through his body, making him scream out in pain.

  Loki took a deep breath, hardly keeping the gun level. There was blood smeared around his mouth, traces of tears catching the light on his cheeks, his hair was a frizzy cloud around his head as he turned toward the display cabinet where Jack kept his model collection. He shot two times, and all the precious replicas plummeted toward the floor in a wave of broken glass.

  “And you don’t love anyone!” screamed Loki, stepping further away. He was trembling so hard Jack thought the guy would have a heart attack any minute. “I’m just a cheap fuck for you. You don’t care about me, you don’t respect me. She said you’re unlikable, and I still loved you. But even someone like you won’t love me back!” he yelled, breaking into a violent sob.

  Red Jack couldn’t help the shaking in his knees anymore and slid to the floor, watching Loki wreck his prized collection. This wasn’t how he wanted to die. Just because he was too angry, too afraid of the truth behind the furious words shouted into his face. “You don’t know what you’re talking about! You hardly know me!” Jack grabbed a piece of glass and threw it at Loki, but it didn’t even reach him.

  Loki exhaled and slowly scooted down so that he was at Jack’s eye level. He shook his head. “I don’t have time for that. I just didn’t want to die alone... why couldn’t you put up with me for a few more weeks? Can’t I keep your interest for even that long?”

  Red Jack looked away as, the pain spread all over his body like venom. “You were good until you fuckin’ shot me…” He began moving on all fours, ignoring the blood dripping to the floor. He just needed to get to the car. He could still survive this.

  Loki shook his head, and wiped his face with his sleeve. “No. You already hit me, you bastard. I won’t let anyone kill me again. I’ve got enough of that shit,” he whispered and walked off to the front yard. He left the door open, and Jack could see the slender shadow move across the yard in the faint light of the lamp that switched on automatically whenever it detected movement.

  Jack continued his slow journey to hell naked, on all fours, sweating and shivering. Each move felt like an unbelievable chore, and as he finally reached the porch, the four steps leading to the yard made him want to throw up already. He’d have to stretch his midsection, something he instinctively knew he needed to avoid. But he could do it. The car wasn’t that far. He just needed to catch a deep breath and push on, but even as he thought that, he felt focus trickling out of him along with blood. “Come back here,” he muttered, too desperate for dignity.

  But a shot ripped through the air, and all the hairs on Jack’s body bristled when he turned his head to the side to see his beloved golden-wheeled chopper ripped with a bullet. “Don’t!” he cried in agony as if it was him who got another shot. It certainly did feel like it. Loki might have turned the barrel at something else, but they both knew that the bullet was meant for Jack’s heart.

  Loki pushed his hair back and shot the injured metal beast again. “Or what? You’ll hurt me? Punch me, you motherfucker?”

  Red Jack fell to the porch, unable to hold up any longer. He groaned in pain, watching Loki loom over his beautiful ride, wild and desperate like a wounded animal. Jack should have just admitted he liked a guy. It would have been better than dying. “I can’t hurt you…”

  Loki kicked the bike into the gravel, and it gave a panicked, metallic scream. “You have! You keep hurting me. I thought we had something... t
hat I could... be happy for once. I can’t even have that.”

  Red Jack barely caught a breath. Even in violence, Loki looked so, so beautiful. And he was right. This was a well-deserved death. Jack had never believed he could be really loved by anyone, and here he was, shot by a man who claimed just that. Maybe this was the only way for him to ever experience it? To believe in Loki’s words for that brief moment before the end?

  “You did make me happy,” Jack confessed as his vision got fuzzy.

  Loki turned around to face him, and as the breeze swept the long hair off his face, Jack could see it so clearly. The eyes that seemed to hide a darkness even as Loki smiled, the ugly scars he never allowed Jack to touch, the small piercing in Loki’s septum and the graceful arch of his lips “I did?”

  Red Jack licked his lips. If he was to die, there was no point lying anymore. “When your ass squeezed around me, when you kissed me… it was heaven. You’d look at me like I was God.” He chuckled but then hissed when pain gripped his insides.

  Loki was silent for a few seconds before stepping closer, his gait fleeting as a ghost’s. “I just wanted to be with you. Is that really so much to ask? Three months of your life?” Loki slowly sat down next to Jack. There was the dull sound of metal being placed on concrete, but as Loki’s hand skirted down Jack’s chest, to the wound in his side, the pretty, grief-stricken face seemed much more important than grabbing the gun.

  “You’ve got all my attention now,” Red Jack rasped and fought to not close his eyes, so he could watch Loki when everything goes black. Where did that even come from? He’d wanted to squeeze the life out of Loki just minutes ago, but now all he felt was tenderness. As if the closeness of death let only what was really important stay in focus.

  Loki gasped, and his face twisted with what looked an awful lot like pain. Jack wanted to ask what it was about, but then Loki ripped off his shirt, quickly pushing it against Jack’s wound. “I’m sorry... That wasn’t what I... I just wanted it to hurt...”

  Jack hissed and pushed the hand away with trembling fingers. “Hurts like a motherfucker. I’m sorry I hit you… My club is everything to me. I panicked.”

  Loki leaned in, and his warm, salty lips moved against Jack’s. “Don’t die...”

  “You’re the one who shot me.” Red Jack tried to get to his knees again, but he just couldn’t do it. He’d be fine lying on the rough wood as long as Loki keeps him warm. “You’ve got more balls than I thought.”

  “I still want you to suck them,” muttered Loki, and he fished the cell phone out of his pocket.

  Red Jack moaned. Every breath hurt, but he still wanted to waste it on talking to Loki. Never before did he have such connection to someone who he fucked as well, and now it would all go to waste because of his anger outburst. “I lied. There was a guy I wanted to suck once.”

  Loki’s eyes opened wide, but then he needed to talk to the 911 operator. A gunshot wound in the stomach. Bleeding. Please, hurry. As he spoke, his gaze never once strayed from Jack, his eyes wide and bright. “What?” he asked eventually, after ending the call.

  “There was this boy I met in juvie.” Jack had never told this to anyone, but since he was dying anyway, he supposed it couldn’t hurt any more than the hole in his body did. “We stuck together in there, and then outside as well. We jerked each other off a few times while watching porn, and then never talked about it.” His memory drifted off to Keith’s crooked smile. Girls loved the guy, and Jack gained so much confidence around him.

  Loki swallowed and leaned over him. The mass of his dark hair covered their faces as Loki pressed his cheek against Jack’s. “You loved him?”

  Jack swallowed, annoyed by the itching in his eyes more than by the life dripping out of his body. “I think I did. I’d do anything for him. Only guy I ever wanted to suck off. He was so fuckin’ dreamy.” He took a deep breath, but only started coughing because of it. “He got shot when we were both prospecting for the Nails.”

  Loki sniffed and held Jack tighter. He smelled of beer and blood, and at this moment it was the sweetest combination. “Did he die?”

  Tears dripped down Red Jack’s cheeks, but he couldn’t even be embarrassed anymore. “Took him three days to die, and I never told him I— loved him.” Even now it was hard to choke out the l-word, but he did in the end. Despite the pain in his body, he felt a giant pressure ease in his chest, almost as if he had been walking with an iron weight all this time, and now Loki took it away, letting Jack breathe.

  “I’m so sorry... it should have been me bleeding out,” whispered Loki, brushing his lips against Jack’s cheek. He gently curled his fingers around Jack’s, covering him with his warm body.

  Jack bit his lip when another stab of pain went through him. He never imagined himself dying this way. Not shot, he gave 70% chance to that, but with someone actually next to him, holding his hand. Loving him. No matter how fucked up it was that it was Loki who shot him, at least it was a crime of passion, not a fight over cargo. He closed his eyes and squeezed Loki’s fingers as hard as he could. And it scared him that his grip was weak as a child’s.

  “Don’t die. I’ll shoot myself if you do,” whispered Loki, and the promise was like a caress, even if it spoke of yet another horrible thing. It gave Jack some comfort to see that he had made himself likable, even if just this once.

  Chapter 14

  Red Jack opened one eye. Then the other. A constant beeping next to him, and the fresh, sterile smell was nothing like home. His whole chest ached. His back was sore, and his fingers numb. Red Jack tried to speak, but all that came out was a rasp. A warm hand squeezed his fingers, and moments later, he met the familiar depths of Loki’s black eyes.

  “Jack? You want water?”

  He flinched, but it only made him ache more. “Fuck…”

  Loki slid his forearm under the back of Red Jack’s neck and raised his head, while gently putting a plastic cup against his dry lips. “I’m sorry... are you very angry?”

  As Loki leaned closer, the beeping to the side of the bed sped up. “Wh—what happened?” Everything was a blur in Red Jack’s fuzzy mind, but he drank the water with relief.

  Loki’s breath shuddered. “The truth, or what I told the police? You remember...?”

  All of a sudden, Red Jack’s memory got sharper edges. “You shot me.” He frowned and looked around the hospital bed. How was he still alive? He vaguely remembered a stern face looming over him and himself mumbling answers. He’s my cousin. Don’t call anyone else.

  Loki chewed on his lip, stiffening. “I thought I should run... but I couldn’t just leave you.” Slowly, he locked his gaze with Red Jack’s. It expressed resignation to his fate, whatever it might be. “Will you tell your friends?”

  Red Jack squinted at him. “You’d be dead if I do.”

  The warm fingers moved against the center of Red Jack’s palm, and Loki sniffed, his eyes glazing over. “Jack... I am already dying.”

  “Huh?” He slowly ran his hand over his patched-up side but kept his eyes on Loki, who moved, letting the light from outside hit Red Jack with a brightness he needed to adjust to.

  “I have cancer. In my brain.”

  Red Jack was processing this all-too-slowly, and he grabbed Loki’s fingers before Loki pulled them away as well. “What? No. You’re fucked in the head, but that doesn’t mean you have cancer.”

  Loki chuckled and squeezed back Red Jack’s hand. “No. I do. They can’t do anything for me. I had three months left on the day we met.”

  Red Jack calculated in his fuzzy brain. That was about three weeks ago. He looked at Loki as if he saw him for the first time. Cancer? Three months left? This couldn’t be happening. How did Red Jack survive getting shot, yet Loki was to die? “How long was I out?”

  “Just one night. I didn’t hit anything... important.” Loki shifted in the chair, as though it was uncomfortable.

  “I hit you. You shot me.” Red Jack frowned. “Why are you still here?” he asked, ev
en though he was happy to see Loki by his sick bed. He must have been the one to get him to the hospital in the first place. Why would he waste his life on spending time with Red Jack?

  Loki was silent for several seconds before he finally opened his mouth with a wheezing intake of breath. “On the day I found out I’m through, I was all alone... and you contacted me.” He pulled the chair closer and leaned forward, resting his head on Red Jack’s palm. “That had to mean something. I was meant to be with you.”

  That had to be the saddest thing Red Jack had ever heard. Was there really no one else in Loki’s life that he’d rather spend his time with? And if there wasn’t, Red Jack was beginning to understand why Loki clung to him so desperately. “I never thought you treated us so seriously. I thought you just wanted a cheap place to stay…”

  Loki sniffed and kissed Red Jack’s hand. “Will you let me stay? Just for a few more weeks. I won’t be bad again,” he whimpered, and Red Jack felt an unmistakable wetness on his skin. “I’ll be gone soon, but just a little bit longer? Can you give me that time?”

  Red Jack swallowed, ignoring the dull pain in his body. This had to be the strangest request he’d ever gotten. “I don’t know how to be in a... relationship. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather spend that time with someone else?”

  Loki looked up at him from behind the curtain of messy hair. He smiled. “No. You’ll be my one big love.”

  This all slotted Loki’s actions into the right place. His confessions of love and destiny. Loki didn’t have enough time to wait till he was in his thirties, like everyone else. Red Jack wasn’t ready to commit to someone for life, but two, three months? He could do that. It wouldn’t kill him to be fucking just Loki for that time. All the girls of the world could wait. It wasn’t them who had cancer.

  “But we need to keep it behind closed doors, okay?”

  Loki picked up Red Jack’s hand and cuddled his face against it, tickling it with his warm breath. “Sorry about the shot. I was upset.”