Baby Steps

by Lily Zante

  She was so much happier. Wasn’t she?

  “We have another delivery arriving,” said Kim. “Gotta go.”

  “’Bye.”

  Ava hung up and then her hand hovered over her cell phone as she considered calling Nico. It was early evening and she’d expected him to have arrived back home by now. She should have called him to make sure he’d reached Ravenna safely—there was no reason to suspect otherwise and he wasn’t driving himself there. And yet her hand lingered. She’d been busy with the baby, and her work. He was being driven to Ravenna and had no baby to look after. He could have called her if he really wanted to.

  He’s fine, she told herself. And this will pass. This feeling of disconnect that had slowly seeped into their life, along with Nico’s accident, and the hotel setbacks, and Elisabetta’s drawn out birth.

  This wasn’t how things used to be.

  They hadn’t made love since then and the distance between them wasn’t only in their physical expression. Emotionally, they seemed to have drifted apart. At night, while they lay in bed, they talked and snuggled but whenever Nico turned to kiss her or initiated anything, which hadn’t been often, she told him she was tired. She wasn’t lying either. On more than a few occasions he’d slept on his side turned away from her and she was often in and out of bed, feeding the baby, or tending to her. When she returned to bed, the only thing Ava craved was to lie down and sleep.

  Sex was the last thing on her mind. And yet she wanted to have his big, strong arms around her while they lay in bed. She missed snuggling up against his chest but hadn’t attempted to in case he wanted more. Giving birth had turned her insides to mush, or so it had felt like that for days after. She’d been afraid to go to the bathroom for fear of everything ‘down there’ falling out. Sex, most definitely was the last thing on her mind.

  She was about to go back upstairs when she heard the doorbell, then Helena’s voice and a voice that sounded like Andrea’s.

  What was she doing here?

  For a second she was surprised, wondering if she’d missed a meeting or had forgotten something.

  “I think she’s in the kitchen,” Helena announced, just as Ava walked out into the hallway. Her face broke out into a smile at the sight of her friend.

  “Andrea!” They hugged and Ava was the first to draw away quickly, feeling messy in her milk-stained clothes. “Well this is a nice surprise,” she cried. “I’m happy to see you, but did I miss something? A meeting or—?”

  “This isn’t a business call,” Andrea replied. “Is this a bad time?” The top-to-toe glance her friend gave her didn’t go unnoticed by Ava, and she immediately regretted not having brushed her hair properly and having tied it up into a messy ponytail. Normally she would have made some effort, but Nico was out for the day and she’d been more concerned with getting as much work done as possible away from his disapproving eyes.

  “Are you kidding? It’s never a bad time where you’re concerned. I’m so happy to see you.” And she was, despite her own pitiful appearance.

  “I was hoping you’d say that,” replied Andrea, happily. Ava smoothed down her hair and noted Andrea’s camel colored cashmere coat and stylish handbag. She stood with her arms wrapped around herself, in a comfort pose, and felt the soft rolls around her waist, vowing to get back into running when she had more time. She didn’t relish living in sweats and loose clothing forever. Not as the wife of Nico Cazale.

  Ava smiled and sucked in her breath, squeezing her stomach against her spine.

  “Can I see the baby?”

  “Sure,” said Ava, looking around for a moment. “I think they’re upstairs. My mom was feeding her.” She led the way upstairs to the nursery and opened the door to find her mom sitting in the glider with a sleeping angel in her arms. Ava’s heart melted, the way it always did when she saw her daughter. She had never known about this pull—this invisible, tight cord, a connection she had never felt before. Nothing in her life up to now had made her feel this protective and this vulnerable at the same time. Elsa opened her eyes and smiled acknowledging them as Andrea mouthed a quiet ‘hello’ in return.

  “She almost always falls asleep during a feeding,” Ava whispered.

  “She’s adorable,” cried Andrea, her face glowing as she stared at Elsa and the baby.

  “She’s not so adorable when she’s crying continuously and can’t be stopped.”

  “She’s beautiful and she looks like you and Nico.”

  “I would hope so,” Ava replied, grinning at the odd comment which so many people often made. Who else did they expect a baby to look like if not its parents?

  “She’s grown so much since we last saw her.” Andrea and her business partner, Leo, had visited them at home a few days before Christmas. She and Nico would never forget the support that these two friends had given to her and Nico while they’d both been in hospital—Nico from his accident and Ava giving birth. It had been the most worrisome of times and the most happiest.

  “Could I hold her?”

  “You could,” Ava suggested, with slight hesitation, “but maybe another time. I don’t want to risk waking her.” She now understood why Rona had always longed for the times when her daughter, Tori, had gone down for a nap. Only a mother knew the sheer bliss of that window of quiet time when a child was asleep.

  “Let’s have some coffee and then we can see if she wakes up.”

  “I’ll bring her down if she wakes up,” said Elsa.

  “Shall I put her in her crib. Mom?”

  “Let me hold her for a while,” Elsa replied, and she looked as if she didn’t want to move from the glider.

  “You’re not in a rush are you?” Ava asked as they walked down the stairs. She was glad to have some company for a change other than her mom or the baby, or Nico to talk to. Apart from a few walks outside with the baby in a stroller, she didn’t venture out on a daily basis and now, after many weeks, she was beginning to suffer from the effects of minimal interaction with the outside world.

  “No,” Andrea replied, slipping off her coat when they were in the kitchen. Ava couldn’t help but stare at Andrea’s super slim figure. She was dressed in loose fitting, wide legged Palazzo pants and a black satin blouse which hung loose and shimmering from her thin frame. She looked as if she’d fallen off the pages of a women’s magazine. Ava sneaked another stare at her. “I love your outfit,” she said, clearly envious.

  “Thanks.”

  “Coffee?”

  Andrea nodded.

  “You’re looking insanely chic for the warehouse,” Ava commented as she got out the cups.

  “What warehouse?” wailed Andrea.

  “Sorry,” replied Ava. Ever since the fire that had completely burnt down Andrea’s warehouse, she and Leo had been forced to move to two smaller adjacent units around the corner from their previous location. “We’re still in the two warehouses for now.”

  Ava looked up. “But you’ll get compensation, won’t you? For the fire?”

  “You know what it’s like, so much red tape and paperwork. We’ll get the money eventually,” said Andrea, leaning against the wall with her arms folded. “I had a meeting with Dino earlier.” Dino Massari was the smooth talking owner of the company which made the cribs that were her best sellers. Ava’s lips curled upwards into a smile. “You did, huh?” No wonder Andrea looked so gorgeous. She took the cups over to the table.

  “Thanks,” said Andrea, wrapping her fingers around the hot cup and taking a sip.

  “What did Mr. Massari have to say?”

  “We were discussing your ever-increasing sales volume.”

  “Those cribs are hot sellers. I had a huge order arrive in Denver before Christmas and I won’t be surprised if I have to place another one soon.”

  Andrea’s brown eyes widened. “Really?”

  “I expect them to continue to sell. We haven’t actually dipped into the new shipment yet, but we’ll start to in a few weeks’ time—or so Kim leads me to believe.” S
he sipped her coffee. “So you met with him to discuss my order sizes?”

  “I have to meet with my suppliers from time to time to ensure that everything is running smoothly.”

  “I’m glad you do,” said Ava. She shuddered to think what a problem with suppliers would mean for her. “And you dressed like that for the meeting?”

  Was it a meeting or was it something else?

  “Like what?” Andrea laughed weakly. “What’s wrong with this?”

  “Nothing at all.” Ava smiled mischievously. “I’m sure Dino like it very much.”

  “Stop that! You’re looking at me as if I turned up in a short skirt that barely covered my butt.”

  “You still haven’t answered my question.”

  “What?”

  “Is there something you want to share with me?” Ava asked, grinning.

  Andrea breathed out loudly, as if she had no choice but to own up. “If you must know, Dino asked me to dinner but I had to rush back.”

  “Rush back for what?”

  Andrea shrugged. “Oh…you know, uh…” She seemed to be struggling for words. “I wanted to see you. There.” She nodded her head as if to convince herself.

  “You avoided dinner with him to have a cup of coffee with me?” Ava snorted. She didn’t buy that for a minute. “Clearly he’s interested.” But Andrea shook her head quickly.

  “Aren’t you interested? I mean, you’re single again and—”

  “And I’d like to stay that way.”

  “It has its virtues,” Ava remarked. She’d tried both—being single and being with someone and being in a relationship with a man who loved you was definitely the more appealing of all the possible statuses, even if she and Nico were going through a rough patch right now.

  “I don’t have time for a man in my life.”

  Ava nodded and smiled, not wanting to probe or offer too much advice unless Andrea asked for it. She cupped her hands around her coffee cup, and took comfort in the warmth. She missed this—girl talk with a good friend. Ever since she’d moved to Verona, she had missed female company but because she’d been so busy here, and had so much going on in her life—and because she’d fallen in love with Nico—she hadn’t noticed it too much. Until now. Now that Nico was busy, and she was stuck at home, it dawned on her that she needed friends. Or even one close friend with whom she could confide in. It wasn’t the same telling her mom everything that was troubling her or niggling at her. Sometimes she just wanted to have a conversation with a like-minded friend who understood her and knew where she was coming from. Andrea was that person.

  “With all this worry over your business,” said Ava. “It must be a huge help having Leo around?”

  “He’s pretty clued into things,” Andrea agreed. “And yes, I didn’t realize how much easier things would be when you don’t have to take on the responsibility of a business alone. It’s much easier when you can share the troubles and the good times with a business partner.”

  It had been interesting to see Leo and Andrea together and Ava felt sure that there was more going on between the two of them than Andrea liked to let on, and so she didn’t say anything, preferring to wait until her friend said something first.

  “We should go out one evening,” Andrea suggested.

  “Go out?” Ava asked. Andrea might as well have asked her to fly to the moon. “That’s not really an option for me at the moment.”

  “Your mom is here helping out and you use Lizzi sometimes, don’t you?”

  “She’s gone back to college,” replied Ava. Lizzi, the gardener’s granddaughter had been a huge help for the few weeks after Elisabetta’s birth. She’d kept an eye on emails and inventory in the early days when Ava had been too sore to do much of anything and recovering from giving birth.

  “But your mom’s here now and I’m sure Nico would love to have Elisabetta all to himself one evening while you go out. I think you need to get out more.”

  “Do I look that bad?” Ava asked, frowning. It was bad enough that she felt frumpy in her loose clothes.

  “No,” said Andrea. “You look mommy-ish.”

  “Mommy-ish?” Ava was disheartened to hear these words. Mommy-ish wasn’t a something she aspired to look like. She wanted to look like Angelina Jolie and ‘Mommy-ish’ wasn’t a term that came to mind with her. Even after giving birth to twins the woman still looked fabulous.

  But Andrea was right. Ava looked down at her baggy top. Even the nursing bras she wore gave no real support and her body was loose and flabby all over. No wonder her own husband didn’t try too hard to seduce her. Back in the day, sinking into bed with Nico at the end of a tiring day meant the start of other, more fun activities.

  Life couldn’t already be going downhill now, could it? She had yet to turn 30.

  Andrea’s cheeks colored slightly. “It means you look like a real mom, putting your baby first.” Her friend was doing her best to dig herself out of the hole. “But you look as if you could do with a night out.”

  Ava forced a smile. “I don’t even know what that means anymore.”

  “Then let’s set a date, and go out and have a nice meal and catch up.” But Ava couldn’t conceive of getting dressed and leaving Elisabetta for a few hours. Apart from the guilt she would feel for leaving her baby at home—even if Elsa or Nico were around to look after her—she didn’t like the idea of being away from her daughter.

  “Give me a few weeks,” she said. Or a few months. By then, she expected this feeling of not wanting to do much, not even wanting to leave the house, to have passed. “Maybe we could go out, the four of us?”

  “The four of us?” Andrea didn’t look too excited about that proposal.

  “Why not?”

  “You do know that Leo and I aren’t together?” Andrea asked.

  “I know that. I know you’re only business partners. You’ve drilled that into my head many times.” Ava chuckled. “I’m not about to forget that anytime soon.”

  But maybe getting Nico out of the house might do him some good. She couldn’t imagine her and Nico going for a romantic meal alone—not any time soon but maybe they both needed to go out with another couple and who better than Leo and Andrea?

  Chapter 5

  He’d brought along some documents to read through on the car journey to Ravenna but Nico was unable to concentrate and instead found himself staring out of the car window. But this didn’t help much either and only made him feel more drowsy instead. He hadn’t slept too well because Elisabetta woke throughout the night and each time she stirred, or Ava got up to feed her, it also woke him up.

  As hard as it was on him, he knew it was even harder on Ava and he wished she would let him take the early morning feed. But she was adamant that he needed his rest. She was good like that but he was already up and his sleep had been broken, so he might as well have made himself useful. But it was no use arguing the point with her.

  Ava wanted to move Elisabetta into the nursery next door when she was a year old, but Nico had half a mind to suggest they do it when she was maybe 6 months old. He understood Ava’s concern to have the baby by her side and with her being so little, he didn’t want her anywhere but in the same room. But he couldn’t survive a year of broken sleep.

  He needed to be sharper and he needed to get back into the game. He needed to get the Cazale empire flourishing and growing year after year. The media were already dismissing him as a lightweight and the playboy image was a hard one to lose.

  For now his main focus was on fixing the problems. Then he would feel better about the business and himself. It hadn’t been a year since Edmondo had died and already Nico had big ideas about expansion. He had his eyes on a few more plots of land in Sicily and Sardinia, and even the Amalfi coast. He wanted to build hotels throughout Italy, setting them up in areas that visitors flocked to the most; beautiful, scenic areas in picturesque settings. He wasn’t sure Ravenna was exactly a highly sought after destination yet, it wasn’t the one of the more pre
ttier parts of his country, but he was determined to turn the Cazale Ravenna into a highly desirable destination for rest and recuperation.

  The car pulled up outside the newly refurbished Cazale Ravenna Spa Center and Hotel, more commonly referred to as the Cazale Ravenna. The spa center was a completely new building which had been built alongside the existing and newly improved hotel and the two were connected by a glass foot tunnel. A huge forecourt in front of the main hotel spilled out and encompassed the area along the tunnel which was decked with a pond, benches and greenery. He’d tried to recreate a part of Montagnano, the beloved village he grew up in. There was a lot of land even after the spa center had been built and Nico had more grand plans, but he kept these things under wraps for now. There was no point in talking about anything else until the hotel opened. He was counting on the grand event taking place around the end of February. Right now it looked lifeless, even though the buildings were ready and the grounds were well maintained. There were a few vans and workmen scattered around, due to the re-wiring project but these should not have been here. What should have been here were guests with beaming smiles, coming and going.

  “You’ve got two hours to do what you want,” Nico told his driver, “I’ll call you if I finish sooner.” He got out and walked slowly towards the mobile unit that served as the headquarters for Bruno and his team. His project manager had already seen the car pull up and he was now walking towards him.

  “Ciao,” Bruno reached out his hand, and Nico shook it with less vigor than usual. “You can’t keep away, can you, Nico? Can I get you a coffee?”

  “No,” Nico replied, but instead of heading into the trailer, he turned to his project manager. “I want to see how the rewiring’s coming along.”

  “Already? Don’t you want to—”

  “No,” Nico replied. “I’d rather see the work.”

  “This way,” Bruno replied, obviously well used to his boss’s temperament.