My Evil Ex Girlfriends
Page 8
Man. It was the unstoppable force going up against the immovable object, only with this old lady she wasn’t spontaneously catching fire like the last old broad I’d gone against.
“Nothing,” I groused.
A lie, to be sure, but whatever. If they weren’t going to do the modern equivalent of a pat-down for super powered tech then I wasn’t going to give anything up.
“That’s nice,” Ethel said, checking off a few things in her book. I tried to sneak a peek at what she was writing down, but the moment I craned my head over her notebook she looked up at me like I was trying to kill kittens and pulled the thing close to her chest.
“Through the door there Natalie,” she said. “It was nice knowing you.”
“But we just met,” I said.
It wasn’t until the bouncer had ushered me through the door that I really parsed what she’d said. Nice knowing me. Which was the kind of thing someone said when they were about to kill someone, and not the kind of thing you said when meeting someone for the first time and parting as friends.
I was about to ask my bouncer friend what was up, if they were about to try and double cross me or something, when I got my answer.
He shoved me through another door at the end of yet another long brick tunnel. Into a massive dusky room filled with the sounds of shouting and screaming. The place was a madhouse.
I looked around and couldn’t help but smile. We stood at one edge of a massive circular arena. Sitting in the stands in that makeshift arena were a bunch of individuals who were clearly super powered, though whether they were heroes in hiding or villains still remained to be seen.
Still, that’s not what really mattered. No, what mattered was I’d finally found what I was looking for. Sure a large arena buried deep under the city that looked like it was in danger of collapsing down around all the villains in evidence wasn’t exactly what I’d expected to find, but I’d found those villains. That’s what really mattered.
“Right. So is this the part where you take me to the person running this place?” I asked, looking up at my bouncer friend who suddenly had a cruel smile on his face.
I was under no illusions that I was going to get to talk to their leader right away or anything. Not when they’d clearly brought me to a place where there was fighting going down. Up ahead through some bars I could see two super powered individuals going at it in said arena. A skinny guy who looked like his schtick was super speed of some sort, but it was a lame sort of super speed where he only moved a little faster than the fastest Olympic sprinter, and clearly it wasn’t working all that well for him in the arena.
But his opponent. My eyes narrowed as I got a good look at the asshole. I recognized that fucker because he’d been one of my cellmates in SuperMax. The big shadowy creature who’d tried his best to kill me on a couple of occasions, and who’d sided with Firebrand on more than one of those occasions when she tried to kill me.
I thought I’d taught that asshole a lesson when we were making our escape, and how he wound up down here was anyone’s guess. He wasn’t the only person from SuperMax either. The crowd shouting down at the fight was littered with people who wouldn’t be here right now if Night Terror hadn’t been around to save their ass.
Right around the time that the hulking shadow creature got ahold of the speedy guy was the moment the bouncer opened that cage and shoved me through. Speed dude got ripped in half and blood and guts spilled everywhere.
“Have fun in there Natalie,” the bouncer said. “Though I don’t think you’ll have too long to think about how stupid it was to come to a place like this asking to see the big kahuna.”
13
Let Them Fight
I had a few choice words for the bouncer dude, but he was gone by the time I turned around to give him those choice words. Sure he was walking up into the arena and I was tempted to reveal my wrist blaster and give him a piece of my mind, but I had more pressing issues now.
I was beyond the point of caring about whether or not I revealed myself. I’d found what I was looking for. Heroes and villains. Mostly villains, but I thought I saw a few heroes who’d been with us in SuperMax.
If any of them noticed me they weren't saying anything. Though it was far more likely that the dirt and grime I’d put on my face as part of my disguise was enough that they didn’t recognize me.
I turned to the shadow creature at the other end of the arena. He was parading around the arena holding his arms up and causing the speed dude’s remains to flop around and send blood and guts spilling everywhere.
At least I was pretty sure he was holding his arms up. For all I knew the creature residing in those shadows had a split prehensile penis and he was waving those at the crowd in a rather vulgar display, but I was pretty sure those were arms he was waving around in triumph.
Finally he turned back to me. I couldn't see a facial expression, but there was something about his body language that said he was sneering at me. Clearly the new challenger in the arena had been weighed in the balances and found wanting.
"This is the best you can come up with?" he bellowed.
I rolled my eyes. Turned to the crowd. Looked for something obvious like an announcer box, but apparently this wasn't the same as what had gone on with Sabine and her little gladiatorial arena.
Even though that’d actually been a rather large arena considering she’d coopted one of the professional sports places that was usually reserved for grown men who were paid ridiculous amounts of money to swat balls around.
"I just want to talk to whoever’s running this place," I shouted. “Come down and talk to me and I promise this doesn't have to get bad.”
That was good for a bit of laughter from everybody in the stands. They were getting more and more populated as I watched. Clearly some sort of message had gone out that something good was going down in the arena, and they'd all decided they were going to come in and have a gander at the big fight brewing.
The bastards. They smelled blood in the water. Which made me think this wasn't the first time the giant shadow creature had been used for something like this. Given his penchant for bloodshed and for finding the nearest powerful person and acting as their hired muscle and stooge I guess it shouldn't have surprised me that hed be pulling the same thing now and attaching himself directly to the ass of whatever powerful person was running this place.
"You have no idea what you're getting into little girl," the shadow creature bellowed. "But that's okay. They have me to take care of the kind of person who comes to our front door asking too many questions!"
I looked around. Waited to see if there was going to be any sort of last-minute reprieve. Maybe the person who was running things would decide they wanted to have a chat with me after all, but no dice. I sighed. Shook my head.
I suppose I should’ve expected no less. If I had someone show up at the front door to my lab, back when I had a lab which was still a very fresh wound thank you very much, demanding to talk to me then I’d do my best to either interrogate them or kill them as well.
Though honestly I’d lean more towards the interrogation side of things. If someone managed to find my front door then I’d want to know how the hell they managed to find it before I killed them.
That they would have to die eventually went without saying. So I guess I shouldn’t be too pissy that someone else had made the same decision about me.
"It would appear that you are in some small amount of trouble mistress," CORVAC said. "Are you certain that you do not wish me to…"
"Shut up," I hissed.
I was beyond caring if anyone in this arena saw me chatting to the thin air and wondered who I was telling to shut up. No, I just wanted him to be quiet so I could think this through. It was difficult to think things through properly when there was a sarcastic supercomputer buzzing in my ear.
"So you're not going to chat with me?" I shouted. “That’s how this is going to be?”
“But I am talking to you mistress,” CORVA
C said. “You told me to be quiet and…”
“I’m talking to the person who runs this show,” I hissed. “Not you. Keep this channel clear until I tell you I need you.”
“Affirmative, mistress.”
I wondered if the big boss was up there somewhere in the crowd trying to play the whole secret super villain thing. It was a good angle, only it’d been ruined by the number of times people had run that play over the years. Yeah, if I was a betting woman, which I wasn't, then I’d be willing to bet the person running the show probably was out there somewhere. Watching. Waiting. Wondering what my next move was.
I sighed. Looked at the shadow creature. Shook my head. It looked like I was going to have to kick his ass all over again. Not that I minded.
"Today is not the day to piss me off," I said, reaching up and undoing some of the buttons on the grimy old shirt I'd stolen from a secondhand shop.
That was enough to get me some whistles and catcalls. I shook my head, but decided it was best to ignore the assholes. After all, they’d come here for a show, and I was going to give them a show. The only problem was that show was nothing like what they were probably expecting.
“You wouldn’t believe the time I’ve been having since I was rudely interrupted in the middle of robbing a bank fair and square like a civilized person," I said. "Villains coming at me. Heroes coming at me. My city being invaded by aliens…"
"Your city?" the shadow creature bellowed, letting out a noise that I was pretty sure was supposed to be a laugh, but sounded so similar to the kind of villainous voice Frank Welker might come up with in an old ‘80s or early ‘90s cartoon that it was hard to take him seriously. "What makes you think this is your city?"
I reached down and shimmied out of my pants. That got more catcalls, but they shut up as they realized I was wearing something under those pants.
It’d been a real pain in the ass finding a pair of jeans that were just the right length and also had enough give that I could wear my suit under them without arousing much in the way of suspicion.
My shirt fell open. Revealing that I was wearing something underneath that as well. If the perverted assholes hanging around the arena thought they were going to get that kind of show then they were sorely mistaken.
I shrugged out of the shirt and the arena went silent. It seemed they’d finally realized exactly who’d decided to grace them with her presence today, and they didn't know what to make of it.
I looked around the room. I tried to make eye contact with as many of the villains hanging out in the stands as I could, though of course that was difficult since there were so many of them and there was just the one little old me.
"That's right bitches," I said. "You thought you could run an underground criminal enterprise without Night Terror finding out about it? Especially with superpowered villains running the show?"
That silence only lasted for a moment. Then everyone was standing and cheering. Raising their hands. Stomping down on the stands. Basically making the kind of racket that almost had the protective gear in my ears kicking in to keep me from suffering any hearing damage. Almost, but not quite.
There was a crackling. I looked up and realized there were a few speakers that’d been hung from rafters overhead. I smiled. Well then. It would appear that whatever asshole was calling the shots in this place had finally decided I was worth talking to.
"Call off," the voice said, though that voice was masked so I had no idea if it was someone I’d met before.
"What?" the shadow creature bellowed. "What the hell are you talking about? Why would I call off now? This is Night Terror!"
The shadows were getting deeper and deeper all around the creature. As though it was gathering the darkness around it, and I didn't think that whatever was going to happen when it finished gathering that darkness would be good news for yours truly.
Not that I intended to hang around long enough to find out exactly what happened when it finally gathered in all of that darkness. No sir.
"I said call off," the voice said.
"Like hell I'm calling off," the shadow creature roared. It turned back to me, and again it’s not like I could see its face or anything, but I could tell the thing was pissed off. "I owe you one, bitch! And I'm going to show you what happens to people who treat me like you did!"
I yawned. Was it a touch theatrical? Well yes, sure it was. But that was the whole fucking point of doing something like that. I had my equipment this time, and that meant I wasn't afraid of this asshole. Plus I had that injected subcutaneous pattern buffer that meant I’d never be too far from my toys ever again. Unless somebody did a surgical intervention, at which point I’d have way worse problems than losing my gear.
The shadow creature charged across the arena. The cheers from the assembled heroes and villains, most of whom had their asses saved very recently by yours truly, turned to jeers, but that didn't stop the shadowy asshole from doing his best to take a shot at the queen.
What the fuck ever. I was the great and powerful Night Terror, and if that guy thought he was going to do a damn thing to me when I was operating at full power and not in a daze from recently getting my ass handed to me by two ex-girlfriends then he had another thing coming.
I smiled as he charged. I raised my wrist blaster. Charged it all the way though the ominous hum stage rapidly instead of letting that hum hang in the air.
I fired.
14
Entertainment
The shot slammed into my good friend the shadow creature and he flew back across the arena. He slammed into the wall on the other end and it crunched under the impact. Villains who'd been hanging out in that part of the grandstand scrambled away.
"Okay Night Terror," the voice said. "You had your fun."
The shadowy creature twitched. I took my time striding over to meet my vanquished foe. When I finally reached the thing I put my hands on my hips and stared down in disgust. When you got down to it the fucker really wasn’t all that intimidating.
"You know I've had a real big fucking problem lately,” I said, loud enough that everyone could hear me. Not that it was too difficult to be heard considering the room had gone quiet.
Good. That was the kind of attention I deserved, damn it. I needed to command the respect of these people, and I needed them to be just slightly afraid of me as well.
"It seems like for a while now people have forgotten exactly who Night Terror is," I said.
The shadow thing pulled itself up to its knees. Or maybe it was sitting on its dick. Assuming it had a dick. Again, it was difficult to tell exactly which part of the thing's anatomy I was looking at considering the whole fucking thing was wreathed in shadows.
"You’re nothing," the thing coughed. "Everyone knows you’ve gone soft. Why should we listen to you?"
"I don't expect you to listen to me," I said. "But I do expect you to help me out, even if you're not going to listen."
“I’ll never help you," he snorted. "Besides. You shot me twice now and I came back both times. Why the hell would I be afraid of you and your little pea shooter?"
"Because I plan on doing the same thing to you that I did to Firebrand," I said, raising my wrist blaster.
"I said call off, Night Terror," the voice said.
I looked up. "You weren't interested in talking earlier when I said I didn't want any trouble. In my book that means it's time for me to cause a little bit of trouble to remind you exactly who runs this city. Don’t think that because you were beneath my notice for so long you weren’t under my thumb."
“Night Terror…"
There was a subtle hint of warning to the voice now. I didn't care. I did notice there were several automated turrets lowering down from the shadows on telescoping arms and pointing at me.
I smiled. If they thought they were going to take care of me with an automated weapons system then they had another thing coming. I happened to have a friend along with me who was very good at dealing with automated weapons systems.
“CORVAC? Would you be a dear?"
"Of course mistress," CORVAC said.
I smiled. Those automated turrets would never fire on me if CORVAC was on it. I was beyond the point of even wondering if he’d use the opportunity to try an double cross me. We made a good team, and I think he’d realized that.
I turned back to the shadow creature. It was time to take out the trash.
"It would appear you've underestimated me my shadowy friend," I said. "Because both times I fired on you before I was trying to make a point.”
“So?” it growled.
“So back then I had my wrist blaster set to stun, and I can guarantee you that's not going to be the setting when I'm making this next point."
The shadow made a move, but it wasn't fast enough to stop the inevitable. I fired several shots right at what I assumed was the thing’s center of mass.
The thing twitched several times, and there was an electric crackling accompanied by tines of lightning wrapping around the outline of a large humanoid body in the center of the shadows. The shadow creature slumped to the ground, but the shadows remained.
Interesting. So that was a power that stuck around even after death. What I wouldn't give to get a couple of tissue samples off this asshole and see if there was a way I could incorporate that trick into my own equipment.
Not that I thought they were going to let me get out of here with anything close to a tissue sample. Not if the doors opening all around the arena and the familiar clanking of troops with guns were anything to go on.
I turned and looked at those troops. Rolled my eyes. They were in secondhand gear that’d obviously been stolen from the invading alien army.
"Really?" I asked. "This is the best you can come up with?"
"Surrender now and I can promise this will go easily for you," the voice said.
I looked up at the gathered crowd. Addressed them rather than the voice who thought they were running things.