My Evil Ex Girlfriends

by Mia Archer

  Something told me nothing was ever going to be the same after everything that’d happened.

  19

  Rousing Speech

  “Villains of Starlight City!”

  The gathered scum of Starlight City let out one hell of a cheer. I guess it’d been awhile since they’d had anything to cheer about. Unless you counted a bunch of people getting the shit kicked out of them on the regular in this little arena thing they’d put together as something worth cheering over.

  I’d never been one for giving rousing speeches. I’d never had the need to give pep talks considering I’d been a mostly one woman shop. CORVAC never needed pep talks because he was always coldly logical about his desire to make the world a better place by conquering it and allowing it to exist under our benevolent rule.

  I was pretty sure a small part of that was the coldly logical calculation that he would outlive me and get to rule the world for a lot longer than I did, but here’s hoping some of the longevity stuff about uploading my brain actually panned out before my brain shut down for good.

  “You know we had a good thing going for us once upon a time,” I continued. “We were the unquestioned rulers of this city!”

  More cheering. Sure I was playing a little fast and loose with the facts, but I figured it wouldn’t be the first time someone in a leadership role played a little fast and loose with facts in the interest of riling up their base. The fact was I’d been the unquestioned ruler of the city, but if lumping them in with the imperial “we” on that got them on my side then rock on.

  From the way they cheered they were certainly taking that as the imperial “we,” which was good.

  “But of course all good things have to come to an end,” I said. “It was inevitable that some villain or hero would come along who was so incredibly powerful that they shut down the game.”

  There was some muttering at that. Some villains looking back and forth at one another as though they were wondering if Night Terror had gone a little cracked in the head. Maybe Night Terror had gone a little cracked in the head, but whatever. There was a point to this.

  I knew how the villainous mind worked. I knew I wasn’t going to get any of these assholes to do what I wanted out of the goodness of their hearts. So I was going to appeal to their vanity and avarice. Two qualities that lots of villains out there shared.

  I also hoped none of them would bring up the awkward point that, for a couple of years there, I’d been the villain who was so powerful that I was able to shut down the game for everyone else.

  “Well I say no! We don’t have to accept that! Fialux is powerful, but she’s not indestructible!”

  Time to drop some truth bombs that I hated dropping, but it was necessary to get them on my side. To make them think this actually had a chance to succeed. Besides, Fialux was the one who went crazy trying to take over my city. I figured the moment she tried to kill me was the moment she gave up any rights to me keeping her secrets.

  There was some confused muttering from the gathered villainous throng. I was pretty sure I even saw a couple of assholes who’d been on the heroic side of things when we were in SuperMax, which pleased my black villainous heart.

  I guess they’d seen the light. That or they’d been given no choice about coming along with the villains. Either way they were more cannon fodder for my plan which was just fine with me.

  Did I think cannon fodder? I shouldn’t think like that. Thinking like that was a step away from saying something like that, and I didn’t need to go saying words like cannon fodder in front of the cannon fodder.

  Let’s rethink that. Either way it was more glorious villains working to retake the city so we could go back to running things.

  “Fialux has a weakness!” I shouted. “There was a period of several months when she didn’t have her powers.”

  “How do you know that?” someone shouted from the rafters. Literally from the rafters. There were a few villains up there with decidedly batlike wings staring down at me.

  “Thank you!” I said, as though the asshole up there was responding to a prompt and not challenging me. “I know this because I was the villain who was trying to dupe the city into thinking she still had her powers after she lost them.”

  I paused. It was time to drop a serious bomb on this group. A bomb I wasn’t sure I’d be able to recover from, but Nancy was right. If I was going to get this group to work for me then I needed to tell them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

  Besides, it helped knowing most of them probably weren’t going to make it through the coming battle. I figured telling my secrets to someone who’s fated to die in an epic battle against the aliens who’d taken over the city was almost the same as keeping a secret.

  “I know this because I was in a relationship with Fialux,” I said, this time low, but the loudspeakers up above carried my voice to everyone in the arena.

  There were a couple of cat calls and wolf whistles. I was sure there were more than a few assholes up there who thought lesbians only existed to provide a sexy show for the gentlemen. Mostly, though, people were muttering and looking back and forth and shrugging and trying to come to terms with this revelation.

  I glanced to the side of the arena where Nancy and Technomancer were leaning over the railings. Technomancer wore a huge grin, while Nancy wore an almost unreadable expression. I knew she’d had her suspicions about what was going on between me and Fialux, but I would’ve given a pretty penny to know what she was thinking now.

  CORVAC, meanwhile, in the person of his glowing green orb floating next to Technomancer, merely pulsed. I was pretty sure those pulses had something to do with his feelings, but he hadn’t been in that thing long enough for me to figure out what the hell meant what.

  Whatever. I turned back to the crowd.

  “So believe me when I say I know Fialux. I know how to take her out. The only problem is we’re going to have to launch an assault on the Applied Sciences Department,” I said.

  More shouting. Oh yeah. They didn’t like that idea. I held a hand up and they quieted down.

  “I know what you’re all thinking. That place is impregnable. There’s no way anyone’s getting in there. And I’d be inclined to agree with you, but there’s one thing you’re all forgetting.”

  “What?” someone shouted, this time from one of the front row seats.

  I grinned. “I’m fucking Night Terror.”

  I’d like to say the surrounding villains stood up and cheered for me. I suppose if this was fiction then something like that would’ve happened. I’m sure if we lived through this and succeeded then there’d come a time somewhere down the line where some asshole Hollywood executive or comic book editor decided to steal the bones of this story and add in a bunch of bullshit like that.

  The actual result was far less dramatic though. People looked around like they weren’t sure what the hell to think, but slowly they started to nod.

  I could tell I didn’t have them yet though. A lot of them were thinking about exactly what taking the fight to the aliens would entail.

  They’d been nice and safe hiding from the world down here. Having their little fights where no one actually got hurt too seriously. Unless you counted the poor bastards who came looking for this place without permission.

  Now, though, I was asking them to do something dangerous. I was asking them to put their lives on the line. I felt like I was losing the crowd as more and more of them started thinking about going into pitched combat against an enemy who’d been leveling anything and everything in their path while also bringing in more and more reinforcements with every passing day.

  “I want you all to think about what you’re committing to this day!” I said, not wanting them to think about what they were committing to at all since what they were committing to was actually a nasty untimely demise. “Villains used to run this city! It used to be if you could make it here as a villain then you could make it anywhere! This isn’t Tulsa where you th
row on some pajamas and a mask from a Halloween store and beat up meth heads stealing propane and Sudafed! This is Starlight fucking City!”

  That had their attention. More and more eyes were on me and fewer and fewer tongues were wagging at each other.

  “You all can sit down here and be safe in your little rathole. You can fight each other and make your bets and tell yourselves you’re safe down here, knowing in the back of your minds Fialux could burst through the ceiling after drilling down here any moment and start really busting some heads,” I said.

  I got the feeling I’d hit the nail right on the head with that little bit of profiling. I know it was a worry that was at the top of my mind ever since she’d crashed into my underground lair and ruined everything.

  “You can sit here like rats waiting for the exterminator. You can tell yourselves the aliens will never find you. You can get picked off one by one as some of you go up to the surface for various reasons and find yourselves on the wrong end of the new authorities. New authorities who don’t have nice things like due process you can take advantage of like in the old days.”

  Even more muttering and nodding. Yeah, the crowd was starting to turn. I was painting a dismal picture. It was a picture I’m pretty sure all of them were aware of considering how long they’d been hiding down here.

  “You all know what happens when Fialux is on the hunt,” I said. “I know you know, because I broke most of your asses out of SuperMax. Only there’s no SuperMax now, and no Sabine because I already took her ass out. Fialux will straight up kill you with the villainous turn she’s taken, and your only hope is me!”

  A tiny voice piped through the room. So small that I almost didn’t hear it over all the awkward shuffling as people thought about their eventual fates when Fialux got around to dealing with them.

  “I’m with Night Terror!” the high pitched voice said.

  I peered into the crowd and was surprised to see a tiny little creature made out of rocks.

  “Holy shit. Are you the guy who took on Firebrand?”

  “I am!” he said. “And I stand with you!”

  Huh. I guess when Firebrand blasted him to pieces she hadn’t killed the guy. Only reduced him to rubble. It was nice to see him make a return, though I don’t know why I was surprised considering death was typically merely a temporary inconvenience in Starlight City.

  I had him, but I was going to need a lot more than a pile of pebbles. I turned back to the crowd.

  “That’s right. I’m the only one who can save you. I know of a weapon that can defeat Fialux. I’ve seen it work on her before. I have a surefire plan that’ll make sure that weapon works!”

  I turned and winked at Technomancer. She gave me a little wave that was more her wiggling her fingers and then blew a kiss. I blushed, and turned away before too many people in the crowd could see that blush.

  “So what do you say? Is it time to retake our fucking city or what?”

  I was shouting that last bit even though I had the speakers overhead. I guess I was getting into this. Sure it was all an act to get them excited about the prospect of dying for the glory of me, but who said you couldn’t get caught up in your own act?

  Though I had to be careful. A leader who started drinking their own sugar loaded dyed water was a leader who could very quickly get into some serious trouble.

  This time they did start cheering. This time it was everything that hypothetical Hollywood executive who would surely steal this story could dream of and more. Villains stood and cheered, and I knew I had them.

  “We’re going to have a villainous uprising the likes of which Starlight City and the world has never seen! Now who’s with me!”

  The crowd broke into chants of “Night Terror!” Which felt good. I wasn’t in this job for anyone’s approval, but getting a little bit of adoration from the crowd was always a nice change of pace from the boos and jeers I usually got.

  I turned to Nancy and Technomancer and sketched a little bow. I’d never given a rousing speech before, but I’d say my first attempt had gone pretty damn well.

  Now it was time to go out there and retake Starlight City. Maybe.

  It was going to be a hell of a lot harder than I just made it out to be in my rousing speech.

  20

  Sneaking

  “I’m telling you this is too damn quiet,” I said, looking around the dark tunnel.

  We were using flashlights to illuminate the damn thing. I hated using flashlights when I had some of the most advanced night vision the world had ever seen built into my contacts, but I didn’t have enough contacts to go around so here we were.

  “I don’t know what your problem is,” Nancy said. “This is a tunnel on campus. It’s not like they’re going to have things down here that can kill the students.”

  I hit her with a flat stare. “How long have you lived in Starlight City? Do you actually believe that or are you just trying to be difficult?”

  She held her chin up high and looked defiant for a moment, then Technomancer barked out one of her slightly unhinged laughs that always seemed to come when there wasn’t anything funny going on around us.

  I was always worried about what would happen when I finally discovered what the joke was that none of us were in on, because I couldn’t help but think that joke was on me.

  “Are you picking anything up CORVAC?” I asked.

  The green orb next to us pulsed a couple of times. When he spoke his words came out of that orb rather than from my earpiece. Through some trial and error we’d reconnected him to all his old systems and he could talk just to me in that earpiece if he wanted to, but so far he seemed to prefer that orb thing Technomancer had stuffed him in.

  I tried not to feel too jealous about my computer preferring his new digs to the old ones I’d made for him.

  “I do not see anything on any of the systems that I have managed to infiltrate,” he said. “But I would remind you that even the last time around when she voluntarily integrated me into her systems it took me some time to work my way into some of her more shielded systems, and even then I am fairly certain I did not have access to everything.”

  “Got it,” I said. “So what you’re saying is there very well could be a nasty surprise waiting for us.”

  “Given what we know about Dr. Lana, I would put the odds of that very high, mistress,” CORVAC said.

  “Great,” I said, looking around at all the exposed piping and conduit running through the dark tunnel. “We’re stuck in a sci-fi movie in the part where everything is nice and quiet just before shit starts to go down.”

  “Or we could be in a sci-fi movie in the part where the bold heroes move through an abandoned facility and find out nothing’s wrong,” Nancy said.

  “When have you ever seen a sci-fi movie that has the heroes moving through an abandoned facility only to find nothing’s wrong?” Technomancer asked. “Sounds kind of boring if you ask me.”

  “I mean there were a few movies like that, but the only reason I ever saw them was because they wound up on MST3K and I don’t think they were trying to be boring,” I said.

  “Whatever,” Nancy muttered. “I was always more a fan of movies based on real things like All The President’s Men anyway.”

  “Of course you would be,” I said. “Journalism majors.”

  She opened her mouth as though to say something, but I held up a hand to stop her. I didn’t want to talk too much. Not and risk setting off one of the systems I was pretty sure was keeping an eye on us as we scurried along like two-legged rats in a tunnel.

  A thump from overhead reminded me that there was shit going on up there. It had to be some nasty stuff if that explosion was loud enough to reach us all the way down here.

  “What is it?” Nancy whispered.

  I rolled my eyes. “There’s no point in whispering down here. Anything that can pick up your voice would be able to pick up a whisper just as well as your regular voice.”

  “Fine, then what is it
?” she asked, speaking more in her normal voice. Her sassy normal voice, I might add.

  “Up there,” Technomancer said, pointing to a small blinking light attached to a security camera.

  “If that’s what we can see then you can bet she has other things down here we aren’t seeing,” I said.

  “I don’t know why you insist on talking about that woman in the present tense,” Nancy said. “She sounds like she was a real piece of work, sure, but you said it yourself. She’s dead. You killed her yourself.”

  “Technically I didn’t kill her so much as I allowed her to die through negligence, but whatever,” I said.

  “The point is she’s not around anymore,” Nancy said.

  “That’s usually something someone says right before the person who’s supposed to be dead reappears at the worst possible moment,” Technomancer said, staring up at the camera and speaking in a singsong voice. “At least in Starlight City that’s how it works.”

  “She’s got a point,” I said.

  “Yeah,” Nancy finally said with a shrug. “I guess she does have a point.”

  “Trust me,” I said. “She might be dead or she might not be, but I’ve had enough nasty surprises from that woman over the years that I wouldn’t put it past her to have something waiting to give me the middle finger from beyond the grave.”

  “I would point out that does not seem possible based on what I have found in the Applied Sciences Department systems so far,” CORVAC said.

  “And you said it yourself. You don’t have access to everything, so I’m going to continue waiting for the other shoe to drop and plan accordingly.”

  We rounded a corner and came up against a door that was the first indication we were in something more than an old tunnel used by the university to move support staff around where students wouldn’t have to see them. Which seemed like a ridiculous extravagance, but supposedly the whole network had been created as a civil defense thing back in the day when the Applied Sciences Department did less super science research and more research into things like rockets and big bombs that could take out entire cities in a single shot.