Ryder (Resisting Love)

by Chantal Fernando

“This song is for Lexi,” he says, glancing up and pinning me with a searing look, watching me underneath his thick inky lashes. I can’t help it when my lip twitches as Ryder starts to sing ‘Suffocate’ by J. Holiday. Looks like Ryder's been getting familiar with one of my favorite artists, because last time he didn’t even know who J. Holiday was, and I know how Ryder feels about R&B music.

  Ryder’s deep husky voice sends shivers down my spine. When he stops the song half way and breaks into ‘Pimp in Me,’ I lose it, laughing. After he’s done, we all clap and cheer. I can’t stop the smile that beams on my face.

  “Lexi, I love you. I want you. Please forgive me, my queen of hearts,” Ryder says into the microphone. My smile immediately disappears. I feel Derek wrap one of his hands around my waist, and Ryder’s eyes narrow on Derek when he notices.

  “Excuse me,” I mutter, getting out of my chair, and walking outside. All of this is too much, and I need a moment to think.

  I’m weak.

  I’m weak because I want nothing more than to run into Ryder’s arms.

  *****

  Ryder

  “Lexi?” I call out. I notice her leaning against the wall outside, her arms wrapped around herself protectively.

  “What are you doing here, Ryder?” she asks in a small voice. My eyes take her in greedily. She looks a little different. Her hair is longer, and dead straight. She must have done whatever it is women do to get rid of her gorgeous curls. I was surprised when I saw her on stage, but so very proud. I know how much she hates it up there. She was a vision, her eyes closed, singing like an angel in that slightly husky tone of hers. Her voice left me breathless.

  “We’re on break right now, so I came home. I didn’t know you were back. I actually came here to find Tee and ask her where you were,” I say.

  We’re quiet for a few moments, before I have to ask, “What was that with Derek inside?”

  “We’re together,” she says, looking at the ground and fidgeting with her hands.

  I didn’t expect that. I’m pissed. I don’t have the right, considering I did date Nikki, but fuck.

  “I’m gonna go back inside,” she says quietly. Before she moves, I grab her arm and move in closer.

  “Lexi, I’m sorry. Give me a chance to explain some things. I want to make this right. I want you, desperately. I love you, Lexi,” I tell her.

  “I can’t, Ryder. You replaced me almost instantly. You guys are all the same. Sax cheated on me when I was grieving and you…” she trails off. Fuck, Sax cheated on her? I didn’t even know that.

  She tries to shrug me off her, but I move faster. I capture her lips with mine, gently nudging her mouth open with my tongue. I know when she gives in because her whole body relaxes, and she leans into me. She tastes amazing, I've missed this so damn much. She moans into my mouth, but then suddenly freezes, and rips her mouth away from mine and shoves me away.

  “No, I can’t do this, I don’t cheat!” she yells at me, and then runs back into the building. Fuck!

  I don’t bother going back inside. I’m going to go and have a chat with fucking Sax. He’s all pissed and mopey over Lexi, yet he cheated on her.

  He needs to get off his high horse and let Lexi go.

  *****

  Chapter 18

  Lexi

  What the hell am I doing? I’m just as bad as Sax and Ryder. I can’t believe I just kissed him, while dating Derek. It felt like coming home. I know Derek and I aren’t like that, but I owe it to him to be faithful while we're together. I make my way back into the club and sit by Derek.

  “You okay, babe?” he asks, looking at me with concern.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I tell him, smiling up at him. I need to tell him about the kiss. If not, it will eat me alive; I’m not a person to keep secrets. After a few more drinks Derek and I head to my apartment. He’s yet to spend the night with me, and we've done nothing more than kiss so far. As he walks me to the door, I blurt out, “Derek, I have to tell you something, and you’re probably gonna be mad.”

  He frowns and glances at me. “What is it, babe?”

  “I kissed Ryder tonight,” I quickly rush on. “I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again.”

  Derek is quiet for a moment but he looks pissed. His jaw clenches, and his eyes narrow, but all he tells me is, “It’s okay, babe.”

  I don’t know how he can be so forgiving. I unlock the apartment door, and invite him inside. I don’t know if it’s because I feel guilty or what, but I practically attack him, kissing him almost desperately, trying to forget Ryder’s kiss. Derek picks me up in his arms effortlessly, and takes me into my bedroom. I don’t stop him when he undresses me, his gaze raking over my body hungrily. Derek undresses himself afterwards, his brown eyes connected to mine the entire time. I gulp when I take in his muscular body. He's ripped. He pushes me back onto the bed, and pulls a condom out of his wallet, putting it on his aroused cock. When he leans over me and slides inside me with one smooth thrust, I moan out, “Ryder.” He instantly stills. Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit.

  He gets off me in an instant and sits on the bed, his head in his hands.

  I feel like the worst person ever.

  “Derek, I’m...” I try to explain, but he cuts me off.

  “Just don’t. I should have known. It’s always been him,” he says hoarsely.

  “I’m so sorry, Derek.” I start crying and he pulls me close to him, hugging me. He's comforting me when I don’t deserve it. This man is one of the good ones.

  “It’s okay, Lexi, you’re a great girl. It just didn’t work for us. Don’t be upset, sweetheart,” he croons.

  I feel sick that I did this to him. Derek gets up and gets dressed. Before he leaves I give him another hug. “Derek, I'm really sorry. You’re a great guy.”

  He sighs and hugs me tight. “It’s okay, Lexi.”

  “You’re really hot too,” I tell him.

  He chuckles, kisses the side of my head, tells me to take care, and that he’ll see me later. I sink back onto my bed, feeling like shit.

  Ryder. I guess he and I need to talk, after all.

  *****

  Ryder

  I storm into Sax’s place without even knocking, and I'm shocked when I see him with a chick in his bed. She’s on all fours, and he’s pounding away behind her. I so do not need to see this shit, especially when I recognize the girl. It’s Payton, the bartender from Steele. I’m pretty sure Lexi and her are friends, too. Fuck!

  “What the fuck, man? I thought you were pining away for your precious AJ,” I yell at him, making sure not to look at Payton. Sax quickly covers Payton’s body, apologizing and passing her her clothes. She quickly puts them on, rushing out. She avoids looking at me the entire time. Sax throws his boxers on, his eyes solely on Payton’s retreat.

  “I just came to tell you that Lexi is mine. I’m going to get her back because I love her. And I sure as fuck would never cheat on her,” I hiss vehemently. Sax’s gaze snaps to me, like he forgot I was even standing here.

  His face pales at my words. “She told you?”

  “Yeah, you cocksucker, she told me you cheated on her when she was grieving for her mother. How the fuck could you do that to her?”I fume.

  “Trust me, I’ve regretted it every day since.” He wipes his hand over his face. “I loved her, man, I still do. She won’t forgive me, though. When she took off years ago, I tried to find her. And when she came back, I thought it was my chance. But she fucking hates me,” he says, his voice cracking at the end.

  Fuck, he’s my friend, and I’m moving in on his girl. Granted, I didn’t know Lexi was AJ until later. But still, it makes me feel like shit. “You’ll find someone else, and when you do, don’t fuck it up. You cheat on a chick, there is no coming back from that,” I tell him.

  He lets out a sigh. I’m starting to feel like this is a huge fucking girly moment. “If you can get AJ, I mean, Lexi back, I’ll stand by ya, man. She’s an amazing girl. Hurt her though, and you’re dead,”
he warns. I nod. I'll do anything to get Lexi back.

  *****

  Chapter 19

  Lexi

  I wake up to someone banging on my door. Tee's not home, she texted me saying she’s staying out. She’s been dating some mystery man for a while now, but she’s keeping it very hush, hush.

  I get out of bed, too lazy to grab my robe. I walk out in just panties and a T-shirt. When I open the door, Ryder comes charging in and slams my door shut, before backing me into it, and caging my body between him and the door.

  “Get rid of Derek. I need you, Lexi. I love you, and I’m so fucking sorry.”

  Before I can formulate a response his mouth is on mine. I don't want to stop this kiss, but we really need to talk first. I push him back gently, but still remain in his arms.

  “You don’t need to worry about Derek. After we came home last night, we decided it wasn’t working for us,” I tell him.

  “Did you tell him about the kiss?” he asks me, his eyes searching mine.

  “Yes, and then I...” I trail off, dreading having to tell him the next part.

  “And then what, Lexi?” he demands, his body stilling.

  I sigh, and look down at my feet. “We were about to have sex for the first time,” he tenses, “and then when it was about to happen, I sort of moaned out your name.” He doesn’t say anything, but I can feel his chest shaking, and when I look up he bursts out laughing. I narrow my eyes at him, not finding anything about it funny. He gives me a devastating smile and then starts to nuzzle my neck.

  “Wait, Ryder, we still need to talk. You need to explain what the hell went on with you and Nikki.” He sighs and grabs my hand, leading me over to the couch. He sits down and brings me down to sit on his lap.

  “You broke up with me. There was all that tension with the band and Sax, and then Nikki just rocked up on my doorstep wanting to see if we could try a relationship,” Ryder tells me. “Nikki and I have a past, and there was a small part of me that was curious, I’m not going to lie. She offered me an easy way out, and I’m sorry that I took it. Nikki kissed me, and then you walked up the stairs at that moment, and then you left, and I couldn’t make it better. I fucked up so bad, I knew that the moment I saw you leaving. I came after you, I wanted to fix everything but you were already gone.”

  “So, because of that, you just decided to date Nikki?” I say sharply. Ryder flinches.

  “Lexi... I didn’t want to hurt Nikki, and we didn’t even have sex or anything, okay? I care about Nikki and in the past I may have wanted more, but then I met you and I knew that you were the only woman for me,” he explains.

  “So instead of coming to find me, you just decided to date another girl,” I say bitterly. This is the part of this whole fiasco that is the hardest for me to take.

  “Lexi, Tee told me you do this. You need space. I had no idea where you'd gone. I even searched the apartment for clues, but then I figured you would come back whenever you were ready. Plus, I knew Nikki was just trying to distract herself from Kade. We both just hung out as friends, we only kissed a few times, that’s all, and then I went on tour.”

  That’s all. Easy for him. The thought of him kissing another woman makes me want to kill someone.

  “I haven’t been with anyone since you, Lexi,” he tells me, starting to trail kisses down my neck. I shiver.

  “Come on, my queen, let me in again, you won’t regret it,” he says against my neck. I nod, making a choice. He’s up like lightning, standing with me still in his arms. He storms into my room and throws me none too gently on the bed.

  Then he makes up for all the time we've been apart.

  *****

  Chapter 20

  Lexi

  After Ryder and I talk about the whole Nikki thing, I'm kind of unsure of where to go from there. He tells me about Saxon and everything they’ve talked about, and how Saxon is finally willing to let me go. After I hear that, I decide to go over to his place, so we could finally talk. I’ve been so angry and bitter at him for so long, I think it’s about time to let it go and move on. I don’t think he and I will ever be close again, but the weight will be off my shoulders. With encouragement from Ryder I get dressed and leave to go see my ex boyfriend.

  I knock tentatively on the door, and take a step back when Sax’s older brother Kidd answers it. Kidd's real name is Michael Tate, and I have no idea why everyone calls him Kidd. They just do.

  “What are you doing here?” he asks curiously.

  “Just wanted to talk to Sax for a minute,” I tell him. Kidd searches my eyes and then nods.

  “Come in, AJ, he’s in his room,” he says, opening the door for me. I take the familiar steps to Sax’s room and open the door, peering in. Sax is lying on his bed, bare-chested, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. My eyes roam his sculpted abs and the tattoos displayed on his body.

  “Sax?” I ask softly. He sits up, looking alert.

  “AJ? Is everything okay?” he asks, giving me a quick once over.

  “Everything's fine. I just wanted to talk,” I respond.

  “Okay, sure. Take a seat,” he says, gesturing to his bed. I sit down and take a deep breath.

  “I’m glad you and Ryder talked,” I start.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been such a selfish dick, AJ I just didn’t want to let go of you. I’m sorry, for everything,” he says sincerely. This is the Saxon I remember.

  “I forgive you, Sax,” I tell him, “but I will never forget. We both need to move on from this. I think this is the first step, so thank you.”

  He nods. “I'll always be here for you, though. Okay? Anything you need. Anything. You’re always welcome here.”

  I give him a small smile, and walk over and give him a peck on the cheek. I pull back and run my finger over the scar running through his eyebrow.

  “I never said sorry for this, did I?” I ask.

  Sax chuckles. “I deserved it.”

  “Yes, you did. But I’m still sorry. It does give you a more rugged appearance, though,” I tell him.

  “Should I warn Ryder that you like to throw things when you’re angry?” he says with a chuckle.

  “Hopefully he will never find out,” I say dryly.

  “Give Ryder hell, AJ!” he calls out as I leave. Then I do something I never thought I would do again. I walk out of Saxon Tate’s house with a smile on my face.

  Epilogue

  Six Years Later

  I’m standing in the crowd with Tee at our VIP spots right in the front. My son, Killian, is at home with Tee’s parents, who offered to watch him so I could be here to support Ryder. The band comes out and my eyes instantly roam over my husband. He only gets better with age. He's wearing a pair of leather pants that leave nothing to the imagination, no shirt. Over his ribs ‘Lexi’ is written in large font. He loves to show it off any chance he gets.

  Ryder gives me a sexy wink before addressing the crowd. I love listening to all of the songs he's written himself instead of doing only cover songs. There are several songs dedicated to me, and I blush every time I hear them. There's even one song I helped him write.

  Ryder and I have been inseparable since we got back together, and about three years ago we finally tied the knot.

  Morning Alliance made it huge. They're no longer opening acts for big bands, they have people opening for them, instead. Since all band members are now married, they have a strict no groupies policy. It was enforced two years ago when Jet finally tied the knot; he was the last of the boys to settle down. They're all completely loyal and devoted to their women. It’s an amazing thing to see, especially in their line of work.

  After the concert I head backstage and I run into Ryder’s arms the moment I see him. He lifts me up and kisses me greedily. “God, I love you.”

  “I love you too, Ryder,” I tell him, framing his face with my hands. I rest my forehead against his, and then whisper, “I’m pregnant, Ry.” He instantly pulls back, his eyes wide, and his mouth open in shock.

&nbs
p; “Really?” he breathes out.

  “Really,” I add with a giggle at the expression on his face. Ryder puts me down gently, and puts his hands on my flat stomach.

  “You really are the gift that keeps on giving, Lexi,” he says with a smile. My heart melts when he gets down on his knees and places kisses on my stomach.

  “If you’re a girl and you look like your mother, I’m going to have to buy a few shot guns,” he murmurs to the baby. I giggle.

  “Or bodyguards. Like five of them!” he continues. When he whispers “I love you so much already,” I can’t stop the tears that fall.

  “I love you, Ryder,” I repeat.

  “You better,” he says with a grin as he stands up and captures my lips in a kiss. I trail my fingers down his neck, brushing the beautiful script written there.

  Without music, life would be a mistake.

  ― Friedrich Nietzsche

  The End

  Coming soon

  James

  James Steele leads a complicated life, a life that makes it hard to get close to people. James’ secrets caused him to lose the woman of his dreams, Sasha Crawford. James has now moved on with Tatiana, a lovely woman whom he works with, someone who understands his reasons for secrecy. When Sasha comes back into the picture James will have to make a decision. Will he stay with Tatiana, a woman he has grown to care for? Or step up with explanations for Sasha, the woman he can’t seem to stop wanting?

  Sasha, a foolish romantic, had thought she had found the love of her life in the sexy James Steele. That was, until she saw him in the arms of another woman. Heartbroken and betrayed, Sasha now had a new take on romance, using dating and men as a way to get over the pain of losing James. When their paths cross again and James now has a new woman, how will she react? Will she let go of all the hurt and anger, and move on? Demand answers? Or lay her cards down, and fight to win back the man that was once her everything?