Casting Down Imaginations

by LaShanda Michelle

  “What’s up with you, girl? Why you got such an attitude?”

  I ignored him.

  “I think I asked you a question, lil’ girl.”

  “Lil’ girl?”

  “That’s right, lil’ girl.”

  “Man, I ain’t got time for this.”

  “At least that’s what your man says, anyway.”

  A pang went through my body. What did he know about Reese and me? Reese didn’t tell him anything, did he?

  “What did you say?”

  He stood in front of me and for the first time I realized how short he was.

  “You heard me,” he taunted. “That’s what Reese said you were. Just a lil’ girl.”

  I was irritated. “What are you talking about?”

  He leaned in close. “Reese told me everything.”

  My eyes narrowed as I evaluated him. He had to be lying. No, not Reese. He wasn’t the type to kiss and tell. Was he?

  “Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about, Adam.”

  He chuckled. “You can play silly if you want to Nya, but we all know. Reese tells us everything about you. How you ain’t good for nothing but getting on your knees. That’s cool for a while, but nobody gets in a relationship with a jump off. And that’s all you are.”

  He leaned over and touched my face with his hand. I smacked it away.

  “What are you doing?” I asked him, ready to fight. The last thing I wanted right now was him touching me. There was no telling where his hands had been.

  “I’m just trying to make conversation, love.”

  “Yeah, well, you talk with your mouth, not with your hands.”

  He backed away and laughed. “Gaw-lee, that boy got you messed up.”

  I was getting pissed.

  “You know what, Adam? I don’t know what you think you know, but you don’t know crap about me, okay. So just shut the hell up.”

  He laughed again. “You are so silly, girl. I know more than you think.”

  I hopped off the table and began walking toward the door. “I ain’t sitting here listening to you. I’m going to find Reese.”

  “He’s done with you.”

  I froze. Every ounce of me tensed at those words. As much as I didn’t want to, I turned around and faced my accuser.

  He snickered. “Yeah, that’s right.” He was laughing now. “I told you, girl. Reese tells us everything. He don’t love you. He was just getting his, and now he’s through. On to the next broad.”

  I walked back to the table, fighting through his laughter. I was already defeated, but I tried to be strong. I was so hurt that I was shaking. How could Reese do this to me?

  “I know why you mad, too,” he added. “You just saw the man who you thought was all in love with you on stage feeling up another girl. He played you again, silly girl. I know. I saw the whole thing. But get this. This ain’t the first time. He does it at all the shows you ain’t at. But he did this one especially for you tonight. And you wanna know why?”

  I was too humiliated to speak.

  “Because he wanted you to see that there are girls out there willing to do whatever it is that you won’t, or are too scared to do. You ain’t the only one. I don’t even know why he keeps you around. Oh yeah, I know. He say you got skills.”

  I knew he was telling the truth. Reese went and told all his little friends about the things I did for him. But why did he have to go broadcast it to everybody? This whole time I was trying to be nice to his friends, and behind my back they were talking about me like I was a ho.

  “I don’t care what you say,” I told him, trying my best to defy the emotions that were attempting to subdue me. “You don’t even know me.”

  He put his hand on top of my thigh. “Not yet.”

  I shoved his hand away but he put it right back, this time with force.

  “Come on girl, stop playing,” he said, running his hand up my thigh.

  I was getting scared. “Get off me!” I screamed.

  He stood in front of me, pulling my legs apart, grabbing at what was mine. I threw punches, but they were no use. He was stronger than me, and every time I got his hands away he put them right back.

  He was getting mad. He grabbed me by my shoulders and pinned me down to the table. “You know you want it, girl,” he muttered through tight teeth. “Always prancing around here like you all that. You gon’ give me some.”

  “Let go of me!” I screamed.

  “Shut up!” he yelled, spit flying out of his mouth and onto my face. His hand ran up my stomach and groped one of my breasts, then ripped my bra, exposing me.

  “Let go of me!” I screamed again.

  Jesus, please help me!

  Suddenly I was able to get free from his grasp. I scurried away, pulling my shirt down, then rolled off the table backwards and used it as a fort to hide from him. Adam stood tall and grunted, then flung the table across the room with one hand. It hit the wall and crashed with a loud clatter.

  I realized then that he was going to hurt me. No one else was in the room with me, and no one was going to come save me. It was just me and him. I had two options. I could either sit and be taken, or I could fight. I chose to fight.

  I shoved my foot into his stomach with all of my might. He reeled backward, gasping for air. His eyes bugged as he doubled over into a ball.

  “You bastard!” I yelled. I ran over to him and dropped my right elbow hard into the middle of his back. He collapsed into a pitiful pile on the floor, then rolled over, still gasping for air.

  I could still feel his hands all over me, trying to take me.

  “Don’t you ever put your hands on me!” I screamed and kicked him in his stomach.

  He yelped in pain.

  The door to the room opened. The two of us looked up to see Reese and the girl he entertained onstage walk in. They were so busy looking into each other’s eyes that they didn’t notice us at first. It wasn’t until Adam tried to catch his breath again that they realized something was wrong.

  Reese rushed over when he saw Adam curled in a ball on the floor.

  “Dude, what in the hell happened to you?” he asked.

  Adam was still struggling to breathe. “Your… your girl…” he managed to wheeze out.

  Reese looked up at me, confused. He held his hands out in front of him, trying to put the pieces of the mystery together. His head went back and forth from me standing to his homeboy lying on the floor. None of them could understand how my little frame could have a grown man looking like he needed medical attention.

  “What did you do?” Reese asked me.

  I grunted. “We need to talk,” I said.

  He knew where the conversation was going. I wanted to know who the tired chick on his arm was.

  “Anaya, this is Alexis. Alexis, this is Anaya.”

  She held her hand out for me to shake. “Hi Anaya. Most of my friends just call me Lexi.”

  I stood there and looked at the both of them. It took her a minute to get my drift, but she finally put her hand down.

  “Reese, I said I need to talk to you.”

  Anger appeared in his eyes. “Don’t be telling me what you need to do, girl,” he snapped at me. “I’ll talk to you when I get good and ready to.”

  Lexi dropped her head to the ground. She better had, because I was ready to drop it for her.

  “Reese, I am not in the mood. I need to talk—”

  “I don’t care about what kind of mood you in. I’ll talk to you when I feel like it.”

  I was mad enough to kick him in the stomach, too. “Reese…”

  He made a face at me, daring me to say anything else. I knew to be quiet.

  “Well at least give me the keys so I can go sit in the truck.”

  He dug in his pocket to retrieve his keys and threw them at me. I caught them in the air.

  “And don’t mess with nothing,” he warned me, putting his arm around Lexi. The look on her face told that she wasn’t cool with being put in the
middle. But she still was, and that made her my enemy.

  I stepped over Adam and picked my things up off the floor. My purse and book bag ended up there, along with the towels that were on the table when Adam threw it across the room. I held my belongings close to my chest, still feeling afraid and violated, and ran outside to Reese’s truck.

  I waited over an hour for Reese to come out. His crew had already finished putting all the equipment away and left while he was still inside. There was only his truck that I was sitting in, and two other cars left at the building. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought he left with someone else. But Reese loved his truck too much to leave it somewhere unattended. Never mind the fact that I was sitting inside unprotected.

  Finally he and Lexi walked out arm in arm together. He rammed his tongue down her throat right in front of me and then walked her to her car. If I would have known it was hers I would have keyed it a long time ago. I watched in disbelief as she scribbled something on a torn piece of paper, probably her phone number, and gave him another kiss.

  Once she drove away, Reese walked over to the truck and got inside. I was so pissed off I couldn’t even look at him.

  “So I guess we’re through, huh?” I asked aloud, my face toward the passenger side window.

  He remained quiet for a moment. “I guess so,” he said, and started the truck.

  “Are you going to take me home?” I asked, fearing he would make me get out and call a taxi.

  He sighed. “You can ride home with me, I guess,” he corrected me. “If you can find me, after the after party.”

  I finally faced him. “After party? I thought you weren’t going to the after party?”

  “Well, I am,” he said, and started driving.

  “Reese, I told you I didn’t wanna go to the after party. You said we were going home right after the concert.”

  “Yeah, well… I changed my mind.”

  Anger rose inside of me and I couldn’t restrain myself any longer. Without warning, I leaned over and smacked him hard across the face. He swerved and then had to swerve again to avoid hitting another car.

  “Aarrhhh!” he yelled out, and grabbed me by my hair with his free hand to keep me still. Some of it ripped from its roots. He used his blinker and pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the engine. I tried to hit him again but my arms weren’t long enough to reach him. Still controlling me by my hair, he got out of his seat belt and backhanded me. My face flew into the window and the taste of blood filled my mouth.

  “What’s wrong with you girl, hitting me?” he yelled. “I ought to

  knock you out!”

  My hand slowly went up to my face as I started crying.

  “You must have lost your mind!” he continued hollering, sitting back down in his seat.

  I jumped on him and tried to claw his eyes out. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” I scratched at his face, trying to vent out all the pain that he’d caused me that night.

  We both screamed while I attacked him, me in anger and him in pain. I felt skin underneath my fingernails, but I didn’t care. I wanted to hurt him for humiliating me by running and telling his friends all of my business. For embarrassing me by telling them what I do and don’t do. For clowning me by dangling some other girl in my face. I had to make him hurt for making me hurt.

  Reese grabbed me by my arms and threw me over his shoulder into the back seat. I turned back around and jumped on him again, but he palmed my face like it was a basketball and shoved me back down into the seat.

  “What’s wrong with you, girl?” he asked me, breathing hard and holding his hands up to his face.

  “Urrrggggghhhhhh!” I yelled out and jumped at him, but he knocked me back down. “I hate you!”

  He grabbed me by my hair again and slapped me once more. It tranquilized me. I lay back in the seat motionless, crying hysterically.

  “What’s the matter with you?” he yelled.

  I cried and cried. “Why did you do that to me?” I asked, even though it hurt to talk.

  “Do what!?”

  He turned around and checked his face in the rear view mirror.

  “Oh God, girl! Look what you did to my face!” He used the tip of his shirt to wipe at the blood that was running down his cheeks and temples. “You better hope to God that don’t leave no scars!”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me you weren’t happy?” I was crying so hard that I was shaking.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” he asked, still dabbing at his face.

  “Your boys,” I managed to answer. “You told them! You told them about me! Why did you do that?”

  “Lower your damn voice, I ain’t no child!” he cut me off.

  I lowered myself back down in the seat, not wanting to get hit again.

  “And what are you talking about anyway?”

  “Adam told me you told—”

  “Adam? That’s what this is all about? You going through all of this drama over what some dude said? Girl, if I ever, ooohhhhh… Don’t you ever bring nobody up in my face, talking about what they said. I’ll put you out on the street for that, you hear me? Adam ain’t nobody to me. I don’t care about what he said. He just a pigeon.”

  I started to cry even harder.

  “What?!”

  “You don’t even care,” I cried.

  He turned around and looked at me. For the first time the whole night I saw concern on his face.

  “Did he do something to you?” he asked.

  I couldn’t answer him. I just stayed in the same spot staring at him and continued to cry. I felt my face swelling from the licks he gave.

  “Did he try to touch you?”

  I didn’t answer, but just kept crying.

  He muttered under his breath, narrowed his eyes, then turned around and started the engine.

  “Where are you going?” I asked, holding my face. I was starting to get dizzy.

  “To the after party,” he said to me. “I gotta go handle some business. Nobody touches what’s mine. And I’m gonna make sure that fool learn that tonight.”

  I stretched out horizontally in the seat and put my face down in an attempt to keep my head from spinning. Before I realized it, I was asleep.

  **********

  I heard thumps coming from somewhere. They were steady and constant, almost rhythmic. I lifted my head, but its pounding caused me to return to my original position. For a few seconds I didn’t know where I was, but the feel of the fabric on the seats let me know that I was in Reese’s truck. Then it all came flooding back to me. The concert. Being attacked by Adam. Reese and Lexi. My fight with Reese. I guess he left me in the back seat asleep while he went in to the party. Probably hooking up with Lexi, no doubt.

  I heard a loud pang. I stuck my head up just enough to see the door of a warehouse looking building swing shut. Adam was running as fast as he could away from the place, head back and knees up. There was another pang and a mob of guys ran out after him. It was the rest of Reese’s entourage, with Reese jogging after them.

  “Get him!” he yelled out.

  The guys ran and caught Adam by his shirt and dragged him down to the ground. Adam was trying hard to get away, but they outnumbered him. They carried him by his arms and legs back to Reese.

  I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but it couldn’t have been good. Adam was shaking his head no and trying to get away. All of a sudden Reese balled up his fist and punched Adam hard in the stomach while the other guys held him.

  I gasped and turned away. I never would have imagined Reese to be the violent type that he was proving himself to be tonight. I turned back to see Reese hit him again. He gave three more punches before they let go of him, and Adam fell to the ground. I watched as the others kicked and spit on him, then turned around and left him there. His body lay limp as if he were unconscious.

  I thought they were all friends. What happened to make them want to hurt…

  I remembered. />
  Reese asked me if Adam did anything to me.

  The look in his eyes when I didn’t answer.

  Him saying he had to go handle some business at the after party…

  They beat him up because of me.

  I watched as they made their way back to the building. I thought I knew them, but I didn’t know any of them. They were crazy.

  Reese stopped at the door, signaled something with his hands to his friends, and then walked toward the truck. I put my head back down and pretended to be asleep. I didn’t want him to know I saw what happened. I didn’t want to even speak to him. I just wanted to go home and put this relationship and this whole night behind me.

  I froze in fear when I heard the keyless entry remote on the truck unlock the doors. I relaxed my face as much as I could, even though fear was handling me like a bull rider when he opened the door and got inside.

  I remained still and held my breath, then exhaled slowly as we backed out of the parking lot and onto the street. I knew he didn’t turn the radio on because he didn’t want to wake me. Even though my head was throbbing and the streetlights were only making it worse, I was too afraid to go back to sleep. I didn’t trust him. If he tried to touch me again I was going to do my best to break his arm to ensure that it never happened again.

  We rode all the way back to Daytown in total silence.

  eight

  KAREN

  I took my fresh cup of hot chocolate and made my way back to the living room sofa. My whole place was decorated with index cards with definitions of long words that I was sure to forget by next semester. I had three midterm exams to take this week and two essays to turn in by next week. It was ten o’clock in the morning and I was already on my third cup when my cell phone started to ring.

  “Uh!” I exclaimed, frustrated. I walked over to the counter and checked the phone. It wasn’t Terrance’s number, thank God. I finally blocked it when he wouldn’t stop calling.

  I picked it up on the third ring. “Hello?”

  There was a pause. “Karen, don’t hang up.”

  I grunted. “Terrance? Why do you keep calling me?”