Love's Masquerade

by Radclyffe

  “For how long?”

  “At least the next twelve hours.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  He shook his head.

  “Well, that’s going to be interesting.” Auden glanced about the room at the people in evening clothes, many of whom had probably arrived by limo or cab. “I doubt that many people here came prepared to spend the night.”

  “At least those from out of town who booked rooms for the night or weekend will be fine.” He smiled briefly. “As for the others, the hotel has graciously offered to provide casual clothes for anyone who requires them.”

  “Casual clothes?” she asked suspiciously.

  Finally, Pritchard smiled. “I believe that would be T-shirts and sweatpants from the Four Seasons health spa.”

  “Lovely. I can hardly wait.” Auden laughed and to her amazement, Pritchard joined in. “It was very thoughtful, nevertheless, Mr. Pritchard.”

  “Well, we could hardly have our promoters and authors tramping about Philadelphia in knee-deep snowdrifts or spending the weekend here in rumpled eveningwear.”

  “God, I hope we aren’t marooned beyond tomorrow morning.” She had visions of trekking across town in heels.

  “Apparently, this storm is of blizzard proportions, and if that’s the case, I very much doubt that vehicular travel will be possible before Monday.”

  “Terrific.” Auden glanced around the room. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to consider this an adventure and make the best of it.”

  “I do believe that would be the best approach.”

  She smiled at him once again and moved off into the crowd. After another five minutes of fruitless searching for one particular face, she stood still and surveyed the large ballroom. Most large spaces such as this doubled as convention centers, which meant that the ballrooms and banquet halls were usually connected to smaller adjoining spaces that could be turned into meeting rooms. She made her way around the periphery, checking the adjacent rooms. All were deserted.

  In the far northeast corner, she found a door marked “Lounge” and pushed through. Like all the other rooms she had checked, the lights were off and the space was unnaturally quiet, especially in contrast to the continuous low rumble of voices in the ballroom. Opposite the door, large windows admitted a soft silver glow from the streetlights surrounding Logan Square. Outside, the snow continued to fall, a heavy curtain of unbroken white. She was about to step back into the ballroom when she heard the familiar deep voice.

  “Are you looking for a little peace and quiet?”

  Auden stood still, searching the shadows. A dark figure, backlit by moonlight and snow, rose from one of the sofas near the windows. Auden couldn’t see her face, but she didn’t need to. She knew the unmistakable profile and the sharp, strong form. “No, actually, I was looking for you.”

  “Were you?” Hays’s voice held a note of surprise. I would have thought you would be completely occupied once Thane found you.

  “Yes.” Auden made her way carefully between the tables, chairs, and sofas until she reached the sofa where Hays leaned with a hip against the broad arm. Closer to her, Auden could make out the publisher’s features in the illumination reflected off the snow, but shadows remained. Shadows always seemed to hover in Hays’s eyes, no matter how bright the light. “I saw you earlier across the room, and then you disappeared.” She laughed softly. “For one second there, I almost thought you were a ghost.”

  “I’m not.” Hays’s voice was very still.

  “Oh, I know,” Auden replied, just as quietly. “But you do have a habit of disappearing.”

  “I have a relatively low tolerance for gatherings such as these. Every twenty interactions or so, I have to escape for a while.”

  “Well, Destiny’s launch is a tremendous success. Everyone is incredibly enthusiastic—authors, staff, and promoters alike.”

  “Good. I’m glad that you’re happy with the way that things are coming together.”

  “Yes, I truly am. Of course, I’m a little disappointed that some of the authors couldn’t make it, but I know it was unrealistic to expect all of them, especially with the weather.” Auden put her hand down on the top of the sofa, leaning close to Hays in the dim light. “I’m especially sorry that Rune Dyre isn’t here, though. She’s a big seller, and I wanted to meet her.”

  “Cutlass is here, and she’s as popular. Have you met with her?”

  “Yes, just a little while ago. Do you know her?”

  “We’ve e-mailed. She’s quite charming and very talented.”

  Charming. Yes, I suppose she is. And suave and very attractive, too. But she doesn’t intrigue me. Not like you do. Auden lifted a shoulder. “She’s very nice. More importantly, she promised me a look at her new manuscript soon.”

  “Excellent,” Hays said, happy to have diverted Auden’s attention from the question of Rune Dyre’s absence.

  “Now, if I can get a few of the other authors to commit to sending me their current works in progress, we’ll have a full schedule for the next eighteen months.”

  “Eighteen months,” Hays repeated. A lifetime.

  “It would be a good beginning.”

  “Yes,” Hays said quietly, watching the light play across Auden’s features, one half of her face outlined in moonlight, the other lost in darkness. “It would be a...start.”

  “It appears I’ll have a bit more time to work on those who are here. Mr. Pritchard tells me that we may all be marooned here for the next day or so.”

  Hays walked to the window and glanced down at the Benjamin Franklin Parkway below. Logan Square, with its large central fountain, empty now save for snowdrifts, was shrouded in white, as pure and untouched as any fantasy world. “I believe he may be right.”

  Auden joined her at the window. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. Very,” Hays said softly, taking advantage of the shadows to drink her fill of Auden’s face caught in a halo of light reflected off the snow.

  Auden turned slightly, her eyes moving to Hays’s face. “Will you be staying, too?”

  “Yes.”

  The room was so very still, and the world so very tranquil, and the beauty of the night—and the woman—so excruciating that Auden hurt in a place she hadn’t known existed. Why do you do this to me? You and no one else?

  For an instant she glimpsed the fragile woman beneath the impenetrable exterior.

  “If I'm lucky, sometimes I find a treasure just waiting for someone to look beneath the surface. It doesn't always happen, but when it does, it's like a gift.”

  “What is it?” Hays’s heart beat quickly, her pulse thudding in her ears. Auden had the strangest expression in her eyes. Sad and yet impassioned, all at the same time.

  “You’ll think I’m being silly.” Auden almost touched her, but she held back. This is not like that. They were lovers.

  “No, I won’t.”

  Auden believed her. “I was thinking about a passage in a book.”

  “What?”

  “In Dark Passions...” Uncertain, Auden held Hays’s eyes and saw her pupils flicker in the moonlight. “It was a moment like this one—when the silence was filled with secrets.”

  Hays gasped. You can’t know.

  “You know the story, don’t you?” Auden asked softly.

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t know what made me think of the characters just now.”

  She’s asking you, but you can’t answer. You shouldn’t be alone here with her like this. Hays drew a deep breath and lied. “No, neither do I. There is a great deal of pain in that book. Look outside—the night is filled with joy.”

  “Yes, I know.” Auden shook her head, smiling ruefully. “Sorry. I can’t seem to keep these things out of my head.”

  “You needn’t tell me,” Hays said with a faint laugh. “I’m as attached to those fairy tales as you, I’m sure. But real life is rarely like our fantasies.”

  “So I’ve been told.” Auden knew that wh
atever connection had shimmered on the air between them for an instant had vanished. She had ventured too far inside Hays’s walls and had been reminded yet again that such intimacy was not welcome.

  “I should get back to our guests,” Hays said, retreating from the window into the darkness of the room.

  “Yes.” Auden followed. “So should I.”

  When they stepped out into the brightly lit ballroom, Auden blinked as if emerging from a deep sleep. Beside her, Hays’s expression was friendly but guarded.

  “Good night, Auden.”

  “Good night, Hays.”

  As Auden watched Hays slip into the crowd, she was aware that Abel Pritchard stood a few feet away, observing her with thinly veiled displeasure. She glanced at him quickly, then turned to look for her friends. Whatever threat he thought she might pose to Hays’s controlled world, he was clearly wrong. The only one whose balance was the least bit affected by their relationship was her own. Haydon Palmer was unassailable.

  “Hey!” Gayle exclaimed from so close by that Auden jumped. “Where did you disappear to?”

  “What? Oh—I was talking to Hays.”

  “Ah, the mystery woman. Where is she?”

  “She just...left.” Auden tried to keep her voice light. “Apparently, she isn’t big on crowds.”

  Gayle raised an eyebrow but didn’t press. “I hear you and I are going to be roomies tonight. I just called Mrs. T, and she said she’d walk Shylock as far as the sidewalk. If he didn’t do his business there, she informed me, he could just hold it.”

  Auden laughed. “Oh, poor Shy.”

  “He’ll survive.” Gayle lowered her voice. “Besides, this could be fun. I told Liz and Thane they could come up for a while after the party is over, and we’d...talk.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “You mad?”

  “No,” Auden said with a sigh. “Liz and I have a lot to discuss. If we’re going to be stuck here for a while, we might as well work.”

  “Gee,” Gayle remarked with a grin, “it wasn’t exactly work I had in mind.”

  “Which one do you have your eye on?” Auden asked good-naturedly.

  “I thought I’d give you first dibs.”

  Auden blushed. “Gayle. God. I don’t...I mean...I’m not...I work with these women!”

  Gayle cocked her head. “You don’t work with Thane, exactly. And you don’t officially work with Liz yet. And we’re just talking a little fun here.”

  “No.” Auden realized she sounded harsher than she meant to. She forced a smile. “I’m not in the market for a date. You go right ahead.”

  “Hey, Aud,” Gayle said softly. “I was only teasing. They’re nice women. It’ll just be talking, I promise.”

  Auden took Gayle’s hand. “Sweetie, we’re all over twenty-one. If you decide you want to spend a little private time with one of them, we’re in a suite. Go ahead.”

  “I would never want to make you uncomfortable—”

  “Oh, for crying out loud. I’m a virgin, not a nun!”

  Gayle burst out laughing and slid her arm around Auden’s waist.

  “Come on then—let’s go find the infidels.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Hays stepped out of her hotel room, still dressed in the white shirt and black trousers she had worn to the cocktail party. Uncomfortably warm despite the too-cool thermostat setting of the room’s ventilation system, she had left the matching jacket on the king-sized bed in her suite. As she pulled the door closed behind her, voices from down the hallway caught her attention, and she looked that way automatically.

  Auden stood with the handsome woman in the tuxedo accompanied by Liz and Thane. Auden’s date was just unlocking the door to the corner suite, laughingly commenting on the luxurious accommodations. Despite the fact that Hays had made no sound, Auden pivoted in her direction, and their eyes met.

  Apparently sensing Auden’s hesitation, Thane looked down the hallway as well and, when she saw Hays standing there, tossed her a rakish grin. Hays nodded and walked away. She didn’t know that Auden watched her until she stepped into the elevator.

  *

  Secret Passions - Scene Five

  She came to me out of the darkness, silhouetted in moonlight, as ethereal as a dream. But this night, she was not a mere whisper of longing to disappear on the edge of awakening. She was solid and real, and I could feel her heat so very near on my skin. Together, we watched the world dissolve into pinpoints of starlight reflected off the falling flakes. Outside, the night was untarnished, untouched by disappointment or loss. Inside, with her close by my side, I could not remember why I despaired—my skin was too alive, my heart too full, my mind lost to all save the sense of her. Had I been able to think, I would have realized that I was no longer thinking at all. There was only her.

  As she stood facing the snowscape, perfect in the radiance of otherworldly light streaming into the still space, I stepped behind her and rested my fingertips on her bare shoulders, pale above the edge of the dark gown. The strength beneath the smooth skin astounded me. Everything about her was alive. Energy streamed along my fingers into the very marrow of my bones. For one brief instant, I feared that I could somehow steal her life, feared beyond reason that that might be what I truly desired. She was everything I was not—most critically, alive.

  But then she turned, and I saw her eyes, and I knew that nothing could diminish what lived within her soul. She could only call forth what had lain buried for so long in my own. I had no words, and she seemed content with none. She merely waited. There were questions in her eyes, yet she did not ask. I could hear her questions thunder in the silent air. She trusted me to answer. Trust such as that is a gift beyond flesh, beyond breathing, beyond existence. She offered me that, a kind of immortality, and I so desperately craved it. But I could not take without giving, and to give, I must confess.

  I had lowered my head without realizing it, until our lips were nearly touching. I could taste her in the air between us. My very bones ached to feel her in my arms. But if I confessed, she would know. And if she knew, it would change everything.

  Sometimes, the price of honesty is loss. I would rather desire without having than hold her for an instant, only to lose her forever upon the next breath.

  Hays looked away from the monitor, not needing to read what she had written. There were times when syntax and grammar were superfluous. This had been about her heart. She automatically copied the paragraphs into a blank e-mail and sent it to herself, then deleted the file from the hard drive. She threaded both hands into her hair and cradled her face in her palms, breathing shallowly. Her head ached, her stomach twisted with an urgency that was foreign to her, and beneath it all was rage. Why now?

  For the first time in longer than she could remember, she couldn’t assuage her longing by writing away her need. Perhaps it was the knowledge that Auden was in the same building, only twenty floors above, which made it so difficult. More likely, it was the belief that even now, Auden was very possibly with another woman. The very beautiful African-American woman, or perhaps Thane. Thane. Yes, I imagine Thane would be hard to resist.

  Hays and Thane had never spoken directly about anything intimate, but she didn’t need to hear the words to know what would happen. She knew Thane’s secrets, just as Thane knew hers, because they had exposed them in the volumes that they wrote. She had seen Thane and Auden together only hours before, and she could imagine them now in their private moments. Private Pleasures—Thane’s desires. The images were so clear to Hays, the edges so sharp, that she bled from them.

  Unexpectedly, the door to the business center opened, and Hays lifted her head. She had been working in semi-darkness, illumed only by the light of the two computer monitors sitting side by side on the work counter, but the hallway beyond was brightly lit. Auden’s figure was clearly outlined.

  Hays blinked. The apparition remained.

  “Oh God,” Auden said. “I’m sorry. I always seem to be walking in on you.”<
br />
  She was wearing navy blue sweatpants, a matching T-shirt with the Four Seasons logo, and white crew socks. She was shoeless. As if knowing that Hays was taking stock of her apparel, Auden raised her hands and looked down at herself sheepishly. “I didn’t expect anyone to be in here. It’s four o’clock in the morning.”

  “Actually, the outfit is rather fetching.” Hays tried but couldn’t hide her grin.

  “Fetching.” Auden’s tone suggested she wasn’t amused, but she smiled back. “I notice that you’re still wearing your evening clothes. No off-the-rack workout apparel for you.”

  Hays lifted a shoulder. “I thought I’d save that for the morning. Do you plan to walk around in your socks all day tomorrow?”

  “Actually, I intend to walk home tomorrow...today...later.” Auden stepped further into the room as her eyes adjusted to the dimness. “It’s only fifteen blocks or so.”

  Suddenly serious, Hays replied, “If you truly intend to go out in this storm, I’ll see that a car comes for you.”

  “I appreciate that, really, but it won’t be necessary.”

  “Auden, it’s a blizzard. You can’t walk across town when the streets haven’t even been plowed. Especially when it’s still snowing.”

  “Then how do you expect a car to get through?”

  As they spoke, Auden crossed and sat on the chair in front of the adjoining computer station. The business center was open twenty-four hours a day for guests who wanted to use the Internet connections and fax machines. She swiveled in the chair to face Hays, curling one leg beneath her opposite thigh and resting an elbow on the desktop.

  “I’ll manage something,” Hays replied quietly. “I don’t want you at risk.”

  Touched, Auden shook her head, smiling faintly. “I’ll tell you what. If the streets are clear, I’ll go home. If not, I’ll wait it out with everyone else.”

  “Agreed.” Hays glanced at the clock on the wall opposite. “It’s rather late at night for business, isn’t it?”