by K. Darblyne
"BEEP!" There it was again only louder this time. The surgeon took the pager off her waistband and pressed the button revealing the numeric message. She breathed a sigh of relief, seeing the symbol for the alarm across the tiny display screen. ‘Well, at least its not another trauma,’ she thought to herself. ‘Rounds in half an hour with the new team and then just two O.R. cases with Dr. McMurray,’ she thought.
She looked around at the contents of the small room to gently jog her mind. This was not a room that she cared to hang out in, the walls always feeling as though they were closing in on her. Scrubbing her face with her hands, Garrett thought about the previous day’s events and how they had played out. The hours after midnight had finally ended the onslaught of traumas and she had stolen away to her office to catch up on some paperwork. She chuckled at the thought. ‘Paperwork, huh!’ She laughed, ‘It’s all computerized now.’ "Hmmm…Let’s see what I was working on," she spoke aloud trying to jar her memory.
Long sinewy fingers caressed the mouse moving it slightly. The monitor screen quickly changed from the roaming bezel pattern to one of letters and words. To her surprise it was E-mail! Most of the correspondence she received electronically was work related, but this one was different. Her eyes quickly read over the lines of text, as a smile began to tug at the corners of her lips. It read:
Garrett,
I’m off on the weekend and would like to spend some time relaxing. If you are able to, we could take in a movie or go for a drive out to the country looking at the fall foliage. I know some great roads that offer wonderful scenery this time of the year. I'd love to show them to you. Let me know if this is possible.
Danni
She contemplated how nice it would be to spend some much needed time relaxing with her friend. Then, with a sudden feeling of urgency, the surgeon looked desperately to the date and time that the E-mail was sent. Seeing that it had been dated yesterday before her friend had come on shift, the tall woman cursed under her breath. "Son of a…" she let her head hang as the instant replay of the prior evening was rapidly viewed in her mind. She closed her eyelids tightly and shook her head, but the images would not stop. Her fingers nervously raked through her raven hair. Finally resigning herself to the inevitable, she sighed. "What were you thinking?" She chastised herself. "Hmmpf! Maybe that’s the problem, you weren’t thinking."
Her mind gave a fleeting tally of all of the wonderful moments that she had encountered in the presence of the small blonde. In less than four months, there were more than she could count using both hands. This surprised her, considering that during the last twenty years of her life she could barely come up with five or six memorable times shared with another person, and even all of those were not shared with the same person. She thought about the fact that for the first time in her adult life she let someone get close enough to her to have finally made a friend, only now to have possibly thrown it all away with one tyrannical outburst.
Her thoughts turned to her young companion and wondered if Danni would be able to discern the professional reprimand, not taking it personally to heart. The surgeon bit down on her lip as she thought about the force with which she had repelled the young nurse, banning her from trauma rooms for the rest of the night. It had to be the lack of sleep that had caused her to act the way she did. ‘The best Trauma Nurse I’ve ever met and I throw her out of my traumas.’ She shook her head in disbelief. ‘I must not have been thinking clearly at all.’
She replayed the scene of confrontation with Danni, cringing as she remembered her words. The surgeon sank back into her chair, her shoulders slumping in defeat. ‘Well, that’s what you get for letting someone get close to you.’ She taunted herself even more, ‘Hurts, doesn’t it?’ She closed her eyes as she remembered the anger and frustration that had been written all over the nurse’s face when she locked into that nose to nose standoff. Garrett wasn’t sure what had upset her more last night, the fact that she was snapping out at every little thing because of her lack of sleep, or that Danni knew more about her than the surgeon knew herself. ‘Danni was right. I did lash out at him unmercifully.’ The corner of Garrett’s mouth twitched into a smirk when she thought of how much courage her non-confrontational friend had shown. "I like that," she mindlessly said aloud.
"Like what?" The accented voice came from the direction of the open door, an almost inaudible knock was heard as he stuck his head into the room.
Startled at the sound of another voice, the surgeon’s eyes opened wide as she looked up from the screen that she had been absently staring at, while she was deep in thought. "I…I…" she stuttered. "I like the sight of my relief," she said, trying to quickly reorganize her thoughts, grasping at the first thing to come to her head. "You just startled me, that’s all."
She glanced at her watch. It was 0545 and as always, Dr. Rene Chabot was in early, ready to begin a new day. "I guess I lost track of the time."
The thin man looked cautiously around the tiny speck of an office that the three Trauma Fellows shared. "I’m not disturbing anything, am I?" His face took on a hopeful look that he had interrupted a private moment. He often worried about the all too serious surgeon, and had even casually dropped hints about her finding someone to share her life with. He had always been a good judge of character, that was why Rene was able to see the gentle, loving heart of the woman most people steered clear of.
"Rene, you expect too much," she shook her head at his implied thought. "I’m a Trauma Surgeon. Nobody wants to put up with that kind of lifestyle, not even for a little while."
"Ah, but you forget, I’m the one with newborn twins and a loving wife at home. Things like that don’t happen overnight. Eh?" A sly smile crossed his lips, "So, you see, it’s not impossible. You just have to open yourself up to the thought. I’m sure that there is at least one someone out there that would enjoy the chance to know you and share a life with you. Or are you so terrible that no one would have you? I think not." He answered his own question.
"You’re never going to give up, are you?" Garrett’s hand moved the mouse into position letting the cursor find its mark and closed the window of the
E-mail from sight, not wanting to give the man any more ammunition to use. ‘Besides,‘ she thought, ‘I probably lost that thread of friendship with Danni after last night.’
Shaking his head he smiled saying, "I have the rest of the year to still work on it. You will see, one day it will happen. Then you will think back on ol’ Rene and smile." He winked at her as he held out his hand for the pager sitting on the desk.
The woman smiled at his conviction to her happiness. "Why is it that all happily married people think about is getting all of the unattached people around them paired up?" She handed him the pager. "If I didn’t know better, Dr. Chabot, I would guess that you have a little Jewish Yenta in you," she teased him knowing all too well of his French-Canadian ancestry.
Rene cocked his head to one side, "If it will help to go visit a Synagogue, or wear a prayer shawl, then perhaps…"
Garrett held up her hands in quiet protest. "All right, enough." She chuckled at the thought of her colleague wearing a prayer shawl just to ensure her happiness. "I get the idea. I promise to leave myself open to the thought, how’s that? Okay?"
He looked deep into her eyes, seeing the crystal blue pools reflect the melancholy of her soul. He wondered what troubles had befallen her in the past to render such a deep hurt. He thought to ask her, but realized that he had probably pushed her far enough for one day. Nodding in acceptance of her offer, "For now, Garrett, but one day you will see that someone will step out from behind you and capture your heart. It happened to me," he said proudly. "But let’s get down to business. You look worse than me with two babies to take care of during the night." He had only now noticed her haggard appearance. "You look like you haven’t gotten more than a couple of hours sleep in the last week or so," he teased her.
She looked at the man who felt comfortable with her, knowing that she probabl
y looked worse than what he was letting on to. ‘I have to remember to put some make-up on before meeting up with McMurray.’ She made a mental note, not wanting the Chief of Trauma Surgery to think her unable to withstand the long, grueling hours that the job dictated. She had fought long and hard for this chance to accomplish her life’s goal, and she wasn’t about to let anybody think that she wasn’t capable of doing the job, whatever it took.
"Come on, Rene, I’ll tell you all about the patients while we make our rounds." She pushed herself away from the desk and got up heading for the door. "After you," she motioned with her hand toward the open door behind him. He nodded and turned, advancing into the hall from the tiny room.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Karen watched as the petite nurse finished stocking the last of the specialty carts that were used by the different disciplines of medicine that frequented their area. She wondered where the nurse was getting all the energy. Not only had she busied herself with most of the aide’s duties, but she had also volunteered to take every transport from the regular emergency room to the floors during the remainder of the night. Each time, making sure not to pass anywhere near the trauma rooms if she thought that the raven-haired surgeon would be in attendance. It was almost like she needed to be working off her pent-up emotions.
Finding nothing more to use her energy on, she took a seat next to the charge nurse. "So, Mom, anything else that I can do?" The blonde tried to hide her emotions from the older nurse.
Playing along with the game, Karen feigned a disinterested attitude as she studied the computer screen in front of her. She so wanted to help the young nurse deal with the emotions that plagued her, but knew that if they were not dealt with in the proper manner, she would never get the nurse to bare her soul.
"Mom, did you hear me?" Danni tugged at the Charge Nurse’s sleeve. "Anything," she reiterated, "just tell me anything and I’ll do it."
The older nurse smiled to herself, as the opening that she was waiting for had just jumped into her lap. "Anything?"
Without hesitation, the petite nurse nodded her head in mock eagerness, "Yes, anything!"
Karen cleared her throat as she turned toward the impish figure next to her. "You could let me know what that was all about earlier with you and Garrett. I mean, so that if I’m called on the carpet by Nan, I’ll have some idea as to at least what it was about." She watched as Danni’s nose wrinkled up at the realization that she had been tricked.
"I guess you got me there." Her words were slow and thoughtful as she tried to find a way out of this. "I…I…" she tossed her head from side to side, "I guess I thought that she was being too hard on that poor medical student. I realize now that I let my self-righteous pride step into it, when she told me that it was her trauma to run as she saw fit." She shrugged her shoulders. "I just kept thinking that we had always done our best with the traumas, working as a team before she came. I assumed that I knew better and questioned her authority."
Raising a skeptical eyebrow at the young nurse, Karen waited.
"Okay, I was wrong. I flew off the handle and just let my emotions take control. I’m sorry, Mom." She sighed, "I know that it wasn’t very professional of me but…"
"But you were determined to show her just how strong-willed you were. Right?"
"Yeah, you’re right." Her fingers nervously played with the cord on the nearby phone. "Do you think she’ll listen to an apology?"
"I think that depends on what your apology will be for, stepping on her authority or your concern for her as a friend." ‘The way I saw it, you were right in trying to get her to admit that she wasn’t thinking clearly with that medical student.’ The older woman reached over and patted the small hand with her own. "If you believe your disagreement stemmed from something other than a personal nature, then treat it that way." She smiled at the thoughtful expression on Danni’s face. "She’s a professional, I’m sure she will listen to reason."
"I don’t know, Mom. We weren’t exactly on speaking terms when I left that room." The nurse shrugged her shoulders, "Maybe…"
Karen caught sight of the first daylight employees entering the doors to the emergency room. "Maybe," she interrupted, "you need to go home now and sleep on it for a while."
"Thanks Mom, I will." Danni pulled her emotionally drained body up from the chair and started making her way to the locker room, contemplating the thought of sleep. In a passing moment, she prayed that the gods would look after her sleepless friend for the rest of the day until Garrett also, made her way safely home.
*********************
The make-up did little to keep her dulled senses from showing to the Chief of Trauma Services. She blinked repeatedly, trying to keep from falling asleep as she assisted the burly "Ol’ Cutter" as he called himself. It was nearly 1100 and she still had the other O.R. case to assist him with.
"Rough night, Dr. Trivoli?" His speech was mellow, conversing with her as he continued to request instruments from the Scrub Nurse. "Hemostat. Thank you."
"I think we were trying for a record, Sir." She sucked in a mouthful of air trying to stimulate her mind. "Twenty-one in all, and we didn’t lose a single one."
"Suture." He sniffed loudly. "Thank you. Not any patients, but I understand that by midnight, you were down two members of you team. Care to tell me about those?" He looked over his half spectacles at the tall surgeon across from him. "Gauze. Thank you." His eyes shifted back to the opened abdomen that was before him.
She sighed as she considered that the medical student had probably waited for him at the door of his office this morning. ‘That would account for one that he would know about, but how did he find out about Danni? Surely she hadn’t….’
"Dr. Trivoli, if you are trying to figure out how I know about what goes on in my service after hours, I’ll tell you." He continued working on the patient. "After Mr. Keithe came to me this morning, you do know who Mr. Keithe is, don’t you?" He shifted his eyes to catch her nod of affirmation to his question. "I watched the tape from the trauma room. I noticed that after you asked to speak with Nurse Bossard, she never reappeared in the room for the rest of the night. Although I did hear her voice, quite loudly I must admit, state that she was going to lunch."
The tall woman prepared herself, waiting for the ranting and raving to start. Much to her surprise, it didn’t. The "Ol’ Cutter" just kept on course with the operation as they had previously discussed.
"Seems like you know just about everything already, Sir." She held the retractor steady as he finished examining the glistening junction of the small intestine with the larger bowel.
"Count," he demanded, signaling that he was ready to close. "Sometimes those nurses take care of us and our patients more than we care to think about."
Garrett thought about what Dr. McMurray was saying in his unique cryptic fashion. ‘That’s what Danni was trying to do last night…take care of me.’ It startled her to think that someone would be looking out for her.
The high pitched voice of the Circulating Nurse offered, "Sixteen gauze, and three needles."
The Scrub Nurse countered in response, "Correct, sixteen gauze and three needles used. Clear to close Dr. McMurray."
The gruff voice took command once again. "Okay," he winked at Garrett, "Let’s get this operation over with before I grow too old to sew in straight lines anymore, and have to turn it over to you young snips." He chuckled.
Garrett nodded in approval and thought about the interesting lesson that the wise "Ol’ Cutter" had taught her during this all but mundane appendectomy. She had heard him loud and clear, letting his words of wisdom impart upon her. She knew what she needed to do. "Thanks, Dr. McMurray." She looked at the surgeon busy at his work. "I’ve learned a lot from you today."
His eyes glanced up at her, "And the year’s not over yet." He winked and continued on with the suturing. "Wait until we get a really tough case, Dr. Trivoli, then we’ll see how quickly you can learn."
***********************
> Her day was finally over. The tall surgeon slid the key into the lock on the office door and opened it. She walked around the desk and sat down in the chair. Gathering her things from her one allotted drawer that each of the Fellows were granted, she thought about the E-mail from Danni.
Looking up at the sound of the soft knocking, her eyes met the flash of blonde hair as it pushed in through the door that had been left ajar. A lopsided grin painted itself on her face as she recognized the features of the nurse that she had just been thinking about. "You’re in early, aren’t you?"
The small blonde wrinkled her nose up, "Yeah, I was hoping to catch you before you left for the day." She motioned to be allowed in, "May I?"