The Complete Poetical Works of George Chapman
Page 180
Labervele
What, and not dine today?
Florila
No, my good head. Come, Martia, you and I will fast together.
Martia
With all my heart, madam.
Exit [with Florila].
Labervele
Well, gentlemen, I’ll go see my son.
Exit.
Foyes
By’rlady, gentlemen, I’ll go home to dinner.
Labesha
Home to dinner? By’rlord, but you shall not. You shall go with us to the ordinary, where you shall meet gentlemen of so good carriage and passing complements it will do your heart good to see them. Why, you never saw the
best sort of gentlemen if not at ordinaries.
Foyes
I promise you that’s rare, my lord. And, Monsieur Lemot, I’ll meet you there presently.
Lemot
We’ll expect your coming.
Exeunt all.
Scene 8
Enter Verone with his napkin upon his shoulder, and his man Jaques with another, and his son [Boy] bringing in cloth and napkins.
Verone
Come on, my masters, shadow these tables with their white veils, accomplish the court-cupboard, wait diligently today for my credit and your own, that if the meat should chance to be raw, yet your behaviours being neither rude nor raw, may excuse it. Or if the meat should chance to be tough, be you tender over them in your attendance, that the one may bear with the other.
Jaques
Faith, some of them be so hard to please, finding fault with your cheer and discommending your wine, saying they fare better at Valere’s for half the money.
Boy
Besides, if there be any chibols in your napkins, they say your nose or ours have dropped on them, and then they throw them about the house.
Verone
But these be small faults. You may bear with them. Young gentlemen and wild heads will be doing.
Enter [Jaquena] the Maid.
Jaquena
Come, whose wit was it to cover in this room, in the name of God, I trow?
Boy
Why, I hope this room is as fair as the other.
Jaquena
In your foolish opinion. You might have told a wise body so and kept yourself a fool still.
Boy
I cry you mercy. How bitter you are in your proverbs.
Jaquena
So bitter I am, sir.
[Jaquena removes the cloth from the table nearest her]
Verone
[Aside] Oh, sweet Jaquena, I dare not say I love thee.
Jaques
Must you control us, you proud baggage, you?
Jaquena
Baggage? You are a knave to call me baggage.
Jaques
A knave? My master shall know that.
Verone
[Aside] I will not see them.
Jaques
Master, here is your maid uses herself so saucily that one house shall not hold us two long, God willing.
Verone
Come hither, hussy. [Aside to Jaquena] Pardon me, sweet Jaquena. I must make an angry face outwardly, though I smile inwardly.
Jaquena
Say what you will to me, sir.
Verone
[Aloud] Oh, you are a fine gossip. Can I not keep honest servants in my house, but you must control them, you must be their mistress?
Jaquena
Why, I did but take up the cloth, because my mistress would have the dinner in another room, and he called me baggage.
Jaques
You called me knave and fool, I thank you, small bones.
Jaquena
Go to, go to, she were wise enough would talk with you.
Boy
Go thy ways for the proudest harlotry that ever came in our house.
[Exit Jaquena.]
Verone
Let her alone, boy. I have schooled her, I warrant thee. She shall not be my maid long, if I can help it.
Boy
No, I think so, sir. But what, shall I take up the cloth?
Verone
No, let the cloth lie. Hither they’ll come first, I am sure of it. Then if they will dine in the other room, they shall.
Enter Rowley.
Rowley
Good morrow, my host. Is nobody come yet?
Verone
Your worship is the first, sir.
Rowley
I was invited by my cousin, Colinet to see your jewels.
Verone
I thank his worship and yours.
Rowley
Here’s a pretty place for an ordinary. I am very sorry I have not used to come to ordinaries.
Verone
I hope we shall have your company hereafter.
Rowley
You are very like to.
Enter Berger.
Berger
Good morrow, my host, good morrow, good Monsieur Rowley.
Rowley
Good morrow to you, sir.
Berger
What, are we two the first? Give’s the cards, here. Come, this gentleman and I will go to cards while dinner be ready.
Rowley
No, truly, I cannot play at cards.
Berger
How! Not play? Oh, for shame, say not so. How can a young gentleman spend his time but in play and in courting his mistress? Come, use this, lest youth take too much of the other.
Rowley
Faith, I cannot play, and yet I care not so much to venture two or three crowns with you.
Berger
Oh, I thought what I should find of you. I pray God I have not met with my match.
Rowley
No, trust me, sir, I cannot play.
Berger
Hark you, my host, have you a pipe of good tobacco?
Verone
The best in the town. Boy, dry a leaf.
Boy
[Aside] There’s none in the house, sir.
Verone
[Aside] Dry a dock leaf.
[Boy exits and returns with a pipe.]
Berger
My host, do you know Monsieur Blanvel?
Verone
Yea, passing well, sir.
Berger
Why, he was taken learning tricks at old Lucilla’s house, the muster-mistress of all the smock-tearers in Paris, and both the bawd and the pander were carried to the dungeon.
Verone
There was dungeon upon dungeon. But call you her the muster-mistress of all the smock-tearers in Paris?
Berger
Yea, for she hath them all trained up afore her.
Enter Blanvel.
Blanvel
Good morrow, my host; good morrow, gentlemen all.
Verone
Good morrow, Monsieur Blanvel. I am glad of your quick delivery.
Blanvel
Delivery? What, didst thou think I was with child?
Verone
Yea, of a dungeon.
Blanvel
Why, how knew you that?
Rowley
Why, Berger told us.
Blanvel
Berger, who told you of it?
Berger
One that I heard, by the Lord.
Blanvel
Oh, excellent. You are still playing the wag.
Enter Lemot and Moren.
Lemot
Good morrow, gentlemen all; good morrow, good Monsieur Rowley.
Rowley
At your service.
Lemot
I pray, my lord, look what a pretty falling-band he hath. ’Tis pretty fantastical, as I have seen, made with good judgement, great show, and but little cost.
Moren
And so it is, I promise you. Who made it, I pray?
Rowley
I know not, i’faith. I bought it by chance.
Lemot
It is a very pretty one; make much of it.
Enter Catalian sweating.
Cata
lian
Boy, I prithee call for a coarse napkin. [Exit Boy.] Good morrow, gentlemen. I would you had been at the tennis-court: you should have seen me abeat Monsieur Besan, and I gave him fifteen and all his faults.
Lemot
Thou didst more for him than ever God will do for thee.
Catalian
Jaques, I prithee fill me a cup of canary, three parts water.
[Exit Jaques.]
Lemot
You shall have all water, an if it please you.
Enter [Jaquena the] Maid.
Jaquena
Who called for a coarse napkin?
Catalian
Marry I, sweetheart. Do you take the pains to bring it yourself? Have at you, by my host’s leave.
[He kisses her.]
Jaquena
Away, sir, fie, for shame.
Catalian
Hark you, my host, you must marry this young wench. You do her mighty wrong else.
Verone
Oh, sir, you are a merry man.
[Exit Verone and Jaquena.]
Enter Foyes and Labesha
Foyes
Good morrow, gentlemen. You see I am as good as my word.
Moren
You are, sir, and I am very glad of it.
Lemot
You are welcome, Monsieur Foyes. [To Labesha] But you are not, no, not you.
Labesha
No? Welcome that gentleman, ’tis no matter for me.
Lemot
How, sir? No matter for you. By this rush, I am angry with you, as if all our loves protested unto you were dissembled. No matter for you?
Labesha
Nay, sweet Lemot, be not angry. I did but jest, as I am a gentleman.
Lemot
Yea, but there’s a difference of jesting. You wrong all our affections in so doing.
Labesha
Faith and troth, I did not, and I hope sirs you take it not so.
All
‘No matter for me’, ’twas very unkindly said, I must needs say so.
Labesha
You see how they love me.
Foyes
I do, sir, and I am very glad of it.
Labesha
And I hope, Lemot, you are not angry with me still.
Lemot
No, faith, I am not so very a fool to be angry with one that cares not for me.
Labesha
Do not I care for you? Nay, then.
[He weeps.]
Catalian
What, dost thou cry?
Labesha
Nay, I do not cry, but my stomach waters to think that you should take it so heavily. If I do not wish that I were cut into three pieces, and that these pieces were turned into three black puddings, and that these three black puddings were turned into three of the fairest ladies in the land for your sake, I would I were hanged. What a devil can you have more than my poor heart?
Catalian
Well, hark you, Lemot, in good faith you are to blame to put him to this unkindness. I prithee, be friends with him.
Lemot
Well, I am content to put up this unkindness for this once. But while you live take heed of ‘no matter for me’.
Labesha
Why, is it such a heinous word?
Lemot
Oh, the heinousest word in the world.
Labesha
Well, I’ll never speak it more, as I am a gentleman.
Lemot
No, I pray do not.
Foyes
My lord, will your lordship go to cards?
Moren
Yea, with you, Monsieur Foyes.
Rowley
Lemot, will you play?
Lemot
Pardon, good Monsieur Rowley. If I had any disposition to gaming your company should draw me beforeany man’s here.
Foyes
Labesha, what, will you play?
Labesha
Play, yea, with all my heart. I pray lend me threepence.
Rowley
I’ll play no more.
Catalian
Why, have you won or lost?
Rowley
Faith, I have lost two or three crowns.
Catalian
Well, to him again, I’ll be your half.
Lemot
Sirrah Catalian, while they are playing at cards, thou and I will have some excellent sport. [Aside to Catalian] Sirrah, dost thou know that same gentleman there? [Indicating Rowley]
Catalian
[Aside to Lemot] No, i’faith, what is he?
Lemot
[Aside to Catalian] A very fine gull and a neat reveller, one that’s heir to a great living, yet his father keeps him so short, that his
shirts will scant cover the bottom of his belly, for all his gay outside; but the linings be very foul and sweaty, yea, and perhaps lousy, with despising the vain shifts of the world.
Catalian
[Aside to Lemot] But he hath gotten good store of money now, methinks.
Lemot
[Aside to Catalian] Yea, and I wonder of it. Some ancient serving-man of his father’s that hath gotten forty shillings in fifty years upon his great good husbandry, he swearing monstrous oaths to pay him again, and besides to do him a good turn (when God shall hear his prayer for his father) hath lent it him, I warrant you. But, howsoever, we must speak him fair.
Catalian
[Aside to Lemot] Oh, what else!
Lemot
[Aloud] God save sweet Monsieur Rowley. What, lose or win, lose or win?
Rowley
Faith, sir, save myself and lose my money.
Lemot
There’s a proverb hit dead in the neck like a cony. [Aside to Catalian] Why, hark thee, Catalian; I could have told thee before what he would have said.
Catalian
[Aside to Lemot] I do not think so.
Lemot
[Aside to Catalian] No? Thou seest here’s a fine plump of gallants, such as think their wits singular, and their selves rarely accomplished. Yet to show thee how brittle their wits be, I will speak to them severally, and I will tell thee before what they shall answer me.
Catalian
[Aside to Lemot] That’s excellent, let’s see that, i’faith.
Lemot
[Aside to Catalian] Whatsoever I say to Monsieur Rowley, he shall say, ‘Oh, sir, you may see an ill weed grows apace’.
Catalian.
[Aside to Lemot] Come, let’s see.
Lemot
[Aloud] Now, Monsieur Rowley, methinks you are exceedingly grown since your to Paris.
Rowley
Oh, sir, you may see an ill weed grows apace.
Catalian
[Aside to Lemot] This is excellent, forward, sir, I pray.
Lemot
[Aside to Catalian] Whatsoe’er I say to Labesha, he shall answer me, ‘Black will bear no other hue’, and that same old Justice, as greedy of a stale proverb, he shall come in the neck of that and say, ‘Black is a pearl in a woman’s eye’.
Catalian
[Aside to Lemot] Yea, much, i’faith.
Lemot
[Aside to Catalian] Look thee, here comes hither Labesha. [Aloud] Catalian and I have been talking of thy complexion, and I say that all the fair ladies in France would have been in love with thee, but that thou art so black.
Labesha
Oh, sir, black will bear no other hue.
Foyes
Oh, sir, black is a pearl in a woman’s eye.
Lemot
You say true, sir, you say true, sir. [Aside to Catalian] Sirrah Catalian, whatsoe’er I say to Berger that is so busy at cards, he shall answer me, ‘‘Sblood, I do not mean to die as long as I can see one alive’.
Catalian
[Aside to Lemot] Come, let us see you.
Lemot
[Aloud] Why, Berger, I thought thou hadst been dead. I have not heard thee chide all this while.
Berger
‘Sblood, I do not mean to die
as long as I can see one alive.
Catalian
[Aside to Lemot] Why, but hark you, Lemot, I hope you cannot make this lord answer so roundly.
Lemot
[Aside to Catalian] Oh, as right as any of them all, and he shall answer me with an old Latin proverb, that is, usus promptos facit.
Catalian
[Aside to Lemot] Once more, let’s see.
Lemot
[Aloud] My lord, your lordship could not play at this game very lately, and now methinks you are grown exceeding perfect.
Moren
Oh, sir, you may see, usus promptos facit.
Enter Jaques.
Jaques
Monsieur Lemot, here is a gentleman and two gentlewomen do desire to speak with you.
Lemot
What, are they come? Jaques, convey them into the inward parlour by the inwarde room, and there is a brace of crowns for thy labour,
but let nobody know of their being here.
Jaques
I warrant you, sir.
[Exit Jaques.]
Lemot
See where they come. Welcome, my good lord and ladies, I’ll come to you presently. [Aside] So, now the sport begins, I shall start the disguised King plaguily. Nay, I shall put the lady that loves me in a monstrous fright when her husband comes and finds her here.
[Enter Boy.]
Boy
[To Lemot] The gentleman and the two gentlewomen desires your company.
Lemot
I’ll come to them presently.
The Boy speaks in Foyes’s ear.
Foyes
Gentlemen, I’ll go speak with one, and come to you presently.
[Exit Foyes.]
Lemot
My lord, I would speak a word with your lordship, if it were not for interrupting your game.
Moren
No, I have done, Lemot.
Lemot
My lord, there must a couple of ladies dine with us today.
Moren
Ladies? God’s my life, I must be gone.
Lemot
Why, hark you, my lord, I knew not of their coming, I protest to your lordship, and would you have me turn such fair ladies as these are away?
Moren
Yea, but hark you, Lemot, did not you hear me swear to my wife that I would not tarry if there were any women? I wonder you would suffer any to come there.
Lemot
Why, you swore but by a kiss, and kisses are no holy things, you know that.
Moren
Why, but hark you, Lemot, indeed I would be very loath to do anything, that, if my wife should know it, should displease her.
Lemot
Nay, then you are to obsequious. Hark you, let me entreat you, and I’ll tell you in secret, you shall have no worse company than the King’s.
Moren
Why, will the King be there?