The Case of the Love Commandos

by Tarquin Hall

  4 tablespoons ginger paste (or chopped in a food processor with a little water)

  1 cup yogurt

  Pinch of saffron (optional)

  ½ teaspoon lime juice

  ½ teaspoon salt

  2 teaspoons ground cumin

  2 teaspoons ground coriander

  Red chilli powder to taste

  1 tablespoon garam masala*

  Rice

  2 cups basmati rice

  Hot water

  Garnish

  ½ cup ghee/vegetable oil/butter

  1 cup onion, thinly sliced and fried in ghee until brown

  ½ cup slivered almonds, fried (optional)

  ½ cup slivered cashews, fried (optional)

  2 tablespoons finely chopped coriander leaves

  2 tablespoons finely chopped mint leaves

  Dum Pukht Seal

  1 cup chapati or whole wheat flour

  ½ cup water

  1 to 2 tablespoons oil (optional)

  Mix the marinade ingredients with the meat and let it sit at room temperature for 2 hours.

  Meanwhile, using half the ghee/oil/butter, fry the onions and then the nuts separately in batches until the onions are crispy and the nuts are several shades darker. Drain on paper towels.

  Wash the rice in cold water and cook till half done: test by mashing a grain between your thumb and forefinger; it should squish but still have a firm inner core. Drain and set aside.

  Heat the remaining ghee/oil/butter in a heavy-bottomed pot (if you’re not using the dum pukht seal method, use a pressure cooker) and fry the meat until sealed. Add the stock, cover, and cook until the meat is tender.

  If using the oven for the next step, preheat it to 350°F/180°C.

  Mix the dum pukht seal ingredients to form a dough.

  Layer the rice and meat in your pot or baking vessel. Cover with dough if using the dum pukht seal method, or cover with two layers of baking foil, shiny side down, and secure with cooking string.

  On the stove, cook on medium heat for 10 minutes. Reduce the heat to low and let simmer for 30 minutes.

  In the oven, bake for 20 minutes.

  Serve hot, opening the dough seal at the table. Garnish with the onions, nuts, coriander, and mint. Serve with yogurt.

  *Available in Asian grocery stores. Contains dry roasted green cardamom, black pepper, coriander, cloves, bay leaf, cinnamon, nutmeg, star anise and fennel seeds.

  Chubby’s Peckish Pakoras

  Pakoras are to Indians what potato chips or crisps are to Westerners. They can be made with any vegetable, chicken, fish or even bread and can be served with any lip-smacking dip, including the fiery coriander chutney below!

  Makes 10 servings

  2 cups chickpea flour (also called gram flour or garbanzo bean flour)

  1 tablespoon lemon or lime juice

  Water

  If you like them spicy, add a chopped green chilli or ½ teaspoon red chilli powder

  Salt to taste

  You can also optionally add

  1½ teaspoon garam masala

  ½ teaspoon turmeric

  1 teaspoon ground cumin

  Sunflower oil for deep frying*

  Choose your pakora: cauliflower, onion, spinach, potato, whole chillies … the sky’s the limit, really. Just make sure whatever you choose is bite-size and will cook quickly. You can, of course, mix things like cauliflower florets, peas, and corn kernels.

  Sift the chickpea flour. Add the lemon juice, dry spices, and enough water to make a thick batter that sticks to the back of a spoon. Add your meat or vegetables.

  Heat the oil in a deep frying pan or wok until a drop of batter sizzles on contact. (Careful, hot oil is dangerous. Never leave it unattended.)

  Carefully fry tablespoons of the pakora mixture in batches until cooked and a deep golden color, 5 to 6 minutes. Serve hot with chutney or dip.

  *A healthy though less crisp alternative is to bake your pakoras. Preheat the oven to 500°F/260°C. Grease a baking sheet with olive oil. Follow directions above but instead of deep frying, bake pakoras for 8 to 9 minutes. Flip and bake again until golden brown. Rumpi would approve!

  Coriander Chutney

  A big handful of fresh coriander, large stems removed

  4 to 5 sprigs of mint, rough stems removed

  2 to 3 green chillies, or to taste

  4 cloves garlic

  Juice from half a lemon

  Salt to taste

  Put all the ingredients except the salt in a blender or food processor and chop until smooth. Add the salt and more lemon juice to taste.

  Hungry Hungry Halva

  Serves 4

  ¾ cup ghee or butter (no oil)

  1 cup semolina

  4 cups water

  1¼ cup sugar

  2 cardamom pods

  ½ cup nuts—almonds, cashews, and raisins

  Put the ghee or butter in a wok or frying pan on the lowest flame possible.

  Once the pan is slightly warm, put the semolina in and stir gently. Keep stirring until the two are thoroughly mixed and the semolina takes on a darker, golden color. Be careful, semolina burns easily!

  Meanwhile, separately boil the water and add the sugar and the cardamom pods, cooking it until the sugar dissolves.

  Keeping the heat low, pour the sugar water mixture into the semolina mixture, stirring continuously to avoid lumps. Once the mixture is less watery, add the nuts, cover and cook until the water is absorbed.

  Serve hot. Good for auspicious occasions like love marriages!

  Glossary

  Note: The rupee exchange rate at the time of this writing is $1 = 54 rupees.

  AAILA Nepali homemade liquor.

  AARTI Hindu fire ritual, often performed daily, in which a plate holding a flame and offerings is circled in front of a deity or guru while devotional songs are sung.

  “ACHCHA” Hindi for “OK,” “good” or “got it.” Can also be used to indicate surprise and as a form of reproof.

  AFRIDI Pashtun tribe of Pakistan and Afghanistan.

  ALMIRAH cupboard, most commonly made of steel.

  ALOO potato.

  “ARREY!” Hindi expression of surprise, like “hey!”

  ATTA flour, mostly milled from wheat.

  AUR Hindi for “and”; also used to ask “what’s new?” or “what else?”

  AWADHI a dialect of the Hindi dialect continuum, spoken chiefly in the Awadh region of Uttar Pradesh and Nepal.

  BAARISH rain.

  BALTI bucket.

  BANYAN Ficus benghalensis, the national tree of India. Older banyans are characterized by their aerial prop roots.

  BARAAT wedding procession that leads the groom to his marriage venue.

  BARFI sweetmeat made from condensed milk and sugar.

  BATCHMATE former student who attended the same school, college or military or administrative academy.

  BAUL minstrels from Bengal, eastern India. Bauls constitute both a syncretic religious sect and a musical tradition.

  BETA “son” or “child” used in endearment.

  BHAI brother.

  BIDI Indian cigarette made of strong tobacco hand-rolled in a leaf from the ebony tree.

  BIHARI a person from the state of Bihar in eastern India.

  BIRYANI a rice-based dish made with spices, rice and a choice of either chicken, mutton, fish, eggs or vegetables. The name is derived from the Persian bery. Biryani is believed to have been invented during the Mughal period.

  BOGIE Indian English for a train carriage.

  BONG slang for a Bengali.

  CASTE English word that derives from the Spanish and Portuguese casta, meaning “race, lineage or breed.” The Indian word is Varna.

  CHAI tea.

  CHALLO Hindi for “Let’s go.”

  CHAPPALS sandals usually made of leather or rubber.

  CHARGE SHEETER a person with a criminal record.

  CHARPAI literally “four feet.” A charpai is a woven string bed u
sed throughout northern India and Pakistan.

  CHART a train passenger manifest.

  CHHATRI an elevated, dome-shaped pavilion. Common in Rajasthani and Mughal architecture.

  CHICKAN traditional embroidery style from Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh.

  CHICKEN FRANKIES India’s answer to a burrito, a parantha stuffed with spicy chicken.

  CHOWKIDAR guard.

  CHUDDIES Punjabi for underpants.

  CHUNNI Punjabi word for a long scarf worn by South Asian women. “Dupatta” in Hindi.

  CHUP Hindi for “shut up.”

  CREAMY LAYER the elite.

  CRIB Indian English for “complain,” “moan.”

  CRORE a unit in the Indian numbering system,

  equal to 10 million.

  DAAL MAKHANI rich Punjabi dish of spiced black lentils,

  red kidney beans and cream.

  DACOIT/DAKU a member of an armed band.

  DALIT a designation for a group of people traditionally regarded as untouchable. Dalits are a mixed population, consisting of numerous social groups from all over South Asia.

  DARSHAN generally used to mean worship before an idol or guru.

  DESI SHARAB Indian-made liquor, usually cheaper and

  of lower quality than imported or foreign

  liquor.

  DHABA roadside restaurant, popular in northern

  India.

  DHARMA Sanskrit term used to refer to a person’s

  righteous duty or any virtuous path.

  DHOTI traditional men’s garment, a rectangular piece of unstitched cloth, usually around seven yards long, wrapped around the waist and legs and knotted at the waist.

  DICKIE a car trunk or boot.

  DIPPERS headlights.

  DISHOOM sound effect when someone lands a punch in a Bollywood movie, like “pow” or “bam.”

  DIYA a lamp usually made of clay with a cotton wick dipped in vegetable oil.

  DOUBLE ROTI Indian English for sliced white bread.

  DURGA PUJA an annual two-week festival in South

  Asia that celebrates the goddess Durga.

  FARMHOUSE a large house with grounds, more often than not built on agricultural land illegally. Owners often list their occupation as “farmer” despite deriving their income from other means.

  FIR a First Information Report is a written document prepared by the police when a complaint is lodged with them by the victim of a cognizable offense or by someone on his or her behalf.

  GALAUTI or GILAWAT flat spicy mutton kebab.

  GALLI Indian English for a narrow street.

  GHAZAL a poetic form consisting of rhyming couplets and a refrain, with each line sharing the same meter.

  GHEE clarified butter.

  GOLGUPPA a thin fried shell used to hold spicy tamarind water; very popular north Indian street snack.

  GOONDA thug or miscreant.

  GORA a light-skinned person; the term is often used in reference to Westerners.

  GOTRA a term that broadly refers to people who are descendants in an unbroken male line from a common male ancestor.

  GULAB JAMUNS a dessert made of dough consisting mainly of milk solids in a sugar syrup. It is usually flavored with cardamom seeds and rosewater or saffron.

  GURKHA Nepali hill tribesmen who serve as soldiers, mostly in British and Indian army Gurkha regiments.

  GUTKA a preparation of mostly crushed betel nut, tobacco, slaked lime and sweet or savory flavorings. A mild stimulant, it is sold across India in small, individual-size packets. It’s consumed much like chewing tobacco.

  HAAN Hindi for “yes.”

  HALVA a sweet dessert (see recipes).

  HAVELI private mansion, sometimes with architectural or historical significance, much like a Moroccan riad.

  HOLI spring Hindu festival.

  HOWZAT! the cry of a fielding cricket team when appealing to the umpire for a ruling following the delivery of a ball on whether a batsman is out.

  IDLI a South Indian savory cake popular throughout India. The cakes are usually two to three inches in diameter and are made by steaming a batter consisting of fermented black lentils and rice. Most often eaten at breakfast or as a snack.

  JAI! Hindi for “hail!”

  JALEBI a sweet made from batter fried in swirls and then soaked in sugar syrup.

  JALLAD a designation in Uttar Pradesh for the men who do the work of cutting open dead bodies and removing organs so they can be inspected by doctors or surgeons to analyze the means of death.

  JASOOS spy or private detective.

  JAT originally a pastoral or agricultural caste in the Punjab region. Jats can be Hindu, Sikh or Muslim. Today, the term Jat has become synonymous with “peasant.”

  JAWAN a male constable or soldier.

  JHARU a broom made of reeds.

  JI honorific suffix.

  JUGAAD an improvised arrangement or workaround that has to be used because of a lack of resources. Jugaad tractors are essentially wooden carts powered by agricultural water pump engines or customized motorbikes.

  KABARI WALLAH an individual who collects recyclable refuse from households; most are Dalits.

  KACHALOO CHAAT a spicy, sour snack made with the taro root.

  KATHAK one of the eight forms of Indian classical dance. Traces its origins to the nomadic bards of northern India known as Kathakars or storytellers.

  KATHI ROLL a type of street food similar to a wrap, usually stuffed with chicken tikka or lamb, onion and green chutney.

  KHANA Hindi for food.

  KHEER milky pudding often made with rice vermicelli and raisins.

  KHUKURI a Nepalese knife with an inwardly curved edge.

  KOHL a type of eyeliner smeared around the rim of the eyes.

  KSHATRIYA the military and ruling order of the traditional Vedic-Hindu social system as outlined by the Vedas; the warrior caste.

  KURTA PYJAMA long shirt with fitted pajamas.

  KYA? Hindi for “what?”

  LADOO a sweet often prepared to celebrate festivals or household events such as weddings. Essentially, ladoos are sugar and flour balls.

  LAKH a unit in the Indian numbering system, equal to a hundred thousand.

  “MAADERCHOD” motherfucker in Punjabi.

  MANDALA a spiritual and ritual symbol in Hinduism and Buddhism, representing the universe. The basic form of most mandalas is a square with four gates containing a circle with a center point.

  MANDIR a place of worship for followers of Hinduism.

  MASALA a mixture of spices.

  METRO a city or big town.

  MOTU slang for fatty.

  NA meaning “no?” or “isn’t it?”

  NAMASTE traditional Hindu greeting said with hands pressed together.

  NAMAZ Muslim prayer.

  NAUTANKI drama queen, fool.

  NAWAB an honorific title ratified and bestowed by the reigning Mughal emperor to semi-autonomous Muslim rulers of princely states.

  NAZAR LAG GAYI The evil eye in northern India is known as Buri Nazar, or often just Nazar.

  NETA politician.

  NIMBOO PANI lemonade, salty or sweet or both.

  ODISHA Indian state formerly known as Orissa.

  “OM NIMAH SHIVAYAH” a popular mantra in Hinduism.

  PAAN betel leaf, stuffed with betel nut, lime and other condiments and used as a stimulant.

  PAGAL literally crazy, but generally understood as “idiot.”

  PAISA one hundredth of a rupee.

  PAKORA fried snack, one of Vish Puri’s favorites (see recipes).

  PALLU the loose end of a sari.

  PANDIT Hindu priest.

  PAPAD a thin, disc-shaped crunchy snack or appetizer usually made of ground lentils or chickpeas and cooked with dry heat.

  PAPRI CHAAT a popular snack found in northern Pakistan. Papris are crisp dough wafers cooked in oil. They’re filled with potato, chickpeas, chillies, yogurt, and tamarind chutney and topped with chaat masala and crunchy noo
dles.

  PARANTHAS flat Indian wheat bread pan-fried and served with yogurt and pickle. Often stuffed with spiced potatoes, cauliflower or cottage cheese and eaten for breakfast.

  PATIALA PEG measure of liquor equivalent to 90 milliliters—that is to say, about 50 percent larger than a shot glass. Originated in the Punjabi city of Patiala.

  PHAT-A-PHAT “hurry.”