Riding the Night

by Jaci Burton

Page 12

  Author: Jaci Burton

  “Front tire went down midway home. I tried calling Joey, but didn’t get an answer. He was out riding, so he didn’t get the call. I didn’t want to leave the bike on a deserted stretch of road, but I didn’t have much choice. I called for a taxi and waited. Meanwhile, a couple of bikers came by. I was hoping it was some of the Thorns. It wasn’t. ”

  AJ wanted to ask questions, wanted to say something, but this was Teresa’s story to tell.

  “I don’t know who they were. They wore full face helmets with dark face shields and were dressed all in black. They pulled over and I told them my tire was shot. ”

  Her face had gone a pale silver, and he knew what it cost her to tell this story. He also knew he wasn’t going to like what he was going to hear next.

  “They didn’t care about the bike, or my tire, or about helping me. They didn’t want to hear the word ‘no. ’”

  “Son of a bitch,” Pax mumbled from the darkened corner of the room. AJ agreed. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to go to Teresa and fold her in his arms.

  “I prayed the taxi would show up, but you know how it is in this town. And it was a game night. Every taxi was in the city. I knew it was going to be a long wait. I told the guys someone was on the way to pick me up, but they didn’t listen . . . didn’t care. And I had broken down near this deserted shopping center, lots of nooks and crannies and places to hide . . . ”

  She sucked in a shuddering breath, then continued. “They dragged me over there, behind the buildings, threw me on the ground. They tied a foul-smelling rag around my eyes so I couldn’t see. One held me down while the other pulled off my jeans and boots, tore my panties . . . ”

  Her lips trembled and silvery tears slid down her cheeks. “I kept saying no. Over and over again, I said no. They never responded, never said a word. They took turns violating me. ” She pulled her legs tighter to her chest. “At least it was over fast. Then they left me lying there, half-naked and sobbing. ”

  She finally turned her tear-streaked gaze to AJ. “I said no. I pleaded with them. But they didn’t stop. ”

  Rage tore at AJ. He wanted someone dead for hurting her. But now wasn’t the time for that emotion. And it wasn’t the time for her to feel alone. He went to her, pulled her off the window seat and wrapped his arms around her.

  Then Pax was there, too, on the other side of her, holding her, caressing her hair.

  “We’re not going to hurt you, Teresa,” he said. “Not like that. Not ever. ”

  She buried her face against his chest and shuddered. “I know that. Logically, I know that. Getting my psyche to understand it is something different. ”

  “We aren’t going to hurt you,” Pax reiterated. “You have a right to say no. Every woman does. ”

  AJ drew her back and cupped her face in his hands. “Did you go to the police?”

  She nodded. “Of course. It did no good. Whoever did it, they wore condoms. Never took their helmets off. Their bikes were nondescript and I didn’t get license tag numbers. I have no idea who they were. Still don’t. ”

  “Christ, Teresa. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happened to you. ”

  She managed a smile. “I’m angry it happened to me. I’m furious at them for thinking it was okay to take what wasn’t offered to them. ”

  “So the case is still open?”

  She shrugged. “Not that it does much good. They’ll never be caught. No DNA. No repeat rapes before or after mine. It was an isolated incident. Cops said maybe they were drunk or high and it was just a one-time thing. ”

  “So no one pays for that crime except you,” Pax said.

  Teresa’s gaze lifted to his.

  “You’ve been in a kind of prison, haven’t you?” he asked.

  She leaned against him. “Yes. I guess I still am. You saw that tonight. ” She pushed past him and sat on the window seat again, lifted her gaze to him. “I’m not . . . normal anymore. ”

  Pax took a seat in the chair next to her. “It could take a long time. Have you had counseling?”

  “Plenty. And it helped me a lot, especially in the beginning. But it can only help me so much. At some point I have to let a man, or men, touch me again. ”

  “The right man. Or men,” AJ said. “Ones who’ll be patient with you. Ones who’ll understand what you’ve been through, who know you need time to take this slow. Baby steps, Teresa. ”

  She tilted her head to the side. “You understand. ”

  “That you were violated? That your body still rebels against being touched?” AJ nodded. “Yeah, we understand. We may be guys, but we’re not dense, Teresa. Any man should understand that what you need most is time, patience and TLC. You have to do this on your own timetable, and in your own way. ”

  “I want to be whole again,” she said. “You have no idea how much I want that. But the guys around here . . . they know what happened and treat me differently because of it. They think I’m some china doll who’s going to break if touched. They give me a wide berth. They’re afraid, which in turn makes me feel damaged. ”

  Pax smoothed his knuckles over her cheek. “We’re not afraid of you, Teresa. Or of your reactions to us. Good or bad. And we sure as hell don’t think of you as damaged. What happened to you wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause it. ”

  She inhaled, let it out on a shaky sigh. “Don’t I know it. I’d like an hour in a room with those two sons of bitches who did this to me. ”

  “Me, too,” Pax said, smoothing his hand over her hair. “The easiest way to get past this is to be with someone you trust. When you’re ready. ”

  The way she looked at Pax, her gaze so trusting, was like a gut punch to AJ. “I am ready. ”

  Pax smiled at her. “I think tonight proved you’re not ready yet. ”

  She sighed. “Well, goddammit, I want to be ready. ”

  Pax took her hands between his. “Give yourself a break, honey. There’s no hurry. Or timetable. ”

  “Most men—”

  “We’re not most men. ” AJ sat next to her. “You need to understand that. We’re not going to pressure you. Ever. You want one of us, both of us, that’s your call. On your timetable. You don’t, we’re still here for you. ”

  Pax lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “We’re on vacation. We’ll be hanging around for a while. You can count on us, Teresa, no matter what you need. If all you want is a couple of friends, that’s what we’ll be for you. ”

  TERESA HADN’T INTENDED TO SPILL HER STORY TO AJ AND PAX. She never liked talking about it. Talking about it was like reliving it, and she’d rather have a hot poker stuck in her eye than experience that night again.

  Yet as soon as Pax and AJ had come into the room, the story had spilled out. It was as if she’d needed them to hear it. She’d wanted them to know why she’d run out of the room. It was important for them to understand they’d done nothing wrong. It hadn’t been them; it had been all her fault—her issues. It was important they know.

  And maybe she’d wanted to throw down the challenge, see if they’d run like the others had. She’d told a couple guys about the rape before, guys she’d dated for a while and had tried to get close to.

  They couldn’t handle it, had closed up on her, pulled away, and she hadn’t seen them again.

  She supposed she understood why. A woman who’d been raped and hadn’t been sexually active since was more trouble than she was worth, especially a woman a guy was just starting to date. She was a mess of emotional scars, terrified of being touched again, yet craving that closeness with a man. That was one hell of a commitment most guys weren’t the least bit interested in making.

  A man would have to be crazy in love with a woman to make that kind of sacrifice, and no man had gotten close enough to her to fall in love with her. She hadn’t allowed it. All the guys in the Thorns knew about the rape, but dating them wasn’t an option. They h
ad circled around her after it happened and become family to her. They treated her like a sister, someone to protect. She valued them and loved them all, but she couldn’t fuck any of them. And she doubted any of them saw her that way, either.

  But she would have never made it through without the Thorns. Their anger and need for retribution for what had happened had allowed her to pull herself together. Then she had been the one trying to calm them down.

  But they told her she was one of theirs and men protect their women.

  But not all men. Which was why five years later she was still dateless and sexless.

  And yet AJ and Pax were still camped out in her house, hadn’t turned tail and run when she’d spilled her guts about that ugly night. Instead, they’d pulled her against them, not afraid to touch her or get close to her. They hadn’t treated her like she was fragile—or damaged. They’d held her when she’d needed it most.

  Even Joey was afraid to touch her most days. She wasn’t the easiest to understand or get along with; she knew she ran hot and cold.

  And still, AJ and Pax hadn’t walked out yet.

  But it was still early in . . . whatever it was going on between her and . . . them? She couldn’t choose one or the other. She had a history with AJ, had been friends with him, had a teenage love affair with him. And he’d come back all grown-up and so very masculine and sure of himself. To see how he’d changed and grown was damn appealing. His stormy gray eyes had always mesmerized her, his coal black hair so thick and soft she could spend hours just kissing him and sinking her fingers into his hair. And now he had a man’s body, held himself with confidence and pride and the knowledge that comes with having gone through what he had with his family, all the odds against him, and having survived it. She’d always admired his survival skills as a kid, and she did so even more now that she’d seen what he’d done with his life. The fact that they had unfinished business only added to the attraction between them. They’d only gotten started when he’d disappeared from her life. Teresa had always felt there should have been more between them. She’d wanted so much more with him.

  Oh sure, she could have held a grudge at the way he dumped her that night all those years ago, but it was him being noble in the only way he knew how. At the time she couldn’t see it, but years later she realized that had been his way to keep her safe. She knew what kind of trouble he’d gotten into after that. He’d wanted to distance her from what he was getting himself into. It had only made her miss him more.

  Seeing him walk into the bar a few days ago had shocked her female senses into awareness for the first time in . . . years. It was a shock she’d needed, reminding her that she was still a woman—a woman with desires.

  Pax was the unknown, someone new and exciting and oh so self-confident. He owned whatever room he occupied. And when he paid attention to you—whoa. He was the kind of man who could get a woman’s libido soaring in a hurry because he had charisma, that slight touch of arrogance that wasn’t too much, but just enough to be attractive. She found herself craving being near him, wanting to touch him, smell him, get close to him. There was something elementally sexy about the man, and she wanted more of whatever that special magic was he created in her body whenever he touched her.

  Either one of these men could give her what she needed.

  How was she going to choose? And if she did, would she finally be able to follow through?

  “I’D LIKE TO KILL THE SONS OF BITCHES WHO DID THAT TO HER,” AJ said, pacing the floor in Teresa’s living room.

  It had been hours since she’d gone to her room to sleep, hours since she’d revealed what had happened to her five years ago. And still, AJ couldn’t calm the rage that boiled inside him.