Forever Falling

by Paige Randall

  “Ex-girlfriend?”

  “Not worth mentioning.”

  “Brothers and sisters?”

  “One of each.”

  “Mom and Dad?”

  “Mom yes, Dad dead. Are you getting bored yet?” he asks.

  “Not yet. You like movies?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you like to read?” She gestures to the book on the table. “I love that one.”

  “Some.”

  “Music?”

  “I love music. My turn,” he says. “Where’s your Dad?”

  “You really went there?” She is a little shocked but still laughs.

  He shrugs.

  “My Dad isn’t.” she says without elaborating.

  “What does that mean, your dad isn’t?”

  “He just isn’t,” she says.

  “I don’t understand,” he says. “You are a bit of a wise ass, aren’t you?”

  She ignores the insult. “As far as I can tell, Victoria never got married. She never dates. She never brings guys home. She won’t tell me anything about my Dad.”

  “That must be hard,” Callum says to this little girl who is a stranger to him. All little girls are strangers really.

  “Why does your mom have an accent and you don’t?”

  “She used to live in Asheville.” She adds “North Carolina” in case he doesn’t know United States geography. “She moved here before I was born.”

  “I was just in Asheville. I couldn’t understand half the people. There were a lot of men with very long beards and no teeth. Some of the woman weren’t much better. Nice city though. I liked it there a lot. Good music, good food. Beautiful mountains.”

  “Yeah, I’ve never been there. Mom never went back after she left.” Marina doesn’t explain.

  “How old are you?” he asks.

  “Thirteen.”

  “Do you get in a lot of trouble?”

  She skips that one, just stares at him, and he stares back. Why do you call your Mom, Victoria?”

  “Because she doesn’t care,” Marina says with no emotion.

  “She cares,” Callum defends Victoria.

  “How would you know? You’ve been here for five minutes? For all you know she burns me with an iron when I don’t do my homework.”

  “Good point. I have no idea if she cares about you. It seems like what house guests do though,” he says looking slightly pensive.

  “Whatever. Do you want pancakes?” Marina asks. He does so they move into the kitchen. She pulls together the ingredients and starts dumping everything into a bowl.

  “Hold on a moment there. First combine your dry ingredients with a whisk.”

  She does.

  “Now add your milk but not the eggs, yet.”

  She does.

  “Now the eggs, but don’t over mix it. You’re not baking a cake.”

  She does.

  “Does your batter usually lump?” he asks and she nods. He pulls the whisk high into the air and silky batter ribbons its way back into the bowl. “See?”

  She smiles at the perfect batter. He ends up taking the spatula and eventually the ladle too, and by the time Victoria walks into the kitchen, Marina is sitting at the table munching on pancakes and Callum is flipping golden disks of deliciousness. He hands her an oven warmed plate with three large, perfectly symmetrical, stacked pancakes.

  Marina watches her mother watching Callum. He is old, but for old he is probably handsome. Victoria obviously thinks so. She fluffed the back of her hair walking into the kitchen and she practically fell over watching Callum flip a pancake.

  Callum joins them at the table and loads maple syrup over his pancakes. Marina watches as he dives in. Having a man at their table is weird. She has never really had an opportunity to study a grown up man. He is really big and takes enormous bites. He doesn’t talk much. He doesn’t smile much either. Hunger Games is a weird book choice for an adult male.

  “Marina, I have been thinking about your punishment,” Victoria says suddenly pulling Marina out of her thoughts. “Grounded for a month. No cell phone, no TV. Straight home after school. You’ll get home two hours before me every day and you can start dinner and take care of anything Callum needs.”

  Marina slams her fork to her plate, shoves her chair from the table, stomps into her room and slams the door.

  “So, how’s your day going?” Victoria jokes, ignoring her daughter’s outburst.

  “Better than yours,” Callum returns, stuffing a big bite into his mouth.

  “Glad to see you’ve got your appetite back.”

  As if to prove her point, Callum stabs another two pancakes and makes quick work of them. When he is done, Victoria brings a basin of hot soapy water to his room so he can wash.

  “You need some help? I’m a professional. No sponge bath jokes though.”

  He checks to see if Marina is within earshot. She is not, still he whispers. “It would be impossible to enjoy my first sponge bath without a joke or two. It will be far more interesting in my imagination anyway.”

  He reaches to button the missed button near her belly button, but before he does, an index finger slides in, only for a moment, brushing the soft skin of her belly.

  “If you keep missing buttons, I’ll think you’re flirting with me.” Then he gives her a tap on the nose and closes the door with a smirk.

  Victoria takes a deep breath and smooths her shirt to center herself before getting down to more serious business. Having a gorgeous, flirtatious man in the house is more challenging than she expected and more delightful. She wonders how the simple brush of a finger on her bare skin can be so arousing. Forget the skin, the spatula alone was arousing. He handles himself with complete confidence in the kitchen and it is extremely attractive.

  She catches herself humming an old Police song while she puts in a load of laundry. After folding some towels, she takes her laptop to the sofa and checks her email even though she already knows what is waiting in her inbox. Again, she looks at the email from her father.

  Victoria, it’s time for you to come home. We’ve let this go on long enough. I don’t have much time left. I want to know my granddaughter. I miss you. The house and everything I have are yours. Please come home.

  The email is dated four days ago and she has still not replied. She leans her head into her hands and contemplates the pros and cons yet again.

  Pros – Victoria misses her home, her mountains, her city, her world. Park City has been a nice place to live, but it isn’t home. She can also settle things once and for all. She has been carrying this grudge against her father and it is wearing her down. Marina can get to know her grandfather. Marina can get away from these kids and getting away from these kids seems more and more important.

  Cons – Uprooting their lives. New home, new job, new school, new friends, everything they have known for the last thirteen years. Truly, there aren’t many friends to give up. Victoria has grown comfortable with being a loner.

  Friendships are a lot of work and she doesn’t have time. Lacey lives next door with her two little boys. Her husband is in the service and usually overseas. They help each other out with their kids, but Lacey is only twenty-three and Victoria’s thirty-one feels ancient next to her. Religion isn’t Victoria’s thing so there is a deep void between her and a lot of the community. Marina is doing terribly in school and a fresh start might not be a bad thing. She has done some research and there were plenty of jobs for her in the city.

  Another Con… dealing with it all. Again. Christopher. How can she possibly deal with Christopher? She hasn’t seen him since that night fourteen years ago. She has resisted the temptation to track him down and kill him all these years. In her more violent fantasies, she goes back and forth between collapsing his skull with a baseball bat and a shovel. She is pretty sure he is still living in Asheville. Google tells all. She decides not to think about him for now. Wherever she is, he is going to be a problem and she won’t let him keep her from anyt
hing she wants or anywhere she wants to be. He had six minutes of power over her life and she won’t allow him a single moment of power over her, ever again.

  She leans into the keyboard willing her fingers to make the decision for her.

  Dad.

  That’s as far as she gets before Marina comes in and hands over her cell phone.

  “Thanks. Can we talk?” Victoria asks.

  “More?” Marina whines.

  “Not about Callum, something else,” Victoria smooths Marina’s long bangs and pulls her to sit down on the couch. Victoria resists the temptation to pull her baby girl into her lap. Thirteen is a funny age, still her little girl but almost a woman. Marina has been less and less affectionate these last months. The good night snuggle has become a perfunctory hug and a “close my door.” And that hurts.

  The older Marina gets, the more Victoria feels a void growing between them. Secrets start as little seeds and then grow like cancer. There is so much Victoria never wants Marina to know. Going to Asheville won’t make that any better.

  “This is going to sound a little odd, but I got an email from my father.”

  Marina sits up straight, her full attention on her mother. Victoria looks into her beautiful girl’s face, she has her grandfather’s eyes. They should probably go. She can’t keep Marina from him any longer. Victoria suddenly questions her decision to keep them apart all these years, but she isn’t apologizing for it. He wanted her to have an abortion. He wanted her to let Christopher get away with it. Her father got half of his wishes. Christopher got away free and clear. Victoria wanted to have his ass hauled off to prison.

  “My grandfather?” Marina asks, wide-eyed with shock. Her face is changing, thinning out. She is losing her little girl face so fast.

  “Yeah. He wants us to come to Asheville. To live with him.”

  Marina is confused. “I thought you hated your family.”

  Victoria feels a sharp stab of regret for how she has talked about her family over the years. “Hate is a strong word. I was really angry for a long time. Maybe too long. I’m not angry anymore.”

  “Why?” Marina asks.

  “You know all of this.” Victoria has dodged this question again and again.

  Marina frowns. “I don’t really know anything.”

  Victoria gives her the same abridged version she has been giving for years. “After my Mother died, my Dad and I didn’t get along. At all. It was really, really bad. I had you and then I left.”

  “Was he mad you had me?” Marina asks, looking young and vulnerable and Victoria just wants to protect her from the world and everyone in it.

  “No, no no,” Victoria protests. “It was other things. None of which matter a lick now. He is getting older and his heart is failing. He wants to see us. He really wants to get to know you.”

  “Do you talk to him?” Marina asks.

  “Not really. We email occasionally and I send him pictures of you. He has been wanting to see us for a long time.”

  “Why didn’t we see him before?” Marina asks.

  Victoria has no good answer. “I’ve been stubborn Marina. I don’t think I did the right thing keeping him out of our lives. It’s time to change that.”

  “Is he mean? Did he like beat you?” Marina asks with wide eyes.

  Victoria does pull her daughter into her lap then. “No Marina! It was nothing like that. He is a good man. He was a wonderful father to me. He never laid a hand on me. He coached my soccer team. He taught me how to read the stars like a sailor. He took me camping. I can start a fire with sticks. Did you know that? He gave me everything. He did everything for me.” Victoria hears the unspoken then why did you leave him? “After my mom died… it was so sudden. Things went bad.”

  “Can’t we just visit him?” Marina asks.

  “We can do whatever we want. Or nothing at all,” Victoria pulls her daughter close. All this remembering opens old wounds.

  Marina finally says “He’s sick. He needs you.”

  Victoria feels the tears sting behind her eyes. She won’t let them go though, not in front of Marina anyway. “What about your school? Your friends? Park City? And Marina, we don’t have to decide right now. We can take some time on this.”

  Marina’s twists her mouth side to side while she considers her answer. “I think we should go soon. We could both use a new place.”

  “Are you sure? Tell me why.”

  Marina shrugs, tears filling her blue eyes.

  “Marina you don’t have to punish yourself for what happened with Callum. Punishment is my responsibility, not yours.”

  “I want to go Mom. It will be good for me. For you too.”

  “Why me?”

  “Well he is your Dad.”

  “Okay, why else,” Victoria asks.

  “Mom aren’t you a little lonely?” Marina’s words makes Victoria’s breath catch. You never think your kids are emotionally evaluating you, even judging you, until it’s too late.

  “I have you sweetie,” Victoria says slowly. “I’m not lonely at all.”

  “A man Mom. Lonely for a man?”

  “Oh shush, you don’t know a thing about anything.” Victoria laughs awkwardly

  “Mom, I’m going away to college in four and a half years,” Marina tries to reason.

  Victoria bites back the words that Marina is going nowhere past the local community college with her current grades.

  “I don’t really want to leave my mommy alone,” Marina says with a sad puppy, pouty face.

  “You think about these things?” Victoria similes, but she is shocked, and not in a good way. Marina feels needed and that can’t be good for a kid. Victoria is providing no healthy example of a male/female relationship. Marina has nothing to model. How is Marina ever going to have a healthy relationship of her own?

  “Callum.” Marina says simply.

  “On no you don’t, young lady,” Victoria says to end the conversation. This is going nowhere fast. If and when she does bring a man into their lives, it won’t be some over the top, hot, British, unemployed playboy. He’s a terrific bestie and a lot of fun to look at, but she can’t imagine there is a lot of substance there.

  “Marina, if you are absolutely sure, I’ll send your Granddad a note. He’ll be lucky to have you,” Victoria hesitates voicing her next thought. “Marina, I want you to do something else for me. Call Lacey and offer to babysit for free tonight. She does a lot of nice for us and you can use your time to help others. Give her a night out with her girlfriends.”

  Marina starts to argue but doesn’t bother.

  “How about I make some dinner for you and Callum before I go? I saw a good recipe for a Barefoot Contessa stew that looks pretty easy. We still have some of that nice bread?”

  “Marina, I’m not kicking you out so I can have a quiet evening alone with Callum. This isn’t a damn date! Marina that is not happening.” Even as she says it, Victoria knows it probably is happening but very short term. She just might treat herself to a quickie or two on his way out the door.

  Marina shrugs and goes to call Lacey.

  After the lonely sponge bath, Callum falls asleep. He startles awake to a knock at his door. The evening sun is deserting his room and darkness is taking over. As always, he takes a moment to remember where he is.

  “Come in,” he finally says and Victoria ducks her head in the door.

  “You up? I was afraid you’d be up all night if I let you sleep any later.” She comes in and feels his head for a fever. He is sleeping a lot, but his head is cool. Can I change your bandage? I want to check your incision.”

  He points to the bandages and tape in the bathroom and pushes off the blankets. He is almost regretful that he is wearing shorts as opposed to his usual nothing for sleepy time, but he can’t be in a house with a young girl, sleeping in the buff. Disappointingly professional in manner, Victoria removes the bandages and examines his wound.

  “It looks good. You heal quickly.” She points her index
finger high on his thigh. “What’s this?”

  He glances at the faint, old scar at the top of his inner thigh. There are three parallel lines, the center is about an inch long and jagged, the outer two are longer and straight. Jesus he had almost forgotten.

  “If you shrug, I think I might just punch you,” she says.

  He smiles at her. She is pretty. “Just old scars. Nothing interesting.”

  “You’re a little quiet. Feeling okay?” Victoria asks, letting the scars drop.

  He isn’t entirely okay. “I’m dreaming a lot. I feel like I’m remembering everything that has ever happened to me,” he says joylessly. “Things I haven’t thought of in years.” Suddenly the scars itch.

  “Anesthesia can do strange things to your head. Not to mention the pain and the meds. And the laying here. You are usually a fairly active guy, I’d imagine. Anything you want to talk about?” she asks.

  “God no.” The smile he shares is forced. Daisy and Laila have invaded his thoughts and he doesn’t understand why. He’d rather forget that time in his life. That summer changed him and he was never like other boys his own age again. Other boys had first kisses and first loves. They went to dances and movies and got to first base and then second base and eventually had sex. It was never like that for Callum. He spent his life trying to recreate what he had with Daisy and Laila. Marina is just a year younger than he was when that all started. She is nothing more than a child.

  “Want some dinner?” Victoria asks. “It’s just you and me tonight, Marina is next door babysitting.”

  Interesting, he thinks, pleased for a diversion from his thoughts.

  “Not just yet. I need to wake up for a moment. Sit and tell me about yourself.”

  She sits, a little reluctantly, at his side on the bed.

  “Who are you Victoria?” He leans back into the pillows and studies her hard. Now that he is more clearheaded, he can judge her better. She crosses her legs, resting a thigh against his good leg. She says a few sentences. Something about nursing school at The University of Utah and a physician’s office and bartending. He doesn’t hear much of it because he is enjoying the weight of her thigh on his leg. That slight pressure is very enticing. While he isn’t up for any actual activities of a sexual sort, a little pet and flirt keeps things interesting.