Sex, Lies, & Family Vacations

by Leslie Langtry

  I crushed the urge to laugh again. "Yes. I am. I mean, we are." That sounded brilliant. "But you started it," I blurted. Why, I was a regular Daniel Webster, wasn't I?

  Mike clenched his fists, "What?! How do you figure?"

  "You both abandoned us. You two have been carrying on an affair with your jobs for so long, you didn't even realize how lonely we were." Alan? Hello, Alan? Why wasn't he saying anything?

  "You whore!" Susan shook violently. "How do we know that you two didn't plan to meet here months ago?"

  Alan stood between me and his wife. "Now, Susan, you know that's not true."

  "Do I? DO I?" She exploded in a fit of sobbing.

  "If we didn't work so hard, you wouldn't have been able to afford this trip." Mike's voice had gone back to calm.

  "Let's face it, Mike…I lost you to your job a long time ago. You didn't want to spend time with me or the kids as much as you wanted to close the next deal. You slept with three women at work and carried on affairs with them. And I gave up caring about our marriage as a result."

  "Is that how you feel, Alan?" Susan looked at her husband, and my stomach crashed around my ankles. I felt bad enough about Mike, but breaking up another marriage made me feel queasy.

  Alan nodded quietly. "It's the same for us too, Susan. You should know that."

  Mike finally lost it. "I don't fucking believe this! Susan and I worked our asses off while you two went at it like dogs in heat. And in front of our children!"

  "Now wait a goddamn minute." I was pissed. "The kids know nothing. We haven't done anything in front of them, and we always stayed in separate rooms!"

  "Yeah, but you had a babysitter!" Mike's face turned a frightening shade of purple. "Who knows what you did then?"

  "Would you mind keeping your voice down?" Alan whispered violently. "The kids are napping, and we don't want anyone to call security."

  "I can't believe you, you, bastard!" Susan's sobbing became muffled. "Cheating on me after all I've done for you!"

  "It's not like we planned it…" Alan began, but she cut him off.

  "Oh, like it was fate or something like that?"

  "Well, wouldn't you say the odds are against it that we would end up side by side, in the same circumstances, after all these years?" Alan's voice was soothing toward his wife.

  "Jesus, Laura! Are you going to throw our whole marriage away for some nostalgic fling?" While Susan applied guilt, Mike played the rational card.

  I pulled myself up to my full height. "I'm not just reliving my college years, Michael. Alan and I really have something meaningful here."

  Susan's weeping stopped. "You really think this is true love? You're just fooling yourselves! Inside these walls, it's all fantasy. Outside is the real world! What you have is built on the fantasy, not reality!" Mike nodded in agreement.

  Alan shook his head. "No, Susan, what you and I have is not real. It's the pretense of a marriage. But in all honesty, your legal briefs mean more to you than me and the kids."

  I took his hand. "It's over. And we're sorry."

  The four of us just stood there, looking at one another. Would they accept it?

  Apparently not. Mike threw a punch that caught Alan on the jaw, and the two of them fell to the floor, rolling around like a couple of eight-year olds. Susan and I just stood there in shock, watching them. For an uncomfortable moment, I was afraid she would throw down on me, but to her credit, she didn't. We just stood there, slack-jawed. For five minutes, the two men became boys, repeatedly punching each other. I had no idea what to do or which one to pull off the other. I had slept with both men.

  Slowly I turned my attention to Susan. She was a beautiful woman, carefully manicured, with long, golden hair and dressed in expensive clothes. I stood there in my polo shirt, shorts, and Keds. Her white-knuckled hands gripped her suitcase. She didn't deserve this. She thought she'd done the right thing. Maybe she thought that every time she left her family to go to work. Certainly, she didn't think she was leaving them vulnerable to an affair. In a matter of moments, her life had gone down in flames in front of her. And she hadn't seen it coming. Not by a long shot.

  Inexplicably, I wanted to comfort her. Her thick, light hair created the illusion of a halo. Of course, that only added to my guilt. How did all this happen? I've ruined her life. Wait! Didn't SHE ruin her life? Confusion swirled in my brain. That's when I realized that this wouldn't be an easy mess to untangle. And her halo-hair was damned disturbing.

  Alan and I had chosen our paths, and it was the path of penultimate destruction. For a moment, I savored those words. We decided to do this. After all, there was my lover, embroiled in a fistfight with my husband. Two men fighting over me. Wasn't that every woman's fantasy?

  But the fantasy was tainted by Susan's sorrow. No matter what they'd done to deserve us leaving them, we'd loved them once. Even had children with them.

  "Stop it right now!" I heard my I've-had-it mommy voice shouting at the two on the floor. "Do you want someone to call security?" Alan and Mike froze, then slowly took their hands off each other and rose to their feet, brushing themselves off.

  Both men sported a few bruises and a little blood, but they looked reasonably unharmed.

  "We can talk about this if you want to, but no more fighting!" My mommy voice thundered in my throat.

  "My mind is made up, Susan," Alan said softly. "I'm leaving you, and I want custody of the kids."

  And that was it. Alan's statement slapped the cement like one of those giant boulders that fell on people in 1970's variety shows.

  "Mike," I said calmly, "I'm leaving you, and I want custody of the children."

  "But Laura…" he began.

  I brought my hands up to stop him, "No 'but's.' Our minds are made up. You can have the house, the cars, and the furniture, anything you want. I just want the kids."

  "This can't be happening!" Susan appeared to be talking to herself more than to us, "I can't believe this is happening!"

  Alan looked torn, as if he wanted to take his wife in his arms and comfort her. I held back the tears that waited behind my eyes. Why was it their situation that made me want to cry? Shouldn't I be crying over my marriage?

  "It is," Alan said simply. "Like Laura, I just want the kids. You can have whatever else you want."

  "Oh my God." Mike said.

  "I'm sorry you had to find out like this," Alan said. "We really wanted to talk to you about this when we got home. It never occurred to us that you two would come out here."

  I had nothing to add to that, so I just nodded. Apologizing seemed idiotic. The two of them had traveled halfway across the country to find out their marriages were over. But that's all we had, so that's what they got.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  The door closed behind us with an audible click. Alan and I leaned against it as if holding it shut against barbarian hordes. Mike and Susan left after threatening us with everything in their arsenal, but it was over.

  Alan pulled me against his chest, and I wept in his arms. Relief washed over me. It was over. The sword of Damocles would no longer hang over our heads. I didn't even know if I was happy or sad. Fortunately, my brain was on autopilot, keeping my lungs and heart working, and that's all I cared about.

  "Should we tell the kids," Alan whispered in my ear, his warm breath sending a tingling sensation throughout my body.

  I kissed him, my tongue exploring his. "Not just yet…" I managed to say between kisses, "not yet."

  The kids slept soundly, but in both rooms. I couldn't stop touching him, kissing him. All I wanted was to make love to him immediately. Alan must have felt the same way because in a few moments we were locked in my bathroom tearing our clothes off.

  "Now I have you all to myself," he growled roughly between kisses. "You are mine, Laura… completely and utterly mine."

  Every time he touched me, I could feel his need to possess me. Shocks of recognition sparked from his fingertips to my flesh. I gave in to him completely, for th
e first time. All feeling of apprehension slid to the floor, and my body responded to his with ferocity. Within moments we were spent, the cool tiles against our backs as perspiration bathed our skin.

  Later that night, we slept in separate beds, but it felt as though Alan was with me. I slept more soundly than I had in months.

  * * *

  "Good morning, my love." Alan's voice drifted into my mind, waking me. The windows were open, filling the room with sunlight. Four kids raced around in their pajamas, giggling hysterically.

  I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, wondering if it was all real. "Did yesterday really happen? Are they gone?"

  Alan caressed my face with his thumb. "It wasn't a dream. They know."

  I sat up suddenly. Mike and Susan understood that our marriages were over. In little more than a week, I went from being the wife of one man, to the fiancée of another. Did this happen to everyone here?

  Clara, Rory, Alice, and Jack had merged seamlessly into a family. But they didn't know that their lives were about to change. How could we tell them? The girls chatted happily, and the boys played pirates. They were so happy together. Maybe it was best to let them have this time before life as they knew it turned inside out.

  We dressed quickly and headed for the main park. We had breakfast reservations at the castle. Alan and I smiled at each other on the bus, his hand squeezing mine intermittently. As we sat at our table, various characters joined us, making over the kids as if they were royalty.

  I looked at Alan, and together we reached for our cell phones, turning them to vibrate. Everything we did that morning felt like it was the first time. On this trip we had visited this particular park three times, but today felt like the first. All feelings of guilt left me, and I focused on my new family. My new family. I had come to Florida on vacation, exchanged husbands, and gained two children. Despite all the insanity, I had a wonderful time, and we still had a few more days.

  I was still grinning like an idiot, when I glanced at the phone that vibrated on my hip. "It's Mike…" my voice trailed off, and the happiness faded, replaced with doubt.

  Alan frowned. "Don't answer it. We're finally having a good time after all that…" He rolled his right hand in the air, swiveling at the wrist. "Stress."

  Something formed in the pit of my stomach, irritating and restless. I was afraid that if I didn't take the call, I'd have a pearl there before long.

  "Hello?" I spoke softly into the phone.

  "Laura." The connection was clear. Mike must have just gotten home, and he sounded tired. "I need to talk to you."

  "Can't this wait until we get back?" The skin on the back of my neck began to tingle, like that spiky, cold feeling you get when your foot falls asleep. Can your neck even fall asleep?

  "I didn't go back. I'm still here, and I need to talk to you."

  Alan's eyes searched mine. I answered Mike, "Where?"

  "Meet me at the Big Hat Cafe in one hour." The phone went dead in my hand. My husband had hung up on me.

  "What's going on?" Alan's face had darkened with concern.

  "He's here." I licked my lips slowly, allowing that to sink in. "And he wants to meet me."

  "Don't go."

  "No." I struggled against myself. I really wanted to take Alan's advice. "I have to deal with this and end it once and for all."

  Alan looked off into the distance, as if he could see through all the buildings and plants, to the other park, into the bar where I would meet Mike soon.

  "It'll be alright," I soothed, "I'll just explain it to him again."

  He shook his head. "I'm going with you."

  I raised my hands in front of myself, "No. I have to do this alone, and I can't have you and Mike slugging away at each other in front of the kids. You take the kids to the Big Bear show. I'll meet you after."

  Seeing that he couldn't change my mind, he nodded with resignation. I didn't even have the courage to smile as I walked away. And I certainly didn't tell him that I had the feeling I was walking into a trap.

  * * *

  As the waiter showed me to a table for two in the back, I could feel Mike's eyes on me. He was watching me from somewhere, but I couldn't see him. Suddenly, it felt like a bad episode of Mission Impossible.

  I settled in, ordering an iced tea, waiting for the onslaught to come. Perspiration slid down the length of my right arm. I hate that. I absolutely hate to sweat. My heart beat violently. Where the hell is he? Was this part of his plan—to make me wait in terror? If it was, I had to admire him. I was terrified.

  I think I realized what had happened before I saw who was actually sitting across from me. It wasn't Mike but Susan who sat down. For a moment, I thought that was very clever of Mike. Now I faced the wife, and this time I was sure she could hear my heart slamming against my ribs.

  "Don't go," she said, which I thought was funny since I seemed to be rooted to my chair. Every instinct toward fight or flight betrayed me. Had they installed special chairs to hold adulterers fast so they could be interrogated by cuckolded spouses? That didn't even make sense. Maybe I was finally going mad. Actually, that would be a relief.

  Susan spoke. "I don't want this to be a violent confrontation, but Mike and I have been talking and we decided you had to hear us out. Okay?"

  I nodded like an idiot, still hermetically sealed to my seat. Mike and Susan were talking? I guess that made sense, after all, they did arrive and leave together. But the Mission Impossible theme song kept running through my mind. I wished I had some explosive gum to throw at a large aquarium to make my escape. But there I was, not Tom Cruise, no aquarium, and no explosive gum. Damn it.

  She waved a beautifully manicured hand, "This isn't real, you know."

  Well, duh, I knew that. I mean, I did understand that. It may have taken me a few days, but I figured it out.

  "Mike and I made a serious mistake in not joining our families on this trip. We know that now."

  Was she joking? Did she really think that she could apologize for both of them, and we'd just jump right back into their arms? And why wouldn't my lips move?

  "What you and Alan have isn't real." She sat back. Apparently, that was the extent of the logical argument. I was beginning to question her expertise as an attorney. "Mike really loves you. I, on the other hand, have had it with Alan. It will be me that follows through with the divorce, not him."

  "What? Why?" My voice had been relocated and forced through dry lips. My body, however, continued to betray me.

  Susan took a sip from her coffee cup and then placed it perfectly in the center of the saucer. I looked. No lipstick mark on the cup. Damn, she was good. Maybe she was Tom Cruise.

  Susan answered me, "I'm sick of his philandering." Susan smiled, bemused as my jaw dropped open. "Laura, surely you didn't think you were the first woman Alan cheated with."

  "Actually," I said a bit too flippantly, "I was the first woman Alan cheated on."

  It took a sliver of a moment to realize that Susan didn't know this. For a few seconds, the flawless veneer cracked. I decided to play offense. "Alan told me he stopped fooling around after me, and I believe him."

  "Then you're a bigger idiot than I first imagined." Susan's words hit me like little darts piercing the skin. "Because I'm sick of the affairs. I'm getting out of the marriage, and if I were you," she said as she leaned over the table, "I'd go back to that darling husband of yours and beg his forgiveness." She rose, tossed a ten dollar bill on the table, and left.

  My body slumped against the table, and I rested my forehead against the cool surface. Had Alan lied to me, or was Susan just trying to chase me off? On the one hand, why should I believe her? But on the other hand, she seemed genuinely shocked to discover that his infidelity began with me all those years ago. The information crashed like tsunami waves inside me.

  It took a few minutes to lift my head, only to find that my husband now sat across from me. How long had he been there? People were slipping into that seat with the stealth of practiced secr
et agents. No, I was definitely not Tom Cruise.

  "Laura," he began slowly, "I want you back. I'm willing to forgive you if you can forgive me."

  "What the hell are you talking about?" I wanted to sound forceful, really I did. I wanted to show rage at his setting me up like this. Instead, my voice sounded squeaky and weak.

  "I know this is my fault," he said, his eyes gazing into mine, "and I'm willing to get counseling, do whatever it takes."

  "Are you willing to quit your job? Can you unfuck those women?" Ha! Take that Mr. Phelps!

  Mike leaned back, "I don't think that's relevant. I can cut back a little on being gone so much. I already told you I'd stop cheating, and I won't miss another family trip ever, but quitting seems a little extreme."

  The crazy glue must have timed out, because I was finally able to rise to my feet. "You'd rather sacrifice your marriage than your job. I see. Good-bye Mike." And I walked out, never looking back.

  You might think I was either confident or brave to walk out on him. But the truth was that inside I was trembling. I knew now, without a doubt, that my marriage was over…unsalvageable…kaput. But I also began to doubt my feelings for Alan.

  I shook my head to clear it. No! Susan was lying. She had to be. After all, I would say those things if I were in her shoes, plant the seeds of doubt. Of course she lied. Didn't she?

  But the look on her face seemed so genuine, so sincere when I told her that Alan had cheated on me all those years ago. Oh brother! I rolled my eyes at myself (which, by the way, is very hard to do). I didn't blame Alan for not telling her about that. I wouldn't have told Mike if I cheated on someone else. Then the irony of that thought struck me.

  Was she telling the truth? How would I approach it with Alan? A glance at my watch told me they would be out of the show in a few minutes. I reached the exit and sat down on a bench, oblivious to all around me. My brain played ping pong with the information. Alan was a serial cheater and liar. Susan was lying to hurt me. Which was it? Poor Susan. She had every right to hate me, even lie to me.