by J Bree
He scoffs and slides his leather jacket back on without his shirt. He’s pulled his jeans back on and in one word, he looks fucking edible.
Avery elbows me. “You’re drooling, Mounty.”
I blush a little but shoot her a grin. “Can’t help it. Nothing better than a little blood.”
She finally cracks a smile, shaking her head at me entirely. I tuck my arm in hers and frown at the guys, all of them gravitating towards the bar. “If you want a drink then we can go someplace else. I have a friend with a bar that’s less… Jackal-filled.”
They nod and we head out.
Chapter Twelve
Ash and Blaise get fucking hammered.
We go to an old favorite of mine on the other side of the docks, where Illi has friends and I know we’ll instantly have backup if we need it. Harley slowly drinks his beers but he’s experienced enough that they barely take off the edge, and Avery sips at a margarita for an hour before declaring herself done. I have another whiskey and then stick to planning quietly in the corner booth with her. When the bartender comes over to ask if we need him to extend his hours for the night I wave him off and collect my wasted family. Harley grabs Ash, leaving Blaise to Avery and I.
Once we’re out in the cold night air, he tucks his face into my throat and breathes me in. I huff at him and he starts to ramble mindlessly, “You’re so perfect Star. You’re everything.”
Avery rolls her eyes and ducks under his other arm, propping him up and helping take the weight of him off of my bad leg. “You’re so fucking wasted you wouldn’t know who you were professing your undying love to. You were just telling Ash you’d be lost without him.”
Blaise looks over at her with a frown. “I don’t love anyone else, Star is fucking it for me. She’s everything. I see her face every-fucking-where I go. Why do you have to be such a bitch about it? I’m with Ash; we should fucking gut Atticus for being such a miserable cock to you. Maybe you should fuck him and see if that cheers you up.”
He’s not even making any sense, just blurting out random crap, but Avery is not in a forgiving mood. “Why are you all so fucking hung up on who’s in my bed? I kept my mouth shut about the revolving fucking door during freshman year.”
Aaaaand now I wanna puke.
Blaise frowns at me and gives me his most morose eyes. “I’m sorry Star.”
I shake my head and smile at him. “I know. It doesn’t matter. Let’s just get you back before you need to puke.”
He groans and mumbles sweet nothings at me until we get to the car. Harley eases Ash in with a surprising amount of care, but Avery just drops Blaise entirely. He stumbles and body checks me into the side of the car. Harley growls at him, and Avery, but I’m barely winded. It’s fine. Totally fine.
Avery shoots me an apologetic look and huffs, slipping into the front seat and crossing her arms. I slide in and wait for Blaise to collapse in behind me. I get the seatbelts on Ash and myself, then lean forward to Avery and whisper, “You should tell Atticus we had a great night. Tell him Ash won his fight, the Viper is on our side, and we had a great night drinking with Illi’s friends.”
The corners of her lips tip up, but she still doesn’t look like my badass best friend. Fucking Atticus.
The drive is quiet, thank fuck, and Harley drives much less erratically than Blaise. When we get back to Hannaford, Harley manages to carry Ash back to the rooms on his own, and Avery and I stumble underneath the weight of Blaise once again. When I wince as we finally make it up to the top of the staircase Harley snarls about the drunken brat and I give him a wry smile.
Avery has mellowed out enough to laugh and joke with us, even going as far to offer to babysit the unconscious idiots for us to have the night to ourselves. The grin I give her is bright and relieved and lasts about three seconds before I see the box waiting for us at the door.
I’ve had another head delivered.
Whoever is sending these boxes was at the Dive tonight with us.
I stare at the Jackal’s man with my phone wedged between my ear and my shoulder, keeping my hands free as I write lists from memory of who the hell was there tonight. None of my options make sense.
“Kid, you should have called me for backup,” Illi grumbles, and I try to ignore the guilt starting up in my gut.
“We had it under control, and Odie needs you. Do you have time for a pickup?”
He grunts out a yes and I hear his car start before he hangs up. I drop the phone and look back at my list. It’s not really anything.
Harley comes over and hands me a beer, knocking back his own as he catches my hand in his. “You forgot something. There were bikers there. If we listen to what the Crow says then maybe the Boar is protecting you. Maybe he is your dad.”
I shudder at the thought. “Well, this isn’t making my life better, it’s making shit harder. If he feels guilty for not being around then he should man up and come fucking talk to me.”
Avery calls out from the kitchen, where she refuses to leave while the head is present, “Actually it makes me think he really is your father. He’d have to admit he was wrong about lying to your mother and men usually have the emotional range of a fork.”
Even Harley nods at that little nugget of wisdom.
When Illi finally arrives, Avery has gone back to our room to scrub the night from her body and pass out, leaving Harley and I in the boys’ room by ourselves with the head.
Illi ignores the head, completely disinterested in it now we have some semblance of a lead. “Bikers? You didn’t catch their names? Did you at least see a patch? There’s at least three clubs that frequent that place.”
I groan and shake my head. “I know pretty much nothing about how MC’s work, Illi. Is there anyone you can ask?”
He nods and looks around. “Where’s Beaumont? I was going to congratulate him on his fight. I’ve already heard it was brutal.”
Harley smirks and shrugs. “He celebrated a little too hard. He’s sleeping it off with Avery and the other dickhead.”
Illi chuckles and tugs at his leather jacket. “It’s good, he’s broken the assumption that the Wolf chose you guys because you’re pretty, not because you’re good backup. There’s a lot of the Jackal’s men who are now hesitating about coming after you.”
I let out a breath and roll my shoulders back like a weight I didn’t know I was carrying has lifted. “Thanks Illi. Thanks for coming out here.”
He smirks. “No worries kid. I guess this is my way of paying my dues. I heard O’Cronin isn’t too happy about handing over his.”
Fuck. No, he isn’t. He tried to get out of it and it was only after I called him to tell him I’d be sending the Butcher in after him that he paid up. I don’t think any of the members of the Twelve really give a fuck anymore about the way things are supposed to be, not with the war that’s brewing, but we can’t afford to take on anymore bullshit than what we already have.
“I’ll let you know when I have a lead on the bikers. Any chances this is your daddy’s work?” Illi asks with a chuckle as he grabs the box. I try not to gag at the thought.
Harley gives him a warning look but Illi only laughs harder.
Once the door is shut and locked behind him, Harley tugs me into the bathroom, stripping us both off and climbing into the shower behind me. I sigh under the hot stream of water and lean back into his arms.
“I don’t need a father,” I mumble, and Harley kisses my neck.
“At least he’d be better than the other two. Killing your enemies is a sweet gesture, helpful and just psycho enough for us to be sure you’re actually related.”
I snort at him and let him soap me up, his hands wandering over all his favorite places and lingering long enough that I’m panting by the time he shuts the water off. He is less impatient, wrapping me in one of his huge towels and drying me off. I’m shivering and trembling, desperate and needy, but he looks almost unaffected.
I mutter this at him and he scoffs at me.
“
Can’t I just take care of you sometimes? I hate hearing about this guy that might be your dad, makes me pissed and fucking twitchy. I’m distracting myself so I don’t drive down to the Bay and beat the fucker.”
I think about the Boar and how fucking massive his men are, and yet I’d put money of Harley in that fight. I think half the Mounties in the Bay would back my guys now too.
Harley chuckles at me. “You’re thinking about the fight again, aren’t you? Your eyes do this glazed over thing that would make me jealous as all fuck if I didn’t see them doing it about me all the fucking time too.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Yes, I get it; I’m fucking damaged. But I love that you all can hold your own. I love that you can fight and hurt and kill when you need to. It makes me feel less… alone. And it’s hot as fuck.”
His chest rumbles and he picks me up by my thighs, carrying me back into the bedroom buck-ass naked and I swear to God, I fucking giggle. Ugh. He cackles at the sound I make and throws me onto the bed.
“Guess I’ll need to take good care of you tonight then, babe.”
I guess he does.
We go down to the dining hall the next morning for breakfast because Avery and Ash are still arguing. Ash and Blaise both eat the greasiest foods they can find on the menu, hungover and grouchy as fuck, and Harley enjoying talking shit at them.
I take the list of people who were at the Dive with us down and read it over and over again as if the answer to the boxes will jump out at me. I zone the conversations out completely and it’s only when Harley nudges my foot with his that I startle to find them all staring at me.
“How do you survive in the Bay if you’re so unaware of shit?” Blaise grumbles under his breath, and I cut him a glare.
“I’m not unaware when I’m there. I trust you guys enough to block you out when you’re talking shit. What’s up?”
Avery sighs and slides her phone over to me. Atticus has sent more information about my ghost of a father and instructions to attend a meeting during the fall break. Great. Just what I fucking need. No wonder Ash looks like he’s going to start stabbing people in the eye with his fucking fork.
“You don’t have to come. I can take Illi and one of the guys, leave you and the other two back at the ranch,” I murmur, and she shakes her head.
“Ash just needs to get the fuck over himself and stop doubting me. I’m not a fucking child,” she replies, just loud enough for everyone to hear and the bullshit to start up again.
I dig back into my granola. I hate it but I’m trying to make better food choices because I’m starting to get worried I won’t fit into my booty shorts for much longer. I made the stupid mistake of mentioning it to Harley and he snarled at me. Apparently my ass looks great with the steady diet of ice cream and French toast. Who’d have thought it?
We finish up and head back to our rooms, everyone blowing off their extracurriculars to catch up on homework and sleep off their hangovers. Blaise slings an arm over my shoulder and rubs his cheek on the top of my head. I smile like a crazy woman and just enjoy the feel of him, even if he does still kind of smell like stale beer and whiskey. It’s not so bad.
Avery and Ash don’t stop snarling at each other the whole way back. Harley eventually shoves his way in-between them and becomes like a freaking brick wall. Avery rolls her eyes but cuts her shit out. Ash is harder to deter but Harley just gives him a haughty look, the asshole golden god himself.
When we get back I move straight to our room, ready for the boys to go back to their room and give me some study time but they all tag along. Blaise grumbles at me when I tug away from him and head straight to my bed where all of my homework has been spread out for me to look at. The stack of information from the Crow is sitting there too, haphazardly piled and rifled through.
“Where did all of this come from?” Harley murmurs as he shifts the pages around. I shrug, because the Crow always did have thousands of informants, but Avery gets this twitchy look on her face that sets Ash off.
“What the fuck has he done now?” he snaps, and I’m seriously about to walk out. I’ll just grab my homework and head to the library, fuck this shit.
Avery crosses her arms and gives me a look. “Luca. The Jackal had been looking into your background and digging through everything to do with you. This is everything he has on you, Luca contacted one of his guys who’s still on the inside and got it sent through.”
I nod, impressed with Luca but also sick to my fucking stomach at being reminded once again at just how badly the Jackal is obsessed with me. I swallow and get back to reading. It’s not that much really, except there’s a whole fucking dossier about the ‘training’ I had been put through that I’d literally rather stab my own eyes out than read. Or, fuck, let anyone else read. When I move to stash it Blaise frowns at me.
“What the fuck is that?” he snaps, and I look down at the photo on the front.
Me. Fourteen, covered in bruises, booty shorts and a bralette that covered what little tits I had back then. The scars on my back still taped up and a blank sort of look is on my face. I look like a trauma victim and, yup, that’s exactly what I was. That’s exactly what… I am.
“Just leave it. You don’t need to read it, none of you do.” I say, but of course that’s not good enough. None of them like secrets.
It takes me a second to decide what I’m going to do, lie or talk about it. I choose the third option; run.
When Harley comes over to stand behind Blaise and glare I shove the file at them and stalk off to the shower. I hesitate at the door and then speak without looking back at them, “I’m not talking about it. Any of it. Just read it and then keep your mouths shut.”
I don’t lock the door, too flustered and angry, and I strip off to climb into the shower, shoving my head under the hot water. If I could drown myself here I probably fucking would, just to get away from having to face everyone knowing all of the little broken parts of me. Having the general and vague details aired was bad enough, having the torture logs written out by the Jackal is just fucking bad.
After I’ve finally found enough energy to wash my hair and I’m rinsing it out, the bathroom door opens and I try not to sigh. I expect it to be Avery or Harley, maybe Ash if he’s angry enough at what he’s found, but instead Blaise hops up to sit on the bathroom countertop, his phone in one hand and our shared iPod in the other.
I raise an eyebrow at him and he grins at me lasciviously. “Harley and Ash have gone down to the gym to beat on each other. Avery needs a break from us all so she decided to go to her dance class after all.”
I snort at him and shut the water off, grabbing my towel and stepping out. His eyes drop down to my wet naked body and I roll my eyes at him. “So the file scared them all off? Why aren’t you running away from my damage?”
He tugs the towel away from me, stopping me from drying off, and then grabs my hips to pull me to his chest. “They’re not scared. They’re trying to distract themselves from running down to the Bay and killing the Jackal today, now, for what he’s done. You never told me it was that bad, Star. You never told me he was torturing you.”
His voice is steady enough but the look in his eyes makes me want to die. Even my nakedness can’t distract him.
“And why aren’t you trying to go avenge me then?”
He strokes my hair back with his colorful hands, the stars moving and flexing on his fingers like they’re alive. “I don’t need to avenge you. I need to follow you down to the Jackal’s fucked up den then watch you slit his throat until he chokes to death on his own blood. I need to watch you get your justice, and your freedom, because it’s not mine to take away from you.”
My heart flutters in my chest. “What if I don’t want to kill him? What if… I can’t?”
His smirk is like a knife’s edge. “Then I’ll love every second of doing it for you, Star. I’ve never slit a man’s throat before, I’d be pretty fucking happy with him being my first.”
We enjoy the room to ours
elves for the rest of the day.
Blaise bitches me out for being so far ahead in our classwork but still being so fucking terrified of being left behind. I bitch him out for slacking when really, he’s been doing fucking amazingly. We talk about his mother, just a little, and I try my best to not get all stabby about it.
He rolls his eyes at the faces I pull. “At least she’s left the dickhead. If she really didn’t care about me then she would have just fucking stayed with him and I’d never have met Blaire.”
I swallow the giant gulp of coffee I take to try to stop myself from having to answer but he just raises an eyebrow at me like a dick.
“She’s a shit mother. If she cared, she would have left him the second she realized he didn’t really love you, just the idea of a son to follow in his footsteps,” I mumble, shifting the pages around on my bed again and avoiding his eyes. Fuck me, I hate all of this emotional talk and who the hell was I to give my opinions on mothers? I mean, mine didn’t give a fuck about me my entire fucking life.
I guess that made me an expert on shit mothering.
“I don’t care about me. I care about my brother. She got him out, she got him away. That’s what Alice and Iris were both trying to do for the others, they were good moms.”
Fuck.
We’re so fucked that our only yardstick for good parenting are the two women who are now gone. Killed or broken to pieces by fucking psychopaths. I feel like that doesn’t bode well.
“Well, I care about you and what your mother does to you. I care a whole fucking lot,” I mutter, still looking at the pages and trying desperately to get the fuck off of this topic.
Blaise snatches the page away from me and grins when I glare at him. “Star, you fucking love me. You told me months ago. You’re in love with me and my dick.”
Sweet merciful lord.
“I’m too emotionally damaged to comment on that. If you’re not going to fucking help me with the information then you need to quit talking,” I snap, blushing and fumbling over my words like an idiot.