by Lily Foster
“Vaguely.”
“Your father gave that to me on my birthday when we just started dating.”
I laughed. “Man, who knew he was so romantic. A teapot?”
She snapped, “It was romantic, Tom. I was a big tea drinker, even back then, and your dad was fascinated that I brewed my tea and didn’t use a teabag. He told me afterwards that he loved watching me make tea. It reminded him of being in his grandmother’s kitchen as a child.” Then she laughed as she went on, “Listening to this story myself I’m thinking it doesn’t sound like the start of a passionate affair but,” her voice went all nostalgic then, “the point is he was telling me with that gift that I was like home, familiar, and somewhere he was very happy. Get it?”
“Yeah, I get it. Now this just got a whole lot more complicated.”
“You’ll think of something, Tom.”
When I drove her back to New York I stayed with the Donovans for two days. I really enjoyed spending time with her family too. Her dad and Sarah were like how I’d want to be with my wife after being married for almost twenty years. They held hands and touched whenever they were near one another and truly seemed to enjoy spending time together.
This visit, I also got to spend time with Luke and Kate. They showed us around two sites they were renovating and flipping in the West Village. They did some beautiful work and seemed to love what they were doing. I hoped Darcy and I were going to be as happy when we got out in the “real world”.
Luke had been a little stand-offish for the first part of the day when I first met him over Thanksgiving weekend but this time he was friendly, relaxed—totally cool. I knew back then that he was doing the protective big brother thing and I was ok with that; I liked that Darcy had Caleb and Luke looking out for her. Now I was glad, though, that I’d apparently passed the test and he’d accepted me.
I knew Darcy had been struggling with making a decision about her future more and more lately. The first night I was there, she and I sat sharing a bottle of wine and she laid it all out there. “It’s just been my intention for so long. I feel this constant pressure because I’ve always had a plan. Now I’m panicking about what I’m going to do come September. I feel directionless but then I also have this nagging feeling that trudging along just isn’t right. It’s just hard to admit that after all this time…maybe I really don’t want it.”
“Darcy, I’ll be there whatever you decide to do. And if you decide that it’s not what you want, you’re not letting anyone down.”
Before going to bed on our last night together, we exchanged gifts sitting in front of her tree. I was a little nervous giving her mine. I was starting to doubt my mother’s advice and was afraid Darcy wasn’t going to get what I was trying to tell her. As she opened the small box her eyes went wide when she saw the watch. It was a pretty cool design that I actually picked out myself with a large retro-looking face and a leather strap that wrapped around the wrist twice. Just a little funky—like Darcy. “I love it, Tom!”
“Turn the face over, Darce.”
She did and then she dipped her head down for a moment before she looked back up at me with an expression I couldn’t really read. Did she understand I was telling her it was okay, she had all the time in the world? And that I wanted that time, all the time ahead of her, with me? Maybe this was too much, too soon.
“All the time in the world. Thank you, Tom.” She smiled as she moved in closer to kiss me and then whispered, “You never make me feel rushed or…worried about the future. When I’m with you I don’t feel so much pressure. I do feel like I have all the time in the world.”
Score one for Mom. I was glad I followed her advice and put some serious thought into this because if I hadn’t, Darcy’s gift would have put me to shame. We both laughed when I first opened the box and saw a watch. “Great minds think alike, huh?”
“Turn yours over, Tom.”
I took French in high school and that was my weakest subject; I was no linguist. I couldn’t make out the word. In response to my confusion she said, “Siempre. It means always,” she looked embarrassed and a little uncertain then as she went on, “or forever. I wrote it in Spanish because that year I was in Spain…you were always on my mind.”
I gently pulled her into my lap and kissed her. Could she understand how much I loved her? Those words were all I felt I had but they didn’t seem like they could possibly make her understand that she was everything—all that I’d ever need.
Chapter Seven
Darcy
If I couldn’t spend the whole vacation with Tom I was happy that at least I had my girls coming along with me. And that was a feat. When I saw the great deal on airfare I knew I could maybe convince them, even Rene. She was too proud to take anything as a gift. I knew she didn’t have it easy. I mean, I always worked five days a week all summer as a lifeguard. I felt it was my responsibility to earn my own money and never hit my dad up for spending cash. But for Rene, it was different. She wasn’t working because of her principles. We knew she didn’t have a lot of support from her family, financial or otherwise. Rene carried a full course load, an internship at a local television station, and worked as a waitress, as many shifts as she could manage. I really admired her for that. She never complained.
Caitlin was totally into a getaway but was concerned they would be putting my family out. “What about Caleb, Luke, and Kate? Is there room for all of us?” I assured them that my brothers weren’t coming. Caleb couldn’t get away from work, he said, and Luke and Kate weren’t flying; it was too close to her due date. Jenna was an easy sell and needed no convincing. She was always up for some fun in the sun and Rincon was the best. It was laid back, nothing fancy, with no need to pack much more than a bathing suit. And the girls knew it was true when I told them that my mom and dad loved having them. So it was a go. I was flying down with my parents on New Year’s Eve and the girls were coming down the next day.
Christmas was really nice. My mom always decorated like crazy and there were always people popping in and hanging out. Caleb and Luke’s friends, guys I’d known since I was a little girl, came around, my high school friends, and lots of family. It was always a great time.
I also got together with Kasia and Dylan that week in between Christmas and New Year’s. I was so grateful I’d met up with her that night over Thanksgiving break. We were good friends in high school but had lost touch and I really liked Kasia. She was different from the other girls I went to high school with. Most were nice, don’t get me wrong, but we were all privileged and most were overindulged. Kasia was at my school on scholarship. I’d been to her home a few times. Her parents were Polish immigrants and I remember she had three older, strapping, hot—I digress—she had three older, protective brothers. That alone gave us a whole load in common. I remember her mother making us pierogis and telling us about growing up in a small coastal town on the Baltic Sea. I liked her family. Her parents kept a neat, tidy row house in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, but they also owned several others in the area. Greenpoint was a little gritty back then but had recently become one of the newer, trendier outpost neighborhoods of the city. I figured her family was likely well off now as landlords in that neighborhood. Her circumstances seemed like they had changed somewhat but she was still the same down to earth girl I remembered.
Being with Dylan and Kasia, although I had fun and thought they were great together, made me feel like a total third wheel and made me miss Tom like crazy. I was happy, though, at the thought of Kasia, Dylan, Tom and I being in New York together after graduation. Dylan was going to be working for his dad in the city, Kasia’s parents pretty much insisted she be based in New York, Tom would be here and I was becoming more certain every day that I would be with him no matter which career path I took.
I was in full-on island mode when I picked the girls up from the airport in the Jeep my dad had rented. As soon as we got back to the house the girls did a quick change and we were on the beach with cold Medallas in hand within twenty minutes.
It was just so much better than bracing against the bitter January New England wind.
We spent the next day like the first. Lounging on the beach, reading trashy magazines, talking, and talking some more, followed by drinks and dinner on the deck of the house overlooking the ocean. It was mellow but fun. We sent Beth pictures to let her know we missed her but after a few she texted:
Stop bitches! I’m about to cry I’m so jealous!
By day three we were all tanned and totally on island time. I was up at ten, which was so late for me but I knew the other girls wouldn’t be rolling out of bed until noon. I stood at the counter making coffee when in walked Caleb. “Hey, miss me?”
“Oh my God! I thought you couldn’t make it?” I shrieked as I ran to hug him.
“Well, the weather in New York was crappy and when I checked the weather here it seemed like I might be missing out on some good surfing.”
“Really? The waves have been pretty lame so far. Sure this trip isn’t because you’re missing a certain waitress?”
He looked confused for a second and then practically bit as he leaned in close and lowered his voice, “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Jeez, a little sensitive, are we? I was referring to that girl, the one whose dad owns the restaurant down by the beach?”
I had touched a nerve. He let out a breath. “Sorry I snapped, Darce, but really, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Alright, forget I said anything.”
With that, Caitlin and Jenna strolled out, looking sleepy and seriously in need of coffee. Jenna ran over and gave Caleb a hug when she saw him. Caitlin looked a little stunned. I have seen girls get all strange and awkward around Caleb, he was good looking and all, but Caitlin knew him. Caitlin quickly shook off the startled look and said, “Hey, Caleb, thought you were swamped at work?”
“I couldn’t resist seeing you all and getting in a few days of surfing. Hope I’m not ruining your girls’ getaway. I promise I’ll stay out of your way, I’ll even sleep on the beach.”
Jenna joked, “You might get mauled by a pack of wild dogs in your sleep but I have my own bed as it is now so, yeah, you stay on the beach.”
Caleb laughed, “Ok, so that’s how it’s gonna be? Well, I’d love to stay here and cook—better yet—hand-feed you ladies breakfast, but the waves are calling my name.”
Rene walked in then and looked stunned as well. What was up with these girls?
“Hey Rene, how are you?”
“I didn’t think you were coming.”
“I wasn’t planning on it but I couldn’t stay away.”
With that, Caleb grabbed his things and went to go change. Jenna sighed, “I love my Dan but I’m looking forward to seeing Caleb running down the beach half-naked with his surfboard in a few minutes.”
They were all irritating me now! “Ugh, Jenna, that’s my brother!”
Tom
After I left New York I knew I wouldn’t be seeing her for more than two long weeks until we got back to school. My family spent every Christmas on the Florida coast with my grandparents. I couldn’t skip out on this trip because I knew I wouldn’t be spending this kind of time with the boys in the years to come; I’d be working full-time come this summer.
I called Darcy every morning and then we texted back and forth all day. A few days in, instead of a message I got a cute selfie of my sweet Darcy in a very nice bikini with:
Do u miss me?
I was sitting playing cards with my father and grandfather and I could no longer hold a conversation with them.
R u trying to kill me woman?
She wrote:
Lol. Now that you’ve seen that, delete it. I don’t
want ur family to think I’m some ho that sends
half-naked selfies.
No way, I thought to myself.
Delete it? Darce, it’s my screen saver.
That would set her in a panic. She could be modest; it was one of the many things I found endearing about her.
Not joking, T. Delete it…now.
This was the first time I was anxious to leave the Florida sun for cold, dark New England in January.
Chapter Eight
Darcy
Now it was upon me. Schools would be sending out their decision letters in a few weeks and I was retaking my MCATs unsure of whether or not I would be re-applying to other schools for the following year or trying to defer acceptances.
My father’s advice was echoing in my mind and Emma, the intern who had come and spent my last Sunday over winter break at home with us, hadn’t done anything to set me back on my path. Overhearing her speak to my dad about the pressure she was under was disheartening.
For as long as I could remember I had wanted to work with kids. My father was such an influence on me that I thought being a pediatrician or a pediatric oncologist was my calling. Now, when the biggest decision of my life was at my doorstep, I was feeling so uncertain.
What I was certain about was that I couldn’t imagine being away from Tom. When I was with him I didn’t spend so much time over-thinking everything. I was just in the moment and happy.
The first weekend everyone was back Caitlin and Beth helped me make a big Italian dinner and we invited a bunch of people over. Tom and all his roommates came, Chris, Mac, Tanner, Cara and some of her housemates also. I think we were all starting to realize this was our last semester, the last few months that we’d be in this nice bubble together.
I saw Rene huddled in a corner with Tanner towards the end of the night. He looked totally into her but she had a faraway look. She had been acting a little weird since Puerto Rico and I really hoped it wasn’t because of what I thought I’d walked in on between her and Caleb. It could have been totally innocent and I could have been imagining it all but I had the feeling that something had gone down between them. If so, I felt bad for Rene. My brother was a great guy, I absolutely adored him, but he was no hopeless romantic and I think he left a lot of heartache in his wake.
The only other thing off lately was Jenna’s mood. She spent the last two weeks of the Christmas break at home and since coming back to school she was quiet, going into her room and closing the door a lot. She stopped meeting up with us for lunch altogether. When I asked Dan what was up he didn’t seem to have noticed and just figured she had a lot to do. Jenna was student teaching and juggling her classes; I knew she was busy but I also knew something was up.
I got up to use the bathroom one night and heard her crying through the paper thin walls. I knocked softly and walked in to see her curled up on her bed, eyes red from crying. “Jenna, what’s going on? Please tell me.”
She looked up, “Just you and me?”
That’s what we said to each other, short-hand for: you tell no one else. When I nodded she choked out the words, “I’m pregnant.”
I fell back, speechless for a second, and then said the stupidest thing ever, “How?”
She was quiet for a second, she was choking back tears. “I do take my pill every day… I mean, I was careless. A few times when I stayed over at Dan’s I guess I didn’t remember to take it when I got back. My routine is that I take it first thing when I wake up.” She shook her head as she cried, “I can’t tell him, Darcy. I feel like I’ve ruined his life.”
“Don’t worry about that now, Jenna. Do you know for sure?”
She rested her head back and looked up at the ceiling, “Yeah, I’m sure. I rode the train for an hour so that I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew in a pharmacy. I bought four different tests. I almost lost it in there because the cashier was some really sweet older woman and she looked like she wanted to lean over the counter and hug me.” She let out a few sobs. “I took them in the ladies’ room at Nordstroms.” She barked out a laugh. “You are right, those are the nicest bathrooms. Anyway, that plus sign came up within five seconds on each one. But I knew it before that. I feel so exhausted, my tits are painfully tender, and I’m craving egg sandwiches for breakfast.
I never eat those, I think they’re gross.” She looked up at me. “What am I going to do, Darcy?”
I took her hands in mine, “I’m here with you. We’ll get through this. Take a few days to think it through and then we’ll go on from there. I mean, soon you’ll have to go see a doctor to get vitamins and make sure everything is ok but you don’t have to do that today.” I shouldn’t have said that because that brought on a new round of sobs. “Jenna, I’m sorry. Don’t think about any of that. There’s plenty of time for that. I will be here for you day and night, ok? And you tell Dan when you’re ready. I love you, Jenna.”
She and I hugged for the longest time and I didn’t leave her room until she drifted off to sleep. Truthfully, I was as scared as she was. I sat there bewildered—I couldn’t believe that I’d heard the same news from Jenna and Kate but the circumstances could not have been more different.
The next two weeks were rough. Jenna would not tell Dan and she still didn’t want to make it real by going to the doctor. I was so worried about her.
When Dan came to me one day and practically cried asking what had come over her, I couldn’t say a word. I was shutting Tom out too. I was ducking out of everything early, if I even showed at all, and when we were together I know I must have seemed faraway and fidgety.
Tom looked pained one afternoon when he ran into me after I missed yet another lunch. “Darcy, what is going on with you? If it’s me…,” he shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away from me, “If it’s me, Darcy, just tell me.”
I was running on so little sleep and I was choking back tears, “Tom, no, this has nothing to do with you. I just need a little time.”
He shook his head and looked down, “I gotta say, I just don’t get it. What could be going on that’s making you avoid me like the plague? And since when can’t you talk to me about things?”
I was miserable. “I’m not avoiding you. I just can’t talk about it. Please, just be patient with me?”