Let Me Be the One

by Lily Foster

  “I’m gonna kill him the next time I see him.”

  He grabbed my forearm hard. “No, Tom, you’re going to stay away from him. You nearly did kill him. It won’t do Darcy any good if you’re in jail.”

  I shrugged him off and made my way back over to Darcy. I stood behind her as she was standing facing the sink. I was having trouble saying what I wanted to say. I took in a deep breath. “I know things aren’t where they were. I just need to be near you. Can we get out of here? Will you please come and stay with me tonight?”

  She nodded and I let out a choked breath of relief.

  I took her to my room, laid her down on my bed, crawled in behind her, and just wrapped my arms around her. We talked about everything that had gone down in the past month. She told me she regretted not being more open with me when she was going through everything with Jenna. Because I didn’t run to her she saw me as indifferent and I saw her that way too. I admitted that I was afraid she couldn’t love me because of my past.

  We promised each other that we wouldn’t ever let time pass between us when something was wrong. And I made it clear to her that there was no one else that I was even remotely interested in. Because of all the shit Liz had been saying to Darcy it was easy for her believe I was moving away from her. I knew that I had totally messed up there. I also felt that I’d left her vulnerable and I hadn’t protected her; that fucking ate me up. I had to actively push the image of Nick in her bed out of my mind or else I knew I would wind up in jail.

  The air was finally cleared between us but I knew it was going to take some time to get back to where we were. Darcy fell asleep in my arms and I just held her all night. It felt so good to have her back in my arms.

  The two weeks that followed were rough. It felt like we were starting over again but not in that happy, new love kind of way. It was like we were trying to bridge a big gap—getting to know each other all over again. I took her out every night, either for dinner or just long walks. We didn’t stay at each other’s places but we were back to holding hands and kissing when I dropped her off.

  When Darcy got the call that Kate was in labor she called me, excited, and told me she was heading home for a few days. I was hoping she was going to ask me to come with her but I also knew we weren’t there yet. I hugged her close to me and kissed her as she got out of my truck at the airport. She looked up at me. “I love you so much, Tom.”

  Fuck it. I didn’t try to stop the tear from escaping my eye. I was so damn happy.

  Darcy

  Rebecca Rose Donovan. She was named for my mother, Rebecca, and Kate’s mother, Rose. She was twenty inches long and weighed in at six pounds, eight ounces. She was perfect—rosy red lips, blue eyes, and a little blond fuzz on her head. Holding her was magical. I felt unconditional love for her instantly. It was overwhelming for me so I could only imagine how Kate and Luke were feeling. They looked like the two happiest people on the planet.

  Caleb, Mom, Dad, Luke, Kate’s parents and her sister were all crammed into the private room with me. I was so happy to be around my family but I felt Tom’s absence. I wished he was here to experience this with me. I snapped another picture of Rebecca and sent it to him. He answered:

  Looks like her beautiful aunt.

  I wanted him here with me, to share this.

  I miss u Tom.

  He answered:

  You can’t imagine how much I miss u.

  My heart ached as I read those words. The past month or so had been soul crushing and even the past two weeks, with us trying to getting back on our feet, was painful. I hated the awkward moments and some of the things we told one another were tough to say and painful to hear. As things progressively got better, I thought we were going to come out of this much stronger. But it had been major; we’d come as close to ending things as you could get.

  Caleb nudged me playfully. “Texting your boyfriend?”

  “Yeah.”

  When he put his arm around my shoulder, his smile dropped and he whispered to me, “What the hell, Darcy? You feel like skin and bone. Are you eating enough?”

  “I probably haven’t been. I’ve had a pretty crappy month. I was helping Jenna through some stuff and Tom and I hit a rough patch. I wasn’t sleeping much and I haven’t really been taking care of myself.”

  “Hey, is he good for you? I mean, he should be making damn sure you’re ok. I gotta say, Darcy, I don’t like this.”

  “Caleb, he’s very good to me and he’s very protective. Like I said, some things happened. I was kind of caught up in what was going on with Jenna and then Tom and I lost our way a little. It’s better, back to normal now.”

  “What happened with Jenna?”

  I looked at him apologetically. “Sorry, Caleb, I can’t say. But she’s ok now.”

  “Alright, whatever, as long as you’re alright. But I’m taking us out to eat right now. I’m thinking shrimp scampi and fettucini alfredo—lots of butter. I’ve got to fatten you back up.”

  The next morning, Mom and I went out shopping. Kate was so worried about the pregnancy that she didn’t want to tempt fate by having a baby shower. We had so much fun picking out outfits, tiny little socks, little sleepers, hats, blankets—we went to town.

  Having a new baby in the family just infused everyone with a sense of joy. My father was ecstatic and Mom was thrilled as well. I was already thinking about all the places I’d take Rebecca. I envisioned buying her first American Doll, bringing her to Alice’s Tea Cup, the Central Park Zoo, and ice skating at Wollman Rink.

  I was so happy but as I flew back to school, I knew I had to temper how I spoke about this with Jenna. She was still emotional about what she’d endured and I knew she would be for a long time.

  Tom was leaning up against his truck as I came out of the terminal. When he saw me he came to me, grabbed my duffel, and wrapped his free arm around me. “That felt like the longest three days, Darcy. I missed you.”

  “I missed you too.”

  “How’s Rebecca doing, and Kate?”

  I filled him in on everything. I felt so relieved to be sitting next to him again, with my hand in his. I felt like we were finally getting back to normal.

  When I got back to our place, Jenna was waiting for me. “I can’t believe you haven’t sent me any pictures!” I smiled and showed her my phone, which already had over fifty shots. She smiled but there were tears at the corners of her eyes. “She’s so beautiful, Darcy. So perfect.”

  I gave her a big bear hug. She was trying to be positive for my sake but I knew this had to be hard.

  Tom

  Besides making things right with Darcy, I also had to set things straight with some other people. I saw Chris at the rec and swallowed hard before asking him if we could talk. “I just need you to know that things didn’t go down the way you think they did that night.”

  “I know that now. If you were looking from where Darcy and I were standing, though, there’s no other conclusion you could have come to. And I know your history with Liz. You can’t blame me for thinking the worst. That girl’s poison”

  “I know. I also just wanted to apologize for going after you.”

  “We’re all good.”

  “I’m coming by your place tonight to talk to Nick.”

  “You think that’s a good idea?”

  “I don’t care, it’s gotta be done.”

  Chris opened the door when I came by. Knowing him, he probably stayed home deliberately to prevent another beating. Even though that wasn’t my intention, it was probably for the best that he was there.

  Chris obviously hadn’t mentioned to Nick I was coming by because he looked like he was taken off guard when I walked into his room. He still had the stitches above his eye and I could see that I’d definitely broken his nose. After a few moments of staring at each other I broke the silence. “Do you want to explain to me why you did that? Why you climbed into bed with her and put your hands on her?”

  He let out a sigh. “I heard things wer
e over between the two of you, courtesy of Liz. I couldn’t believe you would hook up with her when you had Darcy.” He held up his hand to silence me when I began to speak, “I’ve since heard that it wasn’t true. But I was drunk and fucking ecstatic thinking you two were done.”

  I took another step towards him. I was fighting back the strong urge I had to beat his face again. “I just came here to warn you, Nick. If you do that again, so much as touch her or speak to her in a way that you shouldn’t, no one is going to be there to pull me off you next time.”

  He didn’t look mad, just defeated. He gave a quick nod and said, “You done?”

  “Yeah, I’m done with you.”

  A few days later I saw Liz. She walked up to me as I was talking to Mac and Ben in the quad. She looked wary. “Hey guys.”

  I answered her, “Hey yourself, I’ve been hoping to run into you.” Her eyes brightened for a moment. “Liz, I just wanted to make sure you understand and that I’m perfectly clear. Don’t come around me and don’t say another fucking word to Darcy. You got that? I don’t want you at our parties or at the rugby house. If I’m there, you stay the fuck away.”

  I couldn’t help but feel a little bad as she visibly shrank and her face looked crestfallen but she deserved what she got.

  Chapter Ten

  Darcy

  The winter was winding down and with the exception of thinking about where I would be come September, everything was good. Tom and I were back to normal; the awkwardness following what had happened was gone.

  We had spent one weekend back in New York together babysitting for Rebecca so that Luke and Kate could get away for a night. That was weird in a very good way. Rebecca was an absolute doll. She was almost two months old now and she was a happy, easy baby. Why wouldn’t she be? She had about ten different people absolutely wrapped around her finger. Her eyes twinkled every time I spoke to her or smiled at her. I was in love. And Tom was a natural. I felt all sorts of swoony over him watching as he cradled this tiny little angel in his big, strong arms. When Rebecca cried as she was waiting for me to heat her bottle, he rocked her and sang to her until she was staring up at him mesmerized. I was a little mesmerized myself and I had to admit, taking in that scene made me want to tear my clothes off and maul him.

  That part of our lives was back on track too. Tom was so tender and loving with me but it was intense. Tom would always hold my gaze as he brought me to the edge and I couldn’t ever get enough of seeing the emotion on his face as he lost himself in me. He would always hold me tight to him afterwards and sometimes we just stayed like that for the longest time, naked in each other’s arms, talking about our future together. I had never experienced this in my life and I couldn’t imagine that it could possibly be better with anyone else on the planet. When I said that to Tom once, he told me that he’d never felt this way before either and that it was because he loved me more than anything. I loved him desperately. The thought of being away from him next year…I just couldn’t do it.

  At school the parties were picking up. Every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday there were at least ten different parties going on in the Village. People were letting loose the closer we were getting to graduation.

  I had no question about Tom’s feelings towards me. When it was just us, we were able to talk about pretty much anything with one another and he cared for me in a way that made me feel totally and completely loved. Whenever we were out, his hand was in mine or Tom had an arm around me. At parties he was always dragging me out to dance, holding his body close to mine. And when we crossed paths with Liz or anyone else from his jaded past, he made a point of ignoring them and showering extra attention on me. It was a little ridiculous and over-the-top at times but deep down, I appreciated it.

  Liz wouldn’t even make eye contact, let alone say a word to me, and that was just fine. Nick also kept his distance. He had texted me to apologize for that night but I thought it best not to respond to him. I didn’t feel a sense of forgiveness. That had been the last straw. I just wanted to cut ties.

  It was already mid-April and we were graduating May twentieth. I had received acceptances from Northwestern and UCLA but was declined by Johns Hopkins and NYU. Being declined by NYU kind of sealed the deal for me. I hadn’t told anyone, not even Tom, but I’d pretty much made up my mind that I was taking the year. I was ok with it. I would have to speak to my dad soon to sort out my future, he was good in the guidance department, but for right now I was going to just enjoy being with my closest friends for the next four weeks.

  Tom, of course, already had his job lined up. He didn’t join the same firm where his dad was a managing partner, he had gotten a job at another one of the big finance firms. He would be based on Wall Street and was slated to attend two weeks of training in Chicago for all of the new employees starting mid-July. I was excited for him.

  With all of my frequent flier miles, Tom and I were going to head off to Spain and Portugal for three weeks at the beginning of June. I couldn’t wait. We were planning to backpack, splitting our nights between cheaper youth hostels and splurging to stay in a few nice hotels. We had spent hours and hours plotting out our itinerary. We were flying into Barcelona, ferrying over to Mallorca and Menorca, heading north to San Sebastian, down to Salamanca where I’d attended university, and then further south to Seville and Malaga. Then we had a few days in Madrid. Thanks to Luke, I’d scored concert tickets to a sold-show on Tom’s birthday in Madrid; I couldn’t wait to surprise him with that. Then we were flying to Lisbon and bumming along the Algarve coast for a week. I was so excited; three weeks of walking the cobblestoned streets of some of my favorite cities, lounging in bathing suits, eating seafood on the beach, and living day and night with Tom…heaven.

  Tom

  We spent Friday morning loading up my truck and Chris’s with beer, tents, air mattresses; everything you might need to have over fifty people crash at your house. Mac’s third annual Cinco de Mayo party on Cape Cod was this weekend. He’d sent out the invite last week. The text addressed to the girls assured them that the pool would be heated to a warm eighty degrees so bikinis were appropriate attire. It was our whole crowd and then some of Mac’s friends from home in New Hampshire. I knew most of the guys he invited, as they all went to UNH and we played them in rugby.

  The last two years the parties were insane; I felt like I needed a full week to recover afterwards. Mac, Chris, Denny, Dan, Ben and I were heading there early Friday afternoon to set up.

  Mac put a lot of work into this every year and it was always great. Tonight was going to be mostly, if not all, guys and would be a little more low-key. Saturday was mayhem but Mac still managed to do a fairly upscale spread. This year he’d arranged for a caterer to come in and cook lobster and man a raw bar of clams and oysters. The only nod to Mexico was the tequila. I found this pretty funny because everyone would have been just as satisfied with burgers and also, by the time everyone ate they would be half in the bag. That was Mac, though, always keeping it classy; the guy had been known to show up to class in a jacket and trousers for no good reason.

  Darcy and the rest of her roommates were driving down Saturday afternoon. There were a lot of girls coming from school; Mac didn’t have a girlfriend so he wanted to have plenty of options.

  Mac told me that Liz had approached him last week right after he’d sent the text out to everyone. She was angling for an invite. “I felt bad, like I was kicking a puppy or something. She just kept at it, Tom. I mean, damn, that girl is persistent.”

  “Please tell me you didn’t cave, Mac.”

  “No, I told her flat-out not to come.”

  “Thanks. That would have ruined my weekend.”

  I had mixed feelings when I heard that Nick wasn’t going to be there either. Chris told me that Nick had been going home a lot of weekends following what had happened between me, him, and Darcy. Chris suspected that Nick was getting help for his drinking and other issues. The few times he did go out, he would have a beer
here and there or completely stick to sodas. I was relieved he wasn’t coming this weekend but felt bad for him at the same time because I knew he had a problem. While I was glad he was making changes for the better and I wished him the best, I knew that we would never reconnect. We were done.

  Friday night turned out to be more people than I’d expected. A group of about fifteen guys and girls came from UNH and there were at least ten of us. Of course, a girl I’d hooked up with last year was there. I was embarrassed when I didn’t remember her name. When she came over, hugged me and squealed, “Tom, I was hoping you’d be here,” I pulled the, “Hey, you, how’ve you been?”

  Within the span of our five-minute conversation I let Amanda—I heard her friend call out to her—know that my girlfriend was arriving tomorrow. Amanda was a nice girl; she backed off right away. It would be great if she was the only former fling who would be here this weekend but just from our crew alone there would be at least another two or three girls here that I’d “spent time” with. No escaping the past.

  By the time lobster claws were being cracked on Saturday, there were people spilling out of every part of the house. Mac had a local indie band playing and everyone was starting to go a little wild; the drinks were flowing. I was happy when Darcy finally got there. Caitlin had gotten a flat on the way so it was nearly six by the time they all rolled in. They looked like the hot squad, all long legs and long hair, when they walked in and I saw a crew of the UNH guys practically part like the Red Sea with their mouths hanging open as they made their way through the crowd. When I saw Paul, one of Mac’s friends, hand Darcy a drink I was by her side within a minute. “What’s up, Paul? I see you’ve met my Darcy?”

  He rolled his eyes. “I get the hint, Tom. Is he always this possessive, sweetheart?”

  Darcy smiled and laughed. “Yes, but you should see me when girls try to chat him up, I’m vicious!”

  Darcy never made me feel like I had anything to be concerned about, which was a relief, because guys looked, ogled, or flat-out leered at her all the time. She always deflected them nicely when they offered her drinks or were getting too chummy with her. I had now gotten that act down pretty well myself; I never wanted her to doubt my feelings for her again. Thankfully, Darcy was pretty self-assured; I knew she really didn’t sweat it when I spoke to other girls. I knew now that she trusted me, despite my history, and that made me love her even more.