Sinning Forever

by Heidi Lowe

  "You have a girlfriend? Since when?"

  "Couple of months," he said. He kissed her again, then she disappeared off screen as he returned to his bedroom.

  "Why am I only just hearing about this?"

  "Lissa, calm down," he laughed. "We're new. And now you know."

  "Is it serious?"

  "Yeah. She gets me. Plus, you know I've always had a thing for the Irish."

  "I get you, too," I said sulkily. I knew how peevish I sounded, but what an asshole for springing this on me so suddenly.

  "Yeah, but you live, like, one hundred and fifty miles away, and you're allergic to penises, so..."

  Samantha joined us moments later with drinks for them, and she climbed on the bed, wrapping a loving arm around Petr's torso. I wanted to throw up! I hated her already.

  "I saw some of the paintings you gave to Petr," she said. "You're really good."

  "Thank you," I said without feeling.

  "Are you still painting?"

  "No."

  She shot an uncertain look to Petr, but smiled nervously.

  "Lissa, what's wrong?" Petr asked, but his tone had an element of reprimand to it. Always the one to remind me to mind my manners.

  "Look, I have to go," I said, not doing a thing to hide my despondence. "I'll talk to you another time. When you're alone..."

  "Lissa–" Petr started, but I had already pressed to end the call.

  I tossed the phone on my bed and swore aloud. A minute later, a message buzzed through. From Pete, and it simply read, Not cool, Rowan. Not cool.

  "No, what's not cool is you bringing that person into our conversation. What's not cool is you dating someone and not telling me about it," I shouted back at the phone, before tossing it away once more.

  I decided then that I would never speak to him again. And then a couple of minutes later I scolded myself for my stupidity. Of course I would speak to him again. He was my best friend. And I had no right to my anger.

  It went back and forth like that for over an hour, and I took a shower to calm myself down. Showers, I found, worked miracles in clearing my head and helping me think rationally.

  This shower, however, was very different.

  It was true that my body had been going through changes the past couple of weeks, and I'd expected more to follow. Jean said the change wouldn't happen all at once, that it was a gradual thing. But she hadn't explained just what those changes would be. I should have inquired.

  The water burst from the shower head, powerful and steaming hot, just the way I liked it. It hit my body with such force, like a thunderstorm. For several minutes I just stood beneath it, letting it gush over me while I focused on calming myself down.

  And then it happened. Perhaps it was the water hitting me in intimate places that did it, or the fact that my mind was clear and thus able to remember how long it had been since I'd had sex. Weeks. Jean hadn't been anywhere near me in that way since my transformation, and it had been the farthest thing from my mind. But standing naked under the shower, being assaulted by the water, it was the only thing I could think about.

  It hit me hard, stealing my breath away like the oxygen was being sucked from my body. The throbbing between my legs was crippling, almost to the point of being painful. I gripped the shower wall to steady myself on my feet – that was how bad it was.

  I switched it off as quickly as I could, certain the water wasn't helping, and stepped out.

  The feeling didn't go away, not even once I was dressed.

  Something was wrong. Was this the equivalent of what men called blue balls? I didn't know, but it felt like I would die if I didn't do something about it. Could a person die from horniness? Was that even a word?

  I lasted maybe two hours, tossing and turning, twisting and crossing my legs, before I gave in and went looking for a solution, an explanation. It had to be connected to the condition.

  SIX

  "Come in," Jean called out when I knocked on her home office door.

  "Hi," I said in a small voice, head slightly bowed. I hadn't figured out what I would say to her yet, and just being there, knowing what my body was doing, embarrassed me.

  She peered up, put her pen down, a look of surprise on her face. "Hello."

  I hovered at the door like a stranger, an unwanted guest. The throbbing, upon setting eyes on my incredibly sexy girlfriend, reached fever pitch. I swallowed, shifted uncomfortably, and looked away. Why did she have to be so damn sexy all the time? Seeing her only made a bad situation unbearable.

  "To what do I owe this pleasure?" she added when I failed to speak, to explain my reason for being there.

  "Uh, I just came to see what you were doing."

  "Really?" She looked taken aback. When I wasn't mad at her, I would come and see her all the time while she worked, and she would receive me ecstatically. We'd been so distant lately, thanks to me wanting my space, that she was now surprised to see me here. "Are you going to come in, or just stand in the doorway?" There was amusement in her voice. She couldn't have known how hot that was, how hot just about everything she did was. The way she leaned back in her chair, all businesslike. How she sized me up like I was some moron who'd stumbled into her office by accident. How her black v-neck sweater clung to her bosom as though plastered on.

  I looked away again, more flustered than I'd ever been, and hurried to the armchair, hoping that being seated would curtail the orgasm I was sure was forthcoming.

  "Are you all right, Lissa? You look a little...ruffled."

  Did she know? Her tone suggested she might, like she was toying with me.

  "I'm fine," I mumbled. "What are you doing?"

  "Writing a book."

  "A book?" Good, a neutral conversation to take my mind off my crippling desire. "You never said you were writing one."

  "I didn't know I was until Robyn suggested it. I'm a couple of weeks in."

  "What's it about?"

  "It's a guide for business start-ups. Robyn said it was the best way to share my expertise in the field." She shrugged. "I'm sure no one will buy it, but I'm having a lot of fun writing it. It's very therapeutic."

  I felt a stab of guilt when she added that last line, because I knew it was my fault why she needed a therapeutic project. Whenever we were at odds, she always found something to do that would keep her busy, keep her out of my hair. She would have spent every waking minute with me if I would let her.

  "So you're going to get it published?"

  "Robyn has a publisher lined up, yes. If I ever finish it. Writing a book is hard work." She laughed. "Enough about me. What have you been up to?" No one would have believed we shared the same coffin every day, woke up beside each other every evening. Strangers living in the same house.

  "I spoke to Petr via video chat..."

  "Oh, how is he?" She sounded genuinely intrigued. It had been her suggestion to call him.

  I shrugged miserably. "Fine, I guess. He has a new girlfriend."

  Her eyes grew wide, and her eyebrows shot up. "Petr? A girlfriend? Wonders never cease. Somehow I can't imagine him with a woman."

  "He always claimed he was bisexual, but I just thought it was something he said to be edgy. I was wrong."

  "Did you speak to her?" She rested her elbows on her desk, treating me to a titillating view of her cleavage. Lord, did I want her! And wanting her only made me more miserable.

  "Yeah, briefly."

  "What's she like?"

  "She smiles too much. They won't last. She looks too boring for Petr. She won't get him."

  "Right." Her smirk was as plain as day. "Lissa, am I sensing a little of the green-eyed monster?"

  "What? No! I'm not jealous," I protested.

  "It's natural for you to feel that way. You think this girl has come in and replaced you. Now you're not the only woman in his life."

  "Bullshit! She could never replace me. I've known him much longer. He likes men. I give them a month, tops."

  "Of course, honey," she said, h
er tone condescending, amusement dripping from her words. And when I looked at her, she had one leg crossed over the other. "No one could replace you. You're irreplaceable."

  I growled in frustration. "For God's sake, I'm not jealous. And would you quit sitting like that?"

  She frowned, looked at me perplexed. "Sitting like what?"

  I shot her a look full of daggers. "Like that. Provocatively." The throbbing had returned with full force, the agony making it hard to think clearly. At that point, I didn't care how manic I sounded to her.

  She laughed in shock. "What's provocative about how I'm sitting?"

  "And why are you dressed like that? You're working from home, why would you need to dress so...so sexily?" I had leaped to my feet now, hands waving around like a mad woman off her meds.

  She looked down at her top, a perfectly normal black top that wouldn't have been suggestive to anyone of sound, unhorny mind.

  "There's nothing sexy about this top. You've seen me in it several times."

  I let out a frustrated growl and turned away so I didn't have to look at her.

  "Honey, are you going to tell me what's wrong with you?"

  "No. I don't want to."

  "I'm starting to worry now."

  I sighed. "Something's happening to my body. Out of the blue I start having these...urges."

  She got up and turned me to face her. She smelled so good, like hot cocoa on a cold day. Why couldn't I have fallen for someone hideous who smelled like a sewer, with a voice like nails on a chalkboard?

  "What sort of urges?"

  "I can't think of anything but...you know..."

  There was a flash of recognition in her face, and then the faintest smirk appeared on those cherry red, kissable lips. How I wanted those lips on mine, all over my body. The clarity of my memory only made things more debilitating. I could remember every kiss she'd ever given me, every caress, every I Love You.

  "Ah... So that's what this is. You're horny."

  "Yes, and don't say it in such a sultry voice!"

  "My voice is the way it always is." This was all amusing to her.

  "Is...is this normal? I feel like I'm going to explode. I can't function properly."

  "Perfectly normal. I was wondering when it would kick in."

  "Did you go through this too?"

  She nodded. "We all do. You know that vampires have a high sex drive. This is how it starts. Although it won't be this intense forever, you'll always have a higher sex drive than a human."

  "But how will I ever get anything done?" I shrieked.

  "You'll function normally once your body adjusts."

  She didn't sound at all sympathetic. Instead, I got the feeling she was enjoying seeing me squirm.

  "Okay, so what do I do in the meantime?"

  She perched herself on the edge of her desk, casual and super sexy. She must have known what she was doing to me.

  "Well, what do you usually do when you feel like this?" The smirk returned to her lips. I wanted to kiss them and slap the smile off at the same time.

  "That's your job," I said petulantly.

  She folded her arms across her chest, cocked her head to the side. "Oh? But I thought you wanted your space."

  I narrowed my eyes at her. "Right now, I want you to screw me. Are you going to do that or not?"

  "I might...if you ask nicely."

  I shook my head, mouth open in wonderment. Was she really doing this to me, now, when I was at my lowest, and desperate for her? What the hell happened to that loving, caring, I'd-do-anything-for-you woman I knew and loved?

  "You're a real b... What would you like me to say? How about I get on my hands and knees? Would that work?" I spat. But despite how angry I came across, I was more filled with lust than anything. This was a side of her I hadn't seen in a long time, and it only heightened my desire to have her. I would have done anything she asked at that point. Frenzy had consumed me.

  "That won't be necessary." She gestured seductively with her finger for me to come over, and I did so without hesitation, though I played up my annoyance. "Tell me you love me, and ask me nicely if I will go to bed with you."

  I glowered at her, into those deep, dark eyes, and felt myself being hypnotized. "I won't say it."

  "Then you can take care of yourself. That should be fun." She didn't say this so much as breathe it, and right at my ear. I felt her hot breath caress my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. By now, the aching between my thighs had brought me close to tears. "But if you don't hurry, it will just build, and build, and build until you explode."

  "I...I d–don't need you." The words got choked in my throat.

  "Of course, honey. Well, have fun. I'll get back to work. This book won't write itself." She patted me on my breast, over my nipple, and I shuddered. Absent a bra beneath my T-shirt, I felt everything.

  As she got up to return to her seat, I said, "All right, all right. You win. I love you. Now would you please do this for me?"

  Her self-satisfied smile made me scowl harder. "Anything for you, my darling." She pulled me into a kiss. Something in it told me she'd been dying to give it to me.

  Her lips always felt magical, no matter where they landed on my body. One kiss was never enough. So when she drew her lips away, I pulled her back for another, more frantic kiss.

  While we were still lip-locked, she set me on the desk, so that I was now sitting and she was standing.

  "You're so obedient when you want something from me," she laughed, as she nuzzled my neck.

  "I bet you love this, don't you? Me submissive, aching for you?" I breathed, my eyes fluttering shut as the blood rushed to my sex. She hadn't even touched me there yet and I was already ready to expire.

  She kissed a trail from my neck right to my lips, where she claimed my tongue once more. And when she took her mouth away, she said, "I love you any way you come, Lissa. I thought you knew that."

  I moaned a little, her words and voice alone bringing me ever closer to climax. She might have been the only person in the world who could get me there without laying a finger on me.

  Her eyes remained on mine, sultry and dark, as she unzipped my pants, slowly. She watched my lashes flutter as she worked my jeans off, heard my breathing grow heavy in anticipation.

  As if she'd read my mind, she pressed her lips to mine again and didn't stop kissing me as her hand slipped into my panties.

  Her finger sought out my swollen bean. I'd already cried a river between my thighs, waiting for her entrance, so I was ready for whatever she had to offer.

  The contact was electrifying. She had barely even started strumming, had barely gotten a rhythm going, when the moans ripped from my throat, and I expired in a loud, body-shaking climax.

  I'd only lasted five seconds!

  "W–what happened? Why did that happen?" I cried, breathless and still shaking from my orgasm.

  She didn't look surprised, or annoyed. "It's okay. I should have warned you about that. You're going to be very sensitive down there for the first few weeks, and every orgasm you have will be intense, more intense than you've ever experienced."

  I felt my cheeks burning. This had to be the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to me. Okay, so my stamina when it came to Jean had never been all that impressive. She was usually the one who determined when I came, and how hard. But five seconds?! That must have been a record. Page 22 in the Guinness Book of World Records under Fastest Ever Climax, you would probably see my name.

  "I couldn't control myself. You'd barely touched me." I covered my face with my hands, not wanting her to look at me. She must have thought I was pathetic. How could she ever take me seriously again knowing that my sex was this sensitive to her touch?

  "Darling, don't be embarrassed." She tried to remove my hands from my face, but they wouldn't budge. "Lissa, come on, it's completely natural. This is one of the changes I was telling you about."

  "I don't care. I bet you didn't come so quickly. I bet you lasted a lot l
onger than five seconds." I shoved her away, got down off the desk and dashed from the room, leaving my pants behind.

  "Lissa," she called, hurrying after me. "You're overreacting."

  I locked myself in our en-suite bathroom and sat on the toilet seat. My sex still throbbed from the orgasm. It was one of the most powerful ones I'd ever had, but too bad it had come so quickly. The build up was the best part. Especially with Jean at the helm. What was the point of sex if not for the journey?

  "Lissa, open the door," she said in a soothing voice.

  "Leave me alone."

  "I'm not going to do that. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

  "No? Coming within five seconds of being touched isn't anything to be ashamed of?"

  "No, not in our case. Honey, we all go through this in the beginning. It's perfectly normal for you to be sensitive down there. I'm sorry I didn't mention that sooner. I was just so caught up in getting to be with you again that I didn't think about it."

  The latter line brought tears to my eyes, and I didn't know why. I wiped them away before they fell, however. She was so excited to be with me again, possibly even as much as I was to be with her, and what had I done? My weak, hopeless vagina had pulled out of the race before it had even begun.

  "How am I supposed to please you if I can't go more than five seconds?"

  "Oh, honey, it won't be like this forever. Is that what you're worried about?"

  I was worried about a lot of things: would she get bored with her super sensitive, prematurely climaxing girlfriend? Would I be that one, rare vampire who would always stay this sensitive?

  "Honey, open the door." Her words caressed the wooden door, like a hypnotic siren, coaxing me out of hiding.

  When I finally did open up, I brushed past her and went to lie on the bed.

  She climbed on beside me and wrapped an arm around me as I turned my back to her.

  "You might as well find someone else to screw, someone who can last longer," I grumbled.

  "I don't want anyone else," she said simply, her voice slightly muffled due to her head being buried in my neck. "I don't care how long you last, or how long it takes until you get used to it."