by Mj Fields
I walk out and see Dr. Neil standing against the counter, and Titan looking intensely at her.
“Dr. Neil,” I begin.
“Laurie,” she smiles.
“I’m sorry. Of course, Laurie, thank you so much. Thank you for coming here at,” I look at my watch, “Three in the morning, to do this.”
She smiles, “It’s not a bad thing to get out once in a while.”
“How is your boyfriend?” Titan asks with amusement in his voice.
She looks at him with an annoyed look on her face, “Fine.”
“Shaking up already, huh?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“No, it’s not,” he says as he pushes off the wall. “When you’re ready, Doc, I’ll give you,” he pauses, “a ride.”
Her jaw tightens and then releases when the door shuts behind Titan.
“That man is an ass,” she sighs.
“You’re seeing someone?” I ask, as I grab two bottles of water out of the fridge.
“Does that bother you?”
“Of course not, Laurie.”
She takes in a deep breath and exhales as I hand her a bottle. “Lawrence has been asking me out for two years. We’ve become good friends, he’s a good man, a lawyer and-”
“Does he make you happy?”
She nods, “Yes. I know things moved fast, but his lease was up and I just-”
“Laurie, you don’t have to feel bad about dating someone. Will has been gone for over three years. He would want you to be happy.”
“I think he’d approve of Lawrence.”
“You don’t need his approval. You just have to be happy. I struggled for years. Jax struggled for years, we’re happy.” I shake my head, “Even in this chaos, when we argue, and when I want to shake him so hard it drives away the demons that bitch left him with. I love him and he loves me. Everyone deserves love.”
I see tears in her eyes and she nods. “Look, if I go now, I can run by the hospital and grab Jaxson’s medical information. Then I can run this test: the lab is closed, no one will know. By morning I can have the results.”
“I don’t want you to get into any trouble.”
“I won’t.”
“Laurie, there’s a lot of crazy things going on. It could be dangerous. As much as Titan seems to annoy you, please let him go with you if you insist on doing this. You also have to think about your career.”
“When your husband becomes Governor, he can employ me to fix the health care system in the state of Virginia.”
“I’m not sure he’s gonna want to be Governor anymore.”
“Is there really a choice?”
“There’s always a choice.”
~*~
I wake feeling exhausted and to something wiggling beside me. I open one eye and see Lily looking out of the corner of her eyes at me.
“Good morning, beautiful girl.”
“I have to pee,” she says, as if pained.
“The bathroom is right there,” I point and she hops up and sprints to the bathroom.
I get out of bed and throw on a bra and sweatshirt. When she comes out, she looks curiously at me. I don’t want things to be uncomfortable for her.
“You wanna help me make breakfast?”
She nods and follows me out.
I watch her as she takes in the house; I had forgotten she was asleep when we came in.
“Do you want a tour of the place first?”
She nods and yawns.
“Tired still?”
“No, I just always yawn in the morning.”
I smile and she returns my smile.
“Well, this is the kitchen, and I am going to be honest with you, I am not a good cook at all. Actually, Lily, I am a terrible cook. Jaxson is the cook in this house.”
“Jaxson?”
I can’t tell her, I won’t tell her. I will let him. I know that’s what would be best for both of them. “My husband. I know you’ll love him and I am positive he is going to love you.”
“Love me? Why?”
I search my head and try to come up with something, “This house, Lily, our home, is full of love.”
She looks around as if she is searching for it.
“It’s not something you can see, but I promise you’ll feel it.”
“Did you sleep in there with me all night?” she asks as she looks around.
“I did. I didn’t want you to wake up and wonder where you were.”
“I’m used to new houses.”
“Houses like this?”
“No, different.”
“Different how?” I am trying not to pry but I can’t stop myself.
“Well, my nannies don’t sleep with me even if I may be scared.”
“I’m sorry, if you don’t want me to-”
“Will you do it again?” she asks and I can’t for the life of me tell what she is feeling.
“If you want me to, I will.”
“Okay.”
I want to ask ‘okay what’ and I again have to stop myself. I am like a kid on Christmas Eve with her. I have to remind myself that she is the child.
“Over there is the living room,” I point and she looks. “Over here is the dining room.”
She walks a couple steps into the living room and gasps when she looks out the sliding doors, “Is that the ocean?”
“The Atlantic Ocean,” I say as I grab two bananas and two yogurt cups.
She is standing in front of the door with her nose pressed against the glass. “Do you want to go eat on the deck?”
“I sure do.”
We go outside and sit in two Adirondack chairs. She looks even smaller in hers. I open her yogurt and hand her a spoon. “You and I will make a grocery list later. I want you to have everything you like here.”
“How long will I be staying?”
“I hope forever.” It comes out before I even think about how the words may affect her.
She looks at me, “Are Mother and Father going away for a long time?”
“I think so.”
“How long will you be with me?”
“Forever, Lily.”
“Why?”
“Well, I can’t really explain why, but it just feels like you belong here, with Jax and me.”
She nods and looks at the ocean.
“Anytime you want to talk to your mother and father, I will do the best I can to make it happen. I don’t want you to miss them, Lily.”
She shrugs, “They’re very busy people.” She stops and looks at me, “Are you and Jax busy people?”
“Sometimes.”
“Do you have kids?”
“No, not yet, but we want to have them. Lots of them.”
She looks up at me and smiles, “You should wait.”
“For what?”
“Busy people don’t really have time to be parents.”
My shattered heart is now sad. “I promise, Lily, we will never, ever be too busy for you, ever.”
I see hope in her eyes and quickly it fades, “If you don’t, I understand. I’m a good girl either way.”
“You’re a beautiful girl, Lily, and if I was too busy to see you, to be with you, I would not be okay with that.”
She looks up again; I know she doesn’t believe me but she smiles, “Okay.”
~*~
By two o’clock I am exhausted and so is Lily. We waded in the water after breakfast, made a grocery list, did some online shopping, and played on the beach.
I hadn’t heard from Jax, but I knew he was busy.
She yawned when we came inside with a bowl full of shells.
“Tired?”
“Yes.” She yawns again and so do I. “Are you?”
“You wore me out,” I laugh.
“Can we rest?”
“Of course we can.” I smile and put the shells in the sink to soak.
“Can you rest in there with me?” She points to the bedroom.
“I would love to.”
“Doc is coming over with results. She’ll be her in about thirty minutes.”
“I’ll be out soon,” I whisper.
I WALK OVER AND PICK up the shards of glass lying on the floor. A moment of lost control. I hear the door shut behind me and wait to hear the footsteps. I hope to God it isn’t Mother or Mimi.
“Who pissed you off, the men in the photo or the Bible?” I look up at Shadows as he walks over and squats down and starts helping me pick up the glass.
“Both,” I answer.
“I see.”
I don’t say anything. I stand and go to the closet and grab the little vacuum cleaner to suck up the tiniest pieces, and Shadows takes the basket and leaves the room.
I sit and study my phone. I should have called her, texted her; I should have, but I didn’t. I feel like a coward. I know my child is only a short drive away but I can’t go to her. Not yet, anyway. Not until I have everything in place.
I look at the picture of her and Frankie on the private plane. They are both beautiful. I know, of all people, Frankie can make her feel welcome.
The more I look at Lily, the more I realize how much her childhood was really not a childhood, but rather an existence. She appeared happy, yet she had not one consistent person in her life that gave a fuck.
My parents weren’t around a lot, but the woman who was, the woman who died with my father, she was a constant. She was more nurturing than Mother ever was. Right now, I should be angry for my father leaving this mess behind for me, for us, to clean up. But I’m not. I am grateful I had Louisa.
I am pissed at my father but I think he must have loved her, Louisa that is. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have kept her around. I am pissed at him for burdening my heart, my mind with the knowledge that Frankie didn’t fit into this plan, my future.
I am more pissed at myself for allowing myself to even think, for the second it took me to throw the Bible at the family portrait, that it meant a damn thing. My responsibility, my birth right, my obligation to this country is stronger than most, but I will be damned if I’ll let anyone tell me what I should feel in my heart for the woman I chose to make mine forever.
Nothing, and no one, could make me walk away from her.
Shadows walks back in and stretches, “Busy day tomorrow, you have two crazy ass women to deal with-”
“And the one I want here,” I pause, “The ones I want here are not.”
He plops down in the leather chair and yawns, “You’ll be there soon enough. Chill,” he laughs and points to the book, “Read the good book. Everything is gonna work out.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“Easy?” He laughs, “Fuck easy. Men like us would get bored and cause chaos if things were too easy.”
“Right about now, bored sounds good.”
“Nah, what sounds good is pussy.”
I shake my head and smile, “Is that all you think about?” I bend over and pick up the Bible.
“No, man, I’ve been craving lamb for a while, but you-”
“Easy, Shadows.”
“No one is easier,” he stands up and clamps his hand on my shoulder. “It’s gonna happen. I’m just hanging back, in the trees, waiting to slaughter my prey.”
~*~
I wake on the leather sofa in Father’s office to Mimi and Mother bickering. I sit up and Shadows eyes’ open. He slept in the damn chair.
“I better go deal with that-”
“Nah, man, let them go.” He rolls his neck, “Maybe they’ll do each other in. Problem solved.” He grabs his phone from his pocket, “It’s vibrating; should have let it keep going. Feels pretty damn good.”
He looks at the screen, “Papers are filed. You are officially a married man.”
“I already was.”
He stands up and adjusts himself when the door flies open and Mimi storms in, “We need to talk now, Jaxson.”
“Mimi, you need to go back to the guest house,” Mother says with a stern but calm voice.
“My father is threatening me.”
“Desperate men do desperate things, Mimi. You’re safe here,” I say as I walk over to the bar and grab a bottle of water from the mini fridge.
After I take a long drink, I wave to the sofa, “Have a seat, ladies, we need to chat about my wife, and -”
“Jaxson, you need to stop this.”
“Sorry to interrupt, Mrs. Irons, but it’s official. Probably be all over local news, if it isn’t already.”
“With what proof?”
“Mother, when things are not as they should be, they get fixed. You taught me very well how to take care of myself.”
I look at Mimi, “You need to come clean. I will not allow a part of me to live like I did, worse than I did.”
“Jaxson, don’t,” she says and her eyes shift to Mother.
“No one is going to hurt you. We won’t allow it. But before you are allowed to be part of her life, you need to get some help.”
“Jaxson?” My mother looks at me with question in her eyes.
“No need to act like you have no idea what I am talking about, Mother. I can assure you that the rules you will abide by will be much harsher.”
I see her look at Mimi and her eyes turn cold, “What is he talking about, Mimi?”
“You know damn well what I am talking about. My daughter, my seven-year-old little girl that-”
“What have you done, Mimi?!” Mother yells at her and then stumbles back. She grabs the back of the leather chair and steadies herself.
“What have you done, Mother?! What the fuck have you done?”
“I have been raising the future of this country. I have been married to a man who didn’t love me, and stayed with him because it was my duty to this country, to you. I have-”
“Made decisions for me that were not yours to make. Someone tried to kill Mimi and missed, killed her cousin instead-”
Mimi covers her ears as she sits in the chair and rocks back and forth.
“You helped ruin this young woman’s life and you have tossed your own blood to the wolves. You are sleeping with the man who tried to kill his own daughter! You were behind my crash, Father’s death, and probably William’s-”
Mimi’s rocking gets faster and faster and she starts mumbling. “Look at her, Mother, she’s a fucking mess! Look at what you have done to her. Now listen to me carefully. You not only lost your husband yesterday but you lost your son. Your only child. You have-”
“That’s enough,” she says with a strangled yell. “I have heard enough!”
“I haven’t even begun! Have a seat; I want to know all about the hell you have caused. Let’s start with William’s death-”
Mimi starts laughing, it’s a bone chilling laugh, “William. Sweet, sweet William. An innocent. A victim, a-”
“Mimi, have you taken your medication today?” My mother asks her as she wipes away the first tear I have ever seen her spill.
She shakes her head no, “I don’t need it. I tell you that every day, Mother Irons, I don’t need it. I’m not crazy. I’m just a little tilted.”
She laughs again, louder this time, “William. Sweet, beautiful William.”
“Mrs. Irons, you wanna fill us in on what the hell is wrong with crazy train over here,” Shadows begins.
“Shadows, watch it,” I warn.
“Fuck that. If someone killed William-”
She laughs again and then covers her face.
“No one killed William,” Mother says and kneels down in front of Mimi. She pulls her hands away from her face.
Mimi looks at my mother and shrugs, “I did a bad thing.”
“Yes, you did.”
“No, she’s the only one that told me the damn truth! Mimi, I swear I will get you help. I will-”
“Lily.”
“Lily is safe, she is safe and I am going to make sure she stays tha
t way.”
Mother looks up at me, “Jaxson, there are things-”
“Not another word. Not one more fucking word,” I say to shut her up.
Suddenly, I feel a sharp pain in my head, a pain similar to what I have been experiencing but worse.
“You okay, Irons?” Shadows, grabs me as I stumble back.
“Fucking headache.”
“That bad though, man?”
“Just wait it out. I just have to wait it out.”
“How long has this been going on?” My mother asks.
“Don’t you worry about me, you have plenty to worry about.” I rub my temples.
“I have done nothing but worry about you since the day you were born.”
“You’re a good mother, Helen. A good mother,” Mimi whispers.
I sit down and wait it out. The pressure is easing but damn if it isn’t debilitating.
“Lucky I was here to catch your ass,” Shadows does his thing, he tries to make light of a situation; it usually helps, “One leg in a cast, arm in a sling and you still act like nothing’s fucking wrong. Shit, I am surrounded by some fucked up people.”
“Never a good day when you’re the normal one, huh?” I sit back and open my eyes, “Thanks.”
Mother walks back into the room; I hadn’t even seen her leave. She hands Mimi a pill and a glass of water.
Mimi shakes her head no, and mother holds it to her lips, “Take it, Mimi.”
“What are you giving her?” My voice comes out a little weaker than intended.
“Geodon.”
“It doesn’t make me fat.”
“No Mimi, It doesn’t.” Mother turns and looks at me. “You and I need to talk, alone. Shadows can take Mimi to the guesthouse. Mimi will be fine in a few minutes.”
~*~
As soon as they leave, Mother looks at me. “I am not your enemy, Jaxson.” I start to argue and she holds her hand up. “Please, let me talk. You can ask me whatever you want. I had nothing to do with William’s death, your accident, or your father’s accident.”
She sits down and hands me the Bible sitting on my father’s desk. “I married Jonathon Irons because I was in love. Things in life happen, Jaxson, things that hardened me. Being a wife to a soldier, be it officer or enlisted, is not easy, but a life I chose, a life I -”