by Mj Fields
“I don’t give a shit about the fairytale that you are portraying.”
“My first two miscarriages happened while your father was deployed.”
I finally look up at her. “I was young and a mess. Your father blamed himself for not being here for me. He felt guilty and he hardened to me. Words were spoken that could never be taken back and,” she looks away, “I found him with, with her.”
She sits down and turns the picture of me, my father, and my grandfather around. “Your grandfather stopped me from leaving. Told me to suck it up. When I told him no, he told me I would never be anything without Jonathon, and coming from where I did, I believed him. In the most humiliating meeting I have ever been involved in, I was told by your grandfather that I was to stay put. He told your father to stop being weak. We didn’t speak to each other for a week, yet stayed in the same house. One night, your father brought home a bottle of Southern Comfort and we both did shots while telling each other what the other needed to change in order for us to go back to where we were. That night you were conceived.”
She stands and walks to the window, “After you were born, I suffered post-partum depression. A year went by, a whole year that I didn’t leave the house. I held you all the time, wouldn’t let you out of my sight because, down deep, I believed I didn’t deserve you.” She turned around and looked at me, “Your Grandfather told me that. Told me I wasn’t good enough to carry an Irons. He was wrong.”
“I went to your father’s room that night and he was with her again. I didn’t say a word, but he saw me leave. When he came to me, I told him to keep her. I expected him to fight with me, to say he was sorry, at the very least, to get rid of her. As you know, he never did. That was the moment I decided I was gonna raise a stronger man than your grandfather did. I was going to raise not only a soldier but a leader. That’s exactly what I did. I raised a leader. By five-years-old you knew what you wanted. You wanted to be just like him. So, by god, I gave that to you. I promised myself to make sure you became exactly what you wanted.”
“Along the way I stayed by your father’s side, learned secrets that women are not supposed to learn, and found out about this Bible.” She pushes it to me.
“Your future was planned out before you even came to be Jaxson. Your grandfather and a very small but powerful group of men planned out a way to ensure his son and his son’s son would someday run this nation. Politics, Jaxson, is dirty and nasty, and does not take into account or have room for feelings or desires. Your father’s death, I can assure you, had nothing to do with me.”
“Then Deveroux,” I interrupted.
“No, Arthur became my best friend. His wife… his wife and his daughter are not well. On the nights I would sit at fundraisers and your father and grandfather would be playing political games, courting lobbyists, drinking with influential business leaders and gaining favor everywhere they went; Arthur would sit and I would talk. One night I got drunk, he was instructed to take me home by your grandfather. I spilled my whole life story. Not my finest moment, but because I knew all of his secrets, it was easy. I came onto him. I looked to him for comfort. He was the only one I could talk to and not feel judged. The night of your graduation, instead of watching out for you in that house where all of your father’s political associates were, do you know where I was?”
“No, I don’t, and I don’t really-”
“I was in the guest house drunk, when William Cruz called and told me he thought Mimi had tried to kill herself. When we got to the house, she was already in bed, tucked in nicely. You were not in there when Arthur and I checked on her. But the next morning you were and that night, Arthur received a picture showing you carrying a very unconscious Mimi Deveroux to bed.”
“From who?”
“A senator who wasn’t as close to your father as your father had thought.”
“Roberts from New York?” She looked at me and nodded. “His car was the one at the courthouse in Princess Anne when Francesca and my license came up missing.” Confusion crossed her face. “He’s connected to your friend.”
“He has been playing a game of political blackmail with Arthur since the night of your graduation.”
“I don’t trust you, I don’t believe you.”
“You will.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Do you think this country is truly run by men like your grandfather or your father? Do you think that any office in this country truly holds power? If you do, you are wrong. The men behind the politicians, men with money, more money than you can imagine. Men who profit from wars, cause wars, men who influence men like your father and grandfather, build them up, feed them false beliefs that they are meant to be something, that they believe so strongly in them that they will make it happen. Then when uprisings happen, our politicians look to these men who helped them become leaders for advice. These men, the real rulers of this country, the world, have manipulated every war this great country of ours has been in. Then, they make sure that they have companies in place to help rebuild those countries. They are the men behind the banks who lend the money to these war torn countries at interest rates they know they will never be able to afford. They’re the men behind the construction companies that go in and rebuild for ten times what should be charged. They are the men who put cellular towers in countries that don’t even have running water in ninety percent of their homes. They are the men who support these nobodies and make them rulers of these countries, and when they need a new war, they pick them off, cause an uprising, and when devastation strikes, they are the ones who go in and do it all over again. It is not the five percent who run this world, Jaxson, it is the point five that run them. When a man like your grandfather figures it out, they feed him a line about what good it does for this great country, the United States of America, and by then they are in so deep they don’t know which direction to swim in to get out.”
“That may be how things are now, but it can change.”
“No, Jaxson. It’s not just war. It’s even gone so far that our educational system, our public schools, are tainted by this. State tests that are made up and sold to us from Middle Eastern countries who then turn around and fund terrorism. There is no fixing this. You may think I am cold, heartless, evil even, but, Jaxson, I am your mother and if the powers that be can keep you safe, then I will do what I have to do for them.”
“You’ve lost faith in this country.”
“I’ve lost faith in humanity.” She throws her hands in the air and they come down hard on her hips.
“Your story may be believable, but what kind of love does a mother have for her son if she has never uttered the words I love you, and then takes his own child away from him?”
“Love is but a word. A word that I have heard from three people in my life, all who have betrayed me. I more than love you, I live to protect and serve you, Jaxson. I will die protecting you and I will compromise myself to make sure that you are in a position that you stand behind a podium, as a leader to a country that believes it is the most powerful to make sure that everything I ever hoped, wished, and prayed for, for you, can still be true. But now, now I can’t even guarantee your safety. And I can’t tell you anymore without putting you in eminent danger.”
“Who killed my father?”
“I can tell you he went to Captain Smith and it had something to do with these men I am telling you about. But the one man I know would lay down and die for me has been kicked off the property by my son, and he is the man who erases mistakes in this family, because, Jaxson, he loves me.”
“If that’s true, it’s because you allowed it. You sure as hell didn’t allow me to.”
“Everything you find in that book your father left will lead you to find support in everything I have said. You marrying Francesca puts her in danger, God help you. Protect her, Jaxson, it will be a full time job.”
“I can handle protecting my wife. By the way, she will be with me at Father’s services.”
She throws her hands in the air, “Nothing I can do about it now.”
“And Mother, last night a team, one that included Francesca, brought my daughter home. Right now, I’m going to meet her and try like hell to show her what you couldn’t show me.”
“Jaxson,” she says, voice full of regret, “That little girl, she is not yours.”
“Enough!”
“Jaxson, look at me and listen. The man who sent that video is the same man who destroyed evidence of your marriage. He is the same man who tried to ruin this family. He is the most ruthless, power hungry man I have ever met. If you want to know who the father is, ask Mimi when the meds wear off.”
“She said it was me. I’m not playing games here. I am going to show that child love.”
“She is not yours.”
“I’ve heard enough. Jesus, she even looks like me.”
“No Jaxson, she looks like someone you love.”
“Francesca? That makes no sense Mother, no sense at all, she has blue eyes, my-“
“Mimi’s eyes.”
“Fine, Mimi’s eyes. But she looks like me, I saw her, I talked to her, I recognized her.”
She closes her eyes and shakes her head no, “Jaxson-”
We hear a loud bang and the door flies open, Shadows is carrying Mimi, “Call a fucking ambulance!” He drops to his knees and feels frantically for a pulse. “She locked herself in the bathroom: I kicked it in when she didn’t answer. There was an empty bottle on the floor. It’s in my pocket!”
I begin rescue breathing as Shadows continues looking for a pulse.
LILY IS ASLEEP AS I sit looking at Laurie and the little girl she brought with her. She is four-years-old and so beautiful that it takes my breath away. I can’t even say a word for fear I will cry and frighten her.
She looks just like Will. I try to persuade myself otherwise but I can’t.
“Lawrence, can you take Calee to see the water?”
“Of course. You ready to go find some shells, little one?”
She smiles and points to the door, “Go.”
“Your wish is my command.”
Once they are out the door, she looks at me and takes in a very deep breath, “I never thought I would meet you. I always thought that you or your family would think I was lying or that you would try to take her from me. Francesca, I can’t lose her. Not ever. She is my heart, completely and totally. Please don’t be angry, please accept my apology and please understand. I just couldn’t let her go for a minute. But now that I know you-- I want her to know you. I want her to know who raised the man who gave me the greatest gift I have ever received.”
“I need to call them, I need to ask them to come. They can meet her,” I wipe the tears off my face and laugh, “They can meet Lily-”
“Francesca, I agree, but I need you to sit down and listen to me for just a minute.”
“Of course,” I laugh as I wipe my face again, “Of course.”
“William and I got very close. We talked about everything. Including his friends, family, and women. He told me once he wasn’t ready to share me with his friends and mentioned his friends, two in particular, liked to share. I, of course, got upset because I thought he was trying to talk me into something. He took my face in his hands and said, no, never like that. He told me,” she stopped and cleared her throat, “He told me he had been with some girls his friends had been with and they had done the same. Mimi’s name was mentioned. I remember it being an odd name. Well, different and you know country club like.”
“I hate her. God, she was with my brother? Well, now we can both hate her.”
“Francesca. I ran the tests and Lily is not Jaxson’s daughter. Their DNA doesn’t match.”
“No, she is his. Mimi told him she was his. She.” I stop mid-sentence and she smiled sadly.
“You can’t hate Mimi,” she says softly. “Out of curiosity, I ran her DNA tests against the ones on record for Will. Ninety nine percent positive, Francesca. Then I ran them against Calee’s and even if I hadn’t, I would just have to look at the two of them together and,” she stops and clears her throat, tears spill out her eyes, “They are sisters.”
I nod, “Lily is Will’s, too?”
“Yes. Without a doubt.”
“Not Jaxson’s.”
“No, Francesca.”
“Okay,” my stomach flips and I jump up and run to the bathroom. I throw up over and over. He loves her. Jaxson loves that little girl. Jaxson loves Lily, Williams’s daughter. He is going to be devastated.
I feel hands wrap around my hair, “It’s a lot, I know it is, and I am so sorry.”
“He’s going to be crushed.”
“He’ll also have more evidence, if the two of you fight her for custody. The two of you need to fight for her.”
“Of course.” I wipe the back of my hand over my mouth. “Of course, we will. And we will win.”
“I have no doubt. Then Williams’s girls can be raised together. They can know each other, and through us, they will know how amazing their father would have been.”
“That bitch took away a chance for him to know Lily. He had a chance to know one of his children.”
“If that bitch had done that, your brother would have done the right thing, and I would have never had Calee.”
I sit back on my heels and look up at her. “Right. I just have so much hatred for her.”
“I looked into her, too. She has some serious mental health issues and so does her mother.”
“I could have told you that,” I try to joke.
She smiles, “As funny as it is, it’s serious too. We have to make sure we watch for signs with Lily.”
“Oh, God,” I lean over and throw up again.
~*~
Laurie and Calee have agreed to stay for dinner and my parents are on their way; they don’t know about Lily or Calee yet. I want them to meet Laurie, again. I want them to love her and her daughter, Will’s daughter, as much as I do. I want them to not have any more lost moments.
I have sent Jaxson messages that go straight to voicemail. I asked Titan to message Shadows and he has, but has gotten no response.
The last time I called I left a message, telling him I knew he was busy but he needed to, at the very least, call. It was urgent.
Half an hour later, he and Shadows walk in the door. Well, Shadows walks and Jax limps. He stops when he sees Laurie.
“Is Lily okay?”
My heart breaks for him, “She is outside with Laurie’s friend, Lawrence; I need you to come in the bedroom for a minute.”
Once inside, I shut the door, lean back against it and take a deep breath. “There is no easy way to tell you this and if it hurts, and God, Jax, I know it’s gonna hurt, don’t you dare shut me out.” I stop and look up at him; he looks exhausted, beautiful but exhausted. “Come hug me.”
“Frankie-”
“No, I have missed you so much. I love you, Jaxson.”
“Love you too,” he hops over and hugs me.
“Give me more than that,” I say and tears start to fall again. “I have cried all day. I’m happy, but I’m sad. I am full of energy and exhausted. The only feelings that don’t seem like contradictions are the amount of love I have for you. Jax, Lily is that awful woman’s and-”
“Mimi killed herself this morning.”
“What?!”
“She’s gone, Frankie. So I have a starring role in both of Lily’s parents’ deaths. I know she is not mine and I know some day she is going to hate me.”
“Jax, she is going to be too busy loving you because you and I are going to raise her. And when she sees inside of you, she is gonna love you even more.”
“Christ, Angel,” he hugs me tighter, “I love you and your optimism, but I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy. I don’t even know where to begin with her.”
“Your parents are in heaven, Lily, and your adoptive ones are pieces of shit. I’m gonna be your daddy from now on, is a good start.”
“In a fairytale world, maybe.”
“Then you can say, if we hadn’t have found you, we would have never found your sister.”
I look up at him and he looks down, “What are you talking about, are you-”
“Laurie has a four year old little girl. Calee and Lily have been playing in the sand for two hours. They’re spitting images of each other. Calee and Lily are sisters.”
“What? Are you kidding me?”
“No, William has two little girls that he never even had a chance to meet.” I bury my head in his chest and cry, I cry for Will now.
His lips are on my head and his uncast hand is rubbing up and down my back. I allow him to take care of me for a moment, but just for a moment, because he needs me, too.
I pull back and look at him, “Jaxson, I’m really sorry about your father. I’m sorry your mother-”
“She didn’t do it, Frankie.”
I look at him for a moment, trying to see what has changed. In a flash, I know that it is nothing and everything. “Okay.”
“We have a lot to get through if you want that little girl to be okay. I’m not promising I will be much help, but I will do whatever you need me to.”
“My parents, they are on their way.”
“Okay.’
“You look exhausted, Jaxson.”
“I am, but I’ll be fine.”
“I will make sure of that.”
“I know you will, Angel.”
~*~
When we walk out of the room, Lily’s back is to us. I feel Jax tense up and I wrap my arm around his waist. When she turns around, she looks up at him. There is a light in her eyes and then a smile forms.
She holds up her stuffed bear, the one she hasn’t put down since she has been with us, “Hi.”
“Hi, Lily.”
“Hi,” she half giggles and covers her mouth.
I look up for Jax’s reaction and he smiles.
“Will,” she says and the same smile creeps up.
“Jaxson.”