Partners in Love

by Saunders, Jean

  “I don’t know, and right now I don’t care! I’ve told you I’m grateful to you and Mrs. Somerton, but that’s got nothing to do with here and now, has it? I may have been weak in body, but I’m not weak in the head, and if you think you’re going to use some kind of blackmail over me to seduce me —”

  “My God, do you think I have to resort to blackmail to make love to a woman?”

  “You don’t know the meaning of the word love,” Robin raged at him.

  She saw him go rigid, and for a moment she thought she had gone too far. Luke looked ready to strike her, the muscles tight in his face, his whole attitude one of lean, hard aggression, his mouth a compressed line of anger.

  “And neither do you,” he flung at her before he stomped out.

  Chapter Eleven

  Once back at work, Robin realised that Luke had taken to heart her request for him to keep his distance: not physically, because there were many times when they were together, including his driving her to and from the office when he wasn’t out of town; but mentally they were poles apart now, and to Robin it was almost unbelievable that they had ever been close.

  Almost. But in the silence of the night, when she was unable to keep up the brittle façade, her control slipped a little. Her subconscious refused to let her forget the time she had spent in Luke’s arms at the villa, how beautiful it had been, how right and natural. Then he had been, and still was, all she had ever wanted in a man, all she had ever dreamed of. But he didn’t love her, and her own pride wouldn’t let her accept anything less.

  She wished she could be less rigid in her thinking, able to accept an affair for what it was, an enjoyable interlude with no harm done on either side. But she wasn’t made that way, and her feelings ran far too deep. She could only be thankful she had come to her senses in time at the villa, for by now she would have been even more unhappy, having once known the ultimate pleasure of Luke’s love.

  Her mouth twisted in the darkness every time that word came to her mind. It wasn’t love. And his final taunt at her flat that she didn’t know the meaning of it, either, was the bitterest irony of all.

  He had agreed to her taking a week off for Christmas, and as the time grew near, Robin eagerly looked forward to it. Relaxing at Pollard Manor with her father was just the therapy she needed. She thought of her love for Luke more as a sickness requiring therapy than the physical illness from which she had recovered. With James and familiar surroundings, and all that home meant, she hoped to put everything in perspective and leave all this madness behind her. Nothing was impossible.

  Before she left, insisting on taking the train, even though Luke offered to drive her, he gave her a small package wrapped in shiny silver paper, telling her not to open it until Christmas Day. Robin felt acutely embarrassed at the gift. Although she and the girls in the office had exchanged presents, she had merely arranged for a huge floral basket to be delivered to Luke’s house for him and Mrs. Somerton. It wouldn’t be there until Christmas Eve.

  Seeing her flushed face, Luke spoke gruffly. “Don’t worry. I always give my secretaries a present at Christmas.”

  “Then, thank you, Luke,” she said sincerely. “And thanks for bringing me to the station.”

  He’d got her there just in time, leaving no time for prolonged good-byes, to Robin’s relief. He’d handed her the package at the station. She hoped desperately he wouldn’t kiss her. All around them, couples seemed to be embracing as the train doors were shutting, and she got inside quickly, putting the door between them. He caught her hand, squeezing it for a moment.

  “I think I’d better go, Robin. I’m due on site in half an hour. Have a good Christmas, and give my regards to James. I’ll phone you sometime.”

  Suddenly he was gone, swallowed up in the crowds, as if business were more urgent than standing there on a cold and windy station platform. Robin turned away, her heart thudding painfully, wishing things could have been different between them, her eyes misting as she found her seat in the train and buried her head in a paperback novel to avoid making conversation with other passengers.

  She felt ridiculously as if she were leaving her heart behind, leaving all that she loved in that dark retreating figure who didn’t care the way she cared. Then she remembered her father and knew fervently that there was one person who truly loved her and had never let her down. For the moment she completely forgot that it had been James’s business deal with Luke that had triggered off her meeting with him. James was the haven to which she was returning with a heavy heart.

  He met her at the station after the long journey west, and Robin was instantly comforted by the familiar warmth of his embrace. The few unavoidable tears were explained away by the aftereffects of her illness, though she assured him she was fine now.

  “You’re thinner,” James observed when they were back at the manor and drinking a welcome cup of tea and sampling some of Mrs. Drew’s homemade fruit-cake. “It doesn’t suit you, Robin. Mrs. Drew will soon fatten you up with her Christmas delicacies!”

  “You make me sound more like the Christmas turkey.” She laughed, her eyes suspiciously bright at the anxiety she still saw in him. “I don’t want fattening up, Dad. I like being thinner! Some women pay good money at a health farm to achieve what I did in a couple of weeks.”

  But she knew that she wasn’t fooling him one bit; he knew her too well. When he ruffled her gleaming hair as he used to do when she was a child, she knew just how near to the surface her emotions were as she forced down the lump in her throat. She was as vulnerable as the child she had once been.

  “Well, whatever you say, darling, you’ll be taken good care of now — though I think Luke and his housekeeper did a marvellous job, didn’t they? He phoned me twice a day, you know, morning and evening.”

  “Did he?” Robin hadn’t known that. “That must have alarmed you even more.”

  “Not at all. I was exceedingly grateful to him. He thinks a great deal of you, Robin. I half hoped that you and he —”

  “You can forget any matchmaking ideas, Dad. He’s a good and generous boss, and I admit that I was wrong about the complex spoiling the environment if it’s to be anything like the one we went to in Ibiza —”

  “How was that?” James changed the conversation quickly, as her voice had become heated. If he thought she rose to the bait unnecessarily, he had his own ideas as to the reasons. “You didn’t say much about it when you phoned to tell me you were back, and then you were ill. Was it as tasteful as Luke has always insisted, blending in with the natural scenery?”

  “Oh, yes. I couldn’t fault him on that.” Her voice became toneless. She didn’t trust herself, not wanting to think about Ibiza too deeply. Instead she spoke of the development from a purely professional viewpoint. “Luke was quite right when he said he wouldn’t ravage the landscape. The villas look as if they’d sprung up out of the hillside perfectly naturally, and the screen of trees is as effective as he said. He has an eye for it, I’ll agree to that.”

  She wouldn’t be drawn any further, except on superficial comments about the complex. Her attitude troubled James very much, but he knew Robin to be as stubborn as a mule when she wanted to be. And if she and Luke were having some kind of problems, it wasn’t for him to interfere. It wouldn’t hurt to give nature a helping hand, though, he decided thoughtfully.

  During the few days leading up to Christmas, Robin drove into Helston to buy last-minute items for the tree and in general to get herself into the Christmas mood, difficult though it seemed. There was a block of ice around her heart, and she missed Luke more than she would have thought possible. Even the wrangling between them had been stimulating in its way. Now, there was nothing but blankness.

  He had phoned her once, but the conversation had been stilted. She couldn’t converse naturally with him, and she had been his secretary for too short a time for them to have any long-standing business topics to discuss. She was almost glad when he hung up, and then immediately longed for the sound
of his voice once more.

  She had held back the tears as they finished speaking and told her father abruptly that she was going out for a while. It was early evening, the day before Christmas Eve, and Robin got in her car and drove aimlessly along the coast with its grey, gaunt cliffs and foaming sea, through little towns and villages where Christmas-tree lights shone out from cottage windows. Occasionally she saw groups of carol singers, their messages of love and goodwill seeming a mockery of her. Never had she felt so dispirited.

  When she got back to the manor, James poured out two glasses of sherry and handed one to her as she rubbed her cold hands together. Her face was pinched, the skin drawn tightly over her bones. She was as lovely as ever, but with an ethereal look about her that alarmed James more than he let her know.

  “What’s this for?” she asked him. “Are we celebrating Christmas two days early? You don’t usually indulge until just before dinner.”

  “We’re celebrating the fact that we’re having a guest for Christmas to cheer up our lonely twosome,” James said.

  “A guest?” Robin wasn’t too sure about that. She wasn’t in the mood for making polite small talk. She’d thought her father appreciated that. “Who is it? Anyone I know?”

  The minute she asked the question, she knew. James’s voice had been just too casual, and she put down her glass, slopping some of the golden liquid.

  “Now, before you go off half cocked, this is my house and I’ll invite who I like to stay in it.” James spoke fast, seeing the outrage in her eyes. “It’s time you and Luke got this damn nonsense sorted out between you, whatever it is, and I don’t need a crystal ball to tell me something’s wrong! I phoned him back when you’d gone out and asked him down here. He’ll be arriving tomorrow afternoon, and then the two of you can travel back together in his car the day after Boxing Day. And don’t argue, Robin!”

  He used the same tone he had used when she was a child, and suddenly all the anger was crumbling away and she was in his arms, being comforted by his soothing voice, her entire frame shaking as she sobbed against his chest.

  “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong, Robin?” James said gently. “You always came to me with your secrets, didn’t you? Remember?”

  “Grown-up secrets are different,” she mumbled. “This is something I have to work out for myself, Dad. Just be around if I need you, that’s all I ask.”

  “I always have been, haven’t I?” He kissed her hot cheek, smoothing back her hair, reminding her of how Luke had done the same thing when she had been ill.

  “What time did Luke say he’d be here?” she asked huskily.

  “Oh, mid-afternoon sometime. You won’t run out on us, will you, darling? It’s useless to try and run away from problems. All you do is delay the moment when you have to face up to them, and it is Christmas. Goodwill to all men and all that!”

  He tried to cheer her up, and Robin gave a watery smile.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t upset everybody. I’m just surprised Luke’s coming down here. I’d have thought he had plenty of places in which to spend Christmas. I know his housekeeper’s going to stay with some relatives for a couple of days, but Luke’s not a man to go short of invitations.”

  “He obviously preferred our company,” James replied.

  There were times when he’d have loved to knock their two heads together if they couldn’t see what was so obvious to him. He’d seen it when they came down to look over the site. The old cliché that love was blind was never truer than when applied to Robin and Luke, and if James could help things along a little, he’d go all out to do so.

  Robin spent a restless night. Christmas was a family time and sometimes an emotional time. She could have done without Luke’s company right then. She was still trying to sort herself out, and his presence wasn’t going to help one bit. But James thought he was doing the right thing, and for her father’s sake she would try to make the holiday an untraumatic one. By the time Luke’s car arrived the next afternoon, she was sufficiently calm to go out and meet him, despite the fact that her heart was thumping.

  He looked at her warily, not knowing how she ached with love for him, as if he expected a mini-explosion as soon as she got near him. Some reputation she had, Robin thought wryly. Instead she forced a smile and held out her hand.

  “Thank you for coming. It means a lot to Dad, Luke. And it would mean a lot to me if we could call a truce.”

  “Another one?” But he was smiling, too, and his fingers curled around hers in unspoken agreement. Then he hauled his suitcase out of the car, the same one he’d taken to Ibiza. And there was also a flight bag, in which were some bottles of whisky and other spirits for James as a thank you for the invitation.

  “I thought you’d be otherwise occupied,” Robin said, trying not to make it sound too sneering, in view of her suggestion of a truce.

  Luke answered lightly, “I decided that since it was impossible to choose between all the women fighting over me, I’d settle for you, darling. I know where I am with you, don’t I?”

  She glared at him for a minute, and then saw that he was teasing her.

  “I suppose I deserved that,” she admitted.

  Luke laughed. “You did. Come on, let’s get inside. It’s chilly out here, and I must say, this feels almost like coming home. Christmas can be a lonely business.”

  That was something she’d never expected to hear Luke say, but Robin suddenly remembered the way Mrs. Somerton had spoken of his deep affection for his mother. Robin didn’t know how long ago she had died, but there was something about the note of sadness in Luke’s voice just then that told her unerringly that he was thinking about her.

  It subdued her tension a little, and with her father’s determination to make this a real old-fashioned Christmas, the time passed more pleasurably than Robin had ever dreamed it would. Mrs. Drew had been with the family a long time and joined them for Christmas dinner as always, leaving them to the traditional present-opening around the tree after they had watched the Queen’s TV transmission.

  Robin had hastily bought Luke a present upon learning that he was coming to Cornwall. Hardly knowing what to buy for the man who had everything, she’d had sudden inspiration in a small bookshop and bought him a leather-bound edition on architecture through the ages, in which he was passionately interested.

  She hadn’t been tempted to open the small package he had given her at the railway station, pushing it to the bottom of her suitcase. But now he waited for her to open it with the rest of her gifts beneath the Christmas tree. Her hands shook a little as she took out the small jeweller’s box, and then she gasped as she saw the exquisite little emerald earrings inside.

  “I thought they’d be a good match for your mother’s necklace,” Luke said evenly.

  She was startled that he had remembered it and was touched by the thought — and a bit perturbed, too, that the earrings must have cost far more than the kind of present a man usually gave to office staff. But that wasn’t the moment to say so. She thanked him, her eyes glowing like the emeralds, leaving him in no doubt about her pleasure.

  “Is that all the thanks I’m getting?” he asked, “when you’re sitting right beneath a bunch of mistletoe?”

  Before she could resist, he had moved towards her and pulled her to her feet and into his arms. Her own went around him automatically, and his mouth was warm on hers, and she felt all the tingling little shafts of pleasure his kiss always gave her. She couldn’t push him away without appearing priggish, and this was only a kiss under the mistletoe. Nobody took them seriously!

  Luke opened his present and was obviously delighted with it, insisting on another kiss. If that went on much longer, her nerves would be ragged, Robin thought weakly.

  “I think it’s time I made a discreet withdrawal,” she heard James say, his voice seeming to come from a long distance. “Mrs. Drew is ready to go home to her family for the afternoon, so I’ll take her now. I’ll be back in an hour. I’m sure you two have
plenty to say to each other without me around.”

  Robin looked up in alarm, but what James suggested was a long-standing arrangement and nothing unusual. And if she began arguing, it would look as if she were afraid to be alone with Luke. The implications of the thought were disturbing, but there was nothing she could do to keep her father from leaving with Mrs. Drew. When they arrived at the housekeeper’s daughter’s home, Robin knew he would be made welcome with a Christmas drink and would be expected to stay a short while. She ran her tongue around her dry lips as the sound of James’s car faded in the distance.

  She hardly dared look at Luke. It all seemed such a setup, and it was one she hadn’t wanted. Maybe he thought she did. She spoke jerkily.

  “Do you feel like a walk? It’s such a lovely afternoon. The coast path might be a bit bracing, but I feel the need to walk off that huge meal, don’t you?”

  Please don’t twist my words and say you have other needs that are more urgent, Robin pleaded inside her head. She just couldn’t cope with it. Luke rose at once, holding out his hand to pull her to her feet. She held herself tense, wanting and yet resisting the certainty that he was going to pull her into his arms. When he didn’t, she felt the sting of disappointment. Had she become so mixed up about the man that she even welcomed the battles rather than the platonic relationship she had demanded? Her thoughts were as capricious as the wind.

  “It’s a very good idea,” Luke said briskly. “We can take a look at how the site is coming along too. They’ll have made good progress with the reasonable weather lately.”

  It was just as if he had never stunned her senses with his seductive lovemaking at the villa, as if he was determined to keep strictly to their boss/secretary roles, since she had insisted on it. It was easier on her before she fell in love with him. She still wasn’t sure why he was even here! Surely he could have spent Christmas with one of his women friends. She was convinced he had plenty, and Carlotta’s hot, smouldering looks on the little beach on that last morning in Ibiza had left Robin no doubt that there was a very close relationship between them. If Carlotta didn’t even care when Luke brought another woman to the island, it made Robin question very much just what that relationship was. It hinted at something very bohemian, and the kind of situation Robin simply couldn’t take.