She steps right into my space, bringing with her the scent of summer—her scent. So close. I only need to lean in to touch her, which I do. Her breasts rest against my chest and I crave the feel of her naked form against my skin. Only once have I allowed myself to be chest-to-chest with her while we were both naked—she was holding onto the headboard—and the sensation had been like nothing else. Needless to say just the touch had brought me to the brink of orgasm.
“Lucien.”
I meet her eyes.
My hand, of its own accord, reaches up and caresses her smooth cheek. Her eyes close as she leans into my touch.
“I don’t think you realize just what you do to me,” I blurt out before I can stop the words.
“You said you don’t want me.” Her voice breaks as she tries to move away.
My arm wraps around her waist and brings her flush against my body. My dick thickens and lengthens with her so close, which will leave her in little doubt about what she does to my body.
She presses her pelvis against me, and rubs, causing a gasp to escape from between her lips when I grow hard as a spike.
“You’re playing with fire,” I growl against her lips while pushing her up against the wall. My hand is still cradling her face while my other is gripping her hip as though it’s my lifeline.
Our breathing has deepened and I want nothing more than to dip my head and taste her. My cock gives a jerk behind my zipper, obviously liking that idea, but I’m still not sure this is such a good idea.
Kiss her. Kiss her. Kiss her.
“Lucien,” she says, almost breathless, “kiss me.”
She’s going to be the death of me. Without further thought, I kiss her and the reasons why I shouldn’t fly straight out of the window.
Her tongue dips into my mouth and I’m lost. My passion for this woman overrides all the reasons why this isn’t such a good idea.
My hand wraps in her silky tangles of hair and I hold her against me as my mouth ravishes hers and takes everything she’s willing to give. Her taste is unique. Like an aphrodisiac.
My tongue spears into her mouth just like my cock wants to do to her pussy. I bet my nuts that she’s soaked her little panties already with want.
Her hands slide into my hair, and the small tug she does, sets my blood from burning to inferno. Growling, I grab her bottom with my hands, and squeezing, I lift her up until she is perched on the vanity as we continue to kiss—no consume—each other. Her legs wrap around my waist, pinning me against her. My dick is nearly as out of control as I am. It jerks and leaks with every little moan she gives and it has only gotten worse since it’s pressing tightly against her pussy.
My hands are all over her. I need to get to her breasts and to her large dark nipples, which I can never get enough of. Even before, when I’d have her on her hands and knees to fuck her from behind, I’d play with her nipples. She can bring us both to orgasm with stimulation of them alone.
But fuck, we can’t do this!
"No!"
She isn’t hearing me. "Sabrina, we can’t."
I see when my words start to sink in as the look in her eyes slowly shifts from passion to hurt.
I take a step back, unwrapping her long legs from around me. I follow her gaze as it travels down to my hard-as-fuck dick and I mentally groan as she licks her lips. Fuck! She’s going to kill me.
Cussing, I turn my back to her. "I want you." I laugh and turn back to face her. "I can’t exactly deny that, but I followed you in here to talk. I hate seeing you upset, and knowing that I’m the one causing it is tearing me up."
She shakes her head. "You made your point before about not wanting us to be together. I know you think I’m going to wake up one morning and be the one to hurt you, and if you think for one minute that I’m the kind of person to do that, then you don’t deserve to have me as part of your life."
How the fuck can she be so accurate with her description about me, but I ignore her words—my voice is filled with the cold tone I use as my defence, "I never said that." Mentally kicking myself, I look down at the floor. It’s such a lame thing to say but my brain isn’t working right.
"You don’t need to. It’s obvious, plus Ramon has hinted as much."
"Why the fuck can’t my brother’s stay out of my life?" I run my hands through my hair knowing it isn’t really my brother’s fault. It’s mine.
"One of these days, when I’m with someone else, you’re going to wake up and realize I really did care for you—scars and all, but it will be too late."
The challenge in her eyes causes me to move back into her space. She slides backward on the vanity in an effort to get away but I wrap my hands around her hips, securing her. Our noses touch as I lean in, my eyes searching hers…looking for more than the anger that is simmering just under the surface. What can I say to her? That I’ll kill anyone who so much as looks at her. How fair would that be to her? She’s young, around thirteen years my junior, and needs someone to love and cherish her. She needs...
~*~*~*~
I’d fled the moment the thought, ‘she needs me’ had entered my mind. It had been a gut reaction—a reason to flee before I blurted it out and staked my claim on her. Fuck! I lose all sense of self-preservation when she is close and that is not in my best interest. Ten minutes after I left her in the bathroom, I was sitting back at the table out back and having my photograph taken with my arm around Sabrina while all kinds of thoughts were whirling around in my head.
Through the meal, I’ve managed to avoid a full blown conversation with her, although we have both been part of the conversation around the table, which brings me to another woman in my life, Lily.
She hasn’t looked too good for a few days, which has me worried, but when I mentioned it to Michael the other day he brushed me off. Today she does seem to have color back on her face, but she can’t seem to sit still. If I know Lily, she has a secret and it’s killing her keeping it to herself.
I catch her eye and smile. She’s beautiful and I love her like a sister. Not only that but she’s turned my brother’s life around for which I’m grateful. She’s also become an amazing, loyal friend to me. I’d be lost without her. Without having her to talk to, I’d still be stuck in a hole basically. My brothers listen on occasion but I guess me and my problems are getting old now.
Seeing her smile slip into a frown, I look beside me and realize Sabrina is glaring at Lily. What the hell now? They’re friends or at least they were.
"What are you doing?"
She breaks her stare and faces me. "What do you mean?"
"Don’t act stupid. Quit glaring at Lily. She hasn’t done anything to you," I point out.
She opens her mouth to say something, but no sound comes out. Her eyes fill with tears, and just as I’m starting to panic at the thought of comforting a crying Sabrina, she stands, throws her napkin on the table and hisses, "Well you got your wish. Don’t ever come near me again because I’m done. That’s it. No more. Go to hell."
Watching her run off towards the barn, I vaguely hear murmurs around the table, which I ignore wondering what the fuck brought that outburst.
I’m going to have to go and make sure she’s okay. Women!
Climbing to my feet, Ruben puts his hand on my shoulders to make me stay put. "I’ll go. I’m kind of fond of you and with the mood Sabrina seems to be in, well, let’s just say it might be safer if you stay here.
Chapter Seven
Sabrina
Don’t act stupid. Don’t act stupid.
I’m so pissed with him right now. I can’t breathe. My lungs feel starved of oxygen and the only thing keeping Lucien safe from me, and my temper, is the fact that his parents are out there sitting with them.
Lily is my best friend, and ever since I was first with Lucien back at Kenza¸ I’ve found it hard to be around her. It’s no secret that Lucien is best friends with her and that he cares for her. But no matter how many times I’m told there is nothing between them other than fr
iendship, I can’t help wonder about it. Hearing him practically tell me off like I’m five years old made me lose it.
The creak of the barn door makes me turn around, nearly losing my balance in my haste. Unfortunately, it’s Ruben instead of the man I wouldn’t mind impaling on a pitchfork!
"Do I need to wave a white flag?" he asks, which makes me laugh as he comes fully into the barn.
I think this is me finally losing it because I can’t stop laughing and the more I laugh the more the tears are streaming down my face. Ruben waits patiently by the door until my laughter begins to fade away and the tears have turned to heartache. Then he pulls me into his arms, wrapping mine around his waist, and lets my tears fall all over him. The realisation that Lucien will always belong to Lily and not me hurts so badly. No matter whatever future we may have had together if Lucien had gotten with the program, Lily would always come first.
"Hey. Come on Sabrina. What did my brother do?" Ruben asks, lifting my head so he can look into my eyes. "Here. It’s clean." He passes me a handkerchief and steps back, slightly.
Wiping my eyes and blowing my nose, I try to get myself together. I know he’s waiting for an answer, but what the hell do I say. No one, other than Ramon, is supposed to know about what Lucien and I have been doing so I’m not about to blurt it out to Ruben. I need to talk though—badly.
“Look, if it helps, I know you and my brother have been doing the horizontal tango, but what I don’t know is what he’s done to screw it all up.”
“How do you know?” I counter.
Ruben looks taken back for a minute before he laughs and says, “Because I’m right. I’m always right.”
I roll my eyes and mumble, “Typical man.”
“Nothing typical about me babe. Now quit stalling and tell me what my dick of a brother has done so I can go punish him.”
I can’t let him do that. As much as I want to skewer the man, I believe Lucien is punishing himself more than anyone else ever could. “Leave him be Ruben. I’ll get over him.”
“Bullshit!”
I’m startled by his response.
“You are just as likely to get over him as he is in getting over you. You can tell yourself what you want but you two belong together…and if I have to guess I’d say it has more to do with Lucien than you and his hang up from the car fire. He was obviously affected by what happened, but he was coping just fine until the bitch walked out on him. He’s never said why, but it doesn’t take a genius to work it out. As far as I was concerned it was good riddance. I never liked her much and always thought she was with him for his money, but who knows?”
My eyes fill with tears, partly because of Ruben’s words and partly because of Lucien’s history. How could someone who supposedly loved him, walk away when he needed them the most?
Ruben steps into me and places his hands on my shoulders and rubs. “You are nothing like her, and I hope he realizes that before it’s too late.”
“I can’t do this anymore, Ruben. It’s making me sick. There is definitely a pull between us, but, well, never mind. I need a distraction.” I sniffle into a tissue. “And we better get back before they send out a search party for us.”
I wipe my eyes and try to get myself back under control. I feel like a child who cries at the slightest thing, and this needs to change.
Shoving my tissue into my purse, I quickly reapply some lip-gloss and then turn and grin at Ruben. “Okay, I’m ready.”
“Oh boy. I’m sure as hell glad that I’m not my brother right now.” Ruben laughs. “Because you’re going to cause him a lot of sleepless nights.”
“Good,” I smirk.
With one last look around the quiet barn, I let Ruben lead me back to the porch.
I’m not sure whether or not to say anything—apologise even—to his family for running out the way I did. I know everyone must be curious even though they’re hiding it well, and the glares Pippa keeps throwing at Lucien tells me she knows where my heartache lies.
Pippa gives my hand a quick squeeze. “Everything will work its self out. I promise.”
As soon as she lets me go, my hand is engulfed in Ramon’s as he pulls me into his arms. “Are you, okay?” he whispers.
“I’m fine, but wouldn’t mind leaving early. If you don’t mind,” I admit, pulling away from him.
“I have something to do so no problem,” Ramon replies, pulling me down onto his lap. “Have I told you how much I love snuggling with you in my arms.”
“No, but you better not let that get back to Sylvia.” I smile keeping my face averted. I don’t think he realizes how much his feelings are out there in the open whenever Sylvia is around.
He’s the youngest McKenzie and since I’ve been spending time with him over these past few weeks, I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s just as troubled as his brother, Lucien, and I have no idea how to help him. I’ve tried to get him to talk to me, but he always changes the subject and tells me there isn’t anything to worry about. I’m not sure I believe him.
Sitting, feeling secure while wrapped in Ramon’s arms, I watch the McKenzies interact with each other. They are all handsome men with wives who are attractive on the inside as much as on the outside. I’ve missed this while I’ve been wallowing in my heartache.
Michael leans down and kisses Lily full on the mouth and before I can check my action, I glance at Lucien to see his reaction. He isn’t looking at Lily and Michael, his attention in completely on Ramon and me—he doesn’t look happy.
“Can I have everyone’s attention,” Michael stands and taps his wine glass with a spoon. “Please.”
Now all our attention is on Michael and Lily, who is watching her husband with so much love on her face.
I’m now watching Lucien without his scorching gaze on me.
“Um, okay. Well, Lily and I thought it was a good time to announce that baby number three is going to be here in about six months time.”
The noise fades into the background as I witness the shock on Lucien’s face before he hides it behind a mask. He stands and hugs both Michael and Lily before excusing himself.
I place my hand protectively over my stomach.
Chapter Eight
Lucien
Walking into my apartment in downtown Lexington, all I can think about is what I’ll never have. Hearing Lily was pregnant with Charlotte and Jr. didn’t affect me anything like today’s announcement. Hearing my brother announce that he’s going to become a father for the third time hurts. Until the words left his mouth, I hadn’t realized just how much I wanted what he has.
Coming from a family who are all close and make time for ‘family’ used to make me want a family of my own, but I buried those feelings the day Alyssa made it clear about how she really felt about someone like me. What she meant, of course, was someone who has a badly scarred body. I’ve never once struck a woman, but I came close while Alyssa was spouting off.
Throwing my jacket off, I turn and kick my boots off in the general direction of the door before walking over to the window with floor to ceiling glass. I spend more time than I care to admit standing here, gazing out at the skyline. It has become a constant habit this past few weeks.
Pouring myself a large scotch, the look on Sabrina’s face appears clear as day in my head. I may have been looking at my brother and Lily when Michael had made their announcement, but I’d caught the distress on Sabrina’s face before I’d gotten out of there. She’d looked hurt beyond belief.
Why do I keep hurting her? I deserve to have her fall for someone else. Someone who can give her all the things I’ll never be able to. I was hurt and angry when Alyssa left, but having Sabrina walk away from me for the same reasons would surely kill me.
Taking a good drink from the glass, I continue watching the skyline as lights begin to glimmer as the sky darkens. The lights are like a million stars below, and I can’t help wondering if one of them is Sabrina’s…or maybe she is with my brother—being comforted by him. The glass
in my hand goes flying and smashes to pieces against the wet bar at the thought of her with my brother or any man for that matter. I’m so fucked!
Hearing someone knocking on my door, I ignore it, unable to move. The careful, safe life I’ve worked hard to get is slowly unwinding and I don’t know how the hell to get back not that Sabrina has stepped into it.
“Lucien?”
Bang. Bang.
“Lucien? Open this fuckin’ door before I break it down.”
Ruben!
Hearing his voice and the hardness of his knock gets me moving towards the door before he holds to his word. I open it just as he’s about the pound on it again.
“About fuckin’ time you asshole,” he shouts and pushes his way past me into my apartment. He comes to a stop on the way to get himself a drink and points to the shattered glass. “You having a party without me?”
“Fuck you.”
His eyes narrow at my response. He walks back to me and, standing practically nose-to-nose with me, asks, “What the hell is going on with you?”
I open my mouth to answer, but he silences me with a wave of his hand. “I want the truth, not Lucien’s version of the truth. I want to know what the fuck is going on with Sabrina and why the hell you had to hurt her the way you did.”
If he didn’t already have my attention, he would now.
“All this time you’ve been saying that Lily is like the sister we never had, but anyone watching you receive Michael’s news could see that Lily means a lot more to you because your jealousy was written all over your face. Even Sabrina noticed. She closed down after you left, and Ramon took her home.”
I run my hands through my hair, ignoring my brother as I walk around him and drop to the sofa. My head drops to the back as I gaze up at the ceiling feeling drained. I’m forty-one, but right now I feel like I’m ninety.
“Talk to me.” I hear him pop the cap on a longneck. “What’s really going on in that head of yours?”
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