“I’m going to try not to.”
Chapter Fifteen
Sabrina
The clock on the wall slowly clicks away, seconds lost and then minutes and I can’t help but watch them slide away. Where is he? Lucien was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago and there was still no sign of him. He promised he would be here so I’m not going to give up on him yet. He’s really happy about becoming a father so I don’t believe for one minute that he would miss this appointment unless he physically couldn’t get here. The thought of which has me biting my lip.
I hope he’s okay.
“Sabrina, are you ready?” Crystal, my doctor’s nurse asks.
I’ve already told them to take the lady who arrived at the same time as I did, because Lucien hadn’t appeared, but now there is only me left. I can’t keep putting them off otherwise they’ll be giving me another appointment. I’ve been so looking forward to seeing my baby today that I don’t want that. With a heavy heart I follow Crystal through to a room with subdued lighting, and the ultrasound machine.
“If you want to make yourself comfortable on the bed, the doctor will be in soon.”
Left alone, I feel like someone else has taken over my body. As though I’m floating above the room and watching someone else carefully place her purse onto the chair beside the bed. Watching someone else climb onto the bed and lay down, her long fingers fidgeting with the buttons on her blouse. Shaking my head, I try to clear the feeling from my brain and close my eyes. If I can’t get control, the thoughts running through my mind are going to cause me to panic. Lucien should be here. He promised he would be and he isn’t. I really need to remember my cell when I leave home so I can call him, or maybe check to see if he’s tried to get in touch with me. What if something has happened to him? Leaving my cell at home isn’t something new—it’s a habit that I need to break.
“Hello Sabrina,” my OB, India Simone says, walking into the room, bringing me back to earth. “How have you been? The morning sickness started to subside?”
“I haven’t suffered for over a week now.”
She nods at my response.
“I had a message that you’d been admitted into hospital for a night after collapsing at the park. What happened?”
She sits beside me and waits.
“I wasn’t in a good place, and I guess I forgot to eat now and again, but I’m alright now. I’ve moved in with the father of my child and he’s been making sure I’m getting small meals throughout the day.”
“Good, it sounds like you need someone helping you. Is he going to be joining us today?” she asks and I have to fight back tears.
“He was supposed to be. I don’t know where he is. He promised me, and breaking his promise isn’t something Lucien would do. I just don’t know.”
“Well, how about we record the scan so you can take the DVD home with you and let him watch.”
I nod my head, not trusting my voice.
The doctor pushes my tee shirt up to my ribs and pulls my yoga pants down around my hips with my help before she settles me back down. With paper towels shoved into the top of my yoga pants, she warns, “This is going to be cold,” as she squirts some liquid onto my stomach.
“Okay, you ready to see your baby?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
I’m excited, but Lucien not being here with me has kind of taken some of the enjoyment out of this first time because I was excited to share it with him.
Then the door opens.
I turn and feel my eyes fill with tears of relief when he appears.
“God, I’m sorry I’m so late. Have I missed it?” he asks in a gush, sounding panicked.
“No. I take it you’re the missing father? You’ll be happy to know I’m just about to start.”
“Thank God.”
He seems to sag in relief before he quickly comes and stands at the side of me. I notice that he’s dishevelled, looking majorly hot and bothered with his hair half plastered to his head.
“What happened to you?”
“There was an accident a few blocks away, and I was stuck between two intersections so I couldn’t turn or use a different route. I tried ringing you, but you never answered. It kept going to voicemail. God, Sabrina,” he drops into the chair Crystal shoves behind him, “I thought I wouldn’t get here. I thought I would miss…”
“Shush. You’re here with me now and you haven’t missed anything…and I wasn’t ignoring you, I left my cell in the bedroom.”
Seeing how much he’s trying to hide his distress at being late is endearing and makes me want to wrap him up in my arms. It’s times like these that my heart wishes nothing will ever change, but I guess I know better. Part of me expects him to go back to how he was before I told him I was pregnant, and then he will push me away again. I’m not expecting him to change overnight, and I know it’s going to take time, which is why I’m finding it difficult to trust him to always be here for me with how he’s been in the past. But he’s here with me now…
“If you’re both ready.”
I meet Lucien’s eyes and smile.
He takes my hand and says, “We’re ready,” without breaking our contact.
Hearing the beep of the machine, we turn and see the grainy image of our baby at twelve weeks old. This has just become real. I’m not really listening as the doctor is explaining vital parts to us because all I’m thinking about is seeing Lucien holding our son or daughter. I want that so badly that I don’t realize I have tears pouring down my face until I feel Lucien mopping me up with a tissue.
“Baby, stop. I can’t keep up.”
I finally have a clear view of my handsome guy hovering over me and he’s looking slightly damp around the edges.
“I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” I smile to reassure him, turning back to the monitor to watch our baby as Lucien takes hold of my hand. I can’t even string any questions together that I’ve wanted to ask. They’ve flown the coup.
Luckily, Lucien’s brain seems to still be working and he asks one of his own.
“Can you tell how pregnant Sabrina is?”
“She’s twelve weeks and two days, going off the answers Sabrina has written down on the questionnaire all newly pregnant ladies are asked to fill in, and her answers match what the ultrasound is telling me.” She looks to me. “Everything seem to be going as planned, but after the scare you’ve had, I want to see you twice weekly for the next three weeks and we’ll go from there.”
What isn’t she telling me?
“I can see the wheels turning Sabrina. I’m not concerned about anything, but you were admitted to the hospital so to be on the safe side I want to keep a close eye on you for a few weeks. That’s all, I promise.”
“I’ll make sure she’s here.”
“I’m sure you will.” She grins at Lucien. “Please make the appointments on your way out, but for now let me clean you up and sort out your photographs and DVD.”
She starts to wipe my stomach clean while I gaze at Lucien. I’ve never seen that look on his face before and my brow wrinkles in confusion until I realize what it is—wonder.
“Are you okay?” I ask him as the doctor leaves us alone.
He inhales and exhales before standing and dropping his forehead to mine. “Yeah,” his voice breaks, “it’s amazing seeing our baby. It’s just become real. We’re going to be parents.” He kisses me on the lips. “Thank you.” He kisses me again and hovers above me with mere centimetres between us. “You and this baby will always come first, Sabrina. It’s not going to be easy for me, no one changes that quickly—”
I cover his mouth with mine.
Pulling away, I say, “The past is what it is, and although I’m not making light of what happened to you, we need to start living for our future.” I kiss him again and pulling back, I smile. “I can’t wait to tell your parents. Your mom is going to freak.”
He moves away and helps me sit up on the table laug
hing. “That she is.”
“We’ll leave my mom for now.”
“I think it might be better if we tell her first to get it out of the way and then go and tell my folks.” He slips my shoes back onto my feet and helps me stand before he rearranges the top of my yoga pants.
“I’ve told you how she’s likely to react. I’m not sure I can handle her negativity at the moment.”
Lucien leans into me, his heat warming me—making me feel safe as he brushes my hair from my face with his hand in a gentle caress. “My mom will pull you out of whatever your mom does to you, and just remember I’ll be with you. Stop her playing on your mind. You need to stay stress free.”
“I know you’re having a private conversation, but I have to agree with your boyfriend. The sooner you tell her, the sooner you can move forward and enjoy being pregnant.” The doctor passes me the pictures and DVD and starts to show us out of the room when she says, “Oh, and in case you’re wondering, there isn’t any reason why you can’t carry on with a normal sexual relationship.”
As soon as the words leave her mouth, I feel my face heat up and Lucien’s hands on me tighten as he pulls me slightly closer to him.
“That’s good to know,” he responds.
He ushers me out of the office and into the elevator without speaking.
Pressing the button for the underground car park, he stands opposite me with his ankles crossed and his back leaning against the elevator wall. The look on his face is so heated that I’m sure my panties have melted right off.
“Sex, hmm.”
Chapter Sixteen
Lucien
Since the doctor mentioned sex, I’ve been unable to get it out of my head. Up until a few months ago, I hadn’t had sex in close to six years because my cock had decided to stay flaccid. Then Sabrina appeared and I had a permanent erection, and now the doctor has just given us permission to have a sexual relationship again—not that we needed permission—but since she opened her mouth, my dick has sprung to life and wants to be buried in Sabrina’s warmth.
From the fidgeting Sabrina has been doing, I’m guessing that she’s in a state of arousal as well, which is why I’m driving back to our apartment instead of her mother’s place. I want to show Sabrina with my body what she means to me. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to give her properly what she wants—me fully naked—but I can worship her body and give her pleasure like no one else will ever get the chance to do because I’ll be damned if she’s ever going anywhere. That’s just unthinkable.
I refrain from touching her as I pull into my parking space at our apartment building. Otherwise we aren’t going to make it out of the car.
Jumping out, I run around and open the door for Sabrina. Taking her hand, I pull her out of her seat. She comes up against me causing a groan to burst from between my lips. My body feels like it’s about to combust with the lust running through me.
“I want you,” I ground out.
She replies, “I’m not complaining,” which gets me moving.
I take her hand and practically pull her towards the elevator. Once inside, I wrap my arms around her and burying my face in her neck, I just hold her to me. Her hands land on my backside, pulling me towards her so there is little doubt about how much I want her.
My heart’s beating to the throb going on in my pants.
Hearing the elevator ping, I take a deep breath and move Sabrina around in front of me. Sliding my hands against her stomach, I pull her flush against my body.
She presses her ass against my hardening length and gently rotates her hips.
I’m unable to look at the couple that have just entered the elevator because the lust on my face will be clear to anyone—even someone who doesn’t know me. I’m too far gone to be able to hide what she makes me feel.
Sabrina reaches back with one of her hands—the one hidden from view—and caresses over my ass again.
The elevator opens on our floor so I push her out in front of me and keep her trapped in my arms as we make our way to our apartment. As soon as the door is open, I have her inside and up against the wall with my body keeping her in place.
“Tell me if you don’t want this. If you don’t want me inside you.”
I need to hear her say that she wants me just as much as I want her. I don’t want there to be any doubt from either of us.
“I want you Lucien. I want you so much that I constantly ache for you.”
God, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep myself in check with her words. Feeling her against me does things to me that hasn’t happened before.
“We need a bed.”
I grab her ass and hear her gasp as I lift her. “Wrap your legs around me.”
She does as I ask, and her arms go around my neck, her fingers snaking into my hair and sending goose bumps down my spine.
If she’s not careful, she’s going to have me taking her on the floor. As it is, my legs feel like Jell-O and I only just make it to the bed before I drop her on it. She bounces slightly and laughs.
She falls silent as she watches me unfasten my belt and pants. I let them fall down to my ankles, which I kick off with my shoes. I’m not ready to remove my tee shirt. Small steps.
Sabrina sits up on the bed and kicks her shoes off. Quickly removing her clothes, she reaches out and traces along my length through my boxers. My shaft twitches and leaks with excitement. It’s not just her touch. It’s the sight of her sitting in front of me in her naked glory—her breasts and nipples swollen with arousal. Her trimmed pussy leading to her wet heat has my mouth watering.
“Let me see you Lucian,” she asks, stroking me. “Please.”
I look up at the ceiling to catch my breath, but nothing works. I feel like she’s taking the very breath out of me.
I’m slightly scarred on my hip and groin with the skin being puckered around the base of my dick and along one side. I guess I should be thankful it stopped there. I’d have had a lot more problems than I had at the time if it hadn’t.
I can do that—show her skin—because trust has to start somewhere.
With her watching me, I shove my shorts down my legs and catch my breath when her hand closes around my erection. I feel like a teenager with my reaction to her hand on me—seconds from coming. I haven’t let anyone touch me here since the fire. When I was with Sabrina before I pushed her away, she would try and touch me, but I’d knock her hand away. Now that I’ve finally let her put her hand on me, my body is gearing up for release.
She strokes down to my balls, which she massages between her fingers, my legs shake like a newborn colt.
“Lucien, you’re beautiful,” she whispers against the tip of my cock, her breath caressing over me like a breath of fresh air before I watch her tongue appear from between her pink lips. Our eyes meet as I watch her tongue lick around the bulbous head, and trace between the slit, which has pre-cum leaking out. If she’s not careful, I’m going to be coming against her tongue.
“You like that.”
I’ve no idea whether or not she expects an answer, but I’m too far gone to even think about opening my mouth and letting sound out.
She licks all around the base of my shaft, tracing her tongue over the puckered skin without any hesitation.
“How long has it been since you’ve been touched like this?” she purrs as her tongue darts out again to lick the pre-cum leaking from my tip.
I groan and force my hips still. All I want to do is trust towards her.
“Hell…Six years.”
“No one’s touched you for all that time?”
I guess it does sound odd for a full-blooded guy, but it’s the truth.
“That’s right. Fuck!” I cuss as her mouth finds my balls.
“Come in my mouth.”
“What?”
“I want you to come in my mouth.”
Her hand wraps more firmly against my shaft as she massages my nuts in her mouth with her tongue. Her thumb plays with the tip of me as
her wet tongue works its way back up and she sucks me into her mouth.
“I want to pleasure you,” I hiss between my teeth.
“You can. After I’ve given you this.”
Her free hand slides against my bare ass and pulls me closer to her so I’m standing between her legs. Then she is caressing me as her mouth and tongue work their magic along my length. The tightening in my balls is almost unbearable and I know this isn’t going to take much considering I’ve been fighting to stay loaded since the minute she put her hands on me.
My hands tangle into her hair as I hold her against me.
I look down and watch as I slide in and out of her wet mouth. Her eyes meet mine and I watch as she swirls her tongue around and around me, curling my toes in pleasure before she sucks me down her throat. My balls feel so damn heavy—like they’re ready to explode like a rocket on the fourth of July. Nothing is going to stop me.
“I’m coming…”
My eyes roll back in my head as she sucks harder and her little moans of pleasure is the final stroke I need.
Holy fuck!
Sabrina removes her mouth and uses her hand to finish me off.
She uses her shirt to wipe her mouth and then grins at me as I continue to spill over her hand.
“No more,” I croak and drop to the bed.
I feel her wipe my cock clean before she snuggles in beside me.
“You needed that,” she states and I hear a smirk in her voice.
“Hmm.”
“I’ve never had anyone flood me before.”
“Hmm.”
“That was so hot.”
“Hmm.”
She raises her head and looks at me with her hand resting on my chest. “Lost your voice?” she smirks.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything.” Sabrina leans down and meets my lips. “Thank you for trusting me.” She kisses me again. “I love that I can do that to you.”
Reaching up, I curl my hand around the back of her neck and pull her in to me. “Thank you,” I whisper tucking her head beneath my chin, and I just about catch her wandering hand. “No you don’t. It’s your turn as soon as I can move.”
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