“Sabrina?”
Hearing my name, my head snaps up and looking around, I still can’t work out where the shout came from.
“Sabrina?”
And then I spot Carla waving like a mad woman on the opposite side of the road that I’m about to cross.
Carla and I became friends straight from the start and it’s like having a nosy sister. She’s worse than Lily ever was and that’s saying something.
“Hey,” I greet her. “I see Sebastian has let you out without him.”
“Only because he’s gone around to Ruben’s place.” She smirks.
Carla slips her arm through mine as we carry on walking down the sidewalk. “You wouldn’t know why he was called to Kenza would you?”
I catch her eyeing me.
“I’ll tell you over coffee.”
“Good. Because we’re here,” Carla says on a sigh.
~*~*~*~
Taking seats with our latte’s in hand, Carla says, “So spit it out. I’m guessing Lucien is there,” leaning in towards me—her eyes alight with mischief.
“Yeah.”
Sipping my drink I try to buy some time, but she’s on to me, and meeting her unwavering gaze, I laugh.
“Everything was going well. We were sitting on the sofa talking and I had him sit between my legs so I could hold him, you know? I started to rub his arms and shoulders, and everything was going great. I could feel him relaxing into me but then I dipped down the back of his tee shirt...he froze and left without a word.”
“I had a feeling it would have something to do with his injury.”
“I just can’t get the fact that he left without a word out of my head. Not one word was spoken from when I’d slipped up to when he left. I still haven’t heard from him this morning either.”
I shrug trying to make light of it before taking another drink.
“He’s really hurt you, hasn’t he?”
Nodding, I whisper, “Yes.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. When he does this. Shuts off. It feels as though he doesn’t care about me or the baby.”
Angrily swiping at a tear, I look out of the window not seeing anything, but our reflection.
Carla moves to the chair next to me and wraps her arm around my shoulders. “I know everyone keeps saying to give him time, but that really is what he needs. He wouldn’t have drank so much last night—which caused his brother to intervene—if you didn’t mean so much to him. When he gets like this you need to call him on it. Don’t ignore what he’s done. Make him listen to how he made you feel. And eventually he’ll stop hurting you because it will finally start to sink into his head that you are there to stay and nothing he does or says will make you walk away from him.”
I blow out a breath of air.
“I’m not sure I’m built to take hit after hit from the man I love.” I look at Carla. “Because I do love him.”
“I know you do. It wouldn’t feel like your heart was breaking every time he left if you didn’t.”
“I just wish he would show me his back to get it out of the way, you know? His biggest fear is that once I see his back, I’ll leave. So I need to get him to show me. And when I’m still there, he won’t have that as an excuse anymore.”
“I’m sorry Sabrina. I wish there was more I can do to help you.”
I pat her hand. “Just being here is enough. Thank you.”
Carla goes back to her seat and pulls her folder out of her purse with the charity event information in.
“Are you okay to look at this now?”
“Yes. I’m fine, and it will help take my mind off Lucien.”
As I watch her find the page in the folder that I know she will have notes of things to go over today, I start feeling a bit weird. As though there’s something wrong between my legs. I’m not in any discomfort, but I feel panic starting to set in.
I push away from the table, and when Carla gives me a quizzical stare I tell her, “Restroom.”
She smiles as I head towards the restrooms.
Once inside, I quickly yank everything down and drop to the toilet. Looking down my panties are covered with blood.
My heart starts to pound.
There is more blood coming out of me. Running out of me. Like water.
“Oh god, no.”
I don’t know what to do. All I can hear is my heart pounding in my ears while I panic.
Realizing I have my cell in my hands, I quickly dial Lucien. No matter what he’s dealing with, I need him right now. The phone rings and rings, until my call is answered. No one speaks.
“Lucien?”
“I’m sorry Sabrina. I can’t talk right now.”
He hangs up on me.
How can he hang up?
I dial Carla instead.
The minute she answers and I tell her there is something wrong she comes running and shoves female products at me.
“Here. Use some and try and get up. We need to get you to a hospital.”
I do as she says, not really believing anything will work. There’s too much blood.
Managing to get out of the cubicle, I meet Carla’s eyes and feel myself go lightheaded.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lucien
“Why the fuck did you refuse to talk to her now?” Sebastian looks pissed.
“I’m not talking to her over the phone. I need to be with her,” I reply with my head in my hands.
Just hearing Sabrina’s voice made my heart beat triple time. Perhaps I should have said more, at least asked her if she was okay. Or I could have told her I would be home soon and we’d talk then, that I had a lot of explaining to do. Instead I’d been curt and hung up on her.
“Fuck!”
Ruben stands over me glaring until Rosie pushes him out of the way.
“You need to call her back right now, and, providing she answers tell her you missed her and will be home soon.”
I did miss her. I missed sleeping with her in my arms. I missed her body heat and the beat of her heart—where I’d rest my hand—making my sleep peaceful, keeping the nightmares away.
Instead of nightmares waking me, my pounding head did. After lots of water, painkillers and a breakfast roll, I’m feeling almost human, and need to get myself together to go and talk to Sabrina.
What the hell I’m going to say to her is anyone’s guess. I’ve royally fucked up and it kills me knowing that I’ve really hurt her. My intention had been to get out of there as quickly as I could before she had me baring my back to her. I wasn’t ready to have her walk away from me. So instead, I was a bastard and walked away.
“What the fuck,” Sebastian’s shout brings me abruptly back to the present. “Are you okay?” He listens, but his eyes stay focused on me.
“We need to go,” he says to me. “That was Carla. She’s with Sabrina.” He pauses and looks around as though he doesn’t want to say what he has to say.
My heart thuds in my chest. There’s something wrong.
“Sabrina?” I whisper.
He nods.
Ruben wraps Rosie up in his arms while we all stare at Sebastian. His face is pale, his lips a thin line and not his usual smirk…I don’t ever remember him being so serious. He’s scaring the shit out of me.
I can’t find the words to ask what’s wrong, but luckily he tells me. “They were catching up at Starbucks when Sabrina collapsed. Apparently she was bleeding heavily,” he winces, “and collapsed. Carla called the paramedics and they were just loading Sabrina when she rang me.”
“She’s awake now, right?”
He shakes his head. “They couldn’t rouse her.”
I’m frozen to the sofa as I feel my eyes well with tears. This can’t be happening. I might deserve bad shit, but not Sabrina.
“C’mon, grab your cell and wallet. We’ll meet the ambulance at the hospital,” Ruben tells me. “I’ll drive.”
~*~*~*~
Arriving at the hospital Sebast
ian spots Carla and, as though she has a sixth sense, her head swivels in our direction. Before any of us can catch our breath, she’s wrapped up in my brother’s arms crying.
“I’ll go and find someone to tell us what’s going on,” Ruben says.
“There’s no need.” Carla pulls away from Sebastian, but he keeps his hands on her shoulders. “Lucien, the doctor is in with her now. I told him you were on the way, and he said he’ll come and find us when he knows more.”
I drop into the nearest chair and bury my hands into my hair. “She rang me,” I choke out when I feel Carla sit next to me. “I told her I couldn’t talk and hung up on her. I’m guessing she needed help…and I ignored her.”
She places her hand on my shoulder and rubs. Offering comfort.
“I loved hearing her voice, but I didn’t want to talk over the phone. I wanted to be in her presence when I tried to explain my screwed up mind. I wanted to be holding her hand…She doesn’t deserve a conversation over the phone. I’ve really screwed up.”
“Lucien, the only advice I can offer you is to be honest with her. Don’t let what happened in the past dictate your future. She’ll always be by your side if you let her, but you have to stop pushing her away.”
I turn my head and look at her. “Thanks Carla.”
All of a sudden, she stands and looks off towards the doors where Sabrina has been taken. I follow her line of sight and see the doctor walking towards us.
“You’re Sabrina’s fiancé?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“The baby seems to be hanging on. You have a strong one in there but we have to monitor the baby to make sure.”
“Sabrina?” I ask. I need to know that she’s okay before I even think about our child.
“Sabrina has come around and is resting.”
“Do you know what’s wrong? What caused the bleeding?” Carla asks.
“You’d be surprised with how common this is in pregnant women. Sabrina has had a more severe case than most, which is why I’m going to suggest bed rest for the next few weeks. She isn’t going to be happy about this, but if she wants to lessen the chances of losing this baby then it’s what she has to do. There are no guarantees, but with the rest then she will be bringing the chance of miscarriage down into a much lower percentage.”
“I’ll continue to work at home so I’m there for her. I’m sure one of her friends or my mom can be there when I have no choice but to attend to business elsewhere. But she’ll stay in bed and in the apartment, even if I have to remove all her clothes from the place.”
Ruben sniggers and gets an elbow in the stomach for his trouble from Rosie. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“I’m just imagining you waking up and finding all your clothes gone,” he wiggles his eyebrows.
“You’re an idiot, but I love you anyway,” she replies.
I shake my head at them and their effort to try and lighten the mood some before turning my head back towards the doctor.
“I need to see her.”
“Okay.”
Getting to my feet, I follow him, knowing my brothers and their girls will stay and wait for me. They’ll want to know how my girl is. “Shit.” I pause and turn back to them. “Can someone get a hold of Sabrina’s mother?”
Ruben nods. “We will.”
I carry on and the doctor comes to a stop outside the room I presume Sabrina is in. Before I go in, I ask, “Are you sure they are both alright?”
He puts his hand on my arm. “Sabrina will be fine with rest, and hopefully, so will your child.”
“Thank you.” I shake his hand.
“I’ll give you ten minutes.” He walks away.
I’m nervous and apprehensive about seeing Sabrina. I also have a lot to make up for.
On a heavy sigh, I push through the door and my heart drops to my feet. Sabrina is curled up on her side looking broken. Her whole body is shaking as I quickly get my feet moving.
Reaching out, I place my hand on her arm but she jumps away from my touch.
“Sabrina, please. Let me hold you.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t want me.”
What have I done?
“Sabrina, I’m sorry. I’m more sorry than I’ll ever be able to tell you. I loved hearing your voice this morning and I so wanted to speak to you, but I wanted to see you in person. I needed to talk to you face to face, not over the phone.” I drop my hands to my side. “God, I had no idea you needed me…and I hung up on you.”
“I’ve lost our baby so you don’t need to bother with me anymore,” she cries, holding her stomach.
What the fuck!
I don’t give her chance to speak or refuse me this time and kicking my shoes off, I climb onto the bed with her and pull her into my arms. “You. Have. Not. Lost. The. Baby. Are you listening to me? Sabrina?”
Her body slowly stops shaking as she pulls her head away from my chest. I continue, “You are still pregnant. There is plenty of bed rest in your future, but our child is still growing inside you.”
“I thought. I thought...”
“I know, babe. I can’t believe they didn’t tell you.”
“They haven’t told me anything.”
I kiss her forehead. “And, for the record, and in the interest of full disclosure, when I arrived here the only person I wanted to know about was you, and then the baby. Don’t for one minute think that I don’t want you because I do. No matter how much of a dick I’ve been, you’re always in my thoughts.” I pull her back to me and sigh with relief when she snuggles against my chest.
“You hurt me,” she mumbles against me. “You walked away from me after promising you wouldn’t. I shouldn’t accept your apology so easily, but I don’t have the heart not too. I need you Lucien.”
Her words terrify me. But the truth that I don’t want to admit is, I need her too.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sabrina
Four weeks have passed since the fright of my life. Spending that time in bed, or on the sofa, has slowly been driving me crazy. I’m not one for sitting back and doing nothing so the being inactive is hell. I know it’s for the good of the child, but no matter how much I try to stay positive, I feel myself sinking deeper into depression.
Lucien has been amazing, and apart from three days a week, he spends all his time here. He is either working at the dining table or making sure I’m comfortable and have everything I need. He must be worn out. He never lets it show.
The trip to the hospital had given us both a scare. I still don’t think either of us are over it. I’ve tried to mention it to Lucien a few times after I was released, but he didn’t want to talk about it and wanted to only look forward to the end of the pregnancy when both the baby and I are healthy. On one hand, it’s fine to look forward but on the other, it isn’t when the past hasn’t been dealt with. It’s not a good idea because it doesn’t make for a bright future. Despite everything, Lucien doesn’t want to look at it that way, he prefers to just move forward through the pregnancy, day by day. Except, I’m sure he’s only existing and not living. He won’t admit that.
Lucien knowing that I’m getting fed up with all this resting, has arranged for my mother to come over today. Even though our visit with her didn’t go that well, she has come round a bit after Ruben had called and told her I was in hospital. It will be a nice break, even if I am always at odds with my mother. The only other activity I’ve been allowed is the frequent check-ups with my doctor to make sure baby and me are healthy.
I smile as I caress my stomach, which has a more pronounced bump, I think about my baby. I don’t have any nerves about being pregnant, and although I’m excited, I just can’t work up any enthusiasm for getting ready for baby. The doctor has assured me that the baby is fine but it isn’t just about the baby and the matter of the nursery. I feel sorry for Lucien because a few times he’s hinted that he’d like to look at nursery furniture with me. I’ve no interest yet, and can’t seem to get there. I thin
k I have a mental block about it after Lily mentioned we needed to start looking when she was here last week.
Our relationship is still strained, and yes, I know it’s all on me. I can’t seem to get past the thought that Lucien is in love with Lily. He smiles and touches her in an affectionate way that he never has with me. I can’t watch them anymore because it hurts. Every time she comes, she doesn’t stay long and I think she senses the tension. After she leaves, Lucien usually returns to the bedroom and just stares at me before closing the door behind him.
And now feeling his presence in the doorway, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to act. It feels like I’m living with a total stranger. I don’t even feel like I’m wanted here.
“Sabrina, I know you’re awake.”
Sighing, I mumble, “I am.”
His sigh is filled with frustration, as though he’s had enough of me, which he probably has.
“Your mother will be here soon. Are you going to shower and dress?”
It’s been a few days since I last showered. I know I’m letting myself go. I just can’t seem to bring myself to do anything about it.
Ugh! I’ll never hear the end of it if I look a mess when she sees me.
I’m not sure I’m up for a lecture.
“I guess.”
I’m startled when I feel the bed dip behind me because I thought he was still in the doorway.
I feel him slowly start to move towards me. He pulls me into his arms, spooning behind me.
He always makes me feel secure and right now he’s making me want to cry. This is the closest we’ve been for weeks. We certainly haven’t made love or had sex since before he walked out after the impromptu massage. I really miss his closeness and have a feeling part of my listlessness has something to do with that. But now that I’m in his arms, my wish is that he never lets me go. It makes me wish that all the hard stuff between us doesn’t exist. Makes me wish that we can both move forward with each other towards that bright future. The sad thing is that I know that isn’t how our life is going to turn out. At least, not until Lucien deals with his past.
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