Divided

by Kaesey Stobaugh

  I leap through the river, and work my way through the thick bushes the size –and shape, really– of grizzly bears. I feel a pain in my stomach as I approach The Wall. It's darker and colder than usual tonight. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I stand there for a while, preparing myself for the worst. Then by an act of faith, I take a step towards the oak tree, then another. Then I'm sprinting, not wasting any time climbing up.

  I peek over The Wall and I can see the ladder has been moved over in front of me. That must mean Willa is already here. I carefully step over the wire and onto the first step of the ladder. I stare down at the other side before actually climbing down. I feel a rush of joy and relief fill up inside me when I see her sitting on the log with a book in her hand. She doesn't even notice me. I slowly climb down and walk up to her.

  "What's it about?" I ask as she looks up and smiles.

  "Thank goodness you came!" She exclaims standing up and putting the book in a shoulder bag she brought along. I grin, not really sure how to respond.

  "I have it," she says as she reaches into her bag, "I have the medicine and I'm pretty sure this is what your sister needs."

  I'm shocked. I feel my mouth drop open as she pulls out several bottles of liquid.

  "I also have pills but the liquid will obviously be easier for her to take." She says with a smile. I can tell she's proud of herself.

  She hands me a bottle and puts the rest in a small sack. I take the bottle from her and stare at it with wonder. I can't believe she actually did it. The smooth glass twinkles in the moonlight. I don't think I've ever been more grateful then I am right now. My eyes wander up from the brown bottle in my hand to meet her eyes. She's smiling as she sets the sack down on the log.

  "I just...really hope this helps your sister." She states in a bit of a whisper. With those words locked in my brain, I lose all control of my body and before I can stop myself, I lean forward and wrap my arms around her. I pull her close to me, our bodies fitting against each other like we were made for it. I'm holding her very tight, tighter than I've ever held anyone. And to my surprise, she doesn't fight off my hold. She wraps her arms around my lower back and sinks her face into my shoulder.

  I hold her for some time. I can't seem to let go. She's so different. She has a much softer body than even my sisters’ do. Her body temperature almost feels off. She's cold, but not in a bad, sickly way, but in a soothing way. I wonder if I'm the opposite. Hard and warm, maybe. She doesn't seem to be uncomfortable though. She doesn't pull away at all. She smells a million times better than I do. Her hair that's lightly in my face is soft and clean. She seems like some kind of angel. Nothing like anyone I've ever touched. She's so still, it’s almost like she’s not breathing. Then it hits me how tight I am holding her. I slowly start to release her and she lifts her head from my shoulder. I look at the bottle again.

  "Thank you...so much. I-I don't even know what to say." My voice sounds weak and fragile. She smiles a lovely smile; I can tell she is happy to have pleased me.

  She doesn't say a word, just sits down and gives me a look like she'd like for me to sit as well.

  I put the bottle in the sack and tie the sack around my waist as I take the empty spot by her. We sit in silence for a while. Not even looking at each other.

  Finally, I break it, "Did you have trouble?" She looks at me and narrows her eyebrows, "Getting the medicine, I mean. Did it come easy?"

  "Hmm...Well, it wasn't a walk in the park but it wasn't dreadful."

  “I have to pay you back. It might take me a while but whatever it cost, I'll-“

  "No! No, no, consider it a gift. Your sister needed it." She smiles.

  "Leila." I grin at the ground, "Her name is Leila. I'm not sure if I told you."

  She tilts her head and laughs a little. I'm not sure why but her beautiful smile makes me laugh too.

  "Hey, I was wondering...about your side a little." Her face drops as she looks away from me, I wonder why that is.

  "What do you want to know?"

  "I want to know a little more about the soldiers." Saying it sounds awful. What was I thinking? I wish I could take it back but I need to know more about them. She frowns as if she knows what I'm talking about and doesn't want to talk about it. I can already tell this is gonna be an interesting conversation.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Willamina

  Now that I’ve talked to Mia, I feel even more confused than I did before. It was hard getting her to stop asking questions that I couldn’t answer, but she gave in eventually. I’ll see Nate again tonight, in just a few hours. We’re just friends, how could we not be? We barely know each other. And yet, the relationship that we have is far more complicated than most people’s, even people who’ve been married for decades. We’re both doing the thing that is forbidden more than anything else. How strange is it that that thing is being with each other? What right does anyone have to separate us?

  In my room, by myself, I keep throwing glances to my closed closet door. If I lived alone, I would have gotten up to check on the bottles dozens of times by this point. But I don’t and I will not draw attention to it. Instead, I try to see them through the wood. I feel like I can sense their presence, marking me silently as a criminal.

  The hardest part about what I’m doing, in my opinion, is waiting. There seems to be an awful lot of waiting involved in my life at the moment. It’s kind of annoying how fast the things that I wait for go by, and then I just have to wait again. But still, Time passes in her own strange way and night comes at its own pace. The house is silent and I can’t stay in bed another second even though I don’t have to leave for another hour and a half. I’m ready in less than five minutes and I retrieve the bag from my closet. It rattles at me when I pick it up. In a stroke of genius, I pack the back snuggly with a few dresses that I never wear. The noise is greatly limited after that. I know I’ll have some spare time when I arrive so I grab the book I’m reading and carefully pack it as well.

  I leave the city without any trouble. Now I’m left all alone staring into the dark woods. I remember how terrible it was last time I tried to find the Wall. However, my trip back home has gone okay both times. I’ve made the trip twice, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I set off into the shadows, doing my best to keep calm. After all, I actually didn’t get lost last time, I was just afraid that I had. I keep walking for about twenty minutes in what I hope is the right direction and suddenly, the trees clear and I’m staring up at The Wall. I did it again! Turns out, the trouble was all in my head.

  I find where Nate hid the ladder and put it up for him. Then I take out my book and sit down on the log, feeling at peace. The forest doesn’t feel quite as threatening now. It’s like I’ve passed an unspoken test and now we’re allies. Not friends, but we’re on the same side. I get caught up in my book and stop paying any attention to what’s around me. I barely register that I’ve been out here for quite a while when I hear someone walk up.

  “What’s it about?” Nate motions to the book. I smile.

  “Thank goodness you came!” I stand up. I never realize how afraid I am that he won’t come back until he proves my fears wrong.

  “I have it. I have the medicine and I’m pretty sure it’s what your sister needs.” I watch his jaw drop, stunned. I’m debating on whether to be insulted by this or not. “I also have pills but obviously liquid will be easier for her to take.” I hand him one of the bottles and set the bag down next to him. I can get another bag later. I’ll just say I must have lost it.

  His mouth is still open and he’s staring at the bottle in disbelief. When he looks up at me, I can see only gratitude in his eyes.

  “I just…really hope this helps your sister.” I saw, trying to ease his astonishment.

  He continues to stare at me in silence. I’m trying to think of something else to say when, all of the sudden, he lurches forward and scoops me into his arms. He holds me to him with affection that I hadn’t expected. I like it though. I relax and
wrap my arms around his lower back, leaning my head against his strong shoulder. He’s warm and he smells safe. He’s much taller than me, so I let myself disappear into him. Everything about him is hard and muscled, but not in the uncomfortable, unforgiving way of stone. He’s more like leather, hard yet pleasant. Mia’s words ring in my ears. You honestly think you’re just friends? I don’t know what we are. After a long time, he lets go and takes a step back.

  “Thank you… so much. I-I don’t even know what to say.” His voice cracks and he stops. I definitely did the right thing by taking the medicine.

  I go sit on the log, letting him join me if he wants to. He does. For a while, neither of us speak, but we don’t need to.

  “Did you have trouble?” He asks. I look up at him. “Getting the medicine, I mean. Did it come easy?”

  “Hmm…Well, it wasn’t a walk in the park but it wasn’t dreadful.” I try to explain it but how do you describe something like that?

  He tries to tell me that he’ll pay me back but I tell him not to worry about it. What I did, I did because I wanted to.

  “Hey, I was wondering…about your side a little.” The hesitation in his tone worries me.

  “What do you want to know?”

  “I want to know a little more about the soldiers.” That reminds me, I have to warn him.

  “I’m glad you mentioned them because I have to tell you something I saw. The night that I first went into the woods, I went back home and tried to sleep, but I was woken up by guard pods going somewhere. I followed them and they ended up on your side. Nate, they were kidnapping young men! They had ten of them and they took them away!”

  He hangs his head but doesn’t look surprised. “Yeah, they do that. Every ten years they come and take away guys to turn them into soldiers. I was only seven last time, too young to be taken.”

  I catch on to what he’s saying. “They’re going to take you this time.” I meant it to be a question, but it comes out as a sad statement.

  He nods not meeting my eyes. “They take us in stages, around ten at a time, working their way back. Luckily, my family lives at the back of town, so I’ll be one of the last to go.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  He looks up at me, confused. “What can I do? I’ll try to get my family settled as best I can before I go. But other than that, I’m defenseless.”

  Shock runs into me in a painful, choked kind of way. It reminds me of how it felt that first morning when Nate turned the corner and slammed into me. “Wait, you’re giving up? You’re just going to let them take you?”

  He looks hurt. “I’m not choosing this, Willa. I don’t have any choice. There’s nothing I can do!”

  “How do you know? Have you ever tried? Has anyone ever tried?”

  He seems taken aback by this. He thinks about it before answering with another question. “What can we do?”

  Now it’s my turn to be silent. I don’t know what we can do. I’ve never fought anyone before, except occasionally my sister. How could I fight the government? “I don’t know. But we can think of something. What they’re doing isn’t right and we can’t stand by and let it happen.”

  “Willa…” He looks like he’s trying not to hurt me. “Thank you for trying to help me, but we can’t fix everything.”

  “You’re probably right. But that doesn’t mean we can’t try. If no one ever tries, nothing will ever get better.” I don’t know where this confidence is coming from, but I let it take me over, making me into something stronger, “I can’t bare the idea of someone hurting you, Nathan.”

  He smiles at me. I can tell he’s still not convinced but he’s open to doing something. “Well, until we figure out how to change the world, what’s your book about?”

  “It’s about a girl from a very long time ago who has to go on a quest to save her true love. It’s very exciting.” I run my hand over the smooth cover.

  “Is it hard? Reading?” I realize what he means with a sudden shock.

  “Nate, you can’t read?” To me it sounds like a crime against him.

  I can see his embarrassment and he looks away abruptly. “There was never anyone to teach me. There are no schools on my side.”

  “That’s awful!” I think about his question. “It is hard at first, but after a while it’s as easy as talking. I can teach you if you want.”

  He looks like he’ll say no, but then I see him change his mind. “Okay, why not?”

  I start to get excited for him. “First thing you need to know is the alphabet.” I open my book and scan the page for an A. Then I find a stick and have him trace it in the mud. We continue that way to the letter D. I have him say the sounds each letter makes out loud and have him trace the symbol multiple times. The moonlight makes visibility not bad and he catches on quickly.

  When it’s time to leave, I tell him to trace the letters with his fingers throughout the day so he doesn’t forget them and that I’ll teach him more next time. We decide that meeting once a week isn’t going to work and agree to come back the night after tomorrow.

  “You’ll be reading books too before you know it!” I smile at him as he climbs the ladder.

  “That would be great! Thanks for teaching me, and for getting the medicine.”

  “That’s what friends are for.” He gives me one last smile and disappears over The Wall. I hide the ladder and listen to the sound of him leaving for as long as I can. The walk home is a serene one. The world feels happy tonight, and I am happy right along with it.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Nathan

  The hike back to town from visiting Willa is always a very thoughtful time for me. As I walk, I can hear the bottles in the bag tied around my waist hitting against each other, making clinking sounds. The unfamiliar noise is soothing to me. It's a sign of life and relief; life for Leila and relief for me.

  Something in my gut tells me that this will work. If I give her some tonight, hopefully her fever will be broken by tomorrow. I'm not sure how fast this stuff works and with that thought, I realize I haven't ever used real prescription medicine before. Nothing that wasn't dug out of the ground, ripped from a plant, or sucked out of the river. We have lots of different ways of making medicine but none of it is actually from a doctor. What if I do it wrong? Make her worse?

  As that fear eats away in my brain, I stop and pull out a bottle from the bag. I turn it around to see the instructions. But just as I expect, the hundreds of different shapes and patterns mean nothing to me. As I stare at the letters on the bottle, I see lots that look the same as others. Then I see one that looks the same as one that Willa showed me. I stare at it long and hard. Why can't I remember the name of the letter? I know for sure I wrote it with Willa. What was the name?

  My irritation at this forgotten memory involving the letter flames and burns through me until I give up and continue walking, it was a stupid notion anyway. And with that thought, I realize how stupid I must have sounded to Willa. I don't really understand why she thinks it's important anyway. You don't need to read to dig a trench or clear an acre. But as much as I don't think I need to learn these letters, attempting to teach me seemed to make Willa very happy. That’s why I let her do it.

  Once I reach the river, I take off running. I untie the bag around my waist and clutch it close to my chest. Running comes easy, like I gained my second wind. Leila is the only thing in my head. I've waited for this for what feels like weeks and now I have it. Every bone in my body is telling me the medicine will work.

  I run through the woods and reenter the town. Suddenly, I stop and duck for the shadows, remembering the surprise incident the last time I travelled through town at night. This time, if I run into anyone unwanted, they're not gonna catch me with my guard down. Creeping and sneaking around isn't exactly a new thing for me. Seventeen years of practice has done me well. I'm very good at not being seen when I don't want to be.

  I reach the house with no sign of soldiers. If I were caught with this medicine
from their side, I'd be beaten and killed on the spot.

  I slip in the door to a silent house. The only light is the moon shining in from the window. Gabe’s knocked out, making his irritating snore that echoes through the room. Leila’s asleep in her cradle next to Gabe’s bed. She's still burning up but it doesn't worry me. I light a candle to try and measure out a spoon. This is harder than I thought it would be. My hands are shaky, spilling the liquid gold. My irritation makes it hard to do anything. The harder I try to concentrate, the more my hands sweat and shake.

  "What is that?" I hear a sleepy voice from behind me. I feel my heart drop as I swing around to my mother, who’s staring at me.

  "I, uh...can you pour this?" I didn't even think about my mother and how I would explain the appearance of the bag of medicine. My brain races with excuses and lies until it finds a good one.

  "Where on earth did you get this?" She gasps as she holds the bottle close to her face.

  My voice is shaky and unbelievable to my ears, "Traded it. I traded for it." I stare at the bottle, trying very hard not to look her in the eyes. The medicine must be too wonderful for her to question me anymore. With her careful mother like hands, she slowly pours a tea spoon and forces it into the baby’s mouth, rocking Leila gently.

  "Thank you, Nathan." She whispers, not looking up from the baby to meet my eyes but that’s okay, just hearing it was touching to me. For a minute it makes me feel better. I don't feel like the thief that I am. I don't feel like a liar.

  I stand up and drag myself to my room, leaving my mother alone with her joyful heart. It's strange. My mind is empty. For the first time in months, sleeping comes easily. I'm not overrun with every possible thing that could and will go wrong. Leila will get better and for the first time, I'm gonna get to see Willa without the pressure of a risky task. I close my eyes and breathe heavy, taking in the blissful peace as I drift away.