Lovers Like Us

by Mary Campisi

  “No! No, that’s not what happened. I fell in love with you… I love you, Luke, and nobody pushed me or told me to do anything. For once in my life, I listened to myself and did what my heart said. And I let myself fall in love with you.”

  The laughter that fell from his mouth was cold, harsh, brittle. “You let yourself fall in love with me? Well now, don’t I feel special?” He closed the distance between them until he was a touch away. “Do you know how many women would have done anything to hear an ‘I love you’ from me? To get a commitment and a damn ring?” He eyed the ring on her left hand, let out another laugh, this one colder, harsher, more brittle than the last. “The ring. What a joke! I thought I was buying you something that was beautiful and elegant, worthy of our love. Were you laughing at me because it wasn’t two carats or were you laughing because I was a fool?”

  “Neither.” She clasped her hands together, held them against her belly and their unborn child.

  “There might be a lot I don’t know about you, but there’s more you’re not telling me. I couldn’t see it before because I refused to look and didn’t want to hear it from my siblings, but now I’m watching you with eyes wide open. I’m listening, too, and what I’m hearing is a lot of silence between the words. What are you leaving out, Helena? And remember, if I’m asking, I already know.”

  “We’re not really married,” she blurted out. Helena would remember the exact moment his love died; his expression turned dark, his lips thinned, his gaze narrowed, and then his features relaxed and evened out—to nothing.

  “Not. Really. Married. Huh.” He rubbed his jaw, said in a flat voice. “That’s what I heard.”

  “Everything happened so fast...and then I found out I was pregnant.”

  “Yeah, then you found out you were pregnant.”

  “And you pushed marriage.”

  “I pushed marriage?”

  He didn’t like that. “You wanted to get married. I thought we should wait...”

  Luke stared at her. “I wanted to get married because I loved you and we were having a baby. I thought we were starting a life together and I wanted to do it the right way.”

  “The right way?” A slow burn started in her belly, worked its way to her throat. “You admitted to your restless, wandering past and I was supposed to jump up and down that for a nanosecond you wanted to marry me? I had to be sure you weren’t going to feel trapped six days, six months, or six years later.”

  The lack of emotion evaporated, and he exploded with a string of curses, each more colorful than the last. “How’d you do it? Who was the guy you paid to fake the wedding?”

  She looked away. “He worked at the restaurant with me.”

  He blew out a long breath. “I see.”

  “Luke, I’m so sorry.” Helena stood, took a step toward him. “I did it for you. I wanted to make it easier...if you changed your mind.”

  “Nice. If I changed my mind. You think I’m so unreliable I would ditch you and the baby?” Her hesitation made him scowl. “Of course you do. Why wouldn’t you after I spit out all that touchy-feely garbage about getting restless if I were in one place too long and not knowing what I wanted to do with the rest of my life? Add that to my whining about never measuring up to my perfect brother and that doesn’t sound like a guy I’d depend on either.” The scowl deepened, spread across his face. “Most guys are full of insecurities, but they keep them buried so they can appear in charge and tough. Until a woman comes along who insists he’s got to spill his guts to bond and whatever other crap she says is necessary for a relationship. I’m the fool for trusting you when all the while you were sitting back and taking notes...and judging.”

  “I never judged you or thought less of you.” How could he say that? She’d wanted him to share, had felt so close after he’d admitted the parts of his life that weren’t so great or that he wished were different. Yes, she should have done the same instead of glossing over details and changing facts, but there’d been her identity to protect. “It takes a strong person to admit life isn’t what he wants it to be.”

  “Yeah, strong and stupid.” He scratched his jaw, studied her. “You weren’t stupid, though, were you? You played the innocent: shy, alluring, so damned tempting.” Those pale blue eyes glittered. “I doubt any man could resist that combination. I know I couldn’t, but then I’ve never been known for my restraint, especially where a beautiful woman was concerned.” His voice turned soft, mesmerizing, “I was so sure you were different, so sure you’d made me different, but it was all a joke.”

  “Please don’t say that.”

  “Why? You faked our marriage.” He shook his head, cursed under his breath. “What else did you fake?” His gaze slid to her belly. “Is this baby really mine?” His voice turned hoarse. “Or am I just the fall guy?” Helena gasped but before she could respond, he went on. “Hear me out. Considering your backstory and the lies you’ve told, it’s possible I’m not the father, but a convenient fill-in. It makes sense if you think about it. We landed in bed days after we met, something you swore you’d never done before. I believed you because I wanted to, even though a tiny piece of me wondered how a ‘good girl’ could be so damn passionate. But what if you weren’t a good girl and the fast track into bed wasn’t your first time? What if there was a reason to get me into that bed and into the relationship?” Luke paused, homed in on her belly. “Like a baby on the way?”

  Okay, now he was being ridiculous, and he was making her furious. “Are you trying to be cruel or do you really believe what you’re saying?” She planted her hands on her hips, moved toward him. “I went to bed with you way too soon and I knew it, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. It never happened before and while I’m sure you can’t claim the same, I can.” Helena took another step toward him, her breath falling out in uneven huffs. “And I don’t know what constitutes a ‘good girl’ but lying in bed like a corpse is not it. The passion came when we were together, and you can deny it all you want, but you know it was there.”

  The glare said he knew it and didn’t like it. “What’s your point?”

  “My point? This baby’s yours and you know that, too.”

  She waited for him to deny it, expected that he would, but all he said was “I wish I’d never met you.”

  That hurt more than questioning whether the baby was his. Pain shot through her, sucked the air from her lungs. Helena stepped back, away from Luke Donovan and his cruel words. The man knew how to deliver a blow and where to strike to achieve maximum damage.

  “I see.” She squared her shoulders, refused to let the tears fall. He’d been the one person in her life she’d believed truly cared about her, and maybe he had...maybe beneath the pain and anger, he still did. But in her world when someone attacked, she shut down and went into self-preservation mode.

  “When will you tell your family?” It had to be done, and the sooner the better. She liked the Donovans, especially Rose. Elizabeth was sweet; so was Rogan. Tate Alexander acted like he knew all about being an outsider and he’d seemed as eager as she was to be included. His wife was another story. Charlotte had a sharp tongue and a protective air that said she didn’t like strangers who couldn’t be vetted—like Helena.

  And then there was Camille Alexander. The woman was cunning, sophisticated, and saw way more than Helena wanted her to see. She might smile and compliment, but those blue eyes assessed, analyzed, and dissected the details most people missed. She unsettled Helena, despite Luke’s belief that his aunt was a softy.

  There was nothing soft about that woman.

  “Luke? Can I just talk to your mother before you tell her?” She clutched her hands against her belly, forced out the words. “She’s been very kind to me and I’d like to say goodbye.”

  “Goodbye?” He moved toward her, stopped when he was close enough to touch her. “There’s no goodbye, not when you’re carrying my baby.” His gaze slid to her rounded belly, inched to her face. “We’re definitely not going to tell my moth
er, not yet. She’s had her share of sadness and we’re not going to add to it or push her over the edge.” His voice dipped. “She wouldn’t do well with the news and I’m not having that on my conscience.”

  “We have to tell her.” Didn’t he see that it would only be worse to carry on the charade? “It’s not fair to let her think everything’s fine when it’s not.”

  “How do you know what’s fair?” he lashed out. “Fair is telling the truth and being honest when it counts. This—” he thrust a hand in the air “—the pretending we’re going to have to do from now on—that’s a result of your lies.”

  Helena looked away, stared at his booted feet. She remembered the first time he removed his boots and she noticed the worn socks and how she’d ordered him ten pairs the next day. He wore the new socks now, padded in the heel with a gray toe. “We can’t live like this.”

  “People do it all the time.”

  She dragged her gaze to his, took in the harsh lines around his mouth, the stern look. “I can’t.” How could he expect her to pretend nothing was wrong, that he didn’t despise her or what she’d done? “I don’t think you can, either,” she said in a soft voice.

  A flicker of what looked like pain flitted across his face but was gone before she could identify it. “It doesn’t really matter what I can or can’t do. I have to do it. My mother needs to hang onto her belief that after years of screw-ups, her wayward son is finally settled. Boy, wouldn’t she be surprised to learn this is the biggest screw-up of my life?” Of course, he didn’t wait for her to answer but plowed on. “You owe her, Helena. That woman trusted you and if she goes off the deep end, it’s on you. So, until this baby comes and she can hold it in her arms, we’re going to pretend we still care about each other. After that, who the hell knows?” Those blue eyes burned her. “But you’d better get used to Reunion Gap because I’m not going to be a long-distance dad.” His next words squeezed the air from the room. “And I will fight you for that right, no matter what it takes.”

  Chapter 13

  Luke had suffered his share of black eyes, bruised ribs, cut lips, and bloody knuckles, usually involving another man’s fist and too much booze. But the pain he suffered now had nothing to do with alcohol or a bad punch, unless you counted the one his “wife” had landed on him. Oh yeah, she’d done it up right and he’d never seen it coming.

  He’d explained the yelling stampede into the kitchen as too little sleep and a misunderstanding with Helena. His mother hadn’t questioned him or asked for details, but then Rose Donovan never did, especially when Luke was involved. She may have suspected there was more to the story than what he admitted to over the years, though she never said. His father, however, got the full details and scrubbed part of the truth, like an erased computer hard drive. Don’t admit to anything until she asks, and then wait for her to tell you what she wants to know, his father had said. Or, You can tell your mother about the drinking but not the police...

  It wasn’t that his father was trying to be deceitful, but the man needed to protect his wife because she didn’t do well with too much reality, especially the unpleasant kind. There’d been times when Luke just wanted to get the whole story out and be done with it so he didn’t have to worry about keeping everything straight. But the look on his mother’s face said fragile and comments like you’re such a good boy and I’m glad it was nothing worse than that because I don’t think I could take it told him she wasn’t in any shape to hear the truth.

  That’s why Luke knew she couldn’t find out about this latest mess, the worst betrayal of his life and one that would destroy her. He wouldn’t be responsible for that, not after all the grief and aggravation he’d caused her: the years away, the sporadic visits, the reckless behavior, deserting her when she’d needed him most. It didn’t matter that his heart had been ripped open and his soul shredded. All that mattered was keeping the secret safe and his mother happy. She needed something to look forward to and this baby was that something. Sure, Rogan and Elizabeth would give her a grandchild, too, but how many times had she told Luke that his child was his redemption?

  Damn it all! Why did Helena have to be a lie?

  He might be able to keep the secret about him and Helena from his mother but the only way to do that was to admit the truth to his brother and sister. There was no way around it and while he hated having the conversation, he needed their help. That’s why, after a pot roast dinner where his mother chatted away about teaching Helena to crochet afghans and baby booties, he pecked Rose on the cheek, darted a glance at Helena, and said he had to visit Rogan about the next house project.

  When he arrived at his brother’s, he didn’t even have time to shrug out of his jacket before Charlotte was on him. “What’s going on? Is something wrong with the baby? Is Helena okay?”

  His sister would never make a poker player, not with those emotions, though she did seem calmer since her new husband was in the picture. Who would’ve ever thought Tate Alexander would be a welcome addition to the Donovan clan? Not Luke, that was damn sure, but a person could only deny the truth for so long. The guy was good for Charlotte. They were in love, happy, parents of Winston the golden retriever, and owners of a soon-to-be-under-construction mini-mansion they would one day fill with little Alexanders.

  Life was good.

  Luke tried for a smile, failed. “How about a beer and then I’ll tell you all about it?”

  He followed Charlotte into the kitchen where Rogan sat at the table, obviously waiting for him. A beer rested near his right hand, a frown on his face. Typical Rogan, waiting to pounce, accuse, and offer advice.

  Charlotte pulled two beers from the fridge, handed him one, and motioned to the seat next to Rogan. She sank onto the chair opposite her oldest brother, let out a sigh. “Okay. Spill.”

  He sat down, twisted the cap off his beer, and took a long pull. “There’s no good way to say this…”

  “What’s wrong?” Rogan’s voice held an edge to it, reminiscent of the old days. “What did you do now?”

  Luke let out a laugh. “Yeah, you mean what did the screw-up do now? Because it’s always me, isn’t it? I’m the one responsible for every disaster in my life, right? What if I told you it wasn’t me this time, that I’ve been blindsided by Helena?” He took another pull on his beer, wished it were his third so the words would grow hazy, the feelings inside them hazier still. He did not want to feel pain. He did not want to feel anything.

  “I’d say I want to hear about it.” Rogan’s gaze narrowed on him. “And I’d say I want the whole story from the beginning, not the version you think I want to hear.”

  Charlotte grabbed Luke’s hand, squeezed. “Luke? What are you talking about? What about Helena?”

  He rubbed his eyes, blinked. “It’s a freaking train wreck and I’m the one caught under the tracks.”

  “English, please?” She squeezed his hand again. “No more metaphors.”

  “Camille called me to her house this afternoon, said it was urgent. You both know how I hate going there, but I went.” He placed his left hand on the table, zeroed in on the gold wedding band. Yeah, what a joke. Mr. and Mrs. Lucas Donovan. “She told me about this investigator guy she knew and how she hired him to find out more about Helena. I wanted to be pissed that she’d do that, but the look on her face told me the guy found out something I wasn’t going to like.”

  “And?” Charlotte leaned toward him, brows pinched together.

  She’d always stuck up for him and tried to protect him—when they weren’t arguing. “I found out Helena isn’t who she says she is. She’s rich, greeting-card-heiress rich, and here I thought she was almost bankrupt.” A cold laugh, followed by a curse. “That’s what she told me, so why wouldn’t I believe her? I mean, when you’re all-in, you don’t lie to each other, do you?”

  Charlotte shook her head, said in a quiet voice, “No, you don’t.”

  “I promised to save her from financial ruin, imagine that? Me, the King of Debt Disaster,
promised to fix things.” He’d been an idiot and a fool.

  “Why wouldn’t she tell you the truth?” Rogan’s gaze narrowed on him. “Was it a test? Was she trying to see if you loved her for herself and not her money?” He scratched his jaw. “I don’t like the why, but it would make sense.”

  Luke blew out a disgusted sigh. “Yeah, I guess that would make sense. That’s what she said anyway. She told me after the last disaster with a fiancé who was after her money, she had to be sure I wasn’t another hunter. Like I ever cared about money. The woman made me look like an idiot and I was pissed off, but I guess I could have found my way around it, eventually.”

  “But?” Charlotte’s question held a mix of sympathy and dread.

  “But it was about a whole lot more than a single lie.” He studied his beer, brought it to his lips, and finished it off. Then he set it on the table and dragged both hands over his face.

  “What happened?” Rogan fiddled with his beer bottle, shot him a look that said this better be the truth.

  “I guess it’s payback for all the times I was less than truthful, but man, this was a torch job. I know you and Elizabeth had your issues—” he looked at Charlotte, forced a smile “— and you and that husband of yours had a detour or two, but I think this one beats both of those. Helena let me believe she was all-in, encouraged me to spell out way too much this-is-how-I-feel crap, which I did because I believed it’s what you did in a relationship. Like I really ever knew what one of those looked like. But how the hell do you have a relationship with somebody who lies about her identity?” Luke sucked in a breath, blew it out. “I thought she was different; I thought she was the one person in my messed-up world I could count on, the one I could build a life with that mattered.” He looked away. “It was all just a bunch of BS. After she gutted me, I wondered if the kid was even mine but the look on her face told me it was, but who really knows? I mean, do you ever really know what’s real?”